HDC-Day 6 Home improvement pics as promised....

Hey all,

Let's knock this diet and exercise thing out of the way.
fage w peaches and honey 330 cal.
charlie's Steakery chicken philly minus cheese extra veggies 39 (except I left 1/4 of the sandwhich so...350???)
coffee 2 cups with milk and sugar (the usual) 240)

strange Indian bread pizza...
Whole wheat tandori bread 1 'loaf' 340
1/4 cup sauce for pizza 30 cal.
7 turkey pepperoni 35 cal.
6 thin slices ham 60 cal.
1/2 cup part skim mozzerlla 160
Total 622 cal.

So, total for the day 1542 ACK!!!
Sean will have to string me up.
steel curtain zone broken.
Okay...I need to find his whole grain 60 calorie pita pizza things.
Well, on the up side..
I did get to the gym and burned 600 on the elliptical
did 150 situps and upper body weights.
I will call it a 600 burn in reparations for my 42 calorie overage.
holy crow, I gotta do better than that..I am the one who created this challenge after all.
Won't do to go breaking my own rules.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.

So on to the pictures: (click on it to enlarge)
This is the new wreath I made for the front door....I love hobby lobby.
I wanted something that reminded me of an English cottage garden...
I also have feathers in there, the next day the swallows were outside my door dive bombing me.
I think they think I put a hit on some of their kin.

click to enlarge....
My Front porch and my flower box. I love sitting out here and drinking my coffee in the morning.

okay, I was going to post more pics, but blogger is being a butt.
So, I will try again tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will upload my living room pictures with my new couch covers and all the pictures and picture frames I gathered from different closets and spray painted or just plain painted.
I love to buy things from goodwill and fix them up. Besides, nobody knows where it comes from, it just looks nice. (well, until I inform them that I got it from Good will and fixed it up) lol.
Have a great night


HDC Day 5- An NSV I've been waiting 14 years for...

Hey all..
I am going to knock the diet and exercise portion of this blog out of the way right now.

3 eggs 1 toast 310
2 cups
1/2 cup 1% milk 55 cal.
4 T sugar 180
total 225 cal.

1 latortilla wrap 50 cal.
3 Ounces chicken breast (stewed) 100 cal.
1/4 cup cheese shredded 110 cal.
4 black olives 35 cal.
1/4 cup fage 35 cal
2 T salsa 10
total lunch 340 cal.

1 eat right chocolate caramel bar 100 cal.
Right now I am sitting at 975 calories...I haven't eaten dinner.
which will be fish sticks and cauliflower.
so, 340 cals for 6 fishsticks and 60 calories for 2 cups cauliflower.
1400 caloires for the day.

As for exercise
47 minutes on the stairmaster,
My longest time yet!
I burned 400 calories.
Then I walked 1.6 miles...soon to be another mile cause my dog wants another walk.
so at least another 160 cals....
I will call todays burn in at 600 and leave it at that.

Now onto the news I actually want to talk about.
Well, even better...
How about I show you....

So, to the *sshole in motorpool who looked me dead in the eye when I was three months pregnant and outgrowing my size 8's...."Enjoy it, it's the thinnest you will ever be."
My words to him.
Suck it.

Big time.

No really.

From a Size 22/24 to a size 8 in 14 months.
It can be done.
It has been done.

So, Big hugs to you all.

Your size 8 wearing dogged blogger,


HDC Day 4-mmmmmm cookies!

Hey all,
Let's knock out the diet and exercise portion of this thing.
2% fage with 1/2 cup lite peaches and 2 T  honey
bfast calories 330

2 peanut butter treat sized cookies (160 cal. ea.) from Starbucks and 1 black coffee
320 cal.

10 crackers with T. butter 220

1 cup coffee  2 T sugar and 42 T 2% milk 120 cal.

2 latortilla wraps 100 cal.
1/2 cup shredded cheddar 220
1 cup shredded lettuce 8 cal.
1 small tomato 16
1 green onion 10
3 black olives 15
4 ounces chicken breast no skin with mexican seasoning
140 cal.

1499 sqweeeeeeeeek....lololol.
I thought so.....that was a close one.
Man I have been wanting some peanut butter cookies for a while, and using Sean's 'nothing's off limits but too many cals' philosophy...I ate it for lunch and boy was it goooooood.
Had a very good day.
I did one hour on the elliptical and burned 650 calories.
Then did 150 situps and upper body weights.
I really don't know how many calories that burns.
Lets put it all in at around 700 and call it a day.
Tomorrow I will be posting some pics from around the house and the various projects I have been doing to get my house up to snuff.
I spent some time today in barnes and nobles just trying to pick up some decent ideas on how to keep up the house now that I have it where I want it.
Which is Clean.
So I was looking for A Schedule of Cleaning.
My youngest daughter and I are reading a wrinkle in time by madelaine l'engle.
I love this book and I really wanted to start pushing with my daughter's reading and comprehension.
I guess you could say we are easing back into school one subject at a time.
Well, have a great night guys.
Talk to you all tomorrow....only three more days till my first weigh in.


HDC day 3- making the most of what you have

Hey all,
first some to answer some questions...
fage is greek yogurt and vitamin 20 means vitamin = 20 calories lol.
HDC is hundred day challenge to get to a normal bmi.

Now on to the diet and weight loss portion of this blog post.
eggs 3=210 cal.
toast 1= 100 cal.
Total bfast 310

2 cups with sugar and milk
4T sugar 1/2 cup 2% milk 240 cal.

fish stick sandwich
4 fish sticks 220 cal.
2 slices toast 200 cal.
lettuce and tomato 15 cal.
2 T light miracle whip 40 cal.
total lunch 455 cal.

5 oz chicken breast 160
1/2 cup stuffing 140
large tossed salad
butter lettuce, cucumbers, bell pepper and tomatoes and red onion with 1 T catalina dressing
approximated 100 cal.
Total dinner 400 cal.

snack 4 crackers with 1 teaspoon butter 98

well, will reel it in tomorrow. I am not supposed to go over 1500
Calories burned
stairstepper 330 cal. for 38 minutes
walk 2 miles 200 cal.
Approximate deficit 530 calories.
Not bad.
I get really hungry right after I work out.
I am thinking of cutting my lunch in two and eating half prior to the workout and half after.

So, onto the non weight loss portion.
Amber made an interesting comment on my blog yesterday...
about How I go to the gym looking 'good'.
I do.
So why do I go and not expect to be gawked at...Let's put it that way.
It wasn't a glance. It was a leer.
You ladies know what I am talking about.
There is a way to flatter with a look
and there is a way to make someone feel dirty.
I was wearing a loose fitting shirt with a rounded neck...No cleavage bearing for me.
I want to feel pretty.
So I wear bright, pretty colors.
I put my hair in a nice pony tail or braids.
I don't wear ratty gym clothes.
They are nice and bright.
They are cotton.
I don't spend a fortune, just enough to look decent.
It's for me.

I wear waterproof eyeliner and tinted lip gloss.
I am one of those obnoxious women.
I will tell you why I do it.
I looked like crap for years.
I spent YEARS looking like something the cat dragged in.
I felt old in my twenties.
Here...here's a picture for you.

These pictures were taken a few months apart. The one in the white was my very first start photo... 262 lbs...the one in gray is taken a month or two in by my good freind amber approximately 249 lbs.
See the hair, That was how I wore it...all.the.time.
See the face.
No makeup.
I would wear some for special occasions.
that was all...and special occasions were few and far between.
I didn't pluck my eyebrows.
I didn't buy myself clothes.
I didn't dress up.
You know why?
I didn't think it was worth the effort.
I didn't want to stick out.
I wanted to blend.
All my clothes were gray, black or tan.
some white t shirts but not many.
I wore clothes from my husband's side of the closet.
I will never wear a man's shirt again.
I will never wear pants that stretch at the waist band again.
And I will do my hair before I leave the house, even if it is something as simple as a pony tail.
It will be a done pony.
No hairs sticking out in all directions.
I will pluck my eyebrows...
I will take care of my skin.
I will make the most of what God gave me.
I am no beauty queen...but the way I treated myself like a sack of excrement is nearly criminal.
God doesn't make trash, and he doesn't want me parading around that way.
I will never look like that again.
I don't step out of my house looking like that.
You know why?
I deserve better.
I deserve to feel pretty and powerful.
And so do you.
Even if my pants DO need to be hemmed.
Signing off for the evening.


HDC day 2- feel the burn

Hey all,
day two, let's knock out the diet and exercise portion of this thing.

1 cup 2% fage 150
3 slices peach 30
2 T honey 120
total 300 cal for breakfast

2 latortilla wraps 100 cal
3.5 ounces ground beef150 cal.
1/3 cup cheese 140 cal.
lettuce 20 cal.
salsa 10
lunch 430 cal.

5 crackers 1 T butter 162 cal.
1 cup coffee 120 cal.

3.5 servings smoked turkey sausage 300 calories
1 large ear of corn 60 cal.
1 t. butter 50 cal.
bbque sauce 20

vitamin 20
450 cal.
Grand total: 462

1 hour on the elliptical
calories burned 650
150 situps and
upper body weight lifting
approximate burn 100 cal.
total burn 750 cal.

It was a good workout.
Not much else to say other than I got ogled by an old pervert today while lifting weights.
And when I say ogled, I mean I am doing my tricep extensions when I feel like I am being stared at.
I look up and am being ogled by an old dude wearing a headband.
I wasn't flattered.
Of course, I am feeling a little edgy today....felt like poking his frickin eye out.
It wasn't like I was the only chick in there, and I certainly wasn't the one dressed to call attention to herself....
one lady had hot pink lycra on and she had her headlights turned on if you know what I mean.
If anyone wanted attention it was that lady.
signing off now.
your well worked out but irritable blogger.


The Hundred day challenge...Day 1

Hello guys.
My weight this morning 154.5 lbs.

let's knock out the diet and exercise portion of this blog.
Exercise 3.5 mile walk.
350 calories burned.
Calories consumed.
20 calories vitamin
310 calories 3 eggs and 1 piece of toast
140 calories...1 cup of coffee and 2 sips of a 2nd cup
(That tasted bad and wasn't worth the calories. So I didn't waste the calories.)
240 calories2 servings of chunky vegetable soup
47 calories1 ounce of chicken
245 cal. 1/2 cup shredded Mexican cheese plus 1/8th of a cup

185 cal. 4 ounces 95 percent lean beef
100 cal. 2 la tortilla factory wraps @ 50 cal. ea.
10 cal. 1 T mexican seasoning
100 ounces guacamole
10 1/4 th of a tomato
10 cal. lettuce
20 2 T salsa
Total calorie intake:1437
It's amazing how accurate you can be if you try ;o)...

Now, onto the next bit
The non weight loss portion of this blog.
I like this eminem and rihannon song.
It is one of the clearest expressions of a disfunctional relationship on the radio, and how people get sucked in.
Speaking of that:
My friend robin over at your daily dose was blogging about choices.
Sometimes, with the benefit of hindsight, we realize we have made some big mistakes.
And when we realize we have made mistakes.
We can benefit from looking at them, examining them and figuring out what we can do differently in the future.
We let them go.
We drop the weight of guilt, and shame...
Because guilt and shame doesn't benefit us.
it hinders us.
When I talk about digging up your chicken coop...it isn't to revel in the smell...(and it does stink)
and yes, it is to figure out what is the issue, or what the issues are..(in my case, many issues)
And learn from them  so we don't repeat them.
But then...(and here is the most important part)
We Finish them. 
And never bring them up again.
Whatever it takes to finish that part of your existence, of your life...Whatever it takes to open your hand and let it go.
Do it.
Do you have a question you need to ask?
Do you have someone who has no idea how you feel,
Or how you felt.
And without off loading it, it will be stuck in your head and heart forever.
Then off load it.
Because the weight of that thing will sink you.
You have to let go of the past by making peace with it in whatever way will work for you.
Or we will never move forward.
We have to have *wait for it*
We also have to realize that whatever mistakes were made by others, we don't own.
We don't own their choices, or their feelings, or their mistakes.
Those are not our burden to bear.
So if you are feeling guilty over what you think you could have stopped, or could have prevented.
Those mistakes belong to the people who made their own choices.
Those are their experiences to learn and grow from.
I learned a few years ago to let go of the things that I couldn't control.
A number 1....other people.
I don't even try.
I feel much lighter now.
The only person I can control.
So, day 1 of my 100 days goes into the history books.
Only 99 to go.
A 463 calorie deficit.
Not bad for my first day.
Hugs to you all...


100 days to normal....

Hey guys,
So, I have been drifting in the 150's for a while now...I would have to look at my weight bar to see how long.
Long enough.
Let's put it that way.
I know how to maintain.
I want to hit normal...BMI wise, (normal is not attainable for me as a person lol)
So, I have decided to devote my next 100 days to losing the next 15 lbs.
This starts tomorrow and Ends November 1rst.
The weight I want to hit by November 1rst, 140 lbs.
That would be at the tippy top of the upper end of 'normal' for me.
So what does this challenge entail. 
It means no higher calorie days.
Rest days on Saturdays, but no rest from 1500 or under.
It means logging (on my blog) every piece of food or calorie I eat during the day.
It means if I come in at 1400, I don't carry an extra 100 over till the next day thinking I can eat that.
I post my exercise for the other six days, every day.
My deficit for the day is only good for that day.
so, If I was aiming for a 600 cal. deficit and end up with 800...it doesn't carry over.
(If you can't tell, I have been doing all sorts of mental tricks to excuse going over my calorie budget.)
I post my weight on Sunday (My first weigh in is tomorrow)
I drink 100 oz. of water a day.
I am excited about this.
More excited than I have been in a while.
Can't wait to begin.

For non weight loss related items.
I have discovered something recently.
Misery does not equate with intellect.
I used to think to be 'intelligent' one had to be skeptical, or even a pessimist.
I think that what I used to think is complete crap.
Anybody can be a pessimist.
Anybody can see the worst in every situation.
I choose to be an  optimist.
I choose to see the best in people.
I also choose to talk to and treat everyone I meet with the respect they deserve as human beings and
I expect to be treated the same.
If I am talked down to or yelled at...I will call that person out on their behavior.
I will also be working on this concept with my kids.
I will choose to be grateful.
I will choose to be happy.
Does this mean I will never be sad?
It means that for the majority of life, I choose to be happy.
I choose to see the silver lining.
I am sure I will drive people insane.
oh well.
better than being a miserable stick.
Optimists live longer anyways.

Saturday Snark...

The Nutjob edition:
Now here is how you deal with Fred phelps and his gang of hooligans   Church...

They don't understand it.
It caused them to "flee"
I love nerds.

And speaking of nutjobs....
Mahmoud is sure Iran will be sending men into space by 2019..
At the rate he's going, I think Israel will be sending half the population into space as particles of dust by 2012.
Just sayin'.
That's alright...If Iranians want to send people into space I think that's dandy....
In fact, I say we applaud their efforts. Give them the old 'slap on the back'.
It can't be easy pulling their collective heads out of the 13th century.
I say we send the head of NASA over with a Big plate of cookies and some milk...It's their primary mission after all.

Now, for folks who are always good for a laugh, our congressional representatives:

First up, Nancy Pelosi explaining how this whole 'capitalisticy free markety' thing works.
Yup, unemployment checks create jobs.

Next up
This guy:
His grasp of basic geology (or would it be geography) is a bit spotty.
He is a paid representative in Congress...we pay him...Not in Chickens or small shiny trinkets...
We give him money.

The person who should be paid more?
The member of the armed services...His head didn't explode, He didn't even laugh...blood didn't shoot out of his eyes or anything. That is discipline.

And to put the cherry on top of this crap fest...
our esteemed congresswoman from the great state of Texas....

I wonder if Vietnam Knows they are divided....Maybe they should tell Korea.

If that don't make you feel good about how your tax dollars are being spent, then I don't know what will.
I will be posting my big plans tomorrow.


Blog vacay...

worked my rear off today...will blog tomorrow..taking some down time....time to do the nails and watch Jane austen movies.
Have a great night guys.


Have a plan....

work the plan.
I decided on a plan a month ago.
I got derailed for a week because I chose to be...
But that doesn't change an essential truth.
If you want to succeed, You need a plan.
I doesn't  have to be a complex plan.
Mine wasn't when I began.
It was "Eat 1800 calories and walk daily"
It grew more complex as time went on.
I just needed to get started and so made it as simple as possible.
I didnt muck those 1800 calories up with a  bunch of rules to start.
It was simply:
Stop at 1800.
After the first two weeks..
Or, After the dust cleared.
I realized I wanted to add a few rules.
No more than two cups of coffee.
Eliminate white bread.
Limit the sugar.
Eat only protein and veggies at dinner.
These choices evolved as I went along though...
They werent there right out of the chute.
My first priority was to stop the mindless eating.
So I counted calories..said no to drive through, and ate at home.
My latest innovation has been..
1500 cals 6 days a week...the gym 5 days a week (one hour and a half minimum).
M,W, and F. I do the elliptical for an hour...150 situps and upper body weight lifting.
This burns on  average 800 calories.
Tuesdays and Thursdays I do a 3 mile walk and 30 minutes on the stairstepper.
This burnes on average 550 to 600 calories.
I sit at 155 right now. 
On  Saturdays I eat 1800 or 2500 calories on alternating weekends.
I walk 3.5 miles on both Saturday and Sunday.
My walks aren't strenuous and are more a time to reflect than an effort to push my heart rate.
So my weekly deficit is right around 3650 on my 1800 calorie saturday and 2950 on my 2500 cal Saturdays.
Which..when all is said and done should give me a  3.5 lb loss per month (It will drop as my weight drops)
For the last 3 days I have stuck to this plan.
If I stick to it for a whole month, my numbers will tell me if I am right or if I am wrong.
Everyone's plan is (and should be) different, because it needs to work for you where you are.
Your plan will evolve.
Because life changes.
So if the old plan isn't working you need to look at what is not clicking and find a new path.
I am sure my plan will change again once I hit my goal weight in 20 some odd pounds.
Right now I knw what I need.
I have discovered these little Saturday breaks are important for me mentally.
It helps me push through with my workouts at the gym.
I do my best five days a week.
I watch my intake and eat clean six days a week.
On saturdays I still watch it, but loosen up a  bit and maybe have something with the family...
I eat out, or I make a family favorite (like my lasagna).
I am finding my balance.
I am making my whole life flow together.
I have a plan and am working the plan.
It feels good.
Have a great night guys.


perserverance not perfection....

today was another day on program...I did an hour and a half of cardio and burned about 575 calories.
I did 30 minutes on the stairstepper and three miles walking.
I am on point with my calories.
Coming in at 1506 for the day.
I know some people may have been surprised that I get tired of doing this, or that I don't always do 'this' healthy living thing perfectly.
That's why I wroteyesterdays post.
I don't want people thinking I am perfect or that it never gets to me.
I want you to  know that it doesn't take perfection, just perserverance.
You will have an off day...or maybe an off week.
But at any point in there you can decide to do it again.
All I had to do was remember how I used to feel verses what I feel like now.
All I can do now, and all I DO now, verses what I was nearly incapable of doing then.
Perfection hasn't gotten me here.
A preponderance of good choices, built day after day...
week after week
month after month...
Year after (now going into my second) year...
It wasn't a bad day or even a bad or down week that put me in the mess I was in..
It took fifteen long years to get into that condition.
The good thing about last week.
I learned that my good habits are very hard to break.
Even while I ate stuff that made me feel crappy ( particularly the cake)
I realized that my other eating made me feel better.
Less stuffed. Less sick to my stomach.
THAT little experiment taught me many things.
It made eating well easier.
I noticed when I didn't walk.
Before I noticed when I walked.
My new normal is set to 'healthy'.
Well, got some laundry to do.
Everyone have a great night.


Saddle Sore

Those of you who ride horses know what I am referring to...
I loved Horseback riding growing up...
But there were days after riding 8 hours that you end up walking like your holding a log between your knees.
Your rear end hurts, Your tired and you're sneezing dust for three days.
You love riding, but don't want to see a horse for a while.
That's how I had been feeling about this whole weight loss and diet business after I got back from My vacation.
I didn't want to.
The eternal quest for a smaller @ss wasn't doing it for me...
I feel pretty now.  I feel good.
I was eating extra bits here and there. But still going to the gym.
I was still losing slooooowly.
But I didn't have the joy I had before...
Then my youngest daughters birthday was coming up.
And I decided to throw myself at it wholehearted.
This whole year I put everything on the back burner to lose weight.
My house was a god awful mess....I had been doing every holiday at the last minute. My youngest was turning 9....she is getting older...I wanted to go whole hog..
The way I used to for my oldest...
I wanted to put all my effort into this party, to be present and joyous.
you all have heard that word before.
So, for a period of four or five days..I didn't count calories...I walked but at most I walked 3.5 miles.
One day I walked a mile.
One day I didn't walk at all...the day of the party
I got balloons, fixed up an old vanity to make it sparkle, found makeup and handed out invites.
I gave that party and day my all....
Yesterday I ate maintenance..
The upshot, I gained a pound...(Now remember folks...there was cake and pizza involved...this wasn't just a bit here and there)
yeah, your consistent blogger is sitting at 156.
another upshot.
I am back otk today.
Well actually yesterday.
I walked 3.5 miles yesterday and counted and measured everything.
It was hard getting back on program after a four or five day vacation.
I honestly wondered at one point if this was it...where I started sliding back...
But today, for the first time in nearly two months..I enjoyed my workout.
I relished watching what I ate.
I have this constant inner dialogue.
The four or five day break I took..
I kept saying to myself..
Will  you be able to start again?
Will you be able to flip that switch?
Yesterday proved to me that I could, I just had to put out my hand and say enough.
I remembered why I wanted this.
I thought about the weight I am now...Yes, I am happy here.
(a little too happy...comfortable even.)
But ultimately, it isn't where I want to be.
After I got back, I didn't dress up or do my hair for almost three weeks...
I was worn out.
I kept thinking, is this all it's about...getting dressed up?
Then I realized that of course it wasn't, it was so I could throw myself into life with abandon.
So my body and my health wouldn't impede my progress..
So on the majority of days...I will eat healthy..I will exercise.
On Holidays and birthdays, I will eat what I want and have a great time.
So, I did my makeup today, and put on a skirt...
I want to live each day as the gift it is, not with food but with joy.
I counted my calories and tried a new recipe.
Sometimes you have been doing something so long it becomes tiring instead of inspiring.
A mini break from counting and six days a week at the gym was what I needed.
If you are feeling worn out...What do you need?
Remember you can start doing what's right at any time.
So, if you have been putting healthy living on the back burner...
You can light the pilot right now.
Sometimes you're just saddlesore.
Have a great night guys.


A little like alfred hitchcock...

Okay, so I was sick yesterday.
Thought it was allergies..nope...
could explain why that allergy medication didn't make a bit of difference. lol.
I did a walk today.
I was still stuffed up.
It was crazy.
But I did get my Grocery shopping done.

I also have five birds perched on the roof above my garage door. 
They are swallows and every time I come out of the house they dive bomb me.
A little creepy.

I received two awards from three different people in the last few days.
One is where You talk about 7 things the other 10..
so I will combine them and talk about 8 and a half.
Seems fair.
One is a beautiful blogger award
The other is the versatile blogger award...
Beautiful blogger was given by Robin over at your daily dose..

And versatile blogger was given by two people...
The first was Annie from the blog Annie weighs..
And Barb from every day issues
I am supposed to name bloggers, undiscovered or otherwise. 
Unfortunately, I haven't discovered as many bloggers as I would like. ack.!
I have a hard time keeping up and commenting on the bloggers I DO KNOW.
I have to get out more.
I will try and find some tomorrow and pass these on.
So anywhoozle..

1.) I love popcorn. The kind you pop on the stove and add butter to.
I could live off it. I can't resist it. It's my kryponite.
It's why I don't buy it. Unless I can eat it.
on my high calorie days.
I will hose it. I will eat it till it's gone.


2.) I love the color turquoise..or baby/robins egg blue.  
Really like it.

3.) I love coffee....espresso roast ground from Starbucks. I drink mine with 1/4 cup 2 percent milk and  2 T of sugar and it is worth every calorie.

4.) Christian lacroix is my favorite designer.
I love him and how over the top he is...If I could afford him, I would wear him..even to the grocery store.

Remember to wear the dress, don't let the dress wear you!

5.) I wish I had one of the new chargers...cause they look like the old mustangs.

2010 charger...too cool.

6.) I want to go to Greece and Spain before I die. It's on my bucket list.

7.) My favorite flower is the yellow rose.

8.) I once watched every single episode of quantum leap over a six month period on the science channel.
I love quantum leap.

9.) I would give my right eye to...

Well, that's 8 and a half. lol
I will pass this on tomorrow.
Have a great night guys,


The key to consistency....

Is knowing yourself and knowing what you can and can't control....
I just realized this tonight.
I get alot of comments on how consistent I am....
I don't have a whole lot of ups and downs. 
I used to...
I think I used to surprise myself alot.
My moods would be variable (I am being charitable.)
Things would upset me.
My upset primarily being sharper over things I felt I couldn't control.
Like a change in plans, or someone else's life choices...
Or my own inexplicable behavior.

My consistency is a direct result of 'getting to know myself'.
Getting to know who I am.
What I want.
What I'll put up with and what I won't.
And what things I don't even bother with.
I figured a few things out over the last couple of years that have helped me immensely.
Things like:
Knowing what I believe.
Knowing I don't care what other people think of what I believe.

Knowing what kind of people I want in my circle of friends.
which people to avoid like the plague.

I no longer feel compelled to associate with everyone who wants to associate.
If I get that funny feeling about 10 minutes in..
You know that feeling...
The little voice you ignored, the one that will come back to haunt you six months Later, after hanging out all this time...you find yourself saying:
 "Boy, I wish I'd listened to that feeling in my gut that said "Get Away Now" but I didn't.
Well, I used to feel too guilty to listen to that voice.
I don't anymore.
It saves A LOT of time.
I just don't hang out, and I don't call back.
I TRUST myself.

I conserve emotional energy for the givers in my life.
I avoid emotional succubi the way a cat avoids water...
You can tell these kind of people because within five minutes they are blaming somebody or something for their crappy day.
They will continue to do this, and someday you will be included in their list.
There is always drama, always a crisis.
They never seem to realize that the only common denominator in all these situations is THEM.


Knowing which things not to bother with...
I am not a joiner.
I am not a community activist.
I find large groups of people emotionally draining.
I used to think this was something I needed to 'get over'.
I don't like math.
I have no intellectual curiosity about certian things.
People interest me.
I love people.
I like learning about people.
I finally realized that
It is a critical and important part of my makeup.
Some people do great with large groups of people.
I am an ace with one on one.
I want to listen to people.
I don't want to shmooze, chit chat, or blather.
If a person is someone I want to talk to...
Then I want to talk...not mumble incoherent crap about the weather.
Now, with my neighbors I do chit chat.
I don't really always want a close personal relationship with everyone.
(You will know those type of people when you meet them.
The relationship just happens...it doesn't take effort.
That's the way to make real best friends.)
Learning the art of meaningless conversation is a lifesaver...
You don't want to be the strange one..lol.
So, accept your weaknesses and your strengths and build on them..
It actually reminds me of this little  homeschool story...

 An old story tells of the creation of a school for the animals. In this school, everybody took the same four courses: flying, swimming, climbing, and running. Among the students were a duck, a flying squirrel, a fox, and an elephant. These four were highly motivated, and wanted to get good grades, so they all tried very hard.
The duck did fantastically well in swimming and flying, but he lagged behind his classmates in climbing and running, so focused special attention on those two subjects. However, his feet became so sore from trying to run and his wings were so bedraggled from trying to climb that by the end of the year he not only failed both those subjects, but made C’s in swimming and flying, which had once been his two best subjects.
At the beginning of the school year, the squirrel was first in his class in climbing and running and was second only to the duck at flying. But as the months wore on, he missed so much school from catching pneumonia in his swimming class that he failed everything.

To make matters even worse, because the squirrel constantly squirmed and chattered in class, and had difficulty paying attention, he was diagnosed with a learning disorder. The squirrel eventually was placed in remedial classes and had to be medicated in order to continue with his school work.

The fox was a natural in his running class and scored well in climbing and swimming, but became so frustrated at his inability to get good Grades in flying that he began assaulting his classmates. He even tried to eat the duck. His behavior was so disruptive he was expelled from school. He fell in with a
rough crowd and eventually wound up in a center for animal delinquents.

The elephant, meanwhile, developed low self-esteem because he couldn’t do well in any of the subjects. When he sank into clinical depression, his therapist persuaded him to try a different school that focused on subjects such as lifting and carrying. The elephant was disappointed, because careers in lifting and carrying were not as prestigious as careers in flying, swimming, climbing, or running. Even though he always felt inferior, he managed to make a decent living and support his family.

What's my point.
You didn't see Michael Jordan picking up needlepoint to become a more 'well rounded person'.
Be good at something, whatever that is...and then,
FeeL good about it.
Don't worry about what you aren't good at...that's what the other people are for.
Be excellent.
Use YOUR talent.

Fill your life with worthwhile and emotionally stable people.
If you aren't emotionally stable...work at it till you are.
It's worth the effort to get to know and love yourself.
Have a great night guys..
I am off to bed.


Going above and beyond...

Hey all,
I got my walk in today but ate maintenance calories. It's back to the gym tomorrow and back otk with the calorie deficit.
I wanted to talk a little about 'what i've been doing'.
I have been cleaning and organizing my house.
And much like weight loss, this time around the house cleaning and organizing is going differently.
Why you might ask.
Because I am going above and beyond.
I am committing.
I am not just 'getting it clean'.
I am going down to the bone with the organizing.

I am removing the furniture, vacuuming and then only putting back in what I want to keep.
This has led to some epic garbage piles and some massive good will give aways.
On thursday the garbage guys took away stuff that has been sitting unused for at least a decade.
Kind of like all my excess weight.
Stuff that was just laying around weighing me down. 
But now I have three rooms that have a place for everything and everything in it's place.
Three rooms that have nothing I don't want or need.
The Rooms left to go....my kid's bathroom, my oldest daughters room and my kitchen.
The Kitchen scares me.
I want to start a food storage system.
I"ve been blabbing about this for some time.
But I feel  like I am finally starting to move forward on this.
I said before that I want to take the dedication and motivation I used for weight loss and begin to apply it to other areas in my life, and I have.
I have organized my art supplies and my urge to draw has been growing daily.
I feel like I need to have my home in order thought.
That comes first.
First came me, my body.
Then my home.
Then my future...
Then My hobbies.
By making myself a priority, my vision for my future has become much clearer.
I know who I am, and I know what I want.
Weight loss isn't really about the weight.
It's about the kind of life you want to live.
You have to catch a vision of who you want to be.
Then strive for it.
I am coming to the final stretch here in the weight loss part of this equation..
Then it's creating the kind of life that will sustain the person I want to be.
You're whole life is either a set up for a sedentary existence, for frustration, and lack.
Or a dynamic existence, for stretching and growth.
To Get to where you want to go, you are going to have to break out of your mold  and go above and beyond where your comfort zone is...it's one of your first steps.
My first step was walking every day...I had to break the habit of sitting...
Walking (or daily movement) had to become my new reality.
Well, I had better get some rest.
I am tired.  I have a few more rooms to go and I have the gym tomorrow.
Have a great night guys.

It IS possible...

Hey all,
Back from the land of birthday ville for this important announcement.
It IS possible to lose over 100 lbs through counting calories and exercising.
I should know, I've done it.
And so have a few other people I have read...
You know, they have these things called statistics.
Every time I read about the statistics regarding weight loss I think...
Well, they never met me...
Or Sean
Or Tony
Or Loretta
Or Seth
Or Jack
Or Amber...
These are just SOME of the people who have lost weight and who I know 'get it'.
That it's for life.
These people aren't statistics.
Neither are you.
You aren't a statistic.
If your doctor is telling you that it's IMPOSSIBLE TO LOSE WEIGHT when you are the weight you are.
He is wrong.
One pound is one pound.
I don't care how many you have hanging around screwing up your life.
Why is losing 100 lbs any different than losing 1 pound?
The only difference is in the perception.
Anybody can take a step..
many can walk a mile..
But the idea of a marathon, well...that seems really far.
How are you going to make it?
How are you going to lose ALL THAT WEIGHT????
By losing that first pound, and then the second.
You see, the truth is...whether you have five pounds to lose or 50...
or 100, 200 or more...
It isn't a sprint for any of us.
If we want to lose the weight FOR GOOD.
It's a marathon.
For everyone.
Because if you lose that last 20 and then put it back on...well,  you didn't finish the race.
This race is for life.
So, It is possible to lose more than 100 pounds without surgery.
What is needed is a long term mindset, a determination to change your life for good...
And knowing WHY you are doing it, and WHAT YOU ARE AIMING FOR.

Are you trying to look great, feel great...or live a full life?
All three,
Know your why's.
Know your hows.
What you are willing to do...
What you are willing to cut...
Know your triggers..what pushes your emotional buttons
Then neutralize them.
Know that excuses are just that.
and don't make anymore.
Make yourself and  your health your top priority.
Then push to make it happen.
In one years time you'll be so glad you did...
Have a great night guys.


Turn out the lights....the party is over...

It seems that all good things must end.

We had a great birthday party...
Right now I am sitting in my Pj's.
I am relaxing the rest of this evening.
So...in lieu of more words...I  will resort To Pictures:

This is the vanity I got from good will....I picked up a little jar of gold paint and spruced it up...good as new.
Sophie loved it...

That's my sophie on the left with her BFF...(best friend forever) playing dressup with her new headbands and makeup.

Here's a painting I did a while back...it is a fairy on a mushroom.
The whole room used to be a meadow, but I painted it purple for sophie.
She wanted to keep the fairy, so I framed it with gold paint.

Well that's all for now...I am going to peruse some blogs and relax.
have a great night guys.


Tomorrow (today actually) is my youngest daughter's birthday.
I was up late painting a vanity I picked up from good will, I will post a pic of it tomorrow.
It's going to be a doozy of a party.
Should be fun.
No exercise or calorie counting, but plenty of house cleaning and steam cleaning and shopping and painting.
I have to go to bed cause I have to pick up some balloons in the morning.
Sorry I didn't get around to everyone's blogs.
I lost a follower today...
Mel didn't like what I wrote...
Have a great night guys.


We interrupt this blog...

For a public service announcement.

We all know that there are many components to weight loss...
Just as there are in life.

When you have toxic people in your life, things are THAT MUCH HARDER.
I always recommend the flushing of toxins from both your body and your life.

Case in point:
Mr. Mel Gibson.
Mr. Gibson was a favorite of mine up until..oh about five hours ago..
Yes, he had that drunken dumb fest, but I thought it was all just drunk blather...
The whole "Jews cause all the wars" and calling women 'sugar tits'...
Most liberals blame everything on Israel, so it didn't surprise me to  hear this coming from someone in Hollyweird.

(Just so people know, I am a big fan of both Israel and it's people.)
moving on..
It did come as a surprise to ME that Mr. Gibson is a class A abuser.
So I thought I would take a few minutes out of my regularly scheduled blog to break down this recording...
This is Mr. Gibson having a conversation with his  punching bag  girlfriend.

For starters he says:
Stay on this phone or I'll drive over there!
He starts by gaining control of the phone call...
Does she understand?
Then he says he will come over if she hangs up.
He takes away her right to decide what to listen to through implied threat.
That threat..and that's what it was...because he has had to 'deal' with her before...which you will hear later...
Then he screams "Look at what you MADE ME DO."
Because he can't accept blame...this is about ensuring she understands that if she gets hurt, if he has to hurt her...it's her fault.
This is classic.
It's how abusers operate.
It's how they break women down mentally...
It's how you hear otherwise sane women say; "If only I'd been more understanding...more of what he needed...he wouldn't have HAD TO hit me."
They believe it because they have had it screamed at them over and over and over again.

moving on...
after this it's all you, you, you...there is no I....except to tell her how she has not lived up to HIS expectations. 
If you are waiting for some sign that he is concerned with her welfare, with supporting her, you won't see it. 
This is classic narcissism.

Unfortunately for Mr. Gibson, this woman is mentally healthy. 
She recognizes abuse for what it is, and doesn't make the mistake of assuming that whatever is wrong is her fault.
She states: "You don't love me.."
And she is absolutely right, he is in love with himself.
Many women don't have this kind of strength...many women lose it after being involved in abusive relationships either as a child, or in a long term marriage situation.
Upon the realization that she isn't buying the whole 'you hurt me' bs....
he gets uglier and tries guilt.
I would be riveted to see what Mr. Gibson's ex wife has to say...

Moving on...
Now, he states that his 'daughter is important'.
Of course she is, she is an extension of  him.
Until she begins to have  her own opinions...he'll idealize her.
 Then she will be just another person who "doesn't give him his due respect or support."

Now he says: "You should just shut up...Just f*cking smile and blow me..Cause I deserve it."
And there you have it.
He views her as property.
Whether she 'did' anything or not...whether she feels anything or not...
is irrelevant.
He left his wife because they had 'no spiritual common ground."
I'm not surprised...
What he really means is: My wife wouldn't blend into me...so I ditched her.
Then he tells his girlfriend that  she 'won't even try'.
You see, now he is pitting the semi-ideal woman against the new gal...'well, my wife at least tried."
This is classic manipulation. 
He says somewhere in here that none of her relationships have worked out..
Therefore the current issue in their relationship is defacto, her fault.
Well...I can't say anything here that isn't profane.

Then he plays the poor me, pity me card with the whole heavy breathing and moaning,
"You don't care, you don't care.."
She doesn't buy into it, which just enrages him further..
It's my guess that this is when his former wife would say "But I love you, I do care..."
And then attempt to mollify him.
But this gal doesn't do that.
Now he tells her she needs to apologize for the way she looks at him, and he can instinctively feel her disrespect.
There is no actual event necessary or needed to precipitate an abusive event.
It usually occurs when the abuser is feeling shamed or vulnerable..
The reason is coming up here:
He states that he was told that his career was 'over'.
That she left because she is a user.
Well, whatever she is, he picked her.
But I think...
She left because he was becoming agitated.
She left because she has been on the recieving end of his verbal and physical abuse before, and knew what was coming.
We will wrap this up with what happens at the end:
It starts with the threat:
"You need a bat on the side of the head."
Then he starts talking about kindness and how she needs to be grateful for everything he has done for her, this goes back to the whole "just smile and blow me" comment..
He didn't like it when she called him mean..
(They never like it when you call them on their abusive behavior)
Again it's all about him and his hard times..
She states she will call the police....
Listen to him go all angry but wary... His 'what!' actually made me laugh.
OOOOOh, he wouldn't call the police, but she would because she is 'weak'.
(She scared the crap out of him with that one lololol.)
He doesn't want to call the police
For very good reasons...
He is an abuser, and he hit her.
Then he tells her that her freind isn't her friend..
That she doesn't have friends, and she is the reason he doesn't have any friends.
He is her only friend.
Classic abuser...
Seperate her from her friends...tell her that he pays for  her..that it's his house...that he is the only one she can trust.
He says He was trying to spare her feelings by seperating her from her freind.
No words for that one...
Now he is trying to turn the whole incident around on her by telling her that this is all her fault.
From there it just descends into name calling.
Then she states that she won't put up with it anymore and comes back at him..
Then he tells her she deserved to be hit.
That "oh, NOW You're angry".
Before she was probably too scared and uncertain to say anything.
IF someone had slugged me in the face, I don't think I'd be starting any arguments.
Then she tells him that she won't be threatened..
Then he threatens to kill her...because he couldn't cow her into either guilt or submitting or any of the other things he had no doubt extracted from his former wife.
Pay attention, it isn't always this blatant...
But the manipulation,
the blaming,
the guilt,
the projection...
It's always the same regardless.

So ends this public service message.
The people in your life can build you up or tear you down.
Flush the toxic people.


another. day. has. passed.

Well, I have done two walks in a row.
Yesterday and Today.
I have been cleaning like all get out and wanted to really focus. Haven't left my house in two days.
The upside...
My house is all but organized.
There is no downside to this.

I have been wanting to do this forever.
So I have walked a total of 7 miles this weekend and had a 400 calorie deficit today.
Good enough for now.
How is everyone else?
I have been feeling philosophical the last few days..
(Probably couldn't tell...lol)
I think it's all this Lord of the Rings stuff I 've been watching.
It does have it's melodramatic silliness as well though...
Mostly legolas in the third movie..
everything. is. in. pauses....
Look. a. star...rises in the east...
blood. has. been. spilled. this. night.
It slays me every time.
Oh, and farimir is a babe.
Just sayin'.
So, enough of the LotR geekitude.
Back to the  gym tomorrow.
my youngest daughters birthday is on Wednesdays and I think I have managed to invite half the neighborhood.
They are all good people, so it's fine by me..
Just. need. more. food.
pauses to stare bleakly into the distance.
Till tomorrow.


Desiring Mercy

My daughter's and I have been watching (I should say re-watching) the lord of the
There is a scene in the Fellowship of the Rings that has such truth that I thought I would leave a link. It's a conversation between Gandalf and frodo.

And it is the essence of What Jesus said about desiring Mercy, not sacrifice.
When you are young it is easy to have a hard heart and a judgmental attitude.
When you are young, failure is weakness.
When you are young, you are very, very certain of what is right and what is wrong.
There is no grey, only black and white.
Now I am not saying there isn't a right and a wrong.
But what I am saying is what Gandalf said...
Do not be quick to hand out death and judgement.
I used to to be very judgemental.
I could not understand how someone could do this or that.
I could not comprehend how people slide into certain situations.
I was determined to live deliberately.
And I have.
But what I failed to take into account
 when I was younger, was that not everyone is coming at this from my perspective.
My opinions of another person rose and fell on their adherence to my particular code of morality.
I cringe to even write that.
I didn't say it out loud. But I said it through my body language.
My lack of support.
My silence.

  Over the years I have learned something.
Just because someone chooses a life or a lifestyle that is outside my particular moral code....
It doesn't have a thing to do with me.
I don't believe God wants me to go around telling other people what they should or should not do.
That's between that person and God.
If I am a friend.
I support and love that person.
If they do something harmful, yes..you step in.
But if it harms no one.
If it is a personal lifestyle choice.
He desires Mercy from his children.
and understanding.

Not condemnation or judgement.

The world has enough accusers.
Satan being the main accuser.
It won't be Chris on the judgement seat.
Not in heaven and not down here.
Having lived long enough to truly screw the pooch on multiple occasions has taught me a great many things.
First among them,
There but for the Grace of God, go I.
This is Saturday, isn't it?
ahhhh, how funny.


The Bliss of Solitude

Haven't had any...solitude that is.
Can't seem to find some either.
In the subdivision and the city, there is nowhere to go for solitude.
No escape from people.
I like people, just not all the time.
I would like to go and have some time to myself to just think.
I will have to find a way to do that.
Until I can I will leave you with my favorite poem.

I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude; (the single greatest line ever written)

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Your tired and irritable blogger,


Stealing an idea...

You know, I read sean's blog.
Sean, from a daily diary of a winning loser.
He does this thing where he looks up what was going on one year ago...
I thought I should do that.
I have gone quite far, sometimes I can't even believe that I am one year into this thing (more like 14 months in...)
So here goes, lets see what I can find.

I am down 20 lbs from where I started. It's only been seven weeks. I don't want to lose too much too soon, but am not pushing too hard I don't think. I weigh 242 right now. I started at 262.4. This post looks like my brain. A mish mash. I have a lot of stuff going on right now, just getting on here to write something down was a chore, so at least it's done. I have a feeling this blog is more important than I think it is. I am going to walk two miles tommorrow,

Wow, glad I did that....20 lbs down, really? 
I started on May 4th, 2009 and this entry was July 8th, 2009. 
I weighed in this morning at 153.5.
That is about 109 lbs gone. 
I wrote:
I have a feeling this blog is more important than I think it is...
um, yeah.
This blog has been my confessional, my support, my place to come to find inspiration.
That line  up there about not wanting to lose too much too soon...I remember why I wrote that.
I wrote that because I was AFRAID that if I lost too much too quickly I would slip back into magical thinking.
You know, the thinking that calories in and calories out aren't related.
That some mystical formula would make dieting a breeze.
I wanted so badly to be anchored in  reality.
To know that hard work was the ONLY thing that would work this time.
I wanted it to hurt.
Maybe I wanted to punish myself for letting it happen.
But mostly, I never wanted to go back to sleep.
I won't do this everyday...But I will start posting things that I find relevent.
I think it is a good thing to look back at where we came from.
It clears things up, and it keeps things in perspective.
I remember how my feet used to burn when I walked.
Like red hot pokers coming up from underneath.
a walk would wipe me out.
I had to put so many things on hold last summer.
The lawn.
visiting with friends.
It took so much energy to turn this train around.
I had to put on the breaks full stop and throw this crap in reverse.
I had to view it in terms that were black and white.
Yes and No.
Right and wrong.
Or it just wouldn't work for me.
When I had eating times...high calorie days.
It was 6 hours of whatever I wanted...spigot opened and gushing.
Then whap!
spigot off.
Back to the grind.
Now I have more of a nuanced approach.
But not in the beginning.
I was learning.
It's a process.
But don't let anything stop  you once you've started in the right direction.
There is nothing more disheartening than having that fire and watching it flicker and die.
Don't do that to yourself.
You deserve better.


making your mountain into several small molehills.

I was thinking (after I wrote that last post...you know, the one that said something) that I have a tape that kicks in when I want to skip the gym.
It is in direct opposition to the tape I used to have..
old tape: I need to finish this closet...I can wait to work out.
New tape: I need to stop doing this and work out...working out can't wait.
You know how I flipped the tape...
by flipping it.
I walked by walking.
I went to the gym today by putting on my shoes, putting on my clothes and going.
I don't allow any other voice to interfere.
You can't.
I haven't felt like doing a workout for about two weeks now.
I do them anyways....
Before, going to the gym seemed like scaling a very tall mountain to me.
Now it's an annoying molehill.
Things always seem bigger before you do them.
Like having a baby, or getting married.
Once you've done it, it doesn't seem so impossible.
How do I make myself go to the gym.
By going.
This isn't to be a smart ass.
But really...
How do you do anything?
There are many things in life you must do.
How do you do them?
How do you scrub the toilet?
Do you need to 'feel like it'?
Does it really matter if you feel like it?
It has to be done, so you do it.
That is how you work out.
Once you realize that there is not a viable alternative...(granted, it seems a lot of people will do ANYTHING to avoid this realization.)
There is no alternative.
No magic pill of exercise happiness.
No magic pill to shrink your rear..no matter what the bimbos in bikinis say at 2 o clock in the morning.
There is no magical motivation pill.
It all comes from inside.
From the spirit.
If your mind and spirit are not in accord with your will, then  you need to get your mind right.
That is why I blog so much about the mind.
You can logically WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT.
But mentally, you could be sabotaging yourself.
But sometimes there is no self sabotage.
It's that you don't want to, or aren't ready to make the changes necessary to see this thing through.
When that is the case, and I know cause I've been there...
any excuse will do.
I don't have a babysitter.
I don't have time.
I don't have a good metabolism.
I don't want to starve.

I had excuses for  years.
I didn't want to be 'one of those mothers' who only thought of herself.
I had all the excuses above.
I couldn't stand the idea of giving up food as comfort and to be honest, it is still a struggle.
But it isn't some grand mountain....
It's little molehills you get your foot caught in...and you will only stay caught if you want to.
Life will always be there.
Like I told someone the other day.
There will always be a month, a holiday, or an occasion, or an annoying boss, or a stressful relationship.
But the crux of this is, do you want to be healthy, or do you want a reason not to be.
Like I said before, for years I had reasons.
What changed from May 3rd to May 4th last year?
The excuses....the reasons....the world.
Or me.

Have a great night guys,


today was productive...

But I am very tired.
I came in at 1600 calories consumed and burned around 580 at the gym.
Meaning I have a 500 cal. deficit.
oh well...
I have been working around the house and I have been doing those workouts at the gym...
I may be burning more calories than I think I am.
Right now I am retaining water so nothing  is showing on the scale.
I have a good post in me but I am too tired to type it out tonight.
I hope everyone had a  good day.
Talk to you all tomorrow.
Good night.


You've Got to remember WHY!

Hey all,
Is anyone Having post July 4th let down?
Consume too many calories?
It's okay, it's just one day.
Today is a new day...let it go.

I was thinking as I drove to the gym today
(I reaaaaallllly didn't feel like it.)
I have to remember why sometimes.
Why do I need to watch what I eat daily?
Why can't I just have a hot dog or stuff myself silly with any ole thing that is put in front of me?
Why should I count every calorie?
Every cracker?

Maybe this happens to you...
Sometimes it gets a little fuzzy...mostly because these days I am   feeling so good.

I can do most anything.

I don't get tired out all the time.

It would be easy to eat more than I should daily,
In the spirit of "treating" myself.

Today as I was cleaning my youngest daughter's closet out, and making really good progress I might add, I was tempted to skip the gym and finish it.
But luckily I have a built in tape that starts to play whenever I get these foolish notions.
The tape says:
"Not going to the gym is not an option, if you don't take care of yourself...there will be nobody here to take care of this closet...remember how you used to feel".

And then I do.
I remember.
I remember how I used to have a hard time standing for any length of time.
I remember being too tired to dig in the yard,or take a walk or clean out the closets.
I remember that I nearly put myself in an early grave trying to "take care of everything but me."
I also remember how it felt to be looked down on.
I remember going to the  rodeo and having the girls in their skinny jeans parade by  my husband and smirk at me.
I remember having the door swing back in my face because no man held it open for me.
I remember being mooed at.
I remember the heart palpitations and the back and joint pain.
I remember how my feet and heels used to hurt so bad in the       Morning I could barely walk.

Today I shaved my legs without worrying about my belly getting in the way.
I put lotion on my feet and noticed how thin they looked.
I have lost half a shoe size.
I have lost 14 pants sizes.
So, sometimes...when you are tempted to not workout..or to have things that aren't planned.
You have got to remember why you are doing this.
And treat yourself to a better life.
Not more food.


Happy 4th of July

There is No better country in the world!


Saturday snark from the seventies...

There are days when I Thank God I was born late enough in the history of the world that I never had to buy a hair pick for my hippy husband..
Just sayin'.


Tiggers and Mileys and gyms...oh my!

Well, with my new workout schedule in hand...I went to the gym yesterday and today and burned a crap load of calories.
I ran all over the place today.
My youngest has a birthday coming up and My brother in law and his wife just had a new baby boy.
So I had to pop on down to Joanne's fabrics and pick up a blanket kit.
The last time I had a nephew coming I decided to crochet one.
I got halfway through by the time little Nic was born (three months early in my defense).
I never completed it.
So this time I got a fleece kit and should have it done in one sitting.
It's winnie the poo, piglet and tigger playing leap frog on the front and it's yellow underneath.
All I have to do is cut and knot.
Then I stopped off at party city to pick up some Hannah montana party supplies.
My daughter is 9 and has no idea miley has taken to using stripper poles and becoming 'untamed'.
I am not about to enlighten her.
So there I am in party city.
I say "Do you have any Hannah montana birthday supplies..
He says "yeah, if you got down this aisle, it's right after the pole..."
I say "that's funny'.
It took  him a second.
Then he laughed.
Luckily it was all half off.
wonder why.
So Tomorrow is saturday..A high calorie day (1800)
But I decided to stick to 1500 and then move my 1800 calorie day to sunday.
This was also a part of my plan.
To make it flexible enough to incorporate special occasions.
I will be doing the same thing for my daughters birthday.
Instead of having that 2500 calorie the previous Saturday, I will save it till the 14th.
In this way I don't have special days AND high calorie days.
If there is a special day..move the high calorie day to fit it.
ON the saturday I skip, I will simply eat 1500.
This will keep me closer to plan and get me to my goal quicker.
Then the next saturday it reverts....
The only months where this really occurs are February, March, May, July, November and December.
The rest should be Saturdays as usual.
I got very little sleep last night and am VERY tired.
Will be heading to lala land here shortly.
Just wanted to say that the posts out in blogland have been great lately.
I love reading them.
It's always giving me new ways to think.
Keep up the great work guys.
name your five fictional crushes.
You'll have to scroll down to get the picture..
Kimmie @ saving my life.
that'll be you

in the spirit of nepotism I gave it to my daughter at pessimistic days.
my husband couldn't believe it..
I had to remind him she's 16 and a half...at 19 I was married with a baby.
He didn't like that lol.
it's all in good fun.

sue o lear....I hear your name echoing in my brain.
I think this would be perfect for you..
Can't wait to see this.

Shelaigh White from 60 is good.
I want a european perspective.

I'll do one more...
I never see her blog about completely useless crap.
So TJ...this is your opportunity to turn off your brain.
Have fun you guys.


For the rest of my life....

Hey guys...
Well, like I said the day before yesterday, I have a plan for July.
This plan is much like the plan I intend to have for the rest of my life.
I may have to up the calories when I hit 132 to maintain my goal weight.
But other than that...this is it.
I am 155.
I have 23 lbs to hit my 'goal'.
I have 15 pounds till I hit 'normal'.

Another thing I didn't mention.
The lowest I had ever gotten on any weight loss attempt prior to this one was 156.
156 was my last hurdle to my wedding day weight of 138 lbs.
I am only 17 lbs away from that weight.
I have done the calculations..and with a 500 calorie a day deficit I should make my target weight by December 31rst of this year.
So it's 1500 calories a day 6 days a week...on Saturdays it's either 1800 or 2500....every other saturday alternating.
This way I can have the occasional high calorie meal or popcorn at the movies.
It's easier for me to be strict and then have a free day than it is for me to go 1800 all the time.
I want one or two days a month where i can eat dinner without counting...and this plan should do it for me...
I should lose about 3 to 4 pounds a month this way.
I will also being doing 6 days a week of 60 minutes of cardio and upper body toning three days and lower body the other three.
Saturdays are my days off.
I won't be doing the kickboxing.
I went to inquire about the price and it was 88 dollars a month with a 12 month contract.
I would rather spend that money toward fixing my ten speed and other things.
That is  1056 dollars a year.
Considering I have a gym for free, that is too much for me...so I will keep my eye open at my gym for kick boxing classes.
For now it's going to be three days (M,W,F) of ellipticalling with upper body work.
60 minutes elliptical
150 situps
36 flies
36 lower back extensions
45 lat pulls
45 tricep extensions

Then Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday
two mile walk, 1 mile jog (will up the jog and lower the walk as I feel comfortable)
30 minutes stairstepper
36 squats
36 leg/hip lifts each side
36 calf raises each side
36 quad extensions
36 hamstring curls

This is the work I am willing to do.
What sort of body it produces, I will have to wait and see.
So, welcome to the final leg of my weight loss journey...
As I lose my last 20 or so pounds and
cross into maintenance.

P.S. please tell me if my new design is good or not.
I don't want anyone unable to read it.