you may think this would be obvious..what I am about to tell you.
And it has been, but not in a real way..
not until lately.
I have finally realized that I am a Christian with a capital C.
Up till now it has all been turned inward.
It was all about being a christian inside...
Making sure that my conscience was clear...that my thoughts were going in the right direction.
That I kept my priorities straight.
That I walked straight.
Giving to people that was deliberate but not talked about. (still won't be...)
That is good.
I have a mouth.
A bad one.
I cuss way too much.
I let it go cause I figure God knows my heart, he knows what I mean.
And that is what counts.
I finally realized that I owe God more than that.
I am a Christian, and one of many.
No, I am not the universe's Captain Christian out to save humanity.
I can't do it...I don't save anyone...God does.
But I am supposed to be a light.
I don't mean by standing on street corners handing out tracts.
I mean in my home...and to the world at large.
My home should feel like a place of warmth and love.
To anyone who enters.
They shouldn't feel judged, or condemned or unwelcome.
They should feel loved.
How I use language does matter.
How I keep my home and my heart attitude, it matters.
How I approach problems, my attitude towards them..
it may be the only time someone gets to see a Christian in that problem...If i come at it with anger, and irritation...what does that say..that I am human, yes.
But it says that God has done nothing for me...when he has.
I just have given myself permission to be (this is usually where I would cuss...lol) a bad person.
I need to cultivate patience with my children and my husband first.
To my friends when I speak.
Because I am either building up or tearing down.
Every word I say, I will answer for...
So, if I say something foolish...even as a jest..and it tears someone down a little.
How does that make the world better?
If I criticize, but never approve.
Who does that teach?
My heart and what it reads, what it listens to...they matter.
For from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
I stopped reading romance novels a few months ago.
I don't think they are 'wrong'.
But I finally realized I wanted to start filling it (meaning my mind) with something important.
I realized I wanted to read the bible..
then I wanted to go to church.
Then I wanted a GOOD church.
I want to pray. I want to find my way back to the relationship I used to have with God.
When I could feel him with me almost every minute of every day.
When what I 'looked' like didn't matter because I was focused on others.
I want to be healthy for my family and so I don't become a stumbling block to people hearing what I am saying.
It's something I figured out through weight loss.
I finally realized how much people process through their eyes.
I finally get the whole stumbling block thing.
People only see the outside.
They believe what they see, what they hear....
To be a light, I can't talk about it..
what is that quote...found it:
“Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.”
There...it's Ralph Waldo Emerson...
I never really let that sink in before.
I need to be "God's hands" so loudly that I don't have to talk about it.
I am so impatient.
I am so hard headed and hard hearted.
I've got a fast mouth.
I am a loner.
Being a gracious hostess.
Being a person who watches what they say and how they say it .
These are going to be very hard for me.
I think I wrote a while back that I would know when God kicks me hard enough that it is time to start growing again.
Well, I have sustained my weight these last two weeks...eating maintenance...doing my exercise.
I will start losing the final 18 pounds starting tomorrow.
But while I am, I will also be doing the above.
I am going to start stripping away what isn't necessary.
Words that aren't necessary...
And adding things that are.
Kindness. cultivating a kind heart.
being grateful daily for all that I have.
cultivating a positive attitude
using Gracious and uplifting words.
It will take work.
So I think I will be using this poem as a guide...
"An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, "Are these words true?" If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; "Are they necessary?" At the third gate we ask; "Are they beneficial?" and at the fourth gate, we ask, "Are they kind?" If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid."
I wonder if people will think I've gone mute. lol.
And I just wanted to say to Joy, and Karla that I got your awards...I will post them sometime in the coming week and I wanted to say thank you for them.
Robin...I will make some questions tomorrow.
Hope everyone is doing well and is feeling good.
Hang in there.