Ogled by a hippy? Same as:__________

well, day 3 here..and I had another great day of eating and exercising.
Luckily I also have 2 and some odd years behind me to tell me that while today was great,
tomorrow might suck. So I was getting all I could out of the deal.

And I got half way through my workout tonight when I was ogled by a dude that looked like:

Larry from dharma and greg...

Which of course reminded me of that day in my life when my weight loss efforts paid off and I was ogled by a redneck....

Yes, I had a flashback.

lol.

Which means I definitely need to lose 20 lbs.

He didn't just ogle...he glanced...He puffed...

He walked by 5 or 10 times.

Which means, in his mind...we were sympatico.

Of a kind.

That took the steam out of my workout for about 5 or 10 minutes.

But I talked myself through it. lol.

Let's make it a motivator, shall we?

So, I took starting photos and would like to post them and have indeed, tried twice to no avail.

ahhh well.

I will try again tomorrow.

so, 1650 calories consumed..

650 calories burned.

Net caloric deficit...580.

Not too bad.

Have a great night guys!

Chris out.



1 lb...100 times

Hey guys,
Tomorrow is my first official day of one pound, one hundred times. Today I weighed in at 230 lbs. My goal weight is 132.4. I started at 262.4. By the time I am done I will have lost 130 lbs. I have lost the first thirty two pounds, so really 97.6 lbs left to go...why my weight loss ticker is reading one hundred, I have no clue. Must be new math. I have eaten 1579 calories today so far. I say so far cause I still have calories I COULD consume but haven't and won't if I don't feel the need. I broke one of my main rules today and am so glad I did....I was jonesing for some chocolate. I didn't want to spend my calories on a candy bar....what to do, what to do. So I remembered that at Starbucks they have these strawberry-banana vivanno smoothies with protein whey powder and I thought "Hey, that would do the trick."...I looked on line for the nutrition info when I saw that they also do banana-chocolate vivanno smoothies for 250 calories, and it had the protein powder, so I would stay full when I was finished. I got it. It was not the chocolate punch I expected, but it was enough. It was very banana-ey and sweet enough. It was also surprisingly filling. It did the trick.

So you might be wondering why I call it one pound, one hundred times. I do that for a few reasons. The first is so I don't get ahead of myself. I find myself running forward in my brain to three and four months from now...I tell myself, I should be such and such a weight, or I will be under two hundred by this time. This is a recipe for failure. I know this from past experience. I begin to question my progress and get frustrated if it doesn't happen fast enough. That is why you will not see big weigh in days for me. I weigh daily. I don't get excited (or I try not to). Every pound I lose, I have only one thought...."This is where I should have been, so no celebrating". I don't think I will even celebrate when I get to goal weight. I think the things I will celebrate won't have a thing to do with numbers. It will be when I run five miles for the first time. It will be when I put a bikini on. It will be when somebody I haven't seen for a while doesn't recognize me. I know that every pound is a victory for me, but it's a Pyrrhic victory. A victory at too high a cost. A victory I don't want to repeat. It reminds meof an alcoholic who gets a one year coin. He looks on it as a victory. but also a reminder. The coin reminds him to not let it happen again. My goal, it's one pound....one hundred times. So far I have lost 2.4 of those pounds. Thirty two since starting. This may get confusing. For me, every day I start over. Every day I get to choose. I don't rest on yesterday or take tomorrow for granted. That way I never get cocky or think I have a handle on it. Every day I am in the fight, and it's a fight for my life. I hope you all had a very good day. Tomorrow is yours, choose well.
Hugs,
Chris

Losing weight

Well,
Over the years I have focused on a lot of things. Many had to do with personal growth, trying to be a more thoughtful, more spiritual person. In some ways I have gotten to where I want to be, but as anyone who has tried to mature quickly knows, there is no way to mature quickly. Unfortunately, no matter how many self help books we read, how we pray pray pray for wisdom, Wisdom and empathy come through experience and experience comes with time spent living. There is no Shortcut. I mean, you can learn the obvious things like don't do drugs, or don't commit adultery. The really difficult things to learn are "Thou shalt not judge". Or, "Even though you are in your mid thirties, you still don't know everything". YOu might think you are wise enough not to judge, but then go around secretly pointing out other's failings in your own mind, all the while diligently ignoring the failings in your own life. I spent a few years judging someone who I know and love for an alcohol addiction. In my mind, It was just selfishness etc. Well, in my own life I had allowed food to become my addiction. I used it in the same way a drunk uses booze or a drug addict uses heroin. It was not to feed my body, it was a comfort for bad feelings, it was fun when I was bored. Now I am obese, I have been obese probably for the last 9 years, before that I was overweight. You might say that alchohol hurts the family. Well, guess what. So does my obesity. I avoid doing things because of my weight. I don't go to swimming pools, I avoid family photos, I am too tired to play or go to the park. I have cheated my kids out of alot of things because of my blindness to my own addiction. A while back I was standing in a public place, and I saw myself in a full length mirror, not just from the waist up. I really saw myself. I looked fat and felt old. I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to leave the store. I told my friends this and even my husband. What I didn't say was that, that night as I was lying in bed, I told God that I couldn't do it. I have been on every diet known to man and have quit every single time. The last time I tried to "diet" I ended up on my treadmill crying because I could feel in my spirit that I had no hope. I was giving my body to him. Really giving it over and not reserving anything. I don't have the power to beat this because I have been going off of 'will power' and it had never worked. I asked God to show me my heart, and he did. I was no better than anyone else. Knowing that I use food like a drug has helped me resist overeating. This is a day to day struggle for me. If I don't address this now I will only get fatter. I am not pleasantly plump, or chubby, I am obese, It is serious, I could die. I am 255 lbs. I have lost 10 lbs so far. Since I started on May 4th, I have had a few times when I have had urges for food not related to hunger, but nothing above what I could bear. I hope people reading this will pray for me. I have to do this for many reasons and I think I will name a reason every time I post. Here is the First one.

1.) I want to be there when my daughters get married. I don't want them standing in the mirror and wishing I were there. I want to help them get ready, calm their nerves, give them advice and be a good example.