fighting domestic violence

First some links:  That is my first link...I am making it because it tells the stories of women and men who have been murdered by their significant other...don't think it could happen? Neither did they.
On to the list:

I have made it life's goal to combat abuse and domestic violence...

At the heart of this fight is the person being abused and their abuser.

There is only one way to stop this abuse.

The victim must put a stop to it, because the abuser will not.

The best course is to avoid falling into the trap of an abusive relationship to begin with...

Knowing what kind of person to avoid is key.

Here are a list of signs to watch for....
This is not an all encompassing list, but if you are saying check, check, and check...
you may want to 'check' your relationship.

The top 20 signs that someone is a violent or an abusive person:

1.) Becomes serious very quickly, is saying "I love you" and begins to pressure you for marriage and a commitment.

2.) Comes on strong, is a smooth talker and very charming...

3.) He/She is extremely jealous.

4.) Begins to isolate you from friends and family. Wants you "all to themselves?'

5.) Is abusive towards others, especially their mother or family members.

6.) Attempts to control what you wear, what you do and who you see.

7.) Blames their failures on everyone but themselves?  "You made me do it."

8.) Do they abuse drugs or alcohol?

9.) Do they Have expectations that you will be a 'perfect partner' and meet 'all their needs"?

10.) Are they overly sensitive when they don't get their own way?  Do they take offense when someone simply disagrees?  Do they over react to small inconveniences that are a small or normal part of life?

11.) Have they ever been cruel to Animals?

12.) Have they ever been abusive towards Children?

13.) Have they ever hit a partner in the past?

14.) Have they ever threatened violence? Even if you didn't take it 'seriously"

15.) Calls you names, puts you down and curses at you and maybe insinuates that you are too sensitive when they do?

16.) Extremely moody...goes from euphoric to explosive anger.

17.) If male, believes women are inferior and should obey men.

18.) Attempts to intimidate you by breaking your things or punching walls.

19.)  Holds you against your will to keep you from leaving the room or walking away.

20.) History of abuse in their own childhood. This does NOT mean the person will inevitably be an abuser or participate in an abusive relationship, but it increases the chances by 1500 percent.  Many abused people break the cycle...but some don't.

I will be adding to these pages as I can.

For the record, the first 12 years of my life I was witness to an abusive relationship.....
I can check these numbers:
1,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,10,11,12,14,15,16,17,18,19,and 20...the only reason I didn't check the other two is because I wasn't in that relationship....I have no idea if he was charming or had hit another woman in the past...the rest I witnessed personally during his marriage to my mother.
It doesn't start with starts with belittling.
Don't wait.


CarlyWeb said...

Thank you for sharing this. I have been a victim and wish I knew then what I know now. I am sorry we all have to learn the way we do....through experience.

I have followed your blog (weight loss portion) for a long time now and never clicked o this page!

Would you mind adding me to your blog list of "blogs you follow"

I talk a little about abuse as well. I plan on adding to that area once I reach my weight loss goals.

Have a great day and keep up the great work!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

Wow such excellent information. I recognize many of this in my former marriage. You are very in tune to what people need to hear. Thank you for being a beacon of light and using your experience to guide others