A self fulfilling prophecy

From wikipedia:
The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come 'true'. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.[1]

LOL...A reign of Error..
That ever happen to anyone, ever?
I am not pretty.

This can lead to things like allowing yourself to take no care in your appearance...To not bother to dress up. To never apply makeup, or to shlump around hunched over in the hopes that you will be 'invisible' and that no one will think you think too much of yourself. To dress yourself in shades of beige and navy and black to minimize your width or existence. To always buy pretty and beautiful things for others, but never yourself...noticing only your flaws and imperfections and never your better qualities.

Have you ever noticed that
A.) pretty (as a definition) is relative to each person.
Some people think paris hilton is beautiful...
And some people think she looks like a stick insect...
Some people think beyonce is beautiful...
and some people think she is too thick.
I saw lea Thompson this weekend.

The actress.
She was signing books at our px.
She looked like a 'normal' person.
I know a lot of guys who thought she was 'it'.
She looks like a soccer mom.
Except when she gets all duded up.
Then she looks 'pretty'.
I saw a prime example of this the other day.
I saw an overweight woman who had put a skirt and heels on...ala

Now Monique in Precious


Thinking you are or are not something is often a  result of ignorance dealt out to you by others. 
Perhaps someone had their own ideal of beauty and you weren't it.
Bully for them.
Be beautiful in your own way.

Another self fulfilling prophecy.

I am stupid.
Saying that to yourself is poisonious.
This will lead to all sorts of stupid behavior.
Like discounting your own opinion.
Letting others tell you how to live.
Letting others talk down to you.
Now the combination of these two is devestating and often leads to things like:

Staying with an abusive partner.
Thinking no one could possibly love you.
Thinking you 'get what you deserve'.

And it leads to creating a glass ceiling over your life where you tell yourself that this is as good as it gets, this is as far as you will go, and this is all you will ever be.

And you have (with help) essentially done this to YOURSELF.
By allowing the labels to stick.
So begin the relabeling process. 
If God is a king.
You are a princess...
or a prince.
Don't forget it.
Chris out. 


Sometimes it hurts...

I did the gym 3 times last week....
Today I was at the gym again...Day two of five planned for this week.
I have been pushing like I used to..
I remember this...
It's not really pain, but it is hard.
You don't want to finish.
Luckily I seem to have entered that nirvana type phase I had when I began this whole journey when food just didn't matter.
Results do.
I have to say, You go through ups and downs regarding food.
At least I do.
Sometimes I can simply leave it..
Other times it feels nearly impossible.
I entered a one year period starting last year where I seemed to be hungry all the time.
It was quite a struggle.
I can't explain it any other way.
But now that I seem to have emerged out the other side....having held my ground and ready to continue..
I can tell you how happy I am that I did not regain all my weight.
Sometimes it hurts and is hard.
But it is worth it.
Sometimes it feels endless and unnatural...
But if you can keep going it is worth it.
I realize that many of you are on the other side of that wall.
On the side your on...all you can see is endless obstacles...and pain, and work without reward.
maybe you are still fat...you work daily, and you are losing, but have not gotten over the hump where it feels more natural.
Maybe you are still recieving comments or negative feedback.
And you have come to a decision point...continue to your goal or slide back into what you know, what is comfortable.
The problem is, you have never experienced the other side of that wall...
So you don't really know what it is you are shooting for.
So you wonder if it is worth it...
Some of you have climbed over, realized weight loss didn't solve all your problems, and maybe have climbed back over and NOW realize why you climbed the wall in the first place..
It wasn't that weight loss made your life magically different.
It simply made living it a whole lot easier.
Easier to breathe and to be, you had more energy, you were the person you imagined.
And now you are facing the daunting wall climb again and wonder if you can.
You can.
It is worth the struggle and the pain.
It is scary not knowing.
But trust me.
The other side of that wall is better.
Workout today...
3 mile walk
15 minutes precor
110 situps
lower body weights.
500 calories burned.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.



If you want to succeed at anything...first you have to commit.
I was thinking about this the other day.
I seem to be having issues committing to a church home.
I can see how, as you get older, committing to a particular path or person...or occupation can seem daunting.
A commitment implies participation, loyalty.
It implies some degree of discomfort.
A certain willingness to pay the price.
To lose weight.
You have to commit.
Mostly to yourself.
This week I have committed to doing 5 days a week at the gym...burning at least 700/500 calories on alternating days.
so 700 today, 500 tomorrow and so on.
And then committing to eating no more than 1500 calories a day.
Saturday will be a three mile walk and sunday a 2 mile walk.
Telling myself this is a commitment to me..
That the only person I will be letting down should I fail to follow through..is me...
Has really helped.
My little brother committed..to his girlfriend.
He is engaged and I couldn't be prouder or more happy for him.
She is a nice young lady who is an attorney.
I will make an attempt at attending their wedding in September.
I want to look good in those photos..so I will be working out and eating well.
Hope you all have a great night.
Talk to you later,
Chris out.


Let's see what I can do...

Hey all,
Howsitgoing? lol.
I had a good day today..
I did the gym...lower body weights for the first time...FOR THE FIRST TIME.
That's right I said it.
I know people talk and talk about how weights don't bulk you up.
Well, I build muscle really easy...
I was afraid I would bulk up my lower half...which is where I carry most of my weight...my calves have been my nemesis since I was old enough to notice.
I've got big calves.
You know what I discovered today, much to my surprise...
My lower body is amazingly weak.
I can only do 40 pounds on the whole body leg press..
30 on the calf press...
Maybe my legs are fat because they contain...gasp....fat!
also...I only have 120 calories left of a 1600 calorie cap today...and I am probably going to be hungry before bed...so I am employing 'tricks'...
like eating celery and salsa.
I realize that I need a goal image as much now as I did before.
Before I only had an idea that I wanted to be 'thin'...which I got to when I squeezed my rear into a size 10....Size 8 was better...but I think I need something to go for...So, I will be looking around for a picture to stick on the fridge and different places to keep me motivated.
At a lower weight 200 calories can mean the difference between a loss and stasis...or even a gain. Every bite matters..
So, Let's see what I can do...
calories burned 450...2 miles walking, 2 miles precor and lower body weights....
Chris out.


Day 2- Everything counts....including you.

And I mean everything.
every bite.
every minute on the elliptical.
Every thought.

That is how you lose weight.
You elevate the relative importance of seemingly insignificant things.
Do I take a walk?
Do I eat that cookie?
Do I tell myself it's hopeless...

In order..

I haven't believed this weight loss thing is hopeless for quite a while.
But once upon a time I did believe that.
I told myself that for years.
I was reading Lisa's blog...
She was talking about the voice in your head that tells you things.

And folks...
What if it were as simple as reprogramming the things you tell yourself?
What was the difference between may 3rd, 2009 and may 4th, 2009?
Was there some sort of cosmic alignment?
Was I hit by a gamma ray...
bitten by a spider?


I looked up, realized I was fat and thought.
"I am too good for this."
I am too smart, too something, to live like this.
And so are you.
You matter.
Today matters.
What you put in your mouth in the next hour, day, week and year...
it matters.
Your dreams matter.
Your thoughts matter.
You matter.
And the sooner you tell that to the voice in your head telling you that you CAN'T...Or you that you shouldn't because it's selfish, or you will fail or it won't matter in the long run...
The better.
Today 1596 calories consumed...
50 minutes on the elliptical and a one mile walk along with upper body weights and situps for a 630 calorie burn.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.


And so it begins...

This week went very well.
My 9 year old turned 10, and had a very good birthday party.
I had a good visit with my in laws...
And I am back on the Krab...
for noobs...
that means I am back to the gym 6 days a week and back to eating 1500-1600 calories a day.
Till goal weight.
I will weigh in on the 1rst of the month.
I will be logging my calories....and my exercise.
I can burn it down with the best of them.
So watch me roll.
Time to get back to me and my weight goal.
Hope all is well with you guys...
All is well with me.
off to read and comment.
Chris out.


Sunday...See you Friday...

Hey all,
My in laws are up for a visit. It's going to be a busy week so I won't be on...just wanted to drop in and say howdy. I'll be back on Friday with the start of my last big push to my goal weight. I explained all that in a previous post.
Today was beautiful btw.
Golden sunset...
Happy to be alive.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.


Sick, Fat, and nearly Dead.....and ready to finish it.

That was me a little over two years ago. 
I had heart arythmia and all sorts of problems....deep cracks on my feet...I couldn't walk very far....
I sat on the couch all day...had no energy.
I have been on a weight loss hiatus for quite a while now...to be honest...for about 8 or 9 months really.  I have been focusing in on other things..which is good in a way..
I was 'sick' of focusing on my diet and my exercise...I wanted to live a bit.
My single minded focus was neccessary to give me momentum to lose that first 100 lbs. 
To turn a runaway train, you have to really go full  bore.
I had been doing 2 hours a day at the gym for nearly two years.
I had put everything and everyone on the back b urner....and put myself first.
And I wanted to give to my family for a while...
I wanted to spend time with my kids...
And we have spent time together..
hiking, and playing.
Things I could have never done before...
I installed a vegetable garden...with long days planting and digging and hoeing.
I could have never done so many of these things at 262 lbs.
I wanted to clean up my house..organize it...
I did.
I have had fun..eaten some food I hadn't really gotten to eat. (and gained about 5 pounds as a result)...
Now I am ready to finish it.
I have picked up the pace at the gym again
and starting on July 15th...I will be going full bore.
To 135.
I am ready to finish this thing....For the first time in a long time...the idea of the gym is exciting instead of stultifying.
The title of this blog came from a movie I watched and am currently re watching.
It reminded me that our food can make us healthy or make us sick.
I am ready to dive back into a protein, veggie and fruit diet with occasional grains.
I am ready to restrict my calories and pound the workouts.
I am ready...now for a clip from the aforementioned film...
It truly is inspirational...you guys should watch it if you get the opportunity.


Why people are crapheads to wait staff.....

So I had a higher calorie day (and an equally grand workout I might add)...and I am at my favorite local establishment waiting for a seat.
I am behind a dude who is rude. 
He is ordering to go....and he is condescending, abrupt, and generally a crap head.
He special orders everything, he repeats himself loudly, he sighs...
He says "GOT That?"
Then makes her re total the bill twice....and then realizes she is correct..
THEN runs a card that doesn't work and blames his wife who is conveniently absent...and leaves.

I pondered this....and have come to the conclusion that some people feel so small they endeavor to make others feel the same way.
What an irritating encounter.
I don't know what it is about people like that, but it makes me want to be twice as nice.
You know, waitresses and waiters have very hard jobs.
They deal with angry people....and take abuse for poorly cooked food....that isn't their fault.
They are on their feet and their pay is attrocious.
It takes two seconds to say thank you.
It takes as many words to speak nicely as it does to speak meanly.
It takes more muscles to frown than to smile...
and to reach back into my bag of snark...
yes, I am doing it...

And so, douchy guy with bad 80's mullet....consider yourself virtually smacked....that is all.
chris out.