It takes courage to be yourself...

It's easy to mold yourself into what is expected of you..
sometimes it's the people you care about the most who want to change you.
You see, we all have different things that we place value on...
For me,
honesty, integrity, kindness toward the weak and less fortunate, and treating people with equality and dignity...
that and punctuality are at the top of the list.
In my mind...
the best way to be human is to be someone people don't have to guess at.
You will always know where I stand.
I will tell you what I truly think and feel.
I am me all the way through.
My word is my bond.
And I loathe a bully.
And I treat everyone as an intellectual and spiritual equal.
Which is why I am not big on people being late...
I used to view a propensity for being late as the ultimate in self centered behavior.
In my mind, someone who would make people wait for a half hour because they couldn't be bothered to get there on time says, "I am more important, and I have better places to be..so you don't count."
For me, it was that serious.
Then I met good people who were late consistently.
(In fact, since I hurt my knee..I have been late many times..simply because I am not as fast as I thought I was.)
And I realized that they simply didn't place as high a priority on punctuality as I did.
I think of it as honoring the other person's time.
They thought of time as more of a suggestion.
We all have our opinions on what makes a 'good person'.
Some are  basic...
some are merely our opinions.
Where people head off the rails is when they confuse the two.
And then cudgel people with their opinion by either implying a lack of character on the other person's part...
or being snotty when other people don't meet their standards.
I used to do this.
Then I finally realized that I have my own flaws.
And I was not one to judge.
I am impatient, I can have a foul mouth and a wicked bad temper.
But I also have my good points.
There are many components that make up a person.
I am all out there.
There is nothing hidden.
I have come to a point in life where I have decided I don't have time to placate other people and their need to perceive me in a certain way.
I am not changing and will not change for anyone.
If there is one thing you don't like about someone, but the sum of their parts indicates a good, decent and honorable person..maybe you need to let your need to be right alone.
But maybe that's just me..
I have learned to do that...with my family, with my friends.
None of us are perfect..
It's hard enough just to get up everyday.
To try and do the right things everyday..
For me, Remembering to forgive, and to have mercy is better than being right.
And remembering that we each have our own issues...is even better.
From here on out I intend to move forward.
My true friends and family will be there for me...as I will be there for them.
All others will fall by the wayside.
And that's okay.
Chris out.


Don't just 'get skinny'...get happy.

Hey ya'll...I have been very, very busy.
I think I have put the final key in place.
It isn't exercise..
or diet...
or having a mission in life.
Which I have.
The final key is having something you do that you love so much,
it lets all the things you feel you must do slide away.
It's a way to relax and be happy.
As anyone who is morbidly obese..
or obese..
or has been...
will tell you...
I used to use food to make me happy..
or cheer me up.
or calm me down.
Now I use exercise for stress and anger relief.
I have myself defense class as a mission.
And my art is my fulfillment of me.

I have replaced the eating and the 'feeling' of fulfillment...
with actual fulfillment.
With things that mean something.
Not things that harm me.
So, in the morning...where I used to get up and skip breakfast and watch television..
Now I get up and go work out.
Or go to self defense class and then workout.
During the day I am cleaning and helping my family.
And in the evenings where all my dis spiriting thoughts would enter...
when I would again be watching tv and eating...
I am drawing.
I have wanted to blog...I have a lot to say.
But I am lacking time.
I need to make time slots to blog in..
because between homeschooling, drawing, working out and keeping up the house and all that entails..
I don't have any time.
I started down the road to get skinny, or in reality...to just not be fat.
Now I realize I really started down the road to come fully into who I want to be.
Getting skinny is not a goal.
IT's an outcome.
that will enable you to become all that you want to be..
without impediment.
I know from personal experience.
The inertia that comes with that feeling of having failed to be who you always thought you would be.
It's very easy to get caught in the mud.
to feel as if you CAN'T break free.
IT's a long hard climb out of the mud pit.
And it is very, very tiring..
especially when  you are first beginning.
If you have been overweight or obese for a very long time..
you may think it isn't affecting you.
I would say you're wrong.
Even an extra 20 or 30 pounds is very tiring.
If skinny people don't know what I'm talking about...go get a 30 pound weight vest and wear it all day.
or better yet...130 pounds.
Obese people aren't lazy..
they are tired.
and they have used food as a coping mechanism.
Just like some skinny people use drugs, alcohol, or shopping...
Skinny people just hide their coping mechanisms better...

It's a lot of initial resistence.
If you have been tired, and using food for years.
you really have to take 3-6 months and just focus intensely to get the ball rolling.
But to start..
you simply begin.
No fancy diet
No fancy shoes, or clothes or detailed plans..
cap your calories and walk...
And you will begin to feel momentum.
I have really made my life what I want it to be.
I will write again in a few days.
Chris out.


If you're not burning fat...you're storing fat

Just remember that the next time you pound out a one hour workout...
come home
and some nit has brought home something you love
french bread

you have to create a calorie deficit to lose weight.
Don't trade what  you really want for what you want right now.
It's not worth it.
Turn around and walk away.


The power of becoming who you are truly meant to be....

This one is a humdinger..
and perhaps not meant for the faint of heart or easily offended..
If you get offended easily..
slide on out the back.

Now. I was at the gym today.
And I got a bit irritated.
I was on an ellliptical *YEA!*
(glad to be back on a piece of cardio equipment..this 'letting the leg rest' thing was awful)
and I look to my right.
And there is a man and a woman..
boyfriend and girlfriend I believe.
She was all done up in makeup and hair..
and skimpy outfit.
on an elliptical...while her boyfriend programmed her equipment for her...while she was working...
he was telling her how to make her body over in a way that would give her a 'tighter ass.'
while she giggled and acted like she was either a five year old or an illiterate.
I couldn't tell which.
So, I am going to town...and the guy programming her her thing looks over at me.
I was in my martial arts t shirt.
And he gave me the eye.
Not the good one...but a 'your not in your proper place' eye.
I gave him the stink eye back.
Cause that's me..
If I could have flipped him the bird, I would have.
If I would have had a card to my training facility..I would have given it to his girlfriend.
Weak men don't like strong women.
Weak men are afraid of a confident woman.
Weak men like weaker women.
Because deep down, they are afraid of not being enough of a man to handle a strong woman.
My husband loves me because I am a strong woman...
When I mentioned that incident to him...(while we were practicing jabs on a heavy bag)
he said a tall african american woman was running at the same time he was..
and she was faster than him..
and when the time came to pass him...she didn't..
she stayed behind him.
and he kept waiting.and she didn't pass..even though she could have.
I think we women need to look at our mentality..and ask ourselves..
Do we say one thing and then either consciously or subconsciously play to old stereotypes so as not to stand out?
Why do we fear being strong.
Do we fear  whittling down the pool of available men.
Do you really want a man so morally weak, that he relies on your failure to feel more like a man?
So after Tim and I were done with the jabbing.
We went downstairs..Where I was the only woman in the weight room.
and got the eye from a few more guys.
Till I benched 90 pounds 5 times
and 75 lbs 8 times...two more times.
Most of the men looked away..but one or two looked at me with respect..
and one or two looked at me with a face that said dyke.
And you know what I think of that.
**** you.
I love me.
I love my power.
I love what my body is capable of..
and I won't let small and weak minded people stop me.
And if you are allowing the expectations of others stop you...
just know that the power of becoming who YOU ARE...and not who people EXPECT YOU TO BE.
is the most liberating feeling you will ever have.
Get out there and kill it every day.
Live and love life.
chris out.