Welcome to my first annual kosher Dance party!!!!

Hey all,,
What in the heck am I doing?!
Good question.
I am not Jewish...but I do love me some bagels.
Especially since my husband started making them one month ago..
very good....you boil them then bake them.
I like them.
too much.
2.5 pounds too much.
I am again 146.
I haven't weighed myself in a month and if you add in my illness and my general lack of exercise..
You get bagelgeddon!
And so, what better way to burn some calories than a dance party...hava nagila!
So, It's on like donkey kong...no bagels for me for at least 6 weeks.
1400 calories a day and loads of exercise..
my first ever gain!
It's almost like birthing a 2.5 lb fat ball!
I'd name it, but it won't be sticking around long!
Have a great night guys...
As my good friend Amber said I said "Eat less, Move more"
Chris out..hey, hey hey hey hey hey.....
*dances off*

What I have learned from my friends...

Hello all,
back from painting ( I don't hang out long with decor either mr. putz...so your wife is in Good company lol)
I finished painting my bookshelves and entertainment center...My index finger hurts.
I also think I may have accidentally inhaled some...
why people do that on purpose I have no idea.
My husband sunk the posts for my garden today.
I will take pictures of all this home renovating glory so you all can get a glimpse into our exciting domestic lives.
I walked today and did my situps at home.
lately the thought of the gym makes my skin crawl.
But I am going tomorrow anyways.
I think I have to figure out what's bugging me about it..
It could be the bad lighting.
or the smell of rubber and sweat.
Or the the guy in the short shorts and headband ala the 1980's with his bald head gleaming as he cycles his little heart out.
Or it could be the teen girls who come in dressed in as little as possible, throwing around things they have no idea about.
I don't know...could be all the above.
It could be that I just like walking while the sun shines.
So, On to what I have learned from the friends I have known through the years.
I have a tendency to have one or two good friends at a time..
and they have each taught me something.
My friend in grade school and in high school was named layla.
She taught me to never be afraid to say what you really think.
Then I met my next very good friend...
and she taught me how to cook...southern food.
And how to be a good friend.
How to say whatever it was...but to soften it with 'bless her heart'..
as in..
"She dresses like a two dollar whore, bless her heart"
She also taught me that "Well isn't that precious!" wasn't always as nice as it sounds. lololol.
And mississippi watermelon is the best I have ever had.

Then I had a friend named tuuli.
She was a buddhist and she taught me to look at my faith and question it.
So I did...and came out stronger for it on the other side.
So I wasn't relying on a false belief...but on my own...

Then I had a friend named Lorraine.
She taught me to get more involved in outside activities....
No matter how much I disliked them...they helped me grow as a person.
I will never forget the time she talked me into teaching vacation bible school to 8 year old boys.
I got that slot because I was the last to volunteer and no one else wanted it.

Recently I have a good friend named Amber who has taught me how to give when you have some and even when you don't. Giving is just in her nature. She has also taught me that organization is key. Especially when it comes to things like keys.
Many people can have a can do attitude when things are going well...she has one either way.

Then there is my friend Mary ellen, to whom I can converse without my edit button...I can go from normal to insane within one message and she just rolls with the punches. We can talk about philosophy, and politics and religion without getting pissed off because we value the idea of ideas. We share a very similar sense of humor and view of the world...and she has a wonderful wit and can shake me out of my foul moods with her unique take on situations.

Then there are my blog buddies.

Robin-Who is a thinker and a dreamer, even while she is in pain...she is also a giver and goes out of her way to make others smile.

Loretta- Who is honest and forthright. Who has compassion and is always trying to grow and develop a positive mindset.

Deb-Who is great at asking hard questions and spotting the issue.

Both She and loretta are sisters in Christ and although they don't know it, I admire their dedication To God.

Anne H. who reminds me to think outside the box and makes me laugh.

TJ with her no quit attitude.

paula and Christine and jack and many, many others...
They all have one thing in common.
Their willingness to get out there and share in their blogs and to encourage others.
So, thanks to all my friends past and present...
You have made me a better person.
Chris out.


spray paint

I love it....using it to paint my bookshelves almond. Very pretty.
In the meantime, here's a good song.


New mind-Old mind

Hey all,
I stumbled across something today that really clarified the difference in my thinking now verses 11 years ago.
Before my sudden enlightenment nearly two years ago, I had struggled for YEARS with trying to lose weight.
I also struggled with self esteem issues.
I found my journal from the year 2000...and thought I would post this entry as it really sums up what I mean about your mental tape....

This entry was after a trip back to see my family in december of 2000...
Well, I made it back to colorado. On New Years Eve we were at my in laws...we banged pans and shot off bottle rockets and HELLO 2000!
Kate had a lot of fun.
So back here again. I get frustrated easily. I make a big deal over everything. And I nitpick everyone. I am a f*cking martinet who eats too much and spends too much. I am tired and stressed. I feel like I clean all the time and the house is still a mess. Life is the same day after day. Nothing changes. I get up, do useless chores, go to bed and I have been doing this for 6 years. I need to figure sh*t out or I'll be stuck in this f*cking hole my entire life!

Now that friends, is a question I don't manage to answer for a few more years.
Notice something.
Not one part of that rant was proactive.
I didn't take any responsibility for my own happiness there.
I did take responsibility for my unhappiness and my bad attitude...only in so far as to call myself names.
At the time I simply couldn't see how to break free.
I think deep down I knew what I had to do...I was just afraid to do it.
I needed to let go of my anger...ask for more help.
I needed to state my needs and have them met instead of bottling up and then resenting people for not reading my mind.
I needed to stop using food to numb the feelings I couldn't handle because I hadn't built coping mechanisms to do that.
My life was a function of my brain.
My brain was disordered..and so was my life.
I needed to realize taking time for myself was necessary.
That people will help if you ask..
that you can't save everyone...and even if you could..who asked you to?
I tried it with my family, with my mom...friends.
You name it.
Never reaching out for help, But trying to be everyone elses rock. It lead me to the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Evenn when I was at the end of my rope....I would just unravel my threefold cord and make my rope longer.

I don't think that way anymore.
I don't call myself names.
I don't down myself.
People will do it for you, why do it to yourself?
The least you can do is be kind to yourself.
Then, start picking out your good points.
Notice them.
then note your weaknesses...and address them.
Don't let them become excuses for beating yourself up or worse..
for staying the same.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.


captain obvious-A confederacy of dunces

Helloooo all...
It's captain obvious! Chris is busy twiddling her thumbs at the suggestion of a 'mr. putz' and has put forth the request that I, Captain obvious mull the multitudinous ways our government has putzed up nearly everything lately.

No problem...
Too easy...
here goes...

First Let's address Detroit
Since no one else can be bothered...
except al qaeda...
Who targeted Detroit for one reason and one reason only..

It was the cheapest ticket.
So, not only is Detroit on the verge of utter collapse..
It's also the best destination for terrorists on a budget.
I can't imagine why it's the cheapest flight....

And then there is the inability of the city government to actually impel the police force to live within city limits...EVEN AFTER OFFERING THEM FREE HOMES IN UPSCALE NEIGHBORHOODS!

I wonder if the police know something we don't...

maybe not....

It seems no one wants to live there.

Captain obvious isn't feeling very humorous tonight...
He thinks it is because Detroit is, simply put, a microcosm of the erosion of the America we used to know and love.
Once the heart of the heartland...producer of the American dream.
Now a wasteland of poverty, unemployment and crumbling infrastructure.
The schools are failing, government spending is out of control and no one wants to take responsibility...cut spending, cut taxes and put in place business friendly regulations.
Impose standards on students, and bring back a good manufacturing base that was the backbone of the middle class.
Instead we blather on about global warming and bullying.
We are all over the world trying to help people when right here in this country things are crumbling DOWN around our ears.

Now before I post this video...just know, When George bush took up dancing with various tribes and was constantly seen rocking himself back and forth and muttering 'stay the course' ...I was as disgusted then as I am with Mr obama playing football in brazil and ignoring reality.
While japan had a nuclear meltdown, Egypt collapsed and we bombed yet another country, Mr. obama made his college tourny picks.
Thank GOD!

Kansas for the win!
Now we know where to place our bets.
Well back to the idea of bombing countries to show our support.
Each bomb costs 500,000 a missile.
From what he can ascertain...Captain obvious has ascertained we have shot 136 missiles at a country we are trying to 'help'.
(the old "we are going to have to destroy this village to save it' cliche...)
so...math...lol. hold on for a second..I went to public school.
68 million dollars.
Here's a thought.
Maybe we could load 68 million dollars into a rocket and aim it at Detroit.
There's an idea.
Or at our schools.
Or at our ports and borders.
Or at our manufacturing base.
Instead of some despot in a third world crap hole who, once removed, will be replaced by another tin pot dictator. (just so long as he is our tin pot dictator)
we have thrown 68 million dollars into an as yet unchanged third world craphole...
Granted, it's a crap hole with smaller rocks cause we bombed the big ones.
At 500,000 dollars a pop.
American foreign policy
Making big rocks, small rocks.
We have A confederacy of dunces to lead us.
all hail our government.
and finally...this moment of zen.
I guess no one gave him a key.

And for you fans of obama who would like to point out that we have been lead by idiots for at least 11 years...this is for you.

He's the decider. I wonder who told him.

You are right...

I know it fills me with confidence.
How's about you.
Captain obvious for president 2012.
The common sense party....????
Vice president...Hank williams Jr.
(couldn't embed...worth viewing...it gave me chills)
obviously done,
Captain out.


before and after...getting unstuck...

I am on a kick lately..maybe that's because my weight is stuck at 144. It's stuck because of food consumption and isn't going up because of rampant exercise.
Yay! exercise!

Also I have been thinking.
I did this a lot two years ago.
The last two years I have been on brain hold.
No thinking allowed unless there was a situation that was impeding progress.
Which may be the case right now.
So I have been sorting through my feelings.
I have been very emotional for the last two or three months...
I would attribute this to some blogs I read...but I think the blogs I am reading are more of a reflection of my inner contemplation
uh oh...put on your waders
here we go.

Before and After.
I am talking about life moments.
You know what i mean...
These are the moments that delineate, (or cleave as it were) one part of your life from another.
I am not talking birthdays.
I am talking happenstances that alter your life in such dramatic fashion that ever after you refer to events that occur as either 'before' or 'after'.
before I met my husband
after I had my children
Before September 11th.
After I lost 120 some odd pounds.
( I re wrote this four or five times without putting that last bit in...be patient with me...this is poor man's psychotherapy. The next bit I wrote forcing me to come and re write this..My issue is getting clarified.)

The good and the bad can both lead to a perpetual loop that is impossible to escape from.
Like the oscar curse.
How many actors are felled by the oscar curse?
Every movie they make after...it's either better or worse than the one they won the oscar for...
heaven forbid they win one as a child.
It's over.
or an Olympic gold medal
Tara lapinski and her Gold medal.
What comes next.
This is why I love blogging.
What now.
once I lose all this weight..
then what.
I learned something here.
I think I could help someone.

Except I don't like to be noticed (said the woman who writes a public blog).
I just want to help.

And quite frankly.
I don't want to be in the 'thin club'.
It's littered with some huge @ssholes.
You ever see that undercover 20/20 where they dress a black guy like a white guy and a white guy like a black guy...
eye opening.
Well, let me tell you.
When you are considered in the 'thin club'...let the fat jokes begin.
the nudging...the laughing...all the
"you know what I means".
(btw, screw you George Lopez, you're not exactly svelte)...

Yeah, I know what you mean.
It gets so that you want to tell people at random that you used to be fat so you won't be subjected to idiocy.
I wouldn't trade the years I spent fat for anything now.
It taught me humility, it taught me fat is a byproduct not a primary symptom .
There but for the Grace of God Go I?
I already went.

Am I morally obligated?
Is THIS enough.
I probably ought to talk to God about that.
Am I stuck till I figure out what I am supposed to do.
What am i afraid of?
What IS IT!!!
Maybe I am afraid this is the biggest thing I will do..
that's my kids.
maybe I am afraid of hitting goal and not knowing what is next.
hell, my house is clean.
my weight is gone.
my kids are growing up.
who am I if not fat, frumpy, cluttered, overworked and unorganized.
Does that mean I am thin, organized, balanced, and clear.
Someone will want me to chair a committee.
I have already volunteered for public service.
It's two steps from there to helmet hair, head bands and jumpers with beige flats
I contemplated beige heels today.
they match everything, I read once you have to have a 'good nude'...and clear heels don't count because they are hooker shoes .
My mini van has been cleaned.
I donated items to goodwill two days ago, and asked for a reciept for tax purposes instead of taking the soda????
My friend has me take some girl scout items back and when she needed the receipt a week later I had it.
And knew where I put it.
in a plastic baggy.
in a drawer
marked girl scout items.

I used to refer to people like me as 'pod people'.
organization and goals and drive are good.
putting them ahead of people is not good.
I don't want to lose my humanity.
which is ridiculous....you don't lose your humanity when you get your crap straight.
But maybe my empathy for people who aren't there yet?
What about people who never want to get 'THERE'.
What is this mythical 'there'.
societal acceptance as a supreme goal....gag!
I don't want to get to a point where I forget where I have been.
Where that bitter taste of regret slips away....
Where I drop all the pain of living that way.
It informs my soul.
Every experience, every before and after.
It makes you who you are now, and happens so that when the time comes and a person needs help, you have the ability to help.
That is God's purpose for pain and mistakes.
Not just for you...but for everyone you touch.
So... I don't have to let go of that, or be afraid of who I am becoming..
I just don't want to be inauthentic...an image, not a person.
I Just need to let my experiences inform my decisions.
(now I sound like a frickin hippy)
Pay attention to my thought processes and behaviors...
If anyone spotted something in this ramble, leave it in the comments.
It may help.
I will figure this out.
I went to the gym today but ate the calories so it's a wash.
relaxing and reading.
back otk tomorrow.
(miss you carlos, you fat sumb*tch...come back)
Chris out.


you don't have to want to

You just have to do it..
Hey all,
Had a good day on organizational and dieting fronts.
I cleaned out my youngster's closet..
Picked up the 4x4's for the garden fence.
Bought a sleeping bag for Sophie's girl scout sleep over tonight.
picked up a wreath form on sale for my living room.
And am currently blogging.
My husband and I went and picked up the 4x4's from 3 till 5 (along with the other errands) and when I got back I realized I hadn't taken my walk and I was already tired.
i didn't want to...
but I didn't give myself the option of no...
So I put my shoes on, asked my oldest to make dinner (which she did, hamburger helper) and took my 3.5 mile walk.
That is my minimum.
3 days at the gym...3 days walking.
If I had skipped, I wouldn't be cutting myself a break...I would be shorting myself.
Halfway through the walk I was glad I went.
So, You don't have to want to..
You just have to.
well, I am getting off this thing and am going to finish folding clothes and make my bed.
Have a great night!


on the road to 'normal'....

Hey all,
I think I posted yesterday that I would be doing the gym 3 days a week and walking 3 days a week.
Today I went to the gym and didn't dread it..I actually enjoyed my time and didn't resent the time spent (It takes around 1:45 minutes to finish a workout)
I do 70 situps
Then I did 33 minutes on an arc trainer for a 330 calorie burn.
Then I did upper body weights...then 70 more situps.
Then it was back to my precor for 30 more minutes and 315 calories burned.
up and out of the gym..not going back till Saturday.
Tomorrow is a 3 mile walk and lower body toning....still trying to decide on exactly which ones..
Think I may incorporate some squats, leg lifts...situps of course....calf raises..
If any of you all have exercises you really like...leave it in the comments.
I may give it a go.
I still have 10 to 15 pounds to lose but am really starting to feel like my exercise and eating are blending in to my normal life.
Especially since I have spent the last two nights eating dinner with the family.
It's nice.
I am also not at the gym 6 days a week so I have more time to spend at home...just being with the kids and spending time cleaning and fixing up my house.
I have a church home.
I am starting to settle in...
you know, for years as a military family..the concept of settling in one area...
getting stuff that is difficult to move.
building up, storing things.
It was a foreign concept.
My project this coming month is to make a fence for the garden I want to plant...
I will be setting my 4x4 posts in concrete...
I won't be able to just pull it down 'in case'.
I painted my house YELLOW...not beige.
I bought curtains that were matching my wall colors...
Curtains that weren't white.
It's been five years...and some mentalities are difficult to break free from...
Like being fat...or always moving.
But given time and persistence...you can change your mind and once you do..
you can start building something beautiful.
Have a great night guys..
Big hugs,

plllbbbbbbtttt!!!!! a pox on the electric company.

ahhh well...it seems the electric company has been switching things around between my neighbor and I for nigh on 2 years now. And we have been undercharged an average of 30 dollars a month...time to pay the piper. 761 dollars.
bad things come in threes.
So is that just three or have I reached three threes and have reached the nirvana of back luck?
We shall see.
I hiked two miles today..not great, but I did a bunch of organizing.
luckily when I am upset I clean.
my kitchen looks great.
Back to the gym tomorrow.
But I am going to have to keep my gym time down to save on gas.
So It will be 3 days a week of gym...3 of walking and lower body toning.
I will also have to save on grocery bills so it's meals with the family.
my calorie distribution will be 300/300/900.
top loaded at dinner but that will be a neccessity.
I will be making menus in advance to get the most out of my trips to the grocery store.
I am tired of being broke..(kind of like I was tired of being fat)
and am willing to do the work necessary to get to a different state.
So, I am signing off for now.
Talk to you all later,
Chris out.


furking Potassium!-calorie count

That's it..
Day three on that calorie count thingy and I will be darned if I can get enough Iron and potassium...I am constantly coming up short!
I would have had to eat at least 12 cups of spinach and a cup of mushrooms today to eat enough potassium
This is after the banana, the orange, the eggs, the beef, the yogurt, the two cups of broccoli, the vitamin chews etc.
It's nearly impossible on a reduced calorie diet.
Especially since I avoid starchy carbs like the plague they are.
I dare you.
go to calorie count and connect with facebook (this will save you typing time)
And put in your food for today...
And if someone has the correct amount of potassium, please tell me WHAT you ate.
Thank you.
So anywhoozle.
I have been doing the calorie count thing for a few days now.
I really like it, as it helps me see my calorie distribution (which is pretty good btw.)
I have enough of everything but iron and potassium.
I may just have to eat tons of spinach...
sauteed or something.
12 cups of spinach in the raw is too much even for me.
I did the gym today....
50 minutes on the elliptical and a half mile walk and upper body weights and situps (140)
total burn 660 calories.
It felt good to sweat again.
I have been walking...but not much else for a while now.
It took me a bit to get over whatever that illness was...nearly a month.
That was crazy..
alot of people around here are ending up in the hospital.
Hope all is well with you..
will be having an egg white omelette with mushrooms and tomatoes tomorrow...
We will see who wins!
potassium or me!
Chris out


It's not a dream....

I was on an elliptical about one month ago and I had a weird moment...a kind of deja vu moment.
When I was much bigger I must have daydreamed a thousand times of getting fit and being thin.
I mean, I made a visual dream book of all the clothes I would wear.
I cut out pictures.
I tried visualization.
I would think about how life would be if I wasn't so big.
Things I would try....
How much freer I would be..
and I was on the elliptical and I looked down and realized I really have lost a crapload of weight.
I know that seems strange to say.
I mean, I see myself.
I see the number on the scale...But I have been focusing for so long on going forward...or moving downward that the numbers didn't really register.
Maybe some one else who has lost lots of weight can chime in here.
It didn't seem real.
It's almost like a name tag someone affixes to your chest.
262 lbs
199 lbs
183 lbs
169 lbs
155 lbs
146 lbs.
When you are in the process of losing...none of the labels have any meaning.
Like driving cross country.
It's not where you are from and it isn't your destination...It's just a blip on the map.
So no...
It didn't really sink in.
Until I was on the elliptical and it dawned on me that I really am a size 10.
I have focused so hard on the next number down that I haven't really taken time to realize that I am at a size I would have ripped my right arm off for two years ago.
I did it...
I didn't just dream it.
I did it.
And I did it by doing it day in and day out.
I debated on whether to leave a link to this comedy sketch because the end of it is so offensive...but if you click off with 30 seconds or so remaining...the rest is completely true.
and funny.
Eat less, move more and do it daily.
I did a 5 mile hike today...it was too pretty to go to the gym.
But I will be going tomorrow because I need to do weights.
Have a great night guys.


Letting go of resentment...

One of the things that can trip people up is old resentment.
Relationships with people you can't flush...maybe your parents, or grandparents...cousins, brothers, aunts and uncles....
A relationship that has grudges or old hurts.
A relationship that seems to accumulate new hurts every time there is a new encounter.
You communicate with that person, and they never seem to live up to your expectations.
You keep hoping that one day they will become who you wish they were.
A person interested in others.

Now, people can change...but it's rare.
There is a quote from maya angelou..
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

I know many people feel people CAN help it when they are selfish or lazy or stupid.
Honestly though, I think if people really understood...or were capable of understanding, they would do better...they are simply incapable.
If people knew how their actions affected the people they loved, and they had the necessary empathy or emotional ability to understand that their actions were harming others...then they would take the steps necessary to correct it.
It takes self awareness, and a positive mindset to change deeply ingrained behaviors.
Some people lack the necessary wherewithal to look at themselves in an objective manner.
Take negativity for instance.
if you view the world through a prism of self pity, resentment, anger and depression...
how likely are you to see the needs of others?
Not very.
you are more likely to be so self focused that others merely become sounding boards for your misery.
And while such people are disappointing....count yourself lucky that you aren't in the same sort of emotional death spiral that person is in.
yes...you would or could wish that person would pull their head out of their rear end, and wake up to the wonder that is life...but you can't invest emotional capital in someone else's misery.
No matter how much you wish they were different...it isn't you.
It isn't anything you lack...it's them.
And you can't take it personally.
Or you can get caught in the sucking whirlpool that emanates from their soul.

Best tack.
Let go of expectations or preconcieved ideas of what that person's role should be in your life. That just brings misery.
Ditch the idea that you are responsible for their happiness or lack thereof and understand that they are doing the best they can...and while that is disappointing and while you wish they would grow up...it isn't going to happen unless they let it happen.
That will leave you free and clear to grow different relationships..and as much as you are able..
it will help you to love them where they are without enabling them.
For years I wished I had a different sort of mom.
When I let go of the idea that she was ever going to fit into the mom mold I had in my head, my disappointment disappeared and I was able to enjoy what she could give me.
I did a good walk and had a great calorie day.
Tomorrow it will be back to the gym (which I have been avoiding like the plague)
Have a great night guys,


Another year older.....

Hey you guys, It's been a while hasn't it.
Glad to be back.
Today was my 37th birthday.
I went for a long hike, did some laundry and am about to eat a piece of Red velvet cake.
I was born physically 37 years ago.
I was reborn in every way that really matters two years ago May 4th.
I don't think you are truly living until you are living your life deliberately.
For years I coasted along.
allowing circumstances to dictate my actions...
instead of actions dictating my circumstances.

I drifted along emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Allowing others to push my emotional buttons...or waiting for life to clear a path for me.

When that was never going to occur.
To make life happen.
I had to clear a path for myself.
My friend amber has said that I I focus like a laser beam...and I do.
I need to find balance.
And I will.
On May 18th, the two year anniversary of my first weigh in.
I am better.
I feel better physically and mentally.
I gave myself a week off from thinking and doing.
Tomorrow it's on like Donkey Kong.
I want to be 135 by May 18th.
And then maintain.
I will get there.
I am 145 right now.
So....Watch me re-light my pilot.
I am an arrow..
a ninja..
Charlie sheen and chuck Norris all rolled into one.
I am just glad I am here..and also, I have started working on my slide show for my two year post.
I just hope when the time comes I will be able to upload it.
Good luck huh. lololol.
it's hard enough to upload photos half the time.
if anyone has any tips, let me know.
So...till tomorrow..
Chris out.


captain obvious-idiot edition

Hello all..
chris has decided she will be back tomorrow.
She also would like people to know she walked today and has been eating more and exercising less the last few days...why you might ask?
She has a theory about set points and weight loss.
So she 'resets' every three months or so.
One week of high eating low exercise...and miraculously, her body drops weight when she starts up again...easily.
It has worked every time she tried it..
For now she is letting me have free reign.

Sometimes It seems to Captain Obvious that the world is filled with idiots.
If evolution were fact...true fact...then how do these people wander around for years.
Captain obvious feels God's grace is in there somewhere..
Not for everyone...at times there is simply too much idiocy to be overcome...

The angel in charge of said idiot can't keep up and then WHAM!! IT'S OVER.

So, without further ado..
Idiot move number one:


Sea World Trainers are going back in the water with Orcas...
I don't think Trainers is the word we are looking for.

What is that word I am looking for?

Oh yes.

moving on..


He got stuck in the hamper.

If you can't beat a clothes hamper..perhaps a life of crime is not for you.

How about the life of an amoeba?


Way to go A hole.
Let's get this straight...the earthquake and tsunami were a form of divine punishment...
Not say....a subduction earthquake on a major active fault which sprang loose after years of tension causing a sudden upthrust where upon water was displaced and rushed inland slaughtering thousands of fellow human beings?
It's divine punishment?
Actually, I think the punishment is the fact that you are still here when so many others are not...
That is divine punishment. Or at least divine irony.

And last but not least..
While hundred and thousands of Japanese were running from the shore line...trying desperately to GET AWAY from a tsunami, you have one dude running towards the shore line.

this dude...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42024659/ns/world_news-asia-pacific/

My favorite bit:

A 25-year-old man was swept into the Pacific Ocean near the Klamath River in Del Norte County in Northern California. The man and two friends reportedly traveled to the shoreline to take photos of the incoming tsunami waves

Because when I hear there is a tsunami on the way, I know I MAKE MY WAY DOWN TO THE SHORELINE TO TAKE PICTURES.

Well, That's all the idiocy I can take today..
Obviously done,
Captain out.


I've never been patient...pt test....

well, I decided to do my pt test early.. because once I decide to do something I can't wait..besides the fact that all this running is starting to affect my knees...and I won't have that.

so, without further ado...
situps 78 (100 percent yeah!)
pushups 36 (94 out of 100)
two mile run 19:36 (82 out of 100 which is passing eh)
total pt score 276....out of 300
So, I could pass the army pt test.
At age 37.
Not bad when about two years ago at this time I couldn't walk a half mile without being out of breath.
I couldn't do one situp (or one pushup..)
I sure couldn't button a pair of size 20's let alone a pair of size 8's.

I will still run occasionally, just not three times a week.
It does a number on your knees, barefoot or no.
My husband and I went to lowes tonight to price lumber for a garden fence.
We are very comfortable with each other.
We will be married 18 years on may 28th.
And I can honestly say he is my best friend.
He is the person who knows me best...it took a long time for us to get here...but we are finally here.
I am going to take a few days off blogging....I am going to be busy setting up my garden area, exercising, cookie boothing, and organizing my pantry....It's going to take some serious time....I have been reading everyone's bloggy post.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their unique contribution to my weight loss journey.
All the support has helped immensely....So,
Signing off for tonight (I may drop in for a fun comment or two...but that's it, really!)
Have a good one guys.
Love and hugs,


The ABC's of me....

because I am tired and out of ideas and this looked fun....
As I am ever looking for ways I can tell more about myself, I thought this was a cute idea..

Age- 36 (37 in 9 days)

Bed size: King...couldn't sleep in anything smaller as my husband is 6'5" and I am not a 'spooner'.

Chore I hate: Dishes!

Dogs? one Duke...sweet and dumb.

Essential start to my day: Starbucks espresso roast home brewed.

Favorite color: Yellow and aqua (I CAN'T pick just one)

Gold or silver: silver

Height: 5'3.5 (that half inch counts)

Instruments I play: The spoons

Job title: Homemaker

Kids? Two girls

Live: Colorado

Mom's name: Sharon

Nicknames: Jiggles, the Badger and Chrissie by my mom

Overnight hospital stays Three: Once when I broke my jaw when I was five and the other two were when my kids were born.

stop doing it...you CAN breathe through your nose, that's why God made one.
So you wouldn't sound like a pig at the trough while you ate.

quote from a movie: "When You have to shoot, shoot...Don't talk" By Tuco...the good, the bad the ugly.
Pretty much sums up my modis operandi...

Right or Left handed: Right

Siblings: Two brothers...one older, one younger

Time you wake up: The time I can get away with.

Underwear: anything soft, lacy and non granny panty-ish....I did that for years...no more.
my favorite pair are black with silver polka dots with lace. ;oP

Vegetable you dislike- EDAMAME...soy beans...however you say it, whatever you call it..it's nasty.

What makes you run late: death or dismemberment...huge pet peeve...I feel it shows a lack of civility.
If I am late, something dire has occurred.

X-rays- one set..for my jaw

Yummy food you make: My mom's lasagna...it's always a hit with everyone I've made it for.

Zoo animal favorite- Well, I would have to say here it's the lions...back in germany it was this huge albino crocodile that would eat whatever anyone would throw in the tank. He was a biggun'.

I worked out and I am now tired.
Hope everyone had a fantabulous day.
I did.
Chris out.


Why is this time different....

Thanks for all the kind comments.
I believe there are all kinds of kindnesses in the world and at first some may not look like a kindness when they are given.
For instance.
A doctor popping an arm back in place...not a kindness.
But a neccessity.
Everyone has different approaches to inspiration.
Some are more straight forward than others.
I prefer to talk about me...
But don't always shoot the messenger.
Even when you want to.
What may be painful in the short term could end up helping in the long term.
So, when you run across something that stings...ask yourself why it stings.
It may be the salt of truth in an open wound.
It's always been my policy to skim the cream and leave the rest....everyone has something to contribute.
When I was growing up we had a drunk who lived down the road.
He wasn't ever known for anything other than being drunk.
When I was 16 I was riding my bike home from the lake.
I stopped to pick flowers for my mom.
A truck pulled up and a man got out...and he came toward me asking if I was cold.
He had his coat out in both hands coming toward me.
It wasnt cold. It was the middle of summer.
I put my bike between him and me.
I said "I'm not cold".
he kept coming and I started going in circles with my bike...when I heard a car pull up behind me.
Out pops the drunk...
He was a big man.
He grabbed coat man and shoved him into the side of his truck.
He threatened him and asked me if the man was bothering me..to which I replied YES.
He scared the dude away.
I never thought of him as a drunk again...just the guy who saved my @ss.
It only takes once, right?
So examine the words that really poke at you...
and find your truth.
it could save your @ss.

That being said
Why did I lose weight this time and keep it off, as opposed to all the other times...
Well, I have been asked or told that I should write a book.
I don't think that is in the cards for me.
I will leave that to people like Sean.
People who have a natural affinity for speaking and people...
I like to give my hot air away for free.
I don't like crowds or being at the center.
I like it over here in my dark corner.
So what was different.

1.) honesty...
Knowing and believing that I was morbidly obese.
Knowing and believing that there was not a short term fix or cure.
Knowing and believing that this would be for life
Knowing and believing I use food the way a drug addict uses drugs.
Knowing I used food to cover painful things, or scary things I didn't want to face.
Self honesty is crucial...that is something both Sean and I agree on.
When his book comes out, it is the one thing I will hawk on my blog...
because I believe in what he did and in what he says.

2.) Commitment
Commitment primarily to myself...and
commitment to the above, self honesty....
and commitment to a life of active living
commitment to always being awake to what I was eating and why.
It was a commitment to myself and my family.

3.) Living
I wanted to live my life and not just exist.
I wanted to and am, living every day to the best of my ability.
Getting out there and trying new things..
meeting people.
Living deliberately.

4.) I want to be a good example.
I realized my actions don't just affect me, they affect everyone around me.
How I exist, how I move in this world will not only affect me..
but it will affect how my children move and operate in this world.
I don't want to give them the wrong information. 

5.) Consistency.
Doing it day in and day out and not letting it be optional.

There really is only one way to lose weight...take in less than you expend.
It's not the mechanics that trip people up.
It's the mind.
Get your mind right and the rest will follow.
Like that speech said..
"My mind and my spirit will carry my body when my limbs are too weak."
It's the mind.
Big hugs,


confessions of a dieting flake

Hello all, I hit the gym...did good...today has been extremely busy.
and soon
I wanted to talk about something.
Most of you have been around a while and know me...in the internet sense.
At least know the me of the last two years.
I got on this weight loss train and drove it straight down.
yeah me!
A ball of fire.
mind and will set...
wow...what will power, what determination.
I sure am glad I don't have a side bar declaring my utter failures the fifteen previous years before I ever got on the internet.
If I had a sidebar detailing even say....the LAST 5 YEARS.
I am sure the first five or six months of my current weight loss efforts would have seemed an utter and complete failure.
You see, I started this current effort in May 2009.
Before I tried losing weight in 2005.
In 2005 I weighed 239 lbs.  I dieted down to 219 lbs with atkins...It took me 6 months on induction to lose 20 lbs.
That is pathetic.
Then I got pregnant and miscarried and spiraled...and didn't even step on a scale for four years.

That's right...I regained that initial 20 and added 22 on top of it.
If I had had a sidebar...my weight would have looked something like this...
july 2005- 219
August 2005-216
September 2005-pregnant
october 2005- miscarry
November 2005- absent from blogland and in a deeep dark depression
May 2009-262.4 lbs
SEPTEMBER 2009- 218 LBS.
That is five months in to my new battle....

That is a total loss over 4 years of PLUS 2 POUNDS.
But over a five month span
If I had chosen to look at that as a failure, I wouldn't be standing here....144 lbs now.

Now what was the difference.
I mean...that previous attempt at weight loss...I muffed it...the one in 1999 where I went from 179 to 156....
I muffed it...
If I had a sidebar it would have tracked like the national debt.
The difference was this time I Decided to make it THE TIME.
By the time I started this last time, I was so afraid of failure I told my friend and faceless people on the internet..
I didn't tell my husband, my kids, or my extended family.
Because I had gottten SO excited SO many times before.
I had FAILED so many times before.
I just thank God that when I got on a roll I had nice people cheering me on.
I needed it.
And I am telling YOU.
Whoever YOU ARE.
You can make it.
You decide.
I am rooting for you.


Captain Obvious rides again....in news of the obvious.

Hello all,
Chris is tired and taking a hot bath having sold girl scout cookies outside the local lowes for two hours.
75 boxes later, and she is tired and "done'...I am told.
She did do a three mile walk.

Moving on...
Captain obvious has noticed a startling trend.
That being news that should not be news.
Things heretofore thought of only as 'common sense' are now 'news'.


Apparently the more time you spend sitting on your duff watching TV....the fatter you are.
This was a study....done by someone....for money.

I think they should do a study about the inexplicable correspondence of massive food intake and butt expansion. 

And then there is this.

Thank God.
Can you imagine the rate of Teen pregnancy if we count the Teens who are older than 26?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/23/AR2008062301495.htmlA healthy diet lowers death risk for women..
I don't know about men, as the article didn't say....
 oh and apparently, the human mortality rate is currently 100 percent. Disturbing.

A woman's tears reduce a man's sexual arousal.
next up, a study on head aches and the term 'not tonight dear' coinciding with a husband's lack of tact and affection earlier in the evening....

As an official proponent of the Obvious...I say we have more of these...
maybe "A new study finds politicians to be 'less truthful'.
a study on "Why the roads are so crowded at 5 o clock."

And finally,
under the painfully obvious category.
John Galliano of Dior.
Nobody likes Hitler...or people who do.
And saying that YOU  do...will get you fired.
Especially after Dior hires a model who is of Jewish Descent...you tragic, tragic queen.
Bite it...

Obviously done,
Captain out.


Eff the Wall....

Hey all,
How's it going. Man was my workout hard today.
Ever Have one of those days where you hit the wall while working out?
I mean, your legs feel like they have 20 pound bricks attached to the end.....you are huffing and puffing that last mile thinking
"What in the h*ll am I doing?"
"Give yourself a break"
Go home and try again tomorrow.

Well, I hit the wall about halfway through mile two tonight. (walked two, jogged two) I don't know if it was remnants from my illness (the last three workouts were fine) Or if it was my less than stellar lunch choice...( a piece of banana bread)
Or what....
The only thing that kept me going through that run was the thought that my workout would be over when I finished the next half mile.
until I got to the last lap and realized I hadn't completed all my situps.
I still had sixty to do...Sixty that I didn't want to do.
I did them.
It was very hard. My body was shaking...and I remembered Tara talking about crying through one of her workouts...and now I knew why.
YOu just don't think you can go anymore and you do it anyways.
But you want to cry.
I did it.
eff the wall. I got there and climbed over it.
calories in at 1580...another 170 in the calorie bank and trust....so sitting at 750 calories today.
Have a good one.
Chris out.


Who do you believe you are...

hey all, had a good day.

First I want to talk about belief.
What we believe, we do.
For the longest time I believed I would always be fat.
Then one day I didn't accept that anymore.
Now I may pick on Charlie sheen. lol.
I made a little joke about curing my food issues and accoutability...but then I began to really think.
 I do agree with him on one thing.
He says he cured his addiction with the power of his mind.
that isn't crazy...as far as I can see.... that is how it's done.
Now whether he cured himself in a 'nano second' as he claims I have no idea.
Or even if he is cured.
But I know that Is how I fixed me.
I didn't fix my fat.
I fixed my mind...and the fat followed.
I fixed how I coped with life. 
That is why I liked that speech I posted the day before yesterday.
Because he is imbuing those kids with the minds of champions.
He is setting them  up for success...for the expectation that giving it your all is the only acceptable path.
Here is the speech:

I will conquer what had not been conquered

Defeat will not be in my creed

I will believe what others have doubted

I have trained my mind and my body will follow

I will acknowledge the fact that my opponents do not expect me to win

But I will never surrender

Weakness will not be in my heart

I will look to my comrades, to those who have brought me into this world

And those who have trained me

And I will draw strength from them

I will gladly go out into the field of battle

And I will move, groove, and do everything that I can do

And I will reach my field of battle by any means at my disposal

And when I get there I will arrive violently

I will rip the heart from my enemy and leave it bleeding on the ground,

because he cannot stop me

No one will deny me

No one will defy me

Belief will change my world (YES IT DOES!) (I could go days on this alone)

I do not understand when things go wrong

I do not understand mistakes

But I do understand this

I understand victory and I understand never surrendering

No matter how bad things go

My heart and my mind will carry my body when my limbs are too weak!

Who am I?

I am a champion!

Today will be that day,
not tomorrow, not next week, but right now right here, in your house and in your home.
Who am I?


History will remember me.

I will not have to worry about him being kind.

I will define myself, I will write my own pages.
And no one will tell me what I can and cannot be.
I will never go wrong, not as long as Ive given everything Ive got.
Because who am I?


From what I can see this is a checklist...
1.) Is your mind set...will you conquer what has not been conquered? Yes or No...there are no maybes...
2.) Is defeat acceptable? Yes or No?
3.) I will believe what others have doubted.
Do you rely on others to prop you up...or do you have enough faith in yourself to push through even when you have NO support. In the end, it isn't the person over there that will determine your success, it's YOU.
4.) I have trained my mind and my body will follow.
Set your mind to 'success'. There is no 'fail'.  You are worth it. You are worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Who will define you.
Who will write your history?

There is only one to a customer.
Live the life you WANT

I could go on  and on...but if you want to know how to succeed at anything in life...look at this speech.
That is it in a nutshell..
No more Half Assed commitments.

You gotta go All In. 
You have to set your mind.
Set your will.
And  your body will follow.
You have to want it, and know WHY you want it.
Then you have to pay the price.
And be willing to pay it, day in and day out for the rest of your born days.
Then you will earn it.
and you will have what you want most.
Self respect.
But it means nothing if you don't think you can.
If  you set off saying.
Wellllll....I'll trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....
That isn't the way winning is done.
winning is done by knowing, by doing, and by never quitting.
By training...
Taking every thought captive and never surrendering.
You decide to be  champion.
It doesn't just happen.
You make it happen.
I believe you can.
Do you?

So, on to my day.

I ate 1685 calories...
burned 650
so if i take my imaginary ideal weight plus calories burned....

and then subtract my intake
I come up with a 315 calorie deposit in my calorie bank and trust.
I am no longer calculating off my current weight.
I am 'maintaining' my ideal weight.
I had 250 calories banked from Tuesday, only 38 from yesterday...because after I wrote my little blog post my youngest had growing pains in her legs which left us with little sleep...I got hungry and consumed 5 half pieces of walnut and a prune.
I was really hungry.
I counted it as 100 calories and am moving on....
so right now I am sitting at 603 calories in my bank in trust to play with...
my actual deficit is larger because I am around 145 or so...but I am not concerned with how fast the weight comes off...this is my eating plan for the rest of my days.
I am planning on eating out with my family on March 17th (my birthday)
This is AFTER I do that pt test I was talking about before.
At this rate I will be able to have a pretty nice meal out. I won't  have to count all day or worry.
Hope you have a great night,
Chris out.


Talking to your inner brat

Hey all, another good day.
I am sitting at 1612 calories...which is 12 calories over, but I gave myself a small break because I wanted to eat everything and managed not to...
Today is bagel wednesday.
My husband makes homemade bagels...it adds up.
I had three.
which took most of my calories.
I know better and did it anyways.

Me and my inner brat need to have a talk.
This left me with approximately 360 calories for dinner.
I was really hungry after my workout and knew if I didn't keep myself busy I would binge.
So I spent two hours tonight looking for wall border for my newly painted bathroom.
I found some after about 5 stores and got home around 9:30
Where I ate cold ham (lunchmeat) and a bag of green beans with almonds.
I had to have a talk with myself.
I had to ask myself if it was worth eating up my small deposit in the calorie bank and trust just for making a mistake earlier.
No, it isn't.
I already ate my calories...they just weren't very good choices.
So, I was probably going to be hungry.
That was the choice I made when I chose crap instead of something filling.
It's like that with anything.
If you want the results you are going to have to pay the price.
I want the results.
Great workout...I burned 400 calores
1612 calories consumed
I am eating AS IF I weigh 135 lbs...So 1350 to maintain pluse 400 calories burned (1750 calories) subtract the 1612 calories consumed and that leaves me with 138 calories in the calorie bank and trust...
So with today and yesterday I have 350 calories in the green!
That means If I were currently 135 lbs....I have 350 calories to play with come my day out to eat or a family meal day.
Pay the price daily and occasionally you can have a treat.
That is the premise.
Hope you are all holding your inner brat at bay.
Have a good one.


I am a champion

woke up this morning feeling 'human'
Something Charlie Sheen can't really relate to, him being an "Adonis" with "Tiger blood running through his viens"...
(If you can't tell, I am having a lot of fun with this...)
But we mere mortals take what we can get.

Now, Not only did I feel human, but had an inexplicable urge to Kick butt and take names.
2 eggs and one egg white and 1 piece of toast
2 cups steamed veggies (It had soy beans)
2/3 cup yogurt with 2 T honey
1 cliff bar
1 honkin salad....chicken, lettuce, red onion, cucumber, tomato, feta and walnuts.
2 cups coffee with creamora and splenda
Total calories 1570
Total allowed daily 1600
total burned at gym 550
(33 minutes elliptical, 1 mile walk and a half mile run...upper body weight and 140 situps)
I am eating AS IF I am 135 pounds. So...deducting for the 220 calorie 'excess' I have banked 330 calories.
Yeah me!
lol...I put that calorie number on a slip of paper and put it in a bin...
That way later in the month I can go to my calorie bank and pull out my slips and see how much I have banked.
If I want to eat out I can.
It feels very real that way.
like cash...but calories instead.
I still have a small cough but obviously nothing that stopped me.
I was just so happy to get out and be moving again..
After six days of carby crap and non movement I felt fat and bloated.
I don't know how I did it for years, but I never want to feel like that again.
This last week showed me that much.
I like feeling lean and feeling my muscle...
I like being able to move and climb and run.
I am never going back.
Well, I have some painting to complete in my downstairs bathroom.
I hope you are all on track and headed in the right direction
If you aren't
Tomorrow is a new day.
No excuses.
No whining.
No looking back.
beating yourself up is just a way to stay stuck in the past.
Start over again, and don't quit.

And watch this...no really. Watch this
You are who you say you are.

I am a champion
Chris out