3.06.2011

confessions of a dieting flake

Hello all, I hit the gym...did good...today has been extremely busy.
church
gym
shopping
and soon
cleaning.
I wanted to talk about something.
Most of you have been around a while and know me...in the internet sense.
At least know the me of the last two years.
I got on this weight loss train and drove it straight down.
yeah me!
A ball of fire.
unstoppable.
determined.
mind and will set...
wow...what will power, what determination.
um...
I sure am glad I don't have a side bar declaring my utter failures the fifteen previous years before I ever got on the internet.
If I had a sidebar detailing even say....the LAST 5 YEARS.
I am sure the first five or six months of my current weight loss efforts would have seemed an utter and complete failure.
You see, I started this current effort in May 2009.
Before I tried losing weight in 2005.
In 2005 I weighed 239 lbs.  I dieted down to 219 lbs with atkins...It took me 6 months on induction to lose 20 lbs.
That is pathetic.
Then I got pregnant and miscarried and spiraled...and didn't even step on a scale for four years.

That's right...I regained that initial 20 and added 22 on top of it.
If I had had a sidebar...my weight would have looked something like this...
july 2005- 219
August 2005-216
September 2005-pregnant
october 2005- miscarry
November 2005- absent from blogland and in a deeep dark depression
May 2009-262.4 lbs
SEPTEMBER 2009- 218 LBS.
That is five months in to my new battle....

That is a total loss over 4 years of PLUS 2 POUNDS.
But over a five month span
A 44 LBS LOSS.
If I had chosen to look at that as a failure, I wouldn't be standing here....144 lbs now.

Now what was the difference.
I mean...that previous attempt at weight loss...I muffed it...the one in 1999 where I went from 179 to 156....
I muffed it...
If I had a sidebar it would have tracked like the national debt.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!?
The difference was this time I Decided to make it THE TIME.
By the time I started this last time, I was so afraid of failure I told my friend and faceless people on the internet..
I didn't tell my husband, my kids, or my extended family.
Because I had gottten SO excited SO many times before.
I had FAILED so many times before.
I had NO CONFIDENCE...NONE.
I just thank God that when I got on a roll I had nice people cheering me on.
I needed it.
And I am telling YOU.
Whoever YOU ARE.
You can make it.
YOU CAN DO IT.
You decide.
I am rooting for you.
If I CAN DO IT ANYONE CAN.
BIG HUGS,
Chris

14 comments:

Kimberley said...

Thank you for always providing inspiration Christine.

Deb Willbefree said...

:D First, congratulations on this time being THE time! :D

This was such a great post--and a brave one, I think. You exposed your past diet attempts, and their results, for your readers to see.

All of those readers who say you're such an inspiration. You let them know this success has really been a long haul, not a one year wonder. That's greatness of heart.

There are a lot of weight losers in blog land who do seem to be one year wonders. That's how they feel like they need to seem, too.

Well. Here's a little secret: if they have achieved the grand prize of morbid obesity, they have had years of diet failures. This run isn't their first. I gaurantee it.

So, thank you. This was a kindness to all yo-yo dieters in blogland. Proof that the yo-yo can be stopped and held in your hand. Proof that success is ours to grab--and hold on to.

And those readers who have told you that you are an inspiration?

They're right.

Deb

Ice Queen said...

There isn't a sidebar long enough to hold my entire diet history/failure history. lol

Yup. You are an inspiration. Many of your posts and wise words have been so crucial to me. You'll never know just how crucial... :D

NewMe said...

Although I don't always agree with you, I admire not only your "stick-to-itiveness", but also your compassion.

It's interesting that you made this post today of all days. Rather than doing what some bloggers do: belittling and shaming people who don't make it the first time but still keep on trying, you offer your readers encouragement.

Bravo to you Chris.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Isn't it amazing that just tonight I was there at the bowling alley, marveling at how those bowling alley french fries just don't hold the same attraction that they once did?

While weight has certainly been an issue for me over the past 15 years, slowly creeping up on me, I was like you in that there were much bigger issues behind it. Unlike you, I never gave any real effort to doing anything about my weight until recently because I was so damn fearful of failure.

I found that yes, this was THE TIME that I could finally do something real about the extra weight I carried. All because I finally mattered. Taking care of me and getting to know myself was finally a legitimate thing to do.

I have been mulling over a post about my weight loss for a while now. I am not a weight loss blogger, as you know. Yet this journey has so much to do with who I am that I am finding it impossible to ignore.

Thank you yet again for your honestly and your most impeccable timing, my friend. I hope I have the bravery to post about this issue in the near future.

outdoor.mom said...

AMAZING!! You're sure an inspiration for us all now :-)

Rettakat said...

The overview of the bigger picture was great... and encouraging to people to never, ever give up.

I guess I should get out my old graph and post it.. it is an amazing thing, to see all those ups, down, ups, down, repeatedly over the years. And finally, this time, for the first time in my life, I don't have the UPS on the graph. This time is permanent. Slow, but permanent.

Thanks for another encouraging post.

R. Reed said...

Inspirational, as always!! Thanks for being dependable in that department :)

Laura said...

Thank you for this. It is a reminder to never, ever, ever, EVER give up. Sometimes I feel like all the dieting failures of the past will be what defines my life and it is good to know that it is possible to break out of that cycle!

Amanda said...

Great post, it definitely resonated with me. After my MC I went off the radar everywhere as well, and it took forever to jump back out there.

I hope I can have as much success as you have! You are truly an inspiration!

Beginning Anew said...

Wow, I just wrote a blog about things being different this time for me too...

Do you think blogging makes a differnce?

Whatever has made the difference in your life - I thank God for it, because your strength and resolve have made a huge difference in my life. You are like a celebrity to me!

Thank you for your candor, your statistics and your no b.s. policy. You really are a weight loss hero!

I hope you never go back to being a "big girl". You have worked so hard! Many thanks!

paulawannacracker said...

I just realized I've been blogging and following you for almost two years. You were then as you are now inspiring. You're motivation and COMMITMENT is with me often when I think I can't do it.

thanks for inspiring many of us here who are struggling. Not giving up! Ever.

Robin said...

It's a brain thing. You can say it over and over. But people don't get until they get it. Just keep saying it. I think maybe it has to do with forgiveness, too. Forgiving yourself. Forgiving someone else. Maybe several someone else's. Getting out of your own way. Focusing on the positive and knowing who you really are. Once you know who you really are (inside), you can do anything. I think sometimes we stand in our own way and convince ourselves that we aren't that person, but we are. That is who we really are. But until we KNOW it, we aren't tapped into who we really are. The people who do "the impossible" know who they really are. Just a thought...

As for me, I needed to get out of my own head for a minute and get some inspiration here. Things are not good with my dad. I will post a blog in a couple of days. But seeing him today was a shock. More on that later. Thanks for reminding me of who I really I am.

MrsFatass said...

Thank you.