7.08.2014

cashier chronicles...aka the devolution of humanity

manager mania: 
The further adventures of your dollar tree manager...
Time: The last two days
Place: The Dollar tree

the story of mushmouth, titty sling and a popped tart. Okay...the last two days have been cah-razy. First I have decided that I do not have an option...I need to clean for about 20 minutes after the store closes, or the store will not be clean...number 2, I have decided that people are nuts. Number three, my faith in humanity is daily simultaneously sunk to new lows and lifted to new heights...because there are three kinds of people in life...the evolving, the devolving and the insane.

First up...mushmouth. 

Guy comes up to me....and mutters yahmddahab griluntack. (?)
"Excuse me sir?"
'Yah habbin tahab grillin tack.' (...was that grilling in there?)
"I'm sorry sir, could you repeat that...it's loud in here.."
(honest thought from your dollar tree manager...speak UP and ARTICULATE @SSHOLE)
"Ya habbin da grillun taco." (having...grilling...taco)
Do we have GRILLING TACOS sir?
yeb. (assumes that means yes)
No sir...we have no grilling tacos
(wtf is a grilling taco.!)

tanku (thank you)
Your welcome sir.

the evolver ( people who are moving forward in our dear evolutionary process...aka..people I can talk to and admire..)
a lady with multiple sclerosis who refuses to use a wheel chair, because she is going to use her body while she can...and tells her sons daily that they can do anything...I met her while she was searching for coconut.
She says..."I take away people's excuses'...


little does she know how many excuses people have.

on to titty sling.
lady comes in last night at the last minute...it's nine o clock..
but Paris Hilton thinks this is her personal shopping hour at the dollar tree...she is shuffling around the store, picking up her items...yelling at her children...she shuffles on up...takes shit out of the cart at 9:15...15 minutes after we are closed...tells us she doesn't want several items (which we will now have to put back) she is wearing a tank top and no bra...so we are all treated to her boobs (which hang down to her navel...that are covered only the last twenty percent...thank God for small mercies) near the bottom...so we see the sack like appendages..suspended from her chest in what I dubbed, in that moment, a titty sling. 

She was rude, uncouth and finally she left...

and finally
devolving.
last, but certainly not least....Mrs. pop tart.
tonight..near the end of the shift..mrs. pop tart wanted to trade in a hard line item for a food item.
We can't do that..because food doesn't have tax...so we would owe her money.
Dollar tree policy specifically states no monetary refunds.
J tells her no..she actually has me called to the front..wherein j asks me the policy..I repeat the policy..
She says, 'You don't have to have an attitude.'
I said, "I'm not having an attitude ma'am, I am just stating the policy'...
then she proceeds to tell me that he (J) can take the 'extra' money from his till and just keep it..and I tell her that THAT would get me written up, and him fired.
she then demands the number for corporate...
yes,
that's right folks...
she wants the number for corporate....for her pop tarts return.
I said 'yes ma'am'.
and handed her the number.
I think the only people on earth who could think less of most humans than dollar tree employees...
must be the corporate complaint line.
That is all for tonight folks.

9 comments:

Robin said...

Chris, you are taking a tough course on people. I don't envy you. I think anyone who deals with the general public has these sorts of stories. For example, I spent a summer in college waiting tables and that is probably the worst job I've ever had. You begin to feel that everyone is insane until they prove otherwise.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Holy cow, this sounds like a situation where I might just lose it! Good on you for keeping on with the experience and the job that will serve as a stepping stone to something bigger and better! It is only those who are willing to put up with the crap, knowing that they will be moving on, that ever do get out of the crap.

Sean Anderson said...

You might be gathering some fantastic material for a very funny book from a unique perspective. Sometimes I come here and I'm touched, sometimes I'm completely moved, sometimes I laugh--but every time--I enjoy what you write. It's a pleasure. Thank you.

Crabby McSlacker said...

I agree about the book, this stuff is hilarious (and, in the case of the woman with MS, quite poignant).

Sorry you have to put up with it, but thanks for sharing it!

Karla said...

hahahahahahah I also work in retail and OMG OMG OMG was laughing my ass off!!! I have always been afraid to post anything as I am also a manager

corporate and all...

Jae said...

Christine, I mentioned you in today's post :) Thank you for your vulnerability, transparency, and honesty. www.founditatthemarathon.blogspot.com

Sean Anderson said...

How's my friend Christine? Miss you! Hope all is well. I know better than to assume absence is exclusively a bad thing--it might be a great thing! You're in my thoughts.

Beginning Anew said...

Too true and too funny!

Jen said...

I look forward to the day you decide to start writing again. You are missed. Hope all is well.