Kindness is never wasted...except on assholes

Life is a messy conundrum. 
There are all sorts of people in the world.
We should embrace differences..respect others..it makes for a more interesting life.
But sometimes we need to pick up our figurative ball, and go home.
Some people love the sound of their own opinions.  
The only conversation they need, is a good echo chamber..and the only person they respect is themselves...
These people are called narcissists.
True narcissists c annot be healed.
They are clinically ill.
I believe our society fosters low level narcissists.
It can be difficult to distinguish between your clinical narcissist and your narcissist by training and choice.  
The narcissist by choice can only be distinguished by a series of trial and error.
Or one good way is to ask them this question.  
How do you think you can improve? 
A true narcissist is so deep in their own delusion, they won't be able to come up with an answer.  
Your everyday asshole will have one, they just won't be sharing it with you. 
Why all this attention on pucker factor?
Because, I am forty.
I am too old to be dealing with assholes on a personal level.
I am glad I am healed enough to set boundaries and decide who is or is not in my life..because I REFUSE to spend one more minute in the presence of soul suckers. This includes people who believe they are better than everyone....who constantly bitch and moan, and blame others for their self imposed misery. People who go out of their way to belittle and humiliate others who either believe differently or live differently.  
I am filling every last square inch of my life with believers and doers and up lifters. 
I will help those who need it.. And I won't waste time on judging other people's choices or lives. What a waste of time.  
How void and empty it is, and how silly..to believe you are better because you have a higher iq...when you can't even make a friend or keep a relationship. There are all kinds of intelligences and gifts.
How narrow and myopic to whittle it down to recitation of facts and figures.

I have experienced joy without fear twice in the last week.  Pure joy.
For no other reason than that I was alive. That I had spent time with people who accept me and respect me...and my favorite song was playing.
My nickname as a child..that was given to me by my stepfather Duane, was dummy.
I lived in fear that I would never be smart enough...so I picked people who I thought would teach and correct me.  I no longer need that. 
I am not a dummy..I am me...special and talented and flawed...and I see no need to correct that.
Our flaws are what make us interesting and unique. Our acknowledged weakness gives us compassion for the brokenness of others.
I spent so much time trying to fix what wasn't truly broken.  
The broken part was only the shame that came from thinking I had to be perfect to be loved.
When you feel that way...that you need to be fixed...you draw people who think they can fix you...and what kind of person believes they can fix somebody? 
You guessed it.
A narcissist.
Guess what I found out...when you love yourself, warts and all...narcissists either flee..or you will kick them to the curb in quick fashion. 
Because being fixed becomes insulting.
That's my thoughts for the week. 
See you in a few days.
Chris out.


Eileen Daidone said...

Chris, you need to write a book. I find the content of your message a breath of fresh air!

Val N. said...

I, too, had thoughts about what kind of person I am, placed there by jerks who have no right to be in my head at all. This year, after spending my entire adult life thinking I couldn't carry a tune, I went for a voice lesson. She had me sing, and said, I don't know what you're talking about, you sing just fine. I literally cried. So, I've been exploring the things I've thought about myself for so very long, and working hard to discard the terms that just don't match reality.

Good for you for realizing that you are not broken. I admire all that you've accomplished.

Jill A said...

"I spent so much time trying to fix what wasn't truly broken.
The broken part was only the shame that came from thinking I had to be perfect to be loved." These two sentences describe my life for the last 18 years, and I didn't even realize it until I read this. Thank you.

Amber said...

"Dummy" never fit.
You're incredibly intelligent and witty. I'm glad you knows that now. Everyone needs to be their own source of joy. And you got it!
Hugs to you friend!

Amber said...

Know not knows.

kathyj333 said...


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sarah said...

A very thoughtful post!
I do agree that we should love ourselves more because we are the only ones who can fix ourselves :)!

Sean Anderson said...

I agree with the previous suggestions. You, my friend, should absolutely write a book.
Your posts always cut to the core of truth in whatever direction you take it and it's refreshing to read--it's powerful, it's real.
I truly admire you, Chris. Thank you for writing things I need to read.