1.30.2015

Simple does not mean easy


I don't know if you have ever noticed my web address...
Chris lives simple dot blog spot dot com

Why not live deliberately?

Because, a discovery I made fairly early in life was this...the more complex something was made...the less likely it was to hold true or have integrity.

Ie if you can't explain it in brief...something is wrong...
Liars embellish.
Uncertain people over explain.
People in denial will talk in circles.


There is some half truth, excuse, avoidance...you name it...you strip all the bark off and you'll find the wood...
For instance...what color is the sky?

Blue.  Grey?  It has an answer...
Why doesn't grandma come over anymore?  Or whoever...
I came to discover that the quickest and best way through any situation involved total honesty, and a simple recitation of the facts as they lay before me.
Life was simpler that way..
if you can't be brutally honest with at least yourself...you are going to run into all kinds of problems. 

Or you will deny them so long, they'll run into you.

Simple, however, doesn't mean easy. 
It just means simple.

Married, don't cheat.
Fat? Eat less, move more.
Uneducated, go to school.

Left unsaid are the hurdles or excuses that have been constructed by yourself, circumstances, or other people.
Usually mental.
Sometimes physical.
Sometimes spiritual.

I know a young lady who has made a hash of her life...pregnant young, many poor choices which have lead to run ins with the law...bad home life because of two parents who were immature and self centered...
She came into my office crying one day..she had been sleeping with a married man.  He was using her because she was available.  
She had all sorts of reasons why she was in this relationship...the usual one about a distant wife...gag...loneliness and the idea that this man truly cared for her.  
I then asked her if she really thought he cared for her?   
And she hesitated.
And I said...there you go. 
After listening to the litany of bad choices by both herself and others, it all coalesced into this one thought...I said.. "Hon, at any moment you can stand up and turn around, and turn your whole life around.  You can say to that man..I deserve more than to be treated as a convenience. To your parents who are alcoholic and verbally abusive, that you deserve respect and attention..and to yourself, that you can raise the bar for how you treat yourself and allow others to treat you...from down here, to up here...and never owe anyone a damn explanation. "

She didn't look convinced.

The following week...after once again making the choice to allow this man to use her...he began to blame her for all his problems...she said that's when the light came on...she said she patted him on the shoulder...said," you are right...we are over." He chased after her..attempted an apology.....she didn't explain...because she didn't owe him one...started going to church and is in the process of turning her life around...and it wasn't me saying it...it was her DOING IT.

it really doesn't matter what IT is...the most important thing you can do is pierce the veil of shame(I am sleeping with a married man) get support from a loving and truly caring person (who will tell you the truth but not condemn) and then face the truth with brutal honesty...and begin the process of change.  Was it easy for this young lady to turn from what was her only real (but ultimately fictional)source of comfort? No.
Once she did, she began to regain self respect...she started going to church and building a larger network of friends...making better choices..being a more present mother...she is five weeks in, and still has a very long row to hoe...but she will get there...the steps were clear and simple...but not easy. If you are trying to lose weight...the steps are clear and simple.

Not easy.

You will run into setbacks....
Hurdles.
You didn't get where you are without setting up a whole support structure to sustain it. 
It won't be easy to slow, stop and turn around.
The older and more ingrained the habits, attitudes, friends and situations...the more difficult...
Putting it off won't make it easier...starting today avoids additional pain.
Very few things in life worth doing are easy...
But when we are truly honest with ourselves and strip away the bullshit...they are simple concepts.
Hang in there...I know I am...
I am up to five days a week of exercise...plus the five miles I traverse the store each night.
No more drive through, sugar or white flour...simple steps...done daily to reap a long, hard won reward.

Have a great day guys.
Chris out.


3 comments:

Beginning Anew said...

May I post a link to your blog on my blog and my facebook? This is one of my favorite posts I have read. Your "no bullshit policy" is wonderful.

if you can't be brutally honest with at least yourself...you are going to run into all kinds of problems.

Or you will deny them so long, they'll run into you. So TRUE!

"You didn't get where you are without setting up a whole support structure to sustain it."

This is all so good and so true!

Christine said...

Sure hon...

E. Jane said...

This is a wonderful post! One of your best. Thanks for sharing this. I have closed down my blog, but I will be reading your blog and probably commenting. Maybe someday when I have more to say, I will return.