6.21.2011

patience and purpose

Anyone else have problems in this sphere...you know, for the longest time I thought my problem was my mouth.
It isn't.
out of the abundance of the heart...the mouth speaks.
It's patience.
I have an impatient spirit.
It wasn't until I learned patience in dieting that I was able to lose weight.
before this last go round I would try any fad diet that would come along....
I wanted to get the weight off FAST.
When it didn't, I would go off my diet and eat everything in sight out of frustration.
This last go round the first thought that popped in my head was:
I don't care if it takes a hundred years. It's coming off.
Slowly, but surely it did.
Now I am in maintenance of 145 lbs...even though it is not my goal weight.
You know why.
If I can't maintain 145, what makes me think I can get to 135?
Then I may, but regain...

You see, in the end...while it's nice to be a lower number...the number isn't what it's all about.
It's living.
I have finally hit upon what my problem is with the last 10 pounds.
I don't want my life to be about my body and how it looks in a pair of jeans.
I just don't care that much.
I care about my health in so much as this...that I can live my life without impediments and that I am healthy and able to enjoy life.
So I felt a sense of anxiety.
Exercise and healthy eating had been the center of my universe for two years.
I knew they couldn't be forever, if I were to make that  the center of my universe, I would be living a shallow existence.
...but I simply couldn't find a good balance.
I had a lot of thinking to do.
I ate too much...again..trying to fill the hole that way...which lead to a five pound gain.
I stopped doing that...today was a really good day.
It doesn't work...
making exercise my God didn't work..
making intellect My God didn't work.
For years I made my children my center, my focus.
my marriage...
spirituality..
luckily I was never into drugs, or money...but for some that can be a kind of God.

I have to make God my center...
but for the last week I have been struggling...
What is my PURPOSE!
I know, I need to raise my kids, keep my house etc.
I have those under control. 
Now what.
What is the bigger picture...
I think deep inside we have a need to serve.
To matter.
I have felt this pressing on me more and more over the last few months.
Yes I need to grow spiritually...but to what purpose?
To shout into a vacuum?
You grow
To serve others...
To be some sort of intellectual or spiritual giant and never share...It's useless.
To have a sound mind and a healthy body but to do nothing with them?
Useless.
I have been putting off joining my church because my husband and oldest daughter don't go.
Well, I am not doing that any longer.
If they don't want to go that's fine...
But I am choosing to belong and to serve...
As such here is my life statement I wrote last week...
It took me a few years to write this...
again, patience.
My life statement.
I am a child Of God. His instrument.
As such I will live my life first and foremost to glorify him.
I will live honestly and will model integrity.
I will speak and act with kindness,
always seeking first to understand rather than judge.
I will help when and where I can.
I will take only when I have no other option.
I will seek to leave each person and situation better than how I found them.
I will live life to it's fullest, not fearing death but embracing each day as a gift.
I will make plans from hope, not fear.
I will commit myself daily to my home, my family and my community.
I will be diligent and responsible with the resources God has given me.
I will run my race and strive to die to myself daily and do everything with excellence to show the world the power of God's grace.

That's all.
Will I hit this 100 percent...no...but if you have no target...how can you hit your goal?
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Chris out.

14 comments:

Deb Willbefree said...

Such a rich post. I think I will revisit it and mine it a bit. There is a lot of gold to be within those words.

Deb

Deb Willbefree said...

Oh. And thank you for praying for Kenna. I am touched and grateful. Deb

Annalisa201 said...

Awesome Post!!!!!!!

downsizers said...

You just met your goal with this post because each person who reads it will be better because of it. I always look forward to reading what you write because each time I learn something about myself. I have a little journal that I write meaningful things in and some of this is going to be entered there so that I can revisit these most beautiful and inspiring words. Thank you.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

So interesting to see all the levels of transformation that exist in you.
I too look forward to your posts and appreciate the honesty that is here on your blog.
You really are accomplishing much by sharing.
What more can I say?

Julie said...

I am so glad that I stopped at Myra's this morning who sent me here. Sorry I haven't visited lately, have visited anywhere's to much.
This post is awesome. Thank you for sharing and for reminding me a lot of things.
Take care and God Bless!!

bbubblyb said...

I love your words Christine they always hit home with me. I have talked of joining the kids church for years and have yet to do it. I think I need to also as they have loved me and my family for years so it really is time to give back more. I am in a similar situation that Mike doesn't want to go but I know it would be a special time for at least Marie and I and definitely good for my soul. Thanks for all your words you do give back to me with every post I read. *hugs*

notcathy said...

Dieting is very important to have a good health. Proper eating foods are important as well, because it is connected to our heart and brain. Before I am also impatience but after eating green salads and exercising daily I discover that it really helps.

Thanks!
P3 Back Stretcher

outdoor.mom said...

i have been struggling with those last 10lbs a LONG time :-) I hear ya! I run at least 3x a week 7 miles, 6 and 4 are my averages. I do situps every day. I eat very healthy but still that last 10lbs is HARD. If I kick the snot out of myself and starve i can take some of it off, but once I'm comfortable back on it goes. One article says that its better just to be healthy and not always fight for it. Its like we did all that work and we want perfection at the end ;-) I can put on a bikini, but there is always a little flab which is so frustrating. Anyhow, I wish I had the answer. I guess "peace be still." I enjoy a treat every day and I don't want to spend my life depriving myself. I'm waiting on God for it too........... At least I'm healthy, have energy to run and work and do what i need to :-)

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Christine- I've thought about you several times today, reread your post 3 times and decided that it was appropriate to 'double-dip' and comment for a second time.
I remember back when you tried a personal trainer that told you about eating a whole lot of salads and tuna and I remember thinking, "but you look good- healthy and happy, you don't need to do that". Yet at the same time I wanted whatever you wanted for yourself because I understand that this journey is yours and you need to be at a good place for yourself in the end.
It seems as if the last 10 lbs. is hardly the issue now. You have gotten so much more out of this and have GIVEN so much that you will never know the extent to which your influence flows.
You have been gifted a unique way to express and will continue to inspire through your peaceful and enjoyable new life.

Putz said...

but what if i want to see a picture of you 10 pounds less weight??????????my vanity not yours

Putz said...

hey chris, i did read the whole rest of your inspiring blog<><>,.i hate to think what you think of me?

Robin said...

I think that you are right. We all do have a purpose. Pray about yours. It could be as simple as helping others to lose weight (as you mentioned nearly a year ago, I think) or it might have changed completely. We all go through things in order to help others. Sometimes we don't see that mission, and so we don't use what we have been given. But, if we recognize it, we will feel the power of it and then we will know it. Once that happens, we will become so certain that is what we are supposed to do that to do anything else seems crazy. It is kind of like that for me and My Big Idea. I have wondered if you have fit into my Idea in some way. Pray on that. See what you get.

K. said...

I always look forward to new posts from you. They always contain great nuggets of wisdom. Thanks for sharing with us.
K.
www.it-is-time.com