So here goes:
1.) Put down the victim card.
seriously...put it down.
What is the victim card?
It's your 'get out of life free' card.
It's the card you pull out every.single.time. real change is about to happen....
and you are scared...
It's the card you pull out when the challenge seems too big.
It's the card you use to excuse your lack of action (or inaction, as it were).
The victim card is unique to each person.
My victim card was multi layered and fathoms deep....I had many in fact.
My first victim card was my childhood.
In reality, yes, I was 'victimized'.
But the sad reality is that I furthered that victimization by damaging myself as I aged.
Of course there were psychological issues involved...issues that needed to be addressed.
The victim card comes into play only when you KNOW there are issues..and then use your victimization as rationalization to skip addressing the issues.
The quickest shortcut to circumventing any real change is to continue to blame your problems now. on your past.
i.e. You know you have an irrational fear of men..but never go to a counselor to address the issue..instead you go through life avoiding situations you find uncomfortable, then use your fear of men instigated by your childhood (now your victim card) to avoid any challenging or growth inducing experience.
Then state that the reason you are stuck is because you were a victim.
But you see, you are no longer a victim held hostage to a more powerful person.
You are now a victim held hostage to your own inertia and excuses.
Because where you are NOW is a more comfortable place, a more comfortable existence, than the unknown.
If you want to change, you have to be willing to put everything on the table.
Your perception of reality..
Because your perception of reality may be 100 percent fucked.
Especially if you had an abnormal or psychologically damaging childhood.
How you view relationships, yourself, your abilities..
May very well be wrong.
And the idea that you may have based every decision in your life from a space of fear and skewed perception, instead of a space of possibility and opportunity....makes you want to grab your victim card and run for the hills.
The only thing more tragic than the time you have wasted...
would be to WASTE.MORE.TIME.
The only way to get the life you want..the only way to START.
Is to put down that victim card.
And pick up the winner card.
What do winners do?
They do what is necessary.
They base decisions, not on wishful thinking, but on objective reality.
Are you willing to lay down your victim card, examine your excuses and move forward to change the way you approach your life?
If you aren't....then don't bother.
Any change you make will be temporary.
Because if your perspective were a true map of the terrain..if what you are doing is making you happy...why are you so damn miserable...why does the same thing keep happening..
OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
If you find yourself stuck in the same place year after year..
either reality needs to change
or you do.
figure it out.
That's part 1 in how to completely change your life.