I can tell you how to completely change your life

So here goes:
(to anonymous)

1.)  Put down the victim card.

seriously...put it down.

What is the victim card?

It's your 'get out of life free' card.

It's the card you pull out every.single.time. real change is about to happen....
and you are scared...
It's the card you pull out when the challenge seems too big.
It's the card you use to excuse your lack of action (or inaction, as it were).

The victim card is unique to each person.
My victim card was multi layered and fathoms deep....I had many in fact.
My first victim card was my childhood.
In reality, yes, I was 'victimized'.
But the sad reality is that I furthered that victimization by damaging myself as I aged.
Of course there were psychological issues involved...issues that needed to be addressed.

The  victim card comes into play only when you KNOW there are issues..and then use your victimization as rationalization to skip addressing the issues.
The quickest shortcut to circumventing any real change is to continue to blame your problems now. on your past.
i.e. You know you have an irrational fear of men..but never go to a counselor to address the issue..instead you go through life avoiding situations you find uncomfortable, then use your fear of men instigated by your childhood (now your victim card) to avoid any challenging or growth inducing experience.
Then state that the reason you are stuck is because you were a victim.
But you see, you are no longer a victim held hostage to a more powerful person.
You are now a victim held hostage to your own inertia and excuses.
Because where you are NOW is a more comfortable place, a more comfortable existence, than the unknown.
 If you want to change, you have to be willing to put everything on the table.


Your perception of reality..
Because your perception of reality may be 100 percent fucked.
Especially if you had an abnormal or psychologically damaging childhood.
How you view relationships, yourself, your abilities..


May very well be wrong.

And the idea that you may have based every decision in your life from a space of fear and skewed perception, instead of a space of possibility and opportunity....makes you want to grab your victim card and run  for the hills.
The only thing more tragic than the time you have wasted...

would be to WASTE.MORE.TIME.

The only way to get the life you want..the only way to START.
Is to put down that victim card.
And pick up the winner card.
What do winners do?
They do what is necessary.
They base decisions, not on wishful thinking, but on objective reality.
Are you willing to lay down your victim card, examine your excuses and move forward to change the way you approach your life?
If you aren't....then don't bother.
Any change you make will be temporary.
Because if your perspective were a true map of the terrain..if what you are doing is making you happy...why are you so damn miserable...why does the same thing keep happening..
If you find yourself stuck in the same place year after year..
either reality needs to change
or you do.
figure it out.
That's part 1 in how to completely change your life.


Anonymous said...

+ eleventy billion

A thought that occurred to me is that the kids we are raising, doing everything in our power to give a happy childhood, will pick up the victim behaviors if they are role modeled and then we get to watch our beautiful child throw away every opportunity... no way. The price of the victim card is too high.

Robin said...

I feel like I was stuck for the longest time. I don't know that I was playing the Victim Card, but I sure felt victimized. First by Rob and then by the endless migraines. I wasn't stuck in a place of inertia (because I was seeing all manner of doctors and therapists to try and change the status quo.) Unfortunately, until I moved to FL did I find a doctor who truly understood the problem(s) and forward motion began. I can't say that I am 100% percent, but I'm gaining on it. I've learned so many perceptions that I believed were just *wrong,* and then life has come along to throw them at me to see if I still bought into the same old behavior or acted upon what I now knew to be true. And that is the thing... when you do realize your perceptions are skewed, life WILL hand you a situation that once would have made you do one thing (the comfortable thing, the familiar thing) and now you have to CHOOSE to respond differently. There is no real change without action.

I think consistent change (actions) on previously faulty premises actually moves us from one place to another place. BUT, nothing happens until you recognize that you were making decisions using faulty navigational skills. You MUST unlearn those.

Great post (as always!).

Weighing Well said...

Oh that is soooo true! And just like a bag of chips, every time life gets really hard, it is tempting to pick up the victim card and start the whole damn mess over. I know for me personally, Writing helps keep my victim card in check. It is a reality check. I am so glad to see a post from you. You always say it straight and true. Thanks!

Sean Anderson said...

Incredible post. You speak the straight up truth, my friend. Wow. That is all. Wow.

MrsFatass said...

Its interesting how I go for a while without reading blogs/reaching out to blog friends, and then when I do come back and read you, you are writing as if you are writing only to me, about a life situation I am going through right this second.

jo said...

Yup. I'm finally just realizing this. I uttered the words, "I don't want to be a victim anymore" just recently. Excellent post.

HappinessSavouredHot (Julie Saint-Mleux) said...

Oh, you are so right. We do not control what happens to us, but we do choose how we react to it. I am impressed by your post.

E. Jane said...

Good post! That victim card keeps us mired in the muck of life much too often. I used it too much myself, and it feels good to be free to face the truth and put unpleasant things of the past to rest.

Move it to lose it! said...

You are such a strong woman and I really appreciate your blog! There are so many people who never figure out how to overcome struggles, and I think most people use their "victim card" so much they don't even realize when they pull it out. Thank you for your words, I look forward to reading your posts.