8.19.2010

HDC Day 25_ This ain't working for me..

I am not a challenges type person.
shocking, I know.

That being said...I think I am ditching this thing and going back to slow and steady.
Why..
My body.
It does it's own thing and weighing weekly is going to kill me.
There was a reason I did it monthly.
Weighing weekly makes me nuts. I hold and hold and then drop.

so, blaaaaaa....
This isn't a race.
I am not this person.
I am going to go back to my 'eat 1500 to 1600 calories 6 days a week...and have saturday off 1800 to 2500 calories.
This is how I plan to eat for the rest of my life, why screw around.
I will still be exercising and eating right...
I am 149.
I have no idea what I'll weigh on September 1rst...but it will be less than today.
And certainly less than one year ago...I was at 228 lbs last august.
I did back to school night at my daughter's school tonight.
I had met one of her teachers before, last year at a parent teacher conference (nearly a half hour)...I was around 220 at the time.
Well, when I walked into his class tonight. He shook my hand and said "I don't think we've met."
To which I replied, "I am kate's mom.'
To which he replied...silence.
Then a stare...
then he said.."oh, oh...we have met!"
lololol.
That was cool.
Oh, i went to the gym today and did something pretty fantastic.
I did one hour on the stairmaster.
One hour.
I climbed 200 flights of stairs.
That is up, and down, and partially back up...the empire state building.
how cool is that.
very.
I am going to work out my blogging and art schedule very shortly...I am in dire need of life balance.
Big hugs,
Chris

8.18.2010

HDC Day 24....The evil eye... a touchy subject.

hey all,
had another good day..
ate 1470 calories and did my exercises...(Gosh this is repetitive...it's almost like saying I went to the bathroom.)
okay,
the stink eye, I used to get it when I was fat.
From men mostly.
Sometimes there was a lady or two who would give me the stink eye...but not many, they were usually very nice.
Now, How do I say this.
I have been noticing something for a while but was afraid it would sound big headed or stuck up..
But after last week I just couldn't ignore it anymore.
I went to enroll my daughter in school...I was wearing a nice outfit and did my hair and makeup...I looked up from a brochure and this lady was staring at me with what can only be termed malice.
She was dressed in sweats and a tshirt and looked like she rolled out of bed.
I didn't give the look back. I smiled and she rolled her eyes and turned away.
Now, It goes the other way.
I dress up, I do my makeup.
I like to look good.
I rarely get the stink eye from men (*hmmmmmm lol)....but I have been noticing lately that some ladies give me the stink eye...even when I purposely go out of my way to smile at them.
It leaves me wondering if I ever did that.
It goes something like this...
If I am dressed up (skirt, shirt...hair done and makeup) I will notice if I am standing in line and the lady in front of me is maybe overweight, and/or dressed in pajamas and or has sweats on...hair messy (Now remember, this was a look I had the corner market on about 13 or 14 months ago.overweight,dressed in sweats with messy hair, no makeup)
She will look back and
It's a quick up and down...a stink eye..then alot of tugging and pulling and maybe even a 'pony out, quick hair brush, pony in" kind of a thing.
one more stink eye, hand and arm through hubbies arm and sudden cuddling.

All of which I find vastly amusing and somewhat sad all in one fell swoop.

I am not dressing up to 'make a move' on someone else's man..
I dress up cause it makes me feel better.
even worse.
I used to do the SAME THING.
the tugging, the straightening.
I fear, even the stink eye.

Maybe I am just screwing up the curve.
I know there is an agreed upon level of 'doneness' when going to the store.
Which is cool. Tight jeans, tight top and major makeup while teetering around on sky high heels like your headed out for a night of clubbing...not cool.
I get that.
But somewhere in the last 20 years 'done' has become undone.
I am not wearing cocktail dresses.
I am wearing a skirt and a shirt and some flats, a quick curl and lipgloss, blush and eyeliner with a bit of eyeshadow...no base or anything..maybe some earrings.

The acceptable level of 'done' these days (at my local walmart anyways)
varies from the teen girls wearing jeans and t shirts who look cute. (and if we are lucky...not too tight) to people who didn't bother to get dressed.
I was a person who, a year and a half ago...would have been standing around in stained shirt, sweat pants with my hair combed but with split ends..no makeup.
I dressed myself the way I viewed myself.
sloppy and fat.
I never realized how much effort went into feeling that way.
Every day of my life I spent thinking of how crappy I felt, how lazy I was...How bad I looked, what a pig I was etc.
It takes much less effort to eat right and exercise...to dress up and put on makeup.
Because I feel good going out.
Once I do all that, I don't worry how I look, because I feel like I look good..and I can just focus on enjoying.
I don't stand there tugging, and fidgeting..and wallowing in self hatred while being annoyed by that skinny b*tch behind me who had done her hair and is wearing a skirt (who does that just to go to Walmart, anyways!)
It's energy wasted on being resentful.
It reminds me of what I saw on CMT once.
There were these ladies talking about Dolly Pardon (who is kind of a personal hero and always has been)
Well, one lady wanted to ask her...'doesn't it get tiring always dressing up and putting on the makeup?
So she asked.
Dolly's response.
Nope.

I know what she's talking about.
I know the difference.
I feel fantastic. I feel pulled together and powerful.
You don't have to wear makeup and dress up to feel that way...
As long as your life is making you feel that way.
But, it's what gives me that extra bit of confidence.
I enjoy the heck out of it.
I won't give that up for anything.
I am worth the effort and so is every one of those women.
whatever it takes to not waste energy on resenting, but living.

And as coco chanel once said

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
Coco Chanel

Have a great night guys...

8.17.2010

HDC Day 23- shelter in place

Hey all,
hmmmmm...
how should I describe my day.
Long.
I did my workout but went over my calories by about 200.
ah well.
I have changed my schedule and man...it screwed me up.
I was very hungry and am trying to get to bed early early early.
My downfall.
lunch out.
panera bread
whoops.
But.
I got one hecka workout in.
So, I would call this day a wash.
I did one mile walking and then something happened that can really only happen on military bases.
We had a drill.
A shelter in place in case of 'roaming shooter'.
This is a direct result of that jack@ss in Texas gunning down innocent people.
So there we all are stuck in a hallway (there must have been over 100 people in there)
It took one hour.
either that or there was a real problem and they didn't want to scare the crap out of
us....
I then did 40 minutes on the stairstepper and completed my last mile for a total burn of 550 calories.
I rarely go over, and the reason why is that I do not go to places where I don't know the calorie count...I didn't want to repeat my mistake of the other day and not eat all day so in between Mardels and another store I swung into the parking lot and it was on the border, chipotle and panera bread.
It was the bread.
llol.
it was good though.
anywhoozle.
I am really retaining water....my ring, which was loose to the point of spinning around my finger randomly, is right now, too tight to slip off my finger.
restaurants..

well, I am thinking of not posting daily but maybe every other day to make time for drawing. The only time I am going to have time is after dinner.
After dinner is when I blog and read other blogs.
I don't know, we'll see.
Hope all is well in your world.
Talk at you later.
Hugs,
Chris

8.16.2010

HDC Day 22=Wahoo.....back to the gym!

I am in at 1440 calories again.
I have a theory about my eating patterns.... My body adapts itself to whatever calorie level I feed it.
(not starvation levels of course...just less)
So, I am not dropping my calories or anything, just noticing a pattern.
I went back to the gym today and had one heck of a burn..700 calories on the elliptical, pluse 150 situps and upper body weights.

Now, I know my Saturday Snark must have p*ssed some people off.
I know everyone has a right to their opinion. It just feels like the only people who are ever told to shut up and sit down are people who have an objection to what seems like a pretty straitforward case of insensitivity on some people's parts..
Under the guise of tolerance.
It isn't very tolerant of them to ignore people who have been hurt beyond repair.
That's all I am saying.
And I don't think they should do it.
I wouldn't. My mama taught me better.

anywhoozle.
Have finally started some sort of food storage.
bought six cans of tuna and an extra bottle of shampoo...It won't get us through a nuclear war, but it's a start.
I am also doing something I should have done a long time ago..
Make my 9 year old sleep in her own bed when her dad goes to work nights.
We should have different bed times, she's 9, I am 36.
To have any sort of a schedule I am going to have to enforce bedtimes.
I am not an 'enforcer' type parent.
I am more of a 'talker' A 'figure it outer' and a 'cooperative worker througher'..
however, soph isn't getting enough sleep.
So out she goes. lol.
Before you know it I will own a watch.
so, hope you are all having a great day.
I will try to swing by a few blogs.
Have a great night.
Hugs,
Chris

8.15.2010

HDC Day 21=whoops and weigh in

I didn't eat nearly enough today till dinner...where I consumed around 1200 calories..
I had 2 cups of coffee prior and am sitting at 1440.
don't do that.
I don't know what happened.
I got up and it was go go go all day.
On the bright side I would never have done that in my bigger days.
Forget to eat...bwahaaaaaaaaaaa....
lol, not likely.
I did walk 2 miles.
bad walk...I went to my old stomping ground on post...got 1/3 of the way on my walk and looked up and it was fenced off and was torn up with equipment. I had to turn around and go back.
I weighed in this morning at 149.5
It's a half a pound loss.
But it doesn't upset me...I started 21 days ago (3 weeks) at 154.5.
That's 5 lbs in three weeks.
And if you know my recent past, I have been losing 3 lbs a month or so...so by any stretch this month has been stellar and it isn't even over yet.
two more weeks till September.
This whole Hundred day challenge gig is up on October 30th where I am planning on weighing in at 140 lbs.
Which would be a normal BMI for me.
only 9.5 lbs to go to hit that goal.
The goal after that is 132.
I am planning on ferreting out my maintenance calories starting on November 1rst.
I expect it to take anywhere from 4-6 months to hit final goal (132 lbs) once I hit 140.
I will be continuing the exercise but Saturdays will be my high calorie day.
I have had this plan for a while. I want to settle into my goal weight.
I want to have a plan that works for the rest of my life...that isn't a constant struggle.
I think I will be lucky there, because for the most part...this journey hasn't been. It's been interesting and tough...but not a constant struggle.
I swear, I can't remember how I felt fat anymore.
I don't remember how I felt...fat.
I don't remember how I moved.
NOne of it.
I go back and read and It's like I am a completely different person.
I don't even think the same way anymore.
I have reprogrammed nearly every aspect of my life.
I am (or have been), becoming who I want to be...
I have been allowing some of my old hobbies back in.
The first hobby is Reading.

The thing is...I don't like reading the same things as before.
I used to love romance novels.
I can't get through one to save my life these days.
I do like the wrinkle in time series so far.
I just read the second one...the wind in the door.
I think I will go on and read the third one.

I am tired..it was a looooong day.
I had to buy school supplies for my oldest.
I had to buy one of those handy dandy graphing calculators.
My daughter and I spent upwards of 10 minutes attempting to find the off button.
Then this digital clock came up and said 10 minutes to 'automatic power down'.
Crazy.
I also went to micheal's and bought some of my own oil pastels which I want to try out soon.
I really like the medium....I loved colored pencil but I just couldn't get my thoughts down fast enough with the colored pencil.
You can do great sweeps of color with these and blend as well.
I got 36 very cheap...just 11 dollars.
After I work on my blending techniques and some color theory and perspective drawing I am going to invest in some thinner and experiment with the oil pastels.

Well, tomorrow it's back to the gym to pound out another week.
I want to be down to 148.5 by next Sunday.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
Chris

8.14.2010

Saturday snark- In the spirit of tolerance...

sometimes you have to laugh or you'd cry...
so, in the spirit of tolerance I would like to give a big old THUMBS UP
to building a mosque and 'community center' a mere two blocks from where three thousand of our fellow citizens breathed their last breaths, called thier loved ones....and died.

I mean, if we can't embrace the right to religious freedom by erecting a gargantuan mosque within spitting distance of where three thousand of our fellow citizens died, What kind of country are we?

In that vein I would like to propose a few more monuments we could erect...
hmmm..
How's about a monument to marksmanship at the Texas schoolbook repository?
Or,
A sheet sale on Martin Luther King Jr's birthday.
Or an amusement park called "Ye olde Crusades" in Downtown baghdad...half off for all military members on the anniversary of our 2003 invasion.

And in the spirit of tolerance for our tolerance
I say we open a gay strip club next door to the Cordoba mosque and call it 'You mecca me hot'.
This was not my idea btw...
It was Greg Gutfeld's..
He even wrote a letter to the Cordoba mosque with his proposal.

Their response...
He can build whatever he wants, but he won't be opening a dialogue with muslims if he doesn't take "their sensibilities' into account.

You know, like they took ours into account when they decided to build their mosque within spitting distance of where 3000 of our fellow citizens drew their last breath, made their last phone calls, and died.

Oh, yeah...you'll have to turn off the music to the right...
Just like our politicians have turned a deaf ear to the American people when it comes to this issue.

We wouldn't want emotion to overcome our reason.
Or self preservation to overcome our political correctness.
Have a nice Saturday.
Chris out.

8.13.2010

HDC Day 19- Are you really going to eat that!

For the rest of your life?
Special diets.

diets with no fruit.
or no veggies.
or no meat
or no cooking
or no bread.

Yes, there are people who are vegans.
Very few.
Those that do it out of conviction have my respect.
I am talking about people (meaning me)
who go on (or have went on) extreme diets that are 'extra special' to help them lose weight.
You know, the diet that will get all this fat off 'in no time."


I am going to go out on a broad and generalized limb here and say..they don't work.
They may work in the short term...because you are ingesting fewer calories than you are burning off.
So,
Why don't they work long term?

Because,
Are you really going to eat that for the rest of your life?

Will I consume nothing but eggs and cabbage for the remainder of my days?
Or hows about no sugar, or no flour, ever?
probably not.
You can structure your food intake to be primarily healthy....but not taking life into consideration will kung fu you in the end.

You have to be able to maintain your eating.....
YOu are learning how to 'eat thin'.
You are not just trying to 'get the weight off.'
You can get the weight off, but if you did it by eating steak, eggs and grean beans for six months straight, I highly doubt it taught you about
Portion control
what foods are most filling.
How to navigate social functions.
how many calories you will need to maintain your current weight and how much exercise.
Any quick fix mentality is doomed to failure.
Including the "starve myself' diet.
The "stick my fingers down my throat and chuck up that half a cake' diet.
The diet coke and twinky diet.
The over exercise and water diet.
Anything you are going to pick has to include food you enjoy and that are healthy, activities and exercise that you enjoy (or at least not hate and can do with consistency) or you will quit.
Because the diet will start to feel like a prison, not a new way of life.
In fact, in the face of this kind of restriction... attaching the words 'new way of life' to your diet will make you want to shovel ho ho's in your face.
You have to be able to have flexibility.
You can't be constantly hungry.
It needs to be a balanced diet, or losing all that weight will not improve your health.
It will not give you the tools you need to continue to succeed.
So,
No special diets for me.
I subscribe to the Sean Anderson method regarding calories.
I eat what I want...with one exception.
I make myself eat only protein and veggies at dinner on my non treat nights.
Because it's a good way to get my veggies in, and it keeps me fuller longer.
So,
Just sane eating and the occasional treat...good amounts of exercise and all the time God allows.
Calories came in at 1300.
I don't want anymore food so there it will sit.
I did 45 minutes on a stairmaster today and could've done that last 15. I walked two miles.
Total burn 600 calories.
Hope you all are having a great day.
Hugs,
Chris