hey all,
had another good day..
ate 1470 calories and did my exercises...(Gosh this is repetitive...it's almost like saying I went to the bathroom.)
okay,
the stink eye, I used to get it when I was fat.
From men mostly.
Sometimes there was a lady or two who would give me the stink eye...but not many, they were usually very nice.
Now, How do I say this.
I have been noticing something for a while but was afraid it would sound big headed or stuck up..
But after last week I just couldn't ignore it anymore.
I went to enroll my daughter in school...I was wearing a nice outfit and did my hair and makeup...I looked up from a brochure and this lady was staring at me with what can only be termed malice.
She was dressed in sweats and a tshirt and looked like she rolled out of bed.
I didn't give the look back. I smiled and she rolled her eyes and turned away.
Now, It goes the other way.
I dress up, I do my makeup.
I like to look good.
I rarely get the stink eye from men (*hmmmmmm lol)....but I have been noticing lately that some ladies give me the stink eye...even when I purposely go out of my way to smile at them.
It leaves me wondering if I ever did that.
It goes something like this...
If I am dressed up (skirt, shirt...hair done and makeup) I will notice if I am standing in line and the lady in front of me is maybe overweight, and/or dressed in pajamas and or has sweats on...hair messy (Now remember, this was a look I had the corner market on about 13 or 14 months ago.overweight,dressed in sweats with messy hair, no makeup)
She will look back and
It's a quick up and down...a stink eye..then alot of tugging and pulling and maybe even a 'pony out, quick hair brush, pony in" kind of a thing.
one more stink eye, hand and arm through hubbies arm and sudden cuddling.
All of which I find vastly amusing and somewhat sad all in one fell swoop.
I am not dressing up to 'make a move' on someone else's man..
I dress up cause it makes me feel better.
even worse.
I used to do the SAME THING.
the tugging, the straightening.
I fear, even the stink eye.
Maybe I am just screwing up the curve.
I know there is an agreed upon level of 'doneness' when going to the store.
Which is cool. Tight jeans, tight top and major makeup while teetering around on sky high heels like your headed out for a night of clubbing...not cool.
I get that.
But somewhere in the last 20 years 'done' has become undone.
I am not wearing cocktail dresses.
I am wearing a skirt and a shirt and some flats, a quick curl and lipgloss, blush and eyeliner with a bit of eyeshadow...no base or anything..maybe some earrings.
The acceptable level of 'done' these days (at my local walmart anyways)
varies from the teen girls wearing jeans and t shirts who look cute. (and if we are lucky...not too tight) to people who didn't bother to get dressed.
I was a person who, a year and a half ago...would have been standing around in stained shirt, sweat pants with my hair combed but with split ends..no makeup.
I dressed myself the way I viewed myself.
sloppy and fat.
I never realized how much effort went into feeling that way.
Every day of my life I spent thinking of how crappy I felt, how lazy I was...How bad I looked, what a pig I was etc.
It takes much less effort to eat right and exercise...to dress up and put on makeup.
Because I feel good going out.
Once I do all that, I don't worry how I look, because I feel like I look good..and I can just focus on enjoying.
I don't stand there tugging, and fidgeting..and wallowing in self hatred while being annoyed by that skinny b*tch behind me who had done her hair and is wearing a skirt (who does that just to go to Walmart, anyways!)
It's energy wasted on being resentful.
It reminds me of what I saw on CMT once.
There were these ladies talking about Dolly Pardon (who is kind of a personal hero and always has been)
Well, one lady wanted to ask her...'doesn't it get tiring always dressing up and putting on the makeup?
So she asked.
Dolly's response.
Nope.
I know what she's talking about.
I know the difference.
I feel fantastic. I feel pulled together and powerful.
You don't have to wear makeup and dress up to feel that way...
As long as your life is making you feel that way.
But, it's what gives me that extra bit of confidence.
I enjoy the heck out of it.
I won't give that up for anything.
I am worth the effort and so is every one of those women.
whatever it takes to not waste energy on resenting, but living.
And as coco chanel once said
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
Coco Chanel
Have a great night guys...
14 comments:
It is good to be observant of your surroundings. It is more important to not care what those people think. And I don't think you do, which is awesome. It is a sad commentary that we women, in particular, feel threatened by women who they think/know/believe look better than them. Men do not seem to have this problem at all. They aren't giving other men the stink eye based on what they look like. Men simply do not care. They wore their shirts that read Body By Budweiser with pride. And it fits over this huge beer belly. How has this happened? And they feel free to hit on anything that moves? Seriously. Any woman between 18-50, pretty, ugly, thin, chubby, fat. They are completely at ease with the whole thing. Women are totally out of their comfort zone with that. That whole Mars/Venus thing... there is something to that!
lol, yeah....and they try to out gross each other! Too funny. I really hesitated to write this, but thought maybe I could say something someone would connect to.
Great post. I guess I've not experienced this yet. Still don't think anybody sees me. If they do, I've never noticed them. (Still feel kind of invisible)Oh joy - something new to experience!
Well now that I think about it, I have noticed that men hold the door for me now. Hum...
LOL, you should see my town! It's an inner city, almost yuppy suburb, and people here are so into fashion it is ridiculous... Personally, I think it is because of school uniforms (mandatory nationally!)... after high-school graduation, teens are finally able to dress how they want to dress, and so they take great care in their clothes. I love school uniforms. But it does put a lot of pressure on us pony-tail mums... although I've been trying a bit more since last year too. *sigh* whatever. I welcome a stink-eye these days as a compliment :)
Love this blog. I feel so much better when I make an effort in my dress, hair, makeup and accessories... but far too often I don't bother!
There are so many worse things in life than being a MILF. Sorry about that, but it is now true. Learn to live with love, hate, ridicule and jealousy. It is all good, and you have done a lot of work to become the envy of your peers..
I think you should feel proud to be on the receiving end of the old stink eye. Especially since these people HAVE NO IDEA how hard you've worked to be able to look like you do now.
On the other hand, I don't think we (the royal we) should judge people by appearance at all - no matter what their appearance is. Easy to say, hard to do.
I've gotten a few admiring glances in my time, but I don't remember offhand getting the "stink eye."
But now and then, people stare. And I mean out right STARE and then do a double take. They do it now when I take all the sidekicks out because there are 6 of them. People stared 10 - 12 years ago (before the sidekicks) because I'm 6'1".
So maybe I wouldn't have noticed a stink eye back then.
To go out in a "stained shirt and sweat pants" with messy hair is the equivalent of saying, "I've given up." I've seen thin women sporting that look as well as heavy women. Kind of sad. To me, it's more about attitude and self-esteem than weight though that's certainly a component. It's actually a red flag for depression, don't you think.
In the spirit of full disclosure, when my son was a student and I drove him to school at 7:15, stained shirt and sweat pants with messy hair would have been an improvement!
Love your blog too. A rather interesting post today. Isn't it sad that "some people" have to be jealous of others because they feel bad? I have never been like that (and I've been fat and thin). I always admire women/men who take care of themselves, fat or thin, and I usually let them know it. I'm so glad that my opinion of myself isn't effected out of jealousy - mean people, now that's another story and something I need to deal with.
If anyone thinks guys as a whole lot don't care ina sinilar manner you'd be wrong. We do. But we don't want you to know we do, and we'll openly tell you we dont. But we do wish we looked as good or better than the stud across the room. No way our macho bones could withstand the jabbing we'd get if our buddys knew thats how we felt.
Stink eye, love the term :-)
I do not really notice how other women look at me these days. I really don't care. I have noted a few flirting with me. LOL
Where I live is different though. Most folks aren't so stuck in vanity out here in any form.
I dress better, too. I know I look more confident and I feel so. I've noted it in my face in photos over the past year or so. Whatever it takes to have the confidence is worth it.
This is so true...haven't experienced it lately, but I feel self-conscious in a bad way when I go into school and I've looked forward to feeling good and dressing better...but my husband commented that his secretary (who's one of the mums at school) is very rude and critical about some of the dressed up mums in the playground...seems you just can't win!
You think you're being judged when you're fat and frumpy...then you realise you're definately being judged when you're slim and stylish...people seemed to like you better before...ah well, lucky we don't care, cause it feels so great to slim that we no longer care what others think. (I have been slim before, so I've seen it first hand.)xx
The stink eye-- I love it! I know exactly what you mean. I once had a boss that said women don't get dressed up for men they get dressed up for other women. True I think.
I still am amazed by how ppl react to me this way. My weight loss prompted my femininity, skirts (to hide excess skin) became a daily part of my life. These days I am fond of saying that vanity goes a long way towards maintenance for me. Nothing wrong with that and the effort it takes to look cute in the morning is far less than the effort it ook to go out and live my life as a slob.
Just found your blog by the way... can't wait to read more.
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