8.23.2010

I am treated differently now that I am thin.

yes,
I was reading Deb's blog.
It is absolutely true.
I am treated differently, better, now that I am thin.
In every way, shape or form imaginable...by just about everyone but a handful of people.
There are only four people who have not.
My friend Amber
My kids
my mom.

Where is my husband?
He treats me differently.
He treated me like a buddy before.
Now I am a girlfriend/grab @ss buddy.
lol.
It's the truth.
Okay,
Ways this difference manifests itself.

before
Men never looked me in the eye...
let alone smiled, nodded or said hi.
Now, they jog a little to open a door for me.
'associates' Lead me across a store for a can of spray paint instead of what they used to do which was grunt and point in a general direction.
Then the dude stood there and asked me if these were the colors I needed or did I want him to look in the back? o.0

Before...
It would be me wandering around lowes for hours looking for something and never getting any help.

Since I have gotten thin I have had men
Jump out from behind that big desk at kinkos to help me copy YES COPY 7 sheets of paper in a copier. ( I know how to copy papers.)
pick up a 40 lb bag of dog food in the aisle of the commissary (may I just say I NEVER got help, not ONCE when I was big...) I mean this dude saw me bend down and said "Hey, let me get that..
you are too tiny to heft that bag" I let him....why not. It was novel.
(I could have used the help when I was bigger..it wasn't about me then and it wasn't about me that time either....it was how I looked.)

I have male cashiers smile and look me in the eye...I had one help me find a specific item in the bargain bin...he walked with me all the way to the back of the store and dug through to the bottom to find the last metal index card holder for 50 percent off.
I would go on and on about the customer service, but I have been going to this safeway for 6 years and it's only been in the last 4 months that I received this kind of "personalized" service.

I no longer get snide comments or eye rolls when I order in a restaurant.
like when a guy said to me
"I thought you were here for the large pizza'.

I will never forget the time I was standing in line at another pizza place, (hmmm starting to notice a common them..too much pizza perhaps. Lol) and I looked to my left and happened to catch the eye of a guy who was waiting for his order.
I smiled a kind of automatic stranger smile.
He returned my smile with a look of disgust and then turned away.
I was hurt and humiliated.
I have not had one of my smiles returned that way in quite a while.
In fact, I have men out right stare at me trying to catch my attention.
This may sound awful.
And it is awful.
I am not a different person.
I am the same person who, 100 lbs ago, as I walked through the door of my gym, the men allowed the door to hit me in the face.
Now it's opened for me.
I have the same feelings and the same thoughts.
The jokes i told 100 lbs ago....met with silence.
Now, they laugh.
Am I suddenly comedic genius?
No.
It's a way of treating someone based on outward appearance and it says a lot more about them then it says about me.

But, don't let people in the shallow end of life's wading pool screw you up.
ultimately, it has nothing to do with them.
It has to do with you.
What you want, and what you need.
which is a long healthy life.
Hugs,
Chris

30 comments:

Patrick said...

Amen, worry not about how others act, treat you or how their actions differ from then versus now. Fretting over others will cause your hair to go grey, wrinkles to deepen and a third arm to grow from your left outer thigh, ugh, you don't want that.

Be Happy as the Jamaican's say. It is the Jamaican's isn't it?

Deb Willbefree said...

Uh-hmm, Patrick, thanks for the warning. I'll stop worrying about others RIGHT NOW since I already have everything but the third arm! I'm pretty sure that would be bad. lol.

Thanks, Chris, for your comment on my blog and for this post. You are, of course, absolutely right. :D

Deb

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

I'm not anywhere NEAR my goal and I've absolutely noticed a difference. It's creepy, flattering, and kind of offensive all at the same time.

My family and especially the kids? They are happy for me and love that I'M happy, but they don't treat me any differently. I'm so thankful for that.

Tammy said...

Too bad this is a reality. I look forward to someday having these experiences. I sure don't want anything growing out of my left outer thigh as Patrick described, but sometimes it is easier said than done, that is not worrying about how others might think of or act towards you.

You look great and deserve only kindness and consideration. Thanks for sharing.

Tammy
http://anewertammy.com

Michele said...

Racism, bigotry, discrimination and intolerance, and that is what you are talking about here, rear their ugly head(s) in many ways. The imagery that you portrayed here resonated with me because I have had similar interactions.

Attitude is everything, that is what my spouse says. It is about us (YOU) and what we want a long and healthy life.

My vision: I'd like to get the Bad-Ass Dr Fatty to show up some of those folks that you described.
Michele

Karla said...

It's like I am no longer invisible, it is so weird... the other day I was filling the plastic bags for one of my cashiers and a customer was trying to make small talk, I am so used to not even being acknowledged, I was invisible almost now people see me !! it is taking some getting used to.

Melissa said...

You are so correct.

Guys at the mill bend over backwards to help, say hi, show me a valve I can't find, etc.

Before? Nothing. My male co-worker, not so much as a nod. It's hilarious, right?

Alexia said...

What is Patrick saying about Jamaicans? :)

It's terrible because skinny or fat you are a human being, Chris. You are. Maybe people are more attracted to health and vitality? Maybe because you're taking better care of yourself?
I have no idea.

cmoursler said...

I think patrick said jamaicans grow third arms out of their left thigh if they carry animous over past slights.
But don't quote me.
lol

Rebecka said...

You are absolutely correct that people, men AND women treat you differently when you are a healthy weight.
However, I somewhat disagree on your point that you are the same person now that you were when you were fat.
No, you're not.
You feel differently about yourself, you carry yourself differently, you dress differently, you feel (now) that you deserve the respect of others, because you have more respect for yourself.
So, to an extent we have to accept responsibility for the way others treat us when we are fat. Many times they are only reflecting an attitude that we have toward ourselves.
I know that's not the popular thing to say, but it's true.

cmoursler said...

I'd like to believe all that, but even when I was in a good mood....dressed nicely and happy. I still recieved the same reaction.
Sometimes it really is other people. Other people and their own bias.

cmoursler said...

I am more myself now, more confident...but the essence of who I am, my intelligence, my feelings, my view of the world...my soul. They are the same.

Purple Cow said...

Cheeez, and here I was thinking that the world was getting ruder...it's cause I've put on weight of course!!!!

cmoursler said...

lol...@ purple cow, you are too funny...and you may be right on any count.

Fiona said...

Enjoy it and make sure you keep smiling at those of us at the start of our journey :)

Life as a Caterpillar said...

Chris, this is a really interesting post.

I was just thinking yesterday how everyone i know who is battling weight issues seems to have one thing in common, we all had one (or more) life-changing events in our lives that have made us seek comfort in food.
To someone who's never had an issue with food, i agree with you, they look at overweight people and think we are stupid, but in my experience, that's just so far from the truth. We could have turned to alcohol, drugs or done any amount of other self-harming vices, but we were smarter than that, we knew that was bad for us, so we hid at home with our families, buried ourselves in baggy clothes and ate too much.

This is really thought-provoking, thank you for posting

xx
lesley

MB said...

After going up and down the scale a few times I've witnessed drastic changes in the way people treat me depending on my size. It always frustrates me because I'm still the same person no matter what size my pants happen to be at the time.

I'm glad you're finally getting some good customer service even though you deserved it all along.

Allan said...

Pasties, yeah Jamaican meat patties made by the British.. Yeah, health food...Interesting comment yesterday about the bagels... Still processing it.. My dog Stanley comes from UP also

Putz said...

yes we males are animals, you are so damned cute now, and then as now deserve the attention and help, but now you definetely fit the american dream in all ways>>>you still have personality{you have always had that} but now the bod that is gangbustyers>>>even i as a man when i am at my perfect weight get some looks at least when i wear something fashionable>>i wish i was there to flirt with you>>.love you the putziness

Fat Grump said...

Chris, what you say I have experienced too..only the other way round! I used to be slim and pretty and people were generally very helpful and kind. Men stared, smiled, made conversation, flirted too. Women wanted my opinion, and yes, looked me up and down...checked my jewellery, make-up, shoes, clothes etc.

Now?

OK, so I am older and don't expect to be a 'babe' all my life, but I am also much fatter. I might as well be invisible. I feel invisible. I am still the same woman. I have the same level of intelligence, the same mannerisms, the same way of engaging with people, the same good heart, but I am fat and made to feel that I am of no consequence. People look through me almost. It's weird! The feminist in me snorts - a point has been made, but it's amazing how a value is placed on us because of our shape and weight, isn't it?

Garen said...

Amen! I have had exactly the same reaction to my weight loss as well. It is shocking how different the treatment has been from my old weight to my new weight. Same old me.

Robin said...

Thanks for sharing this Chris. I have always been about the same weight. I snarked about going up and down, but my ups have never been too far up. My downs have been ugly. Especially when I was living in GA in bed all the time with migraines. Not pretty. So, I am accustomed to all of the things you are talking about. Being a small boned person and not particularly tall, if I have asked someone at a store for something that they know is going to be heavy, chances are good that they will walk with me tote it. It never occurred to me that all people didn't get the same treatment. However, as you said everything you said says more about OTHER PEOPLE than it does about YOU.

former fatty said...

I have noticed all these things you talked about also, but I also know I myself walk with my head held higher and I look people in the eye now. I possible could have been getting more looks before good or bad looks, but I was walking with my head down so I never noticed it. Well written nice blog!!

Just Me said...

Chris, you are hiliarious. Love your post today. BTW, I wanted to commend, high five, congratulate, thank...okay, whatever...you for your comment on Mike's blog. Heartfelt and bang on!

99ToGo said...

As oblivious as I am (they don't come much more out-of-it than I) I never would have thought to pay attention to this...but one of your other posts mentioned this a few weeks or so ago, so I have been looking out for a change. When a guy jumped to grab the door for me the other day, I must admit I was wondering if 55 pounds ago that would have happened. But, as one of the other bloggers mentioned, I AM different now. I am not trying to hide my existence the way I was before. I'm not giving off "invisible" vibes anymore, but "hey I'm a human being too" vibes, if that makes any sense.

But you do have a point, and I think 20/20 did an segment on this once, where they placed a "hot" damsel in distress in the same predicament as a plain-Jane (or heavier set gal) and sure enough, hotty got the help.

Rettakat said...

Being only halfway to my goal, I haven't experienced this yet. I wonder if I will... if being a "ma'am" instead of a "miss" will make it a different experience. LOL!

Loretta
=^..^=

Tammy said...

The fact that you're right makes me cry...but I'm always crying for one reason or another, so ignore me. :)

Katie J said...

I had this conversation recently with my SIL. She was always thin and it wasn't until she had a baby that her weight balloned and now she is overweight and said people totally treat her differently as in badly vs. when she was thinner.

People can be very shallow and I am so glad you made the point about it being on them.

M Pax said...

I noted a huge difference, too. However, I am not the same person. I'm much more confident and I no longer think the world revolves around me. I don't think anyone makes a conscious decision to treat us better. I consider it a nice side benefit.

I was hit on by a teenage football star the other night. Granted, it was dark so he could not see how much older I am. But it was cute and very flattering all the same.

I'm thinking because I now put more into life than I used to, I get more back. Maybe it's that people are responding to. I'm sure appearance plays into it, but there are a whole lot of other factors in that mix.

AJ said...

I love hearing events like this. It makes me laugh harder at humanity.

But for the sake of comparison....I have been working for Macy's for three weeks now (not long, I know. And within their training videos and manuals they are very strict on meeting and greeting the customer, very un-biased by someones looks or fashion sense etc. etc etc.

My Girlfriend Becca (whom I'm sure you've seen ther recent hott pics of) was walking through every department on every floor waiting for me to finish work one evening and the minute she seen me she was ept on letting me know that with all the dozens and dozens of people working and being so "Customer Driven" she was only approched by two associates. The rest ignored her and much more.

It is sad how people are treated different by their looks, treated different if your not a size 2.

But it's now also very sad to see how 65% of the associates at my store get treated and watched because I was upset enough to explain to the head manager the outstanding customer service she received.

So enjoy the special treatment. Because now only you know how shallow some people are...lol