you may think this would be obvious..what I am about to tell you.
And it has been, but not in a real way..
not until lately.
I have finally realized that I am a Christian with a capital C.
Meaning?
Up till now it has all been turned inward.
It was all about being a christian inside...
Making sure that my conscience was clear...that my thoughts were going in the right direction.
That I kept my priorities straight.
That I walked straight.
Giving to people that was deliberate but not talked about. (still won't be...)
That is good.
the bad...
I have a mouth.
A bad one.
I cuss way too much.
I let it go cause I figure God knows my heart, he knows what I mean.
And that is what counts.
I finally realized that I owe God more than that.
I am a Christian, and one of many.
No, I am not the universe's Captain Christian out to save humanity.
I can't do it...I don't save anyone...God does.
But I am supposed to be a light.
I don't mean by standing on street corners handing out tracts.
I mean in my home...and to the world at large.
My home should feel like a place of warmth and love.
To anyone who enters.
They shouldn't feel judged, or condemned or unwelcome.
They should feel loved.
How I use language does matter.
How I keep my home and my heart attitude, it matters.
How I approach problems, my attitude towards them..
it may be the only time someone gets to see a Christian in that problem...If i come at it with anger, and irritation...what does that say..that I am human, yes.
But it says that God has done nothing for me...when he has.
I just have given myself permission to be (this is usually where I would cuss...lol) a bad person.
I need to cultivate patience with my children and my husband first.
To my friends when I speak.
Because I am either building up or tearing down.
Every word I say, I will answer for...
So, if I say something foolish...even as a jest..and it tears someone down a little.
How does that make the world better?
It doesn't.
If I criticize, but never approve.
Who does that teach?
My heart and what it reads, what it listens to...they matter.
For from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
I stopped reading romance novels a few months ago.
I don't think they are 'wrong'.
But I finally realized I wanted to start filling it (meaning my mind) with something important.
I realized I wanted to read the bible..
then I wanted to go to church.
Then I wanted a GOOD church.
I want to pray. I want to find my way back to the relationship I used to have with God.
When I could feel him with me almost every minute of every day.
When what I 'looked' like didn't matter because I was focused on others.
I want to be healthy for my family and so I don't become a stumbling block to people hearing what I am saying.
It's something I figured out through weight loss.
I finally realized how much people process through their eyes.
I finally get the whole stumbling block thing.
People only see the outside.
They believe what they see, what they hear....
To be a light, I can't talk about it..
what is that quote...found it:
“Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.”
There...it's Ralph Waldo Emerson...
I never really let that sink in before.
I need to be "God's hands" so loudly that I don't have to talk about it.
I am so impatient.
I am so hard headed and hard hearted.
I've got a fast mouth.
I am a loner.
Being a gracious hostess.
Being a person who watches what they say and how they say it .
These are going to be very hard for me.
I think I wrote a while back that I would know when God kicks me hard enough that it is time to start growing again.
Well, I have sustained my weight these last two weeks...eating maintenance...doing my exercise.
I will start losing the final 18 pounds starting tomorrow.
But while I am, I will also be doing the above.
I am going to start stripping away what isn't necessary.
Words that aren't necessary...
And adding things that are.
Kindness. cultivating a kind heart.
being grateful daily for all that I have.
cultivating a positive attitude
using Gracious and uplifting words.
It will take work.
So I think I will be using this poem as a guide...
"An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, "Are these words true?" If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; "Are they necessary?" At the third gate we ask; "Are they beneficial?" and at the fourth gate, we ask, "Are they kind?" If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid."
I wonder if people will think I've gone mute. lol.
And I just wanted to say to Joy, and Karla that I got your awards...I will post them sometime in the coming week and I wanted to say thank you for them.
Robin...I will make some questions tomorrow.
Hope everyone is doing well and is feeling good.
Hang in there.
Hugs,
Chris
14 comments:
I struggle with these concepts too. Using harsh language and impatient and hard hearted. Add quick to anger for me personally.
Thank you for bringing such a personal realization to light. It's set me to thinking about ways that I can be kinder and gentler with my family.
:) Great words, wonderful thoughts, magnificent heart. :)
Let me remind you of something you know. God created you as you are--with the qualities of personality that you have. He created you--and it is you that He wants to move through.
As you are bringing you under His kirection, don't be deceived into thinking you have to be someone else. He made you to be a thinker, someone who is good one-on-one, someone who sees the underside of some things, motives, too.
Yes, those qualities can cause you to be a loner, or a cynic or critical--but, in God's hands, they'll make you an exceptional counselor, friend and mentor, for example.
Just sayin.
This post instructed me and reminded me of where I need my focus to be, too. Thanks.
Joy arises in His arms.
Deb
Sounds like you are growing in the Lord.
And becoming aware of the power of life and death in the tongue is a big deal.
Your post reminded me of when I first read "The Greatest Thing in the World", a tiny book by Scottish minister Henry Drummond. You can get a free online copy here:
http://henrydrummond.wwwhubs.com/
In the booklet, he challenges readers to read I Corinthians 13 once a day for a month, and says it will be life-changing.
I did, and it was.
I decided to learn the whole thing, and apply it to my life. Uh huh, right....
I never really got past the first verse: Love is patient, love is kind. I'm still working on that!!
We ALL have a long way to go. It's lovely to read your heart, and how you want to learn to love others better... by how you speak, and what you do. Very beautiful.
Loretta
=^..^=
This is an issue that is very near to me. I've found that God CAN change a cusser. Cuz I sure as hhh...hhhheck didn't do it myself (oh, okay, I'm still not perfect). Ask Him, day in and day out, for help. He's faithful. PS, There's a few of us Christian weight-loss bloggers that found the "Weigh Down" diet (not a diet) very helpful lately. It's Christian and pretty enlightening. Worth a look. Free youtube videos. Had to recommend. Good luck with the last 18! I'm chasing my last 16. WE CAN DO IT!!!
There are a lot of great thoughts here. An old friend of mine used to tell me that even if I don't see why my bad habits are a problem, if they cause another to stumble, then the are a problem. Some of my habits could have easily, and probably did, cause others to stumble.
Have a great day Chris!
was this ever a weight blog?????did you ever talk to people about being healthy or have you always talked about philosophy and religion?????????????in my mind you have always talked about faith and love and friendship and god>>>>so what is my point???? i like your posts and i get better because of you >>>i am in love with you in a good way, yes there is enough love to go around for everybody and you will always be my hero...so keep on being on>>love you the putz
Some of what you are saying really seems to go along with a book I am currently rereading, and love! It is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven't read it yet, you might enjoy it. Our words have so much power!
Cara :)
Psalm 19:14 - May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Me too, guilty on the cussing thing. I hate it and work on it a lot but still struggle especially if I'm mad.
I don't think you have to specifically talk/write about Christianity to have a ministry. I think you've got quite the ministry going right here with your blogging about your weight loss journey and the many other topics you share.
Keep up the good work.
I like the Sufi tradition. I may never speak again though. Sounds like you are searching for a little more...most of us are searching...I am.
I love this post, and I hate it, too. Because it totally points out where I need to work on myself. And that's never fun. (I kid, I kid. Kind of.)
Thanks for being so open with this WHOLE process, Chris. Not just about your weight but about all the other stuff, too.
I had that revelation about cussing several weeks ago. Maybe a month. It's hard. I actually don't talk a whole lot here because it is just mom and my stepdad and I. I spend most of my time in bed, reading, or on here. We eat meals. Go to the doctor and other appts, but not much talking. So, my cursing out loud just doesn't happen much. On here... well, it does and did. I then made this conscious choice to try and stop. It is harder than you think. You are in this groove of typing and it comes out. I could go back and edit myself. But, I couldn't have done that if I were talking. And I said on here that I was trying to quit. So, the editing would make it look like I was more successful than I actually was. It became this conundrum. So, I left it and noted it. And I am still trying. I have this big huge plan that is all about faith right now. But, I know that people who create what I want to create don't talk with curses on their tongue.
You are one of the most determined people I know, so once you set your mind to this, I have no doubt that you will succeed at it.
The poem at the end is fantastic! If only we all threw our words before those four gates before speaking them. I like your line that you're either building up or tearing down, too. How true. I'm a Christian, too, and have much growing to do, as I think we all do. I've never considered my weight a block to teach God's word, but now I can see that. A healthier me will be able to share His word with nothing to hide much better than a fat me who feels the need to hide. Thanks for this post. It hit home.
Great post. I like the way you just put it out there for all the world to see! Not easy. We're working on some of the same things, especially trying to have a loving, gracious home and being uplifting. God bless you.
Love this post:)
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