6.15.2015

My Achilles heel

Is my open and honest nature.

This might seem to be something I would have learned earlier in life, right?

Well.. No.
I got married at 19 and raised a family.
We moved a lot and I was never social for many reasons.
Many times, our strengths can be weakness in the hands of the wrong person.
Just like we don't share our truth with people who don't appreciate it...

I need to learn that people will take advantage of my work ethic and need to excel, if they are a dishonest or manipulative person.

Now that I know how to express my feelings...which is 'good'.   I want to move on to the next hurdle...controlling my emotions in certain situations...particularly with people who would use it to manipulate me.
At work in particular.
I have a boss who wants to make money...loads...because she wants a divorce.
So the level at which I had been keeping the store is no longer good enough...she says things meant to push my buttons...
And I didn't pick up on it...I honestly thought I was doing , or must be doing something differently or wrong..though nothing had changed.
She said 'well, just write the cashiers lists of things...too many things...they will stress and work harder."
That's what she had been doing to me.
Because she knew I placed a high priority in being seen as hard working.
I had given a dishonest person ammunition.
In life, you know who you can trust.
Yep. That person...the one person you could tell anything to. Where you buried the body, your most embarrassing moment etc....and it won't be used against you...it will never be mentioned again.
That is the person you can be completely open and honest with.
Or here with you all...we have nothing to gain or lose here...just increased knowledge, and the feeling of not being alone...but with work acquaintances..associates...no.
Now to regain mystery. It will be quite the slog.
But the first genie is already back in the bottle.
Now I know.
Knowledge is the first step.
If there is someone you have given your innermost motivations away to...and they are living at a basic level...this is your opportunity to withdraw and regain leverage.
Those types believe what they see...never give them undo advantage.
Be firm, polite, friendly...but give no personal information...and when they push your buttons, file it under manipulation and focus on winning the encounter.
One day at a time will win it.
Chris out.

3 comments:

Deb Willbefree said...

Wow.

When I read, "She said 'well, just write the cashiers lists of things...TOO MANY THINGS...they will stress and work harder." I actually heard myself gasp.

She really let the cat out of the bag with that one, didn't she? I commend you on your restraint in not blurting something out in response that would have tipped her off to your newfound insight. I might have blurted. :}

Her method (I find it astounding that someone would purposely PLAN to give someone a list knowing that it was too much!) is not only manipulative and unkind, it is poor management. A management style that will inevitably cause the exact opposite of her goal. And serves her right! Poor employees, tho. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Ack. Putting the brakes on the rant.

Good for you for catching what was going on there.

Deb

Hey. You left a comment for me a while ago and I emailed you, then realized the email didn't go thru, and rreplied to your comment. I hope you got it and just decided to let it go rather than thinking I hadn't responded.

Robin said...

I've worked for good bosses and bad bosses. This is clearly the latter. I'm so glad you figured out how she operates, so you can change how YOU operate.

jo said...

I have extreme trust issues right now, and it's because I have given my heart and had it stomped on. You are correct about not giving personal information. I am extremely hesitant to do it in blog form anymore, because my burn was so bad and changed my life completely. ugh

Stand your ground--you definitely will.