The way of the warrior

*quick edit...I don't advocate women staying in physically violent relationships! FLEE..and do it now.  My fight analogy was more an allegory for life..was not clear and I apologise. By fighting, I mean fight for a life free from abuse..And that only happens when you value your personal and physical boundaries and are capable of backing them up. Mentally, physically and spiritually...and for many women financially. Any woman planning to leave needs to have a safe plan. 

They say there are two general reactions to stress.
Fight or flight.
When I was little, and I was picked on...it wasn't in me to run away.
When told I couldn't do something, it made me want to try harder...
And when faced with an aggressive person...I go into full fight mode.
I get that from my mother.
When I asked her what she thought the first time Duane hit her..she said, in my mind I thought "oh, it's on!" Lol.
I never witnessed an episode of abuse where my mom didn't fight back...her mistake was thinking she was going to save him.
So...what I am saying..is that I come by my instinctive fight naturally.
As my mom always said...they may be bigger..they may win...but when we are through they are going to wish they never messed with me.

I have seen many young ladies..and men who's first instinct is flight...and while flight from physical danger can save your bacon...mental or spiritual flight can trap you...
And I have pondered this problem.
How to give someone a fighting spirit...
You can't.
They have to want it.
All you can do is show them how.
The most powerful moment I have had in martial arts was watching a finger lock take a grown man to the ground. The knowledge that it wasn't sheer force, or size that mattered. But ability and knowledge...
That gave me such a feeling of power and freedom from the illusion of fear, that I was never the same again.http://youtu.be/dSces0ikInY
That is a link to the style of defense I will be teaching...that is the finger lock I was shown. 
I think people flee when they have no hope of winning...and stand and fight when they feel strong.  
But sometimes life has beaten you so far down that fighting seems like too much energy...

Sometimes it takes mini victories...setting boundaries, losing a pound, saying no...to begin to get your fight back.  I have been reading two books...my fight/your fight by Ronda rousey. And modern bushido by a dude named bohdi sanders.
I have a few months left before the traing center is up and running and a year or two before I can conceive of training anyone else...now is the time to  research my teaching style, my philosophy, my approach and really study the different resources here in town so that I am locked in on all fronts with what I am trying to accomplish...I'll be writing here a lot more...there is no fruit without relationship...and one person fighting alone will never equal the combined strength of many committed people pulling together. 
Chris out


Richard said...

So far Christine I have been cheering and agreeing with you all the way... but this time I'm not sure the message is right.

If a women is in a violent relationship, I believe flight is the best thing to do. Why on earth would one person stay in it? Morgues get a lot of women that stay in such a relationship to "save" the jerk and paid the ultimate price.

I would not think that someone that see flight as the solution to be any mentally weaker than someone that stay to meet force with force. The best you can do, is the best you can do.

Maybe I didn't get the message right, but I have 2 adult daughters and I wouldn't want to see them getting hurt by a bullies and do nothing about it...

FredT said...

there is one more, freeze, or do nothing alternative.

Robin said...

They have to want it. All you can do is show them how.

Yep. I couldn't agree more.

Christine said...

Oh Richard, I absolutely agree with you...not sure where the disconnect happened..by mental or spiritual flight, I mean their will to fight gets and and leaves..by physical flight, sometimes it's the better part of valor to not take part. In a physically abusive relationship..the person should absolutely leave. You don't stay in a physically violent relationship. My mom fighting and defending herself was not optimal, she should have left..but while physically tough...my mother had not set in boundaries on emotional space...she should have known she was worth more and set personal limits on how others were allowed to treat her. For me, fighting means fighting for yourself. Fighting for your space...fighting for your right to exist happy. The only problem I see with fleeing..is not the act itself...it's the fact that THAT is when most women in physically abusive relationships are killed. Sometimes, you can run, but you can't hide..and the police can't protect you. You have to protect yourself.

Christine said...

@fred..I call that deciding by not deciding. Still getting beat...I call that feeing internally. Not accepting that what is happening is really happening. It's very damaging. Hope you are not in that situation.

Richard said...

Thanks Christine now I get it... by getting physically and mentally stronger, one will not surrender to abuse in the first place.

Christine said...

Yes, or if you are already in it..it can help you break free.