will be back on Tuesday...I have a ton of stuff to do...
Hope all is well in your world.
Have a good one..
signing off
Chris
oh...and something to keep you amused while i am away....you have to watch all the way through.
I watch most days just to get a good laugh in..
2.20.2011
2.19.2011
Where the control LIES...and clarification...
Hey guys..
So, I am on my new forever plan...
I feel I may have been unclear as regards my intake and outflow.
So, let me clarify.
To maintain 135 pounds...and I could do all the math in the world..
I simply add a zero.
and you can take whatever calculations you want, add it up and it will spit out about that number.
I know, I have done it.
Then I add my calories.
some people were concerned I was over estimating my caloric burn at the gym.
That 3000 calorie burn level is conservative.
that would be a 600/400 pattern
I change up my routine ever 3 months to adjust for my body getting used to a routine.
Which is actually a quicker cycling than most recommend.
right now I am doing 1 hour elliptical...140 situps and upper body weights..
I am only counting my elliptical burn which usually comes in around 700...but I give myself 600.
I go aout 5.6 miles on the elliptical..so even if I had walked it..it would 100 calories per mile not counting the resistance which is usually around a six.
Then on the other days....I do a two mile walk, two mile jog and my situps and stretching which comes in at 400 calories burned.
So...
a six day pattern is 3000 calories.
I won't be counting my 300 calorie 3 mile walk on sundays to finish out my everyday till may promise.
Now...
I have been spot on with this calorie count exercise burn thing from the get go...
actually I have been conservative, because when I am spot on, I lose faster than my calculations would suggest...
Why?
Because I don't take into account the house cleaning, yard work and grocery shopping et al that I do day in and day out.
Now on to my plan for life.
1350 plus calories accumulated due to exercise.
My plan is to eat 1600 calories per day.
and 'bank' the rest for when I want a higher calorie day...which will probably be on Sundays.
so to be specific....
M-Tue-Wed-Th-F-S -S will be a minimum of 1600 calories a day....
This would be dreadful if i were not exercising...To maintain 135 pounds on that schedule I would only have to do three days of ellipticaling...I have created a 1450 calorie excess (250 calorie per day excess) by eating 1600 calories which I will have to BURN OFF If I don't want to regain....three days of ellipticalling (1800 calories will cover the 1450 calorie excess) will take care of 7 days of 1600 calories and then some...
You could do this as well with 7 days of 2.5 mile walks as well....
This number of calories is doable.
But I would like an occassional meal out, or special family dinner...
That is where the other 1200 calories of walking/running comes in...
I will probably bank them all through the week and spend them on a saturday or a sunday when i want to go out..
Or bank them for two weeks for a restaurant meal and movie with no counting and no guilt.
If I find I am losing beyond my goal weight I have the option of upping my calories.
If I am not losing any weight...Or heaven forbid...gaining weight...
(which I don't think will happen)
It is better to find out now and adjust than get to 132 and become upset because my big plan isn't working.
I will post my weight under my name on March first..
I will do a blurb daily of calories consumed..calories expended and how much i have in my daily calorie bank and trust..
I will fill you in on how it feels...how hungry or not hungry I am....what meals I am making now for my family..and how I am integrating maintenance into my life...
Now,
As for my last post...I hope I didn't give the impression that somehow My life changed and therefore I changed.
It was the exact opposite.
And that is the drum I have been beating since I started this blog.
Everything in my life has the same components...
I am married to the same man,
Same house...less money...
I have the same kids...same responsibilities...same stressors...
except for the stressors I removed.
The ones that were keeping me from doing what I needed to do and becoming who I wanted to become.
For instance...
boundaries.
I drew some.
If you don't have boundaries, then anybody can invade your space at any time and in any circumstance.
If you don't have rules about how you want to be treated...
you won't know when to hit the flush button on certain people.
Now there are some people you just can't flush...I get that.
But if you clean up the other aspects of you life...It makes it A LOT easier to deal with the one or two aspects you can not get rid of.
For some reason I thought it was my job to make everyone's life easier.
I had to be useful.
Now there is nothing wrong with being useful and helping people...but doing it at the expense of your life and your health is wrong.
What use will you be dead?
none.
The thing that changed that needed to change was ME.
When I changed how I dealt with the world, how I viewed it and my place in it...and when I clarified what I wanted and went after it..
The world didn't change...
MY WORLD CHANGED...
Because I CHANGED.
If I had waited for my life to come together I would still be sitting in a messy house, 130 pounds overweight, miserable, blaming my childhood, my husband, my circumstances for the state I was in...
So if I am HERE NOW.
What changed?!
ME.
The control lies with me.
and you.
will the world ever be perfect?
NO.
Only you can control how you approach it. How you interact and what you make of it.
That is the difference.
Have a great night guys,
Chris out.
So, I am on my new forever plan...
I feel I may have been unclear as regards my intake and outflow.
So, let me clarify.
To maintain 135 pounds...and I could do all the math in the world..
I simply add a zero.
and you can take whatever calculations you want, add it up and it will spit out about that number.
I know, I have done it.
Then I add my calories.
some people were concerned I was over estimating my caloric burn at the gym.
That 3000 calorie burn level is conservative.
that would be a 600/400 pattern
I change up my routine ever 3 months to adjust for my body getting used to a routine.
Which is actually a quicker cycling than most recommend.
right now I am doing 1 hour elliptical...140 situps and upper body weights..
I am only counting my elliptical burn which usually comes in around 700...but I give myself 600.
I go aout 5.6 miles on the elliptical..so even if I had walked it..it would 100 calories per mile not counting the resistance which is usually around a six.
Then on the other days....I do a two mile walk, two mile jog and my situps and stretching which comes in at 400 calories burned.
So...
a six day pattern is 3000 calories.
I won't be counting my 300 calorie 3 mile walk on sundays to finish out my everyday till may promise.
Now...
I have been spot on with this calorie count exercise burn thing from the get go...
actually I have been conservative, because when I am spot on, I lose faster than my calculations would suggest...
Why?
Because I don't take into account the house cleaning, yard work and grocery shopping et al that I do day in and day out.
Now on to my plan for life.
1350 plus calories accumulated due to exercise.
My plan is to eat 1600 calories per day.
and 'bank' the rest for when I want a higher calorie day...which will probably be on Sundays.
so to be specific....
M-Tue-Wed-Th-F-S -S will be a minimum of 1600 calories a day....
This would be dreadful if i were not exercising...To maintain 135 pounds on that schedule I would only have to do three days of ellipticaling...I have created a 1450 calorie excess (250 calorie per day excess) by eating 1600 calories which I will have to BURN OFF If I don't want to regain....three days of ellipticalling (1800 calories will cover the 1450 calorie excess) will take care of 7 days of 1600 calories and then some...
You could do this as well with 7 days of 2.5 mile walks as well....
This number of calories is doable.
But I would like an occassional meal out, or special family dinner...
That is where the other 1200 calories of walking/running comes in...
I will probably bank them all through the week and spend them on a saturday or a sunday when i want to go out..
Or bank them for two weeks for a restaurant meal and movie with no counting and no guilt.
If I find I am losing beyond my goal weight I have the option of upping my calories.
If I am not losing any weight...Or heaven forbid...gaining weight...
(which I don't think will happen)
It is better to find out now and adjust than get to 132 and become upset because my big plan isn't working.
I will post my weight under my name on March first..
I will do a blurb daily of calories consumed..calories expended and how much i have in my daily calorie bank and trust..
I will fill you in on how it feels...how hungry or not hungry I am....what meals I am making now for my family..and how I am integrating maintenance into my life...
Now,
As for my last post...I hope I didn't give the impression that somehow My life changed and therefore I changed.
It was the exact opposite.
And that is the drum I have been beating since I started this blog.
Everything in my life has the same components...
I am married to the same man,
Same house...less money...
I have the same kids...same responsibilities...same stressors...
except for the stressors I removed.
The ones that were keeping me from doing what I needed to do and becoming who I wanted to become.
For instance...
boundaries.
I drew some.
If you don't have boundaries, then anybody can invade your space at any time and in any circumstance.
If you don't have rules about how you want to be treated...
you won't know when to hit the flush button on certain people.
Now there are some people you just can't flush...I get that.
But if you clean up the other aspects of you life...It makes it A LOT easier to deal with the one or two aspects you can not get rid of.
For some reason I thought it was my job to make everyone's life easier.
I had to be useful.
Now there is nothing wrong with being useful and helping people...but doing it at the expense of your life and your health is wrong.
What use will you be dead?
none.
The thing that changed that needed to change was ME.
When I changed how I dealt with the world, how I viewed it and my place in it...and when I clarified what I wanted and went after it..
The world didn't change...
MY WORLD CHANGED...
Because I CHANGED.
If I had waited for my life to come together I would still be sitting in a messy house, 130 pounds overweight, miserable, blaming my childhood, my husband, my circumstances for the state I was in...
So if I am HERE NOW.
What changed?!
ME.
The control lies with me.
and you.
will the world ever be perfect?
NO.
Only you can control how you approach it. How you interact and what you make of it.
That is the difference.
Have a great night guys,
Chris out.
I am whole
Hello,
I wanted to write this last night, but felt it was too important to write while tired.
I started this weight loss journey nearly two years ago.
Before that I had done quite a bit of work on myself....but a lot of the work I had left to do had to be done while losing the weight.
Because some things can't be fixed until you know they are there.
Before I started losing weight I worked on confrontation, and who I thought I was, versus who God thought I was.
I had to work on what I did or did not control...
I had to figure out what I wanted.
I did that.
It improved my marriage.
It improved my relationships with my friends and family.
I stopped going in circles.
At that point, my house was a mess.
I know this sounds unrelated...but it really isn't.
I think a confused home is a product of a confused mind.
If you have twenty or thirty different hobbies going on..
If you can't decide what kind of clothing style or hair style you like...
If you can't decide anything without it taking two hours...
then you may need to sit down and start asking yourself some questions.
I did...
I had gotten so far down that I couldn't even tell you my favorite color...
(delft blue)
Although I like all colors immensely.
Or what kind of clothes I like....(pretty preppy)
So, once I figured out what I wanted out of relationships and people I had to figure out what I wanted out of me.
Because you draw relationships to you based on your view of yourself.
And it wasn't to be morbidly obese...
And it wasn't to be "only a mom"..
You see, at one point I thought.."I blew it'
I have nothing more to offer....So now I need to focus on my kids.
I need to get my kids grown and get my kids what THEY want.
My life is basically over.
But one day I looked up and said
It ain't over till ...lol.
the fat lady sings.
and I ain't singing.
I was too smart to be this fat.
If all these other women could be skinny, so could I.
And so I began.
And when I started I thought it was about the fat, and now I realize the fat was a symptom.
I released fears I didn't know were down there.
Fears about whether or not I was lovable.
It released anger I had pushed down.
Anger I thought that I had let go of, when In reality...I had simply eaten it.
A few months into this journey...that strange feeling I always had..
that I wasn't really inhabiting my body.
That I was floating around outside of it...
That feeling was gone.
Now,
I was in my body..but battling my body.
I wasn't together yet.
I had let my relationship with God slip the first year I was losing the weight.
It took all the energy I had to battle my body.
That year...Christmas snuck up on me...birthdays..every holiday..
Because I had my nose so close to the ground.
I was staring at TODAY.
I didn't look at tomorrow.
It's what got me through.
And the decision I made a long time ago...
the decision to allow any issue I had to come up...
and I would face it.
That is what helped me make it through.
I didn't shove those issues back down.
I faced them.
I fixed them
I forgot them.
Because I wanted this time to be the last time.
I don't want to waste any more of my life on bullsh*t.
Unresolved issues=bullsh*t
Then I went back to Church.
I found one.
It is good.
I am reconnecting with God...or I should say God is reconnecting with me.
That is a huge third leg on my stool.
God has always been there...He has held on to me even when I wasn't holding on to him.
And recently
My art...
I forgot how peaceful I felt as I drew.
Now I remembered why In high school I never felt the need for anyone.
When I draw I feel complete.
Last night I went out and bought cork board for my wall.
So I can pin up works in progress and pictures and ideas.
My workspace is complete.
And I realized that for me, it's not the weight anymore.
I could care less If I am fashion model skinny.
Or if I have pert tits.
Or if anyone ever thinks I am 'hot'.
I don't care.
I never did.
For me it was about becoming whole.
I have filled in the pits left by a crappy childhood.
I have recovered the bits of my spirit killed by evil people.
Through God's grace..
and I have stopped abusing my body with food and have learned to love myself.
I have everything I want.
So...
I am moving to maintenance calories for 135 lbs.
1350 plus whatever I burn in exercise.
I will post on my efforts at maintenance.
I will tell you how it feels.
I am 144 so I expect more weight to come off..I am just not all verklempt about the rate at which it comes off.
I want to focus on learning how to eat and live in my new body.
How to balance my family and what and how eating and exercise is going to look like from here on out.
Because I am not a number.
I am a person.
I am healthy.
and I am whole.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
chris
I wanted to write this last night, but felt it was too important to write while tired.
I started this weight loss journey nearly two years ago.
Before that I had done quite a bit of work on myself....but a lot of the work I had left to do had to be done while losing the weight.
Because some things can't be fixed until you know they are there.
Before I started losing weight I worked on confrontation, and who I thought I was, versus who God thought I was.
I had to work on what I did or did not control...
I had to figure out what I wanted.
I did that.
It improved my marriage.
It improved my relationships with my friends and family.
I stopped going in circles.
At that point, my house was a mess.
I know this sounds unrelated...but it really isn't.
I think a confused home is a product of a confused mind.
If you have twenty or thirty different hobbies going on..
If you can't decide what kind of clothing style or hair style you like...
If you can't decide anything without it taking two hours...
then you may need to sit down and start asking yourself some questions.
I did...
I had gotten so far down that I couldn't even tell you my favorite color...
(delft blue)
Although I like all colors immensely.
Or what kind of clothes I like....(pretty preppy)
So, once I figured out what I wanted out of relationships and people I had to figure out what I wanted out of me.
Because you draw relationships to you based on your view of yourself.
And it wasn't to be morbidly obese...
And it wasn't to be "only a mom"..
You see, at one point I thought.."I blew it'
I have nothing more to offer....So now I need to focus on my kids.
I need to get my kids grown and get my kids what THEY want.
My life is basically over.
But one day I looked up and said
It ain't over till ...lol.
the fat lady sings.
and I ain't singing.
I was too smart to be this fat.
If all these other women could be skinny, so could I.
And so I began.
And when I started I thought it was about the fat, and now I realize the fat was a symptom.
I released fears I didn't know were down there.
Fears about whether or not I was lovable.
It released anger I had pushed down.
Anger I thought that I had let go of, when In reality...I had simply eaten it.
A few months into this journey...that strange feeling I always had..
that I wasn't really inhabiting my body.
That I was floating around outside of it...
That feeling was gone.
Now,
I was in my body..but battling my body.
I wasn't together yet.
I had let my relationship with God slip the first year I was losing the weight.
It took all the energy I had to battle my body.
That year...Christmas snuck up on me...birthdays..every holiday..
Because I had my nose so close to the ground.
I was staring at TODAY.
I didn't look at tomorrow.
It's what got me through.
And the decision I made a long time ago...
the decision to allow any issue I had to come up...
and I would face it.
That is what helped me make it through.
I didn't shove those issues back down.
I faced them.
I fixed them
I forgot them.
Because I wanted this time to be the last time.
I don't want to waste any more of my life on bullsh*t.
Unresolved issues=bullsh*t
Then I went back to Church.
I found one.
It is good.
I am reconnecting with God...or I should say God is reconnecting with me.
That is a huge third leg on my stool.
God has always been there...He has held on to me even when I wasn't holding on to him.
And recently
My art...
I forgot how peaceful I felt as I drew.
Now I remembered why In high school I never felt the need for anyone.
When I draw I feel complete.
Last night I went out and bought cork board for my wall.
So I can pin up works in progress and pictures and ideas.
My workspace is complete.
And I realized that for me, it's not the weight anymore.
I could care less If I am fashion model skinny.
Or if I have pert tits.
Or if anyone ever thinks I am 'hot'.
I don't care.
I never did.
For me it was about becoming whole.
I have filled in the pits left by a crappy childhood.
I have recovered the bits of my spirit killed by evil people.
Through God's grace..
and I have stopped abusing my body with food and have learned to love myself.
I have everything I want.
So...
I am moving to maintenance calories for 135 lbs.
1350 plus whatever I burn in exercise.
I will post on my efforts at maintenance.
I will tell you how it feels.
I am 144 so I expect more weight to come off..I am just not all verklempt about the rate at which it comes off.
I want to focus on learning how to eat and live in my new body.
How to balance my family and what and how eating and exercise is going to look like from here on out.
Because I am not a number.
I am a person.
I am healthy.
and I am whole.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
chris
2.17.2011
It's finished....and ellipticals.
well, it's done.
I added a fixative and am calling it a day..the next thing I will be working on is doing sketches on scene...I used to do this a long time ago...
go out and do quick sketches so I can get used to it again.
do some still lifes..
reacquaint myself with hand eye...drawing what I see..and enlarging my visual library...
It will make my imaginary world larger.
and today I did the elliptical.
all ellipticals are not equal.
I like mine and hate-hate-hate the ones that are partially aided by electricity.
I also don't like the ones that don't elevate or lower..or ones you can't go backwards on..
so...
I like my precor that reminds me of a star wars machine. (700 calories burned)
I did my situps today..
and my upper body weights..
and 30 PUSHUPS.
YEAH!
I run tomorrow...I am actually looking forward to it.
Hope you all had a great night.
big hugs.
Chris
2.16.2011
headaches...and where ideas come from
Do I have one.
Yes..
well, I did..
I ate cookies yesterday..samoas to be exact.
I thought that was the cause of my headache and body aches today.
But as I was walking on post (all I could muster through my pounding head)
I realized that my ill feeling was a direct result of an upper respiratory infection and a sinus headache.
so 2.8 miles walked.
I then stopped at the px and picked up mineral spirits..
What for?
My art.
I was reading a colored pencil book yesterday and she uses mineral spirits and Q tips to blend her colored pencil.
Apparently this creates a kind of color wash effect.
I am NOT going to try it on my current picture because I have NO idea what sort of effects it affects. lol.
In other words, I am NOT screwing around with the end results..
I am nearly finished...I am done with the wings and just have some touching up to do on the moon and the sky and then will post pictures either Tomorrow or Friday.
And Robin asked where I got the idea for this picture..
same place I get all my ideas..
from my wee skull.
I got a lot of strange things floating around in there...
We will see what pops out.
I get most of my ideas by being out amongst people.
I find people fascinating.
I could watch them for hours.
People, architecture...music, color, space....all fertile ground for ideas.
I draw strange things because I find a lot of reality incredibly boring and or beige...like a denim jumper.
So I like to spice it up a bit.
so I Add some imaginary creatures...add items that don't exist...
put in colors that probably aren't there...
and life is suddenly much more exciting.
Lol.
I want to get to the point where I am doing a kind of realistic fantasy thing..
integrating the fantastical into everyday pictures until it takes a moment to really see what it is you are seeing.
love that kind of stuff...
my friend mary ellen pointed out that I never do landscapes...and that is why...it's boring.
But if I can find a way to do landscapes the 'me' way...then I will.
The only other kind of drawing I like is drawing ugly things...things that nobody notices but become interesting in their own kind of utilitarian fashion.
Things like factories and grain silos.
I like to draw slums and homeless people. Things, instances and people noone notices.
These are usually the things with the most intensity.
One of my favorite places to go and look is the gravel pit and foundry across the road from a trailer park.
It is very stark.
I like it there....I think it would be an interesting pastel or pen and ink* (probably this) drawing.
or series of drawings.
Kind of like monet's haystacks...only it would be Chris's foundry.
but till then I will keep trying to get better...
build my visual library.
So...will sign off now.
I am going to have a hot bath and go to sleep.
Have a good one!
Hugs,
Chris
Yes..
well, I did..
I ate cookies yesterday..samoas to be exact.
I thought that was the cause of my headache and body aches today.
But as I was walking on post (all I could muster through my pounding head)
I realized that my ill feeling was a direct result of an upper respiratory infection and a sinus headache.
so 2.8 miles walked.
I then stopped at the px and picked up mineral spirits..
What for?
My art.
I was reading a colored pencil book yesterday and she uses mineral spirits and Q tips to blend her colored pencil.
Apparently this creates a kind of color wash effect.
I am NOT going to try it on my current picture because I have NO idea what sort of effects it affects. lol.
In other words, I am NOT screwing around with the end results..
I am nearly finished...I am done with the wings and just have some touching up to do on the moon and the sky and then will post pictures either Tomorrow or Friday.
And Robin asked where I got the idea for this picture..
same place I get all my ideas..
from my wee skull.
I got a lot of strange things floating around in there...
We will see what pops out.
I get most of my ideas by being out amongst people.
I find people fascinating.
I could watch them for hours.
People, architecture...music, color, space....all fertile ground for ideas.
I draw strange things because I find a lot of reality incredibly boring and or beige...like a denim jumper.
So I like to spice it up a bit.
so I Add some imaginary creatures...add items that don't exist...
put in colors that probably aren't there...
and life is suddenly much more exciting.
Lol.
I want to get to the point where I am doing a kind of realistic fantasy thing..
integrating the fantastical into everyday pictures until it takes a moment to really see what it is you are seeing.
love that kind of stuff...
my friend mary ellen pointed out that I never do landscapes...and that is why...it's boring.
But if I can find a way to do landscapes the 'me' way...then I will.
The only other kind of drawing I like is drawing ugly things...things that nobody notices but become interesting in their own kind of utilitarian fashion.
Things like factories and grain silos.
I like to draw slums and homeless people. Things, instances and people noone notices.
These are usually the things with the most intensity.
One of my favorite places to go and look is the gravel pit and foundry across the road from a trailer park.
It is very stark.
I like it there....I think it would be an interesting pastel or pen and ink* (probably this) drawing.
or series of drawings.
Kind of like monet's haystacks...only it would be Chris's foundry.
but till then I will keep trying to get better...
build my visual library.
So...will sign off now.
I am going to have a hot bath and go to sleep.
Have a good one!
Hugs,
Chris
2.15.2011
heydy....picture update and everything else...
Hey guys..
I did a 3 mile walk today..
tomorrow is the gym...
for people new to my blog...this last week has been unusual.
I am usually droning on and on about my workouts and eating habits...
so, this coming month we will be back to that and probably up through may..
And I will always blog about my workouts and such, but I intend to start making a shift.
I won't be talking about my weight a lot after May 18th...
I think I will do what roxie does, which is to simply post my weight under my name.
That will keep me accountable.
I will still talk about the gym, and eating well....
But...
I intend to start living my life the way I should have been...and art is going to be a huge part of that.
I will leave up what I did, how I did it...all my archives...
But,
That is why I didn't name this blog 262, or walking away the pounds...because I knew from the get go that the weight was just one part of the puzzle...
That what I wanted to do was bigger.
So, I feel I should warn you...in a month or two the tone of this blog is going to shift and I will be working on finding a balance between eating maintenance calories, working out, my family and my art.
So If You don't like reading about my art, or my family or my attempts at balancing a healthy life...You may want to follow another blog.
I blog for me...I like that people want to read, I enjoy the interaction.
But this whole journey has been to get me to this point...right here.
It has been a natural progression.
I couldn't stay in weight loss mode forever...sooner or later I was going to reach healthy..
I am pretty much there.
If you are looking for a strict weight loss blog, this aint it anymore..
you may want to look for greener pastures.
Everyone else who is prepared to be bored at my artistic attempts while I leap into life as a healthy person..
well, here I go.
On that note:
here's an update on my new picture..the last four are the progress pics...so, 6-9....
if you want to skip.
I am keeping it short tonight..
as for last night.
He was happy ;o)
oh...and I think I have found my theme song for this journey...
it's the song you are hearing now..
mumford and sons...I believe MR. Putz called it strange...
and it is a little...but it's me, so what can you expect.
here are the lyrics
The cave
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Have a great night guys...
Hugs
Chris
I did a 3 mile walk today..
tomorrow is the gym...
for people new to my blog...this last week has been unusual.
I am usually droning on and on about my workouts and eating habits...
so, this coming month we will be back to that and probably up through may..
And I will always blog about my workouts and such, but I intend to start making a shift.
I won't be talking about my weight a lot after May 18th...
I think I will do what roxie does, which is to simply post my weight under my name.
That will keep me accountable.
I will still talk about the gym, and eating well....
But...
I intend to start living my life the way I should have been...and art is going to be a huge part of that.
I will leave up what I did, how I did it...all my archives...
But,
That is why I didn't name this blog 262, or walking away the pounds...because I knew from the get go that the weight was just one part of the puzzle...
That what I wanted to do was bigger.
So, I feel I should warn you...in a month or two the tone of this blog is going to shift and I will be working on finding a balance between eating maintenance calories, working out, my family and my art.
So If You don't like reading about my art, or my family or my attempts at balancing a healthy life...You may want to follow another blog.
I blog for me...I like that people want to read, I enjoy the interaction.
But this whole journey has been to get me to this point...right here.
It has been a natural progression.
I couldn't stay in weight loss mode forever...sooner or later I was going to reach healthy..
I am pretty much there.
If you are looking for a strict weight loss blog, this aint it anymore..
you may want to look for greener pastures.
Everyone else who is prepared to be bored at my artistic attempts while I leap into life as a healthy person..
well, here I go.
On that note:
here's an update on my new picture..the last four are the progress pics...so, 6-9....
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if you want to skip.
I am keeping it short tonight..
as for last night.
He was happy ;o)
oh...and I think I have found my theme song for this journey...
it's the song you are hearing now..
mumford and sons...I believe MR. Putz called it strange...
and it is a little...but it's me, so what can you expect.
here are the lyrics
The cave
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Have a great night guys...
Hugs
Chris
2.14.2011
Back to the gym! and celebrating Valentines day...
Yeah!
lol.
I had a good workout.
I burned 570 calories on the elliptical.
did 28 pushups, 150 situps...stretched
and then did upper body weights.
Cheese and I don't agree so i will be ditching it for a while.
It makes me feel bloated.
lovely.
lol.
I got my husband a card tonight and a dark chocolate bar..and I am making him his favorite soup which I will be serving to him while I wear
Something similar to this.
He gets off work at midnight..so the kids will be in bed and we will be alone.
You may ask why I am sharing this since I never share anything like this..
well, besides the fact that that is all I'll be sharing lol....
um,
As you know, my husband and I had some rough times over the course of our marriage,
and at one point in time I pretty much laid all our ills at his feet.
Until he said something that made me stop and really think.
I was banging on him because he was always miserable.
Well, I pop off with a smart comment about how even if I was thin and the house was spotless he wouldn't be happy.
And he said
I wouldn't know, It's never happened.
bam!
bullseye..
Not that the house had never been spotless...
Or that I had never been thin..
But the thin window was pretty narrow....
So those two had never happened at the same time.
Now I am not saying that for him to be happy I have to be thin and the house has to be spotless.
But after tonight he will never be able to say it again.
And...
we will see how happy it makes him.
lol.
I hope you all are having a great Valentines day, whether you are with someone or alone.
Treat yourselves well!
Hugs,
Chris
lol.
I had a good workout.
I burned 570 calories on the elliptical.
did 28 pushups, 150 situps...stretched
and then did upper body weights.
Cheese and I don't agree so i will be ditching it for a while.
It makes me feel bloated.
lovely.
lol.
I got my husband a card tonight and a dark chocolate bar..and I am making him his favorite soup which I will be serving to him while I wear
Something similar to this.
He gets off work at midnight..so the kids will be in bed and we will be alone.
You may ask why I am sharing this since I never share anything like this..
well, besides the fact that that is all I'll be sharing lol....
um,
As you know, my husband and I had some rough times over the course of our marriage,
and at one point in time I pretty much laid all our ills at his feet.
Until he said something that made me stop and really think.
I was banging on him because he was always miserable.
Well, I pop off with a smart comment about how even if I was thin and the house was spotless he wouldn't be happy.
And he said
I wouldn't know, It's never happened.
bam!
bullseye..
Not that the house had never been spotless...
Or that I had never been thin..
But the thin window was pretty narrow....
So those two had never happened at the same time.
Now I am not saying that for him to be happy I have to be thin and the house has to be spotless.
But after tonight he will never be able to say it again.
And...
we will see how happy it makes him.
lol.
I hope you all are having a great Valentines day, whether you are with someone or alone.
Treat yourselves well!
Hugs,
Chris
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