3.03.2013

Be prepared to be criticized

I know you all don't want to hear this..
but there is a down side to success.
Right now, you have molded friendships on your current state of being.
Changing that up is going to kick up dust....
As they say "You don't kick a dead Horse."
Up till now, you may not have experienced any criticism.
I didn't really experience it..
It isn't til you start putting yourself out there, that you open yourself up to criticism.
You will have a lot of resistance.
And even after..or especially after...you reach your goal.
You will have weak and bitter people who will attempt to pull you down.
or will get angry or jealous.
They may accuse YOU of having issues..
Take my mom..
she lost weight recently.
And she had a 'friend' tell her..
'you know, when you tell me about losing weight...it makes me feel bad.'
but when this same friend went on to lose 10 pounds...she wanted affirmation.
Yet, all the while my mom tried to lose weight..
this girl would make snarky comments about my mom's breasts getting smaller..
about how too much weight loss would make  her look older.
and how she was starting to look saggy.
Now, my mom is 60 and so a little sag is inevitable..
but she is not saggy.
...
but you see the issue.
It will be that way with anything you endeavor to do...
You will have people who are supportive.
And people who, for whatever reason, are terribly unhappy with themselves, so they take it out on you..
it can be as subtle as never asking about the one thing you find important in your life...
or giving backhanded compliments. i.e.  (Don't get too skinny, you will slip down a drain...you are starting to look scrawny OR Boy your husband must be glad you are finally losing the weight.)
or rolling their eyes whenever you mention what you are doing...even after you give them the courtesy of  listening to what is most important to them.
You can try waiting it out...sometimes people get over it.
Or you can move on and find friends who will be supportive..
It really depends on how bad it is..how long you've been friends etc.
Sometimes it's family.
In that case, a boot up the @ss may do the trick.
But if you really want whatever it is  you are aiming for...
Don't let the small people win.
Don't let others keep you small.
You can limit yourself for the benefit of others...but you only get one life..
Do you really want to get to the end of it and know you quit on yourself so another person wouldn't have to face their own shortcomings?
That doesn't sound good.
I know I don't.
Take yourself and your dreams seriously.
Don't talk down about them or yourself.
Give your ideas equal time...your goals equal weight.
So what if it is only important to you.
You matter.
Dream big.
Live big.
Chris out.

7 comments:

Robin said...

I think we have all experienced this to varying degrees. When you are feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, that it when other people can most easily derail you. So, if you know you are vulnerable it is really important to insulate yourself from negative influences.

Rettakat said...

Wow... I'm shaking my head at how much of this applies to me lately. Thanks for the good word. I really appreciate it. I needed that perspective. Not that I am "successful"... but it hit me when I was NOT doing so well, when I could have used support, not attack. So this was excellent advice! Thanks for sharing your insight on this issue. It helps more than you could know.

Carla Birnberg said...

YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!

Darcy Winters said...

I have family members that like to do this. Instead of saying something nice - they change it around to where everything is a negative.
Thanks for reminding me what to look out for!

Jane Cartelli said...

I went from 385 lbs to 185 lbs and during that time almost all my friendships changed. I am still friends with very few people who knew me over 300 lbs because of how many never said a word when I dropped 100+ pounds but wanted to learn 'my secret' when they wanted to lose a bare 10 lbs. I no longer have a relationship with two family members who could not handle weighing more than I do not that I am a normal weight and their weight has gone up. Today I stay out of relationships that devalue me according to size.

E. Jane said...

Weight seems to have some definite social implications in terms of our relationships with others. Losing weight kind of separates the true friends from the not so true friends. It takes strength to move on from people who can bring you down. In fact, I have sabotaged my weight loss in the past, because I became fearful of losing friends. I now know that they weren't true friends, and that my first priority is to be true to myself.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I second E. Jane's comment above! And I second this entire post!
This is one of those things you don't think about when you are lost in the throes of feeling good about being healthy and getting your life back on track. Then people come along and tell you that you never really had that much of a weight issue and that they look younger with their round baby faces anyway so losing weight is not a good idea. So irritating! And totally not worth putting our dreams aside for!