Your mind got you fat

Food didn't get you fat.
Your brain got you fat.
Food can't up and stuff itself in your face..
only you can do that.
or I should say...
only I could do that.
Using food as a means to an end other than sustenance...
that's what got me fat.
And the most amazing thing was how I had convinced myself that I had no control over the issue.
I mean,
I literally had given up.
I remember vividly, after having an argument with my husband.
Hopping on a treadmill
and one minute in just crying..
I began to weep.
I said "I just can't.'
I was totally defeated...
mind, body and spirit.
At that moment I CHOSE FAILURE.
I didn't realize I was choosing it.
But I was.
Then one day I woke up from my stupor and chose to do a few things.
I didn't bother wondering if I could or couldn't.
I knew a few things.
I knew the food couldn't hop into my face unless I put it in..
And I had to make exercise a part of my life
consistency is a pain in the ass...
The first two years it consumed me..
then I realized I couldn't live like THAT for the rest of my life.
I knew I had to start living life...
I had to learn MODERATION.
moderation is a pain in the ass.
it's a learned skill.
Learning that you need to eat enough...but not too much.
Learning to exercise, but not kill yourself.
Learning to live your life..and have an occasional indulgence..
and not slip back.
Learning to have one cookie.
Learning to compartmentalize your life.
Learning to be happy..
Learning how to express your emotions, but not overwhelm others with them...
Learning that being skinny doesn't make you happy..ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.
fat is a symptom.
The cure is a lot of work.
But it's doable.
And it's an ongoing project.
Chris out.


Retta said...

Thank you for this most excellent post!

You know... if I had learned to be Consistent, I would have been at my goal weight-- and a lot of other goals, too-- a LONG time ago.

I think I will put that on the front burner yet again, to work on. To DO. Thanks for the nudge. :-}

Sheilagh said...

Gillian Michaels has got nothing on you Christine, you are such a Motivator!!

Thank you x

Deniz said...

Beautiful post Chris.

Having finally accepted that my obesity was 'MY' fault and no-one else's, and 'MY' choice to retain or change, was my first step to losing weight and reclaiming 'myself'.

In the process, I too learned a lot... and I'm still learning.

Lyn said...

Really good post Chris. Very insightful. And a belated happy birthday to you :)

Robin said...

I think it is probably a lot like a pendulum. You end up swing out many times in each direction before you get a good steady rhythm going. That steady rhythm is the control factor.

Robin said...

Hey chickie: I saw your comment on my most recent post. Check my response and clarify. I am not sure I understood what you said.

In other news: I dedicated something to you on Thursday post. I hope you like it:)

Dieting to be a Skinny Bitch said...

Love the truth in this!

Joe565 said...

Amazing post Chris, I can definitely relate to this, especially since I played the victim for sooo long.


Joy said...

Yep! I'm with you....I'm back at it!!
Hope you are doing well!

No Fear!!

Unknown said...

I'm loving your blog!! It's really great to know that I'm not going through this journey alone!!!

The Making Of A Skinny Chick - Dating & Dieting Blog

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Every one of us former fat girls struggles with this thing called consistency. It's a pretty universal and yet illusive thing for us.
To remain in the mode where we know that we're worth what it takes to be consistent is probably the hardest part.
I'm sure it's a different sweet spot for everyone. For me the magic seems to be at about 80/80. 80% consistent, 80% of the time.
Just sharing this struggle is so important! Knowing that we can have a plan that gets us to a point where we can overcome the trials of every day life without reaching for the good old comfort of food is also a big part of it. I find myself relying on consistency to get past the old habits a lot these days! Those darn habits are a bugger!

Khris said...

What a great post...I need to learn to be consistent also moderation. As you say they are learned behaviours but why are they so damn hard to learn....thanks for the reminder.
Hugs Khris

Anonymous said...

Love the site and content. You are doing so well and we will all get there one day. Sooner rather then later i hope :-)