well, I got to draw today..(I also did sit ups and a walk)
I started a kind of folk art angel.
I will post a picture of it next tuesday.
I drew it, and then inked it and am now coloring it in with my colored pencils.
I am trying to go slow so as to know when to stop.
A little at a time will be good enough for me.
Hope you all had a great night.
I am headed to bed.
Talk to you all tomorrow.
Hugs,
Chris
9.14.2010
9.13.2010
When good posts go awry....prudence and chigger....
Hello all,
here I was, all set to post my anime pics for your viewing pleasure...(not quite the slide show of say, the grand canyon...but a pretty close second)...
When I realized my camera was missing.
So, I ask my oldest daughter.
She 'had' it, but now can't find it.
And looking at her room...I didn't find this to be a shocking revelation.
I am sure it will turn up attached to pieces of food or some such...
So instead I will continue on with my second installment of my 'romance novel.'
You new readers will have to go back to see Chapter one. Wherein I lament the fact that all the romance novels seem to have turned into buggery, that every hero was a bat or a wolf or a viscount or a lord... but for you old timers.. we shall simply continue as before....
The Lord of Passion
Chapter 2
The Briny beginning....
Prudence Mayhew Knew she had made mistakes, but how much worse could it get?
Stripped of her maiden head, now stripped of her home, her honor and her humor...she crouched uncomfortably behind barrels of briny cabbage, where she had ducked when she had heard the timber of rough voices, and the sound of a bar scraping and prying the lid off a nearby barrel..
The smell of salt and cabbage assaulted her delicate nose, blending with the smells of damp and mold and pine tar.
Now, knees to chin, she simply sat and cried over what could never be...
She would never be a viscountess or Duchess, adored and admired both near and far.
Her days of entertaining swains and jealous rivals were over.
Never again would she walk through the manicured gardens in the cool of the evening,
smelling the lush romance of roses in bloom.
She was a fallen woman, shunned by all good society, destined to live out her days in utter disgrace....
Prudence Mayhew was many things, but she wasn't the type to sit idly by and allow the world to dictate her life, she lived life by her own terms.
Which was why she was where she was...a last minute decision made when the realization of her fallen state had finally sunk in.
As she lay under the silk sheets of the Viscount Britishton's bed.
Moonlight throwing the room into stark relief, a sense of impending doom pervading every indrawn breath, Prudence finally realized something.
She realized that if she remained, She would be given two options.
She could be seen as a woman of easy virtue and become a courtesan,
or worse...
She could become the wife of the evil Earl of Dudsley.
A man of uneven temperament.
A man desperate for Prudence's dowry.
A man who would be too arrogant to admit he had been cuckolded.
Instead of doing the honorable thing...crying off.
Prudence knew he would spend his life taking out his humiliation and rage on her.
So, in the darkest part of night, Prudence slipped out of her family's rented apartments and stole silently to the docks.
There, she managed to bribe a deckhand and board the New Hope,
A frigate bound for India.
Determined to start anew in another land, her ill gotten gain strapped beneath her voluminous skirts, money stashed through years of clever card play in a spirit of fun and adventure.
Money whose purpose had previously eluded her, having led a sheltered and priviliged life Thusfar...Prudence had simply hid it under her mattress.
Now this Money would help Prudence find a new life, on her terms.
A new life, and much like the ship's name...a new hope.
Prudence leaned against the nearest barrel, contemplating her fallen state, and the vast void of the unknown.
She gasped as brine sloshed over the lip of the open container at her back, and shivered as it slid over her collar and dribbled in rivulets down her back.
"Make that fallen and salty." she mused bitterly.
Above deck, Viscount Britishton stood, leg braced on the gun battery, eyes scanning the horizon in search of brigands....
The merchant ships which this frigate was protecting carried naught but half empty hulls, waiting to be filled with tea and spice, and some food and clothing for colonials ensconced on the Indian subcontinent, but...
One could never be too careful...as the shrapnel in his leg could attest...one never knew what life held in store.
Being a wealthy shipping magnate, as well as a spy ( and peer of the realm) had led to a life both exciting and dangerous...and one fraught with intrigue.
Of course there were the occasional pangs of loneliness, the empty nights, the endless poetry of the sea....
But Chigger (for that was his name) was a man of purpose...
as seen by his firm jaw and stiff upper lip.
His bronzed skin gleaming in the noon day sun.
No real gentlemen would tan, but then again, He was no gentleman.
He held himself as was his custom, shoulders squared and arms akimbo, fists planted firmly on his lean and well muscled flanks...ready for anything life chose to throw his way...
A small smile flitted over his face as he contemplated his little assignation of the night before...a pleasant dalliance between assignments. An amusement, and nothing more....
Chigger mused...and chuckled...and mused some more.
Little did he know his pleasant dalliance of the night before would soon come back to bite him, hard.
Meanwhile,
Prudence was becoming impatient with not only her circumstances, but her sense of victimhood.
Never one to wallow for long, Prudence set her mind to a new purpose.
Her green eyes flashing,
She stood upright and with a tug, and jerk of her skirt...set about to make her presence known.
As she stepped out from behind the barrels, Prudence was suddenly imprisoned by an arm that wrapped around her, crushing her to a chest that felt as solid as the old oak that had risen like a silent sentinel outside her bedroom at her ancestral home, Briarhurston. ..
Prudence, suddenly realizing that her alliterative mind had caused her to stand like a limp fish instead of protest as she ought, gasped as a hand with long, lean fingers clamped over her lips like a vice.
Prudence did the only thing she could think of.
Taking her strong, white, and completely un-British teeth, she bit the hand that held her.
This story will continue the next time my blog doesn't go the way it ought...
It could be weeks, months or years...lol.
Prudence and Chigger will have to wait.
Have a great night guys...
chris out.....
here I was, all set to post my anime pics for your viewing pleasure...(not quite the slide show of say, the grand canyon...but a pretty close second)...
When I realized my camera was missing.
So, I ask my oldest daughter.
She 'had' it, but now can't find it.
And looking at her room...I didn't find this to be a shocking revelation.
I am sure it will turn up attached to pieces of food or some such...
So instead I will continue on with my second installment of my 'romance novel.'
You new readers will have to go back to see Chapter one. Wherein I lament the fact that all the romance novels seem to have turned into buggery, that every hero was a bat or a wolf or a viscount or a lord... but for you old timers.. we shall simply continue as before....
The Lord of Passion
Chapter 2
The Briny beginning....
Prudence Mayhew Knew she had made mistakes, but how much worse could it get?
Stripped of her maiden head, now stripped of her home, her honor and her humor...she crouched uncomfortably behind barrels of briny cabbage, where she had ducked when she had heard the timber of rough voices, and the sound of a bar scraping and prying the lid off a nearby barrel..
The smell of salt and cabbage assaulted her delicate nose, blending with the smells of damp and mold and pine tar.
Now, knees to chin, she simply sat and cried over what could never be...
She would never be a viscountess or Duchess, adored and admired both near and far.
Her days of entertaining swains and jealous rivals were over.
Never again would she walk through the manicured gardens in the cool of the evening,
smelling the lush romance of roses in bloom.
She was a fallen woman, shunned by all good society, destined to live out her days in utter disgrace....
Prudence Mayhew was many things, but she wasn't the type to sit idly by and allow the world to dictate her life, she lived life by her own terms.
Which was why she was where she was...a last minute decision made when the realization of her fallen state had finally sunk in.
As she lay under the silk sheets of the Viscount Britishton's bed.
Moonlight throwing the room into stark relief, a sense of impending doom pervading every indrawn breath, Prudence finally realized something.
She realized that if she remained, She would be given two options.
She could be seen as a woman of easy virtue and become a courtesan,
or worse...
She could become the wife of the evil Earl of Dudsley.
A man of uneven temperament.
A man desperate for Prudence's dowry.
A man who would be too arrogant to admit he had been cuckolded.
Instead of doing the honorable thing...crying off.
Prudence knew he would spend his life taking out his humiliation and rage on her.
So, in the darkest part of night, Prudence slipped out of her family's rented apartments and stole silently to the docks.
There, she managed to bribe a deckhand and board the New Hope,
A frigate bound for India.
Determined to start anew in another land, her ill gotten gain strapped beneath her voluminous skirts, money stashed through years of clever card play in a spirit of fun and adventure.
Money whose purpose had previously eluded her, having led a sheltered and priviliged life Thusfar...Prudence had simply hid it under her mattress.
Now this Money would help Prudence find a new life, on her terms.
A new life, and much like the ship's name...a new hope.
Prudence leaned against the nearest barrel, contemplating her fallen state, and the vast void of the unknown.
She gasped as brine sloshed over the lip of the open container at her back, and shivered as it slid over her collar and dribbled in rivulets down her back.
"Make that fallen and salty." she mused bitterly.
Above deck, Viscount Britishton stood, leg braced on the gun battery, eyes scanning the horizon in search of brigands....
The merchant ships which this frigate was protecting carried naught but half empty hulls, waiting to be filled with tea and spice, and some food and clothing for colonials ensconced on the Indian subcontinent, but...
One could never be too careful...as the shrapnel in his leg could attest...one never knew what life held in store.
Being a wealthy shipping magnate, as well as a spy ( and peer of the realm) had led to a life both exciting and dangerous...and one fraught with intrigue.
Of course there were the occasional pangs of loneliness, the empty nights, the endless poetry of the sea....
But Chigger (for that was his name) was a man of purpose...
as seen by his firm jaw and stiff upper lip.
His bronzed skin gleaming in the noon day sun.
No real gentlemen would tan, but then again, He was no gentleman.
He held himself as was his custom, shoulders squared and arms akimbo, fists planted firmly on his lean and well muscled flanks...ready for anything life chose to throw his way...
A small smile flitted over his face as he contemplated his little assignation of the night before...a pleasant dalliance between assignments. An amusement, and nothing more....
Chigger mused...and chuckled...and mused some more.
Little did he know his pleasant dalliance of the night before would soon come back to bite him, hard.
Meanwhile,
Prudence was becoming impatient with not only her circumstances, but her sense of victimhood.
Never one to wallow for long, Prudence set her mind to a new purpose.
Her green eyes flashing,
She stood upright and with a tug, and jerk of her skirt...set about to make her presence known.
As she stepped out from behind the barrels, Prudence was suddenly imprisoned by an arm that wrapped around her, crushing her to a chest that felt as solid as the old oak that had risen like a silent sentinel outside her bedroom at her ancestral home, Briarhurston. ..
Prudence, suddenly realizing that her alliterative mind had caused her to stand like a limp fish instead of protest as she ought, gasped as a hand with long, lean fingers clamped over her lips like a vice.
Prudence did the only thing she could think of.
Taking her strong, white, and completely un-British teeth, she bit the hand that held her.
This story will continue the next time my blog doesn't go the way it ought...
It could be weeks, months or years...lol.
Prudence and Chigger will have to wait.
Have a great night guys...
chris out.....
9.12.2010
Going within for your own truth.
Hey all,
had a fine time at the anime convention...better than expected as a matter of fact.
will post pictures tomorrow..
Lately I seem to have 'rediscovered' my thinking button.
That is both Good and bad.
Good because my thinking has always kept me out of trouble.
Bad because sometimes it gets me into trouble.
Things that really anger me?
Well, lazy hyperbolic statements anger me.
on both sides of any issue.
I can argue both sides of any issue...because every issue has two sides.
Really...
issues do.
Are both sides equally valid?
Not always.
But sometimes we throw out the whole argument because most of it is irrelevant, when the little bit that went with it may have been a crucial bit.
Let's look at the ground zero mosque..
lol.
I know, you thought I had moved on...and I have for the most part.
It is legal.
It is a matter of the first amendment right of freedom of religion.
let's take the quran burning.
It's legal
It's a matter of first amendment right of freedom of speech.
Both
in my opinion.
are in poor taste.
The main difference.
The Koran burning is temporary, the mosque is permanent.
Watching the same people come out on different sides of both issues screams hypocrisy to me.
Whichever side you are on.
I think neither thing should happen.
They are both in abominable taste.
Does anyone care what I think.
Nope.
But they both speak about the mindset of the people involved.
A kind of blind insistence on 'having their say."
Irregardless of who they hurt.
I have learned in my years of experience *this is an inside family joke...
anywhoozle.
I have learned in my relatively short time on this planet...
that there is nothing to be gained
most of the time
On making sure people know that I have an opinion on their opinion.
This doesn't mean I don't have an opinion..
It just means I don't feel the need to express my unwanted opinion 99 percent of the time because it really has no bearing or relevance on that person's life.
For instance.
My older brother has some good qualities.
He also has some horrific qualities.
like being a white supremacist.
he's a fairly intelligent guy...where he came up with this...(prison I am guessing) is not important.
I couldn't disagree more.
Biting my tongue while he went on about things that I am diametrically opposed to...well,
that was painful.
but not as painful as having a falling out with someone who is terminally ill and dying.
I will not change his mind.
We have had 'discussions' in the past.
I have a thing for Jewish culture...I have been studying it for years.
It's beautiful, it's a beautiful thing.
Their focus on charity, education, and practical religion, the tanakh,...the mishnah (oral law)...there is so much we can take from it...
As a Christian, I find the study of the Jewish faith indispensable to informing my own faith.
without it, mine wouldn't exist.
My brother has received an earful from me about it on more than one occasion, he knows better than to bring it up to me, so we are quiet about it now. We talk about childhood now.
About hunting and fishing...anything but politics.
Anything other than worldview.
I know people who would say "You shouldn't have anything to do with him."
But I can't.
He is my brother.
Period.
That is one thing I don't compromise on, family.
my family.
loyalty.
so...
I allow my truth to guide me.
The existence of other thought.
The existence of other opinion.
Does not bother me.
If someone asks an opinion I give it...
I think when you blog you are inherently opening yourself up to dissection and opinion.
It's a public forum open to public scrutiny.
When you give opinions, you get opinions.
Don't let it rattle you.
because an opinion is just that...an opinion.
it's not set in stone.
If you don't agree when someone shares, just let it go...water off a ducks back and all that.
Go within and find what YOU know is true.
Have a great Sunday.
I have decided to NOT blog on thursdays and saturdays.
I will be drawing those nights instead.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
Chris
had a fine time at the anime convention...better than expected as a matter of fact.
will post pictures tomorrow..
Lately I seem to have 'rediscovered' my thinking button.
That is both Good and bad.
Good because my thinking has always kept me out of trouble.
Bad because sometimes it gets me into trouble.
Things that really anger me?
Well, lazy hyperbolic statements anger me.
on both sides of any issue.
I can argue both sides of any issue...because every issue has two sides.
Really...
issues do.
Are both sides equally valid?
Not always.
But sometimes we throw out the whole argument because most of it is irrelevant, when the little bit that went with it may have been a crucial bit.
Let's look at the ground zero mosque..
lol.
I know, you thought I had moved on...and I have for the most part.
It is legal.
It is a matter of the first amendment right of freedom of religion.
let's take the quran burning.
It's legal
It's a matter of first amendment right of freedom of speech.
Both
in my opinion.
are in poor taste.
The main difference.
The Koran burning is temporary, the mosque is permanent.
Watching the same people come out on different sides of both issues screams hypocrisy to me.
Whichever side you are on.
I think neither thing should happen.
They are both in abominable taste.
Does anyone care what I think.
Nope.
But they both speak about the mindset of the people involved.
A kind of blind insistence on 'having their say."
Irregardless of who they hurt.
I have learned in my years of experience *this is an inside family joke...
anywhoozle.
I have learned in my relatively short time on this planet...
that there is nothing to be gained
most of the time
On making sure people know that I have an opinion on their opinion.
This doesn't mean I don't have an opinion..
It just means I don't feel the need to express my unwanted opinion 99 percent of the time because it really has no bearing or relevance on that person's life.
For instance.
My older brother has some good qualities.
He also has some horrific qualities.
like being a white supremacist.
he's a fairly intelligent guy...where he came up with this...(prison I am guessing) is not important.
I couldn't disagree more.
Biting my tongue while he went on about things that I am diametrically opposed to...well,
that was painful.
but not as painful as having a falling out with someone who is terminally ill and dying.
I will not change his mind.
We have had 'discussions' in the past.
I have a thing for Jewish culture...I have been studying it for years.
It's beautiful, it's a beautiful thing.
Their focus on charity, education, and practical religion, the tanakh,...the mishnah (oral law)...there is so much we can take from it...
As a Christian, I find the study of the Jewish faith indispensable to informing my own faith.
without it, mine wouldn't exist.
My brother has received an earful from me about it on more than one occasion, he knows better than to bring it up to me, so we are quiet about it now. We talk about childhood now.
About hunting and fishing...anything but politics.
Anything other than worldview.
I know people who would say "You shouldn't have anything to do with him."
But I can't.
He is my brother.
Period.
That is one thing I don't compromise on, family.
my family.
loyalty.
so...
I allow my truth to guide me.
The existence of other thought.
The existence of other opinion.
Does not bother me.
If someone asks an opinion I give it...
I think when you blog you are inherently opening yourself up to dissection and opinion.
It's a public forum open to public scrutiny.
When you give opinions, you get opinions.
Don't let it rattle you.
because an opinion is just that...an opinion.
it's not set in stone.
If you don't agree when someone shares, just let it go...water off a ducks back and all that.
Go within and find what YOU know is true.
Have a great Sunday.
I have decided to NOT blog on thursdays and saturdays.
I will be drawing those nights instead.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
Chris
9.10.2010
See you Sunday...
Well guys,
I am taking daughters to an anime convention tomorrow.
On September 11th.
yeah.
I feel like I should be doing something else...
I think it should be a national day of mourning or something.
But it isn't.
It is patriots day...very American.
Never admit to mourning.
It will let 'them' win.
But tomorrow...while I am dressed in what can only be described as a glorified confectioner outfit looking like a refugee from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...
My heart will be mourning.
I will never ever forget where I was when it happened.
Or the people who died.
Or how I stood there holding my just less than two month old baby, watching the world morph and warp before my eyes.
I was enraged first, then horrified and then sad.
I am Still all three.
I am so thankful for my children that I still get to hold...
That my Husband made it through four tours to Iraq.
That my cousins have made it to Afghanistan and back.
Thankful for all the friends who made it home and
missing those who didn't.
That we as a family came out of everything whole, and relatively unscathed.
I remember all who gave their lives that day and every day since,
and I mourn.
See you all Sunday night.
Hugs and God Bless.
Chris
I am taking daughters to an anime convention tomorrow.
On September 11th.
yeah.
I feel like I should be doing something else...
I think it should be a national day of mourning or something.
But it isn't.
It is patriots day...very American.
Never admit to mourning.
It will let 'them' win.
But tomorrow...while I am dressed in what can only be described as a glorified confectioner outfit looking like a refugee from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...
My heart will be mourning.
I will never ever forget where I was when it happened.
Or the people who died.
Or how I stood there holding my just less than two month old baby, watching the world morph and warp before my eyes.
I was enraged first, then horrified and then sad.
I am Still all three.
I am so thankful for my children that I still get to hold...
That my Husband made it through four tours to Iraq.
That my cousins have made it to Afghanistan and back.
Thankful for all the friends who made it home and
missing those who didn't.
That we as a family came out of everything whole, and relatively unscathed.
I remember all who gave their lives that day and every day since,
and I mourn.
See you all Sunday night.
Hugs and God Bless.
Chris
9.09.2010
curing self hate....and food addiction...
can't do it all in one night...lolol.
But i have come a long way towards curing my self hate,
and my food addiction...
There was once a time in my life when I couldn't set food down till it was gone.
Now I can eat part of my plate and leave the rest.
Is it the food that changed or is it me.
I think.
Me.
I am not sure food was the issue.
Just like fat was a symptom,
food was a tool.
It was the way I handled my issues that was the issue.
I handled everything with food.
sad...
I ate
happy
I ate
upset
I ate.
I realized today that I wasn't necessarily a food addict for all those years.
I was afraid.
or
more to point
I was a coward.
I didn't want to face the things I was afraid of, so I ate them instead.
The biggest fear.
That I was unlovable.
My mind was always full of what if's.
What if he doesn't love me.
What if I fail.
What if I am worthless.
A fat slob.
What if I truly am a failure, and if I try to lose the weight and fail....everything I think and believe about myself will be confirmed in the failure.
It paralyzed me.
I couldn't even start correctly.
Most of my diets weren't diets.
They were punishments for being fat.
No fruit for you fatty, you have had too many sweet things.
Starve fatty...you have eaten too much for years.
Now it's time to pay the piper.
I would feel vindicated in the process.
I felt like I deserved to suffer for being such a fat pig, such a failure, such an idiot.
The idea that there was a sane way to be.
A sane way to exist...
It wouldn't have worked for me back then.
Because I had too much self hate.
Eat less, but not starve....
eat healthy and exercise, because I deserved to treat myself well.
That argument would not have flown even five years ago.
Put me and my exercise first...
Who did I think I was.
I made choices you know.
Choices to be a mother and a wife.
That means I come last.
I made choices you know.
Choices to eat unwisely...why should my kids suffer because I chose to be fat.
That was the old voice.
The voice telling me that I WASN'T WORTH THE TIME OR EFFORT.
I heard a saying once.
I did then what I knew how to do, when I knew better I did better. (Maya Angelou)
Stop punishing yourself over past mistakes.
Yesterday is gone.
Tomorrow is not promised.
All you have is TODAY.
Each day you create yourself anew with your intentions.
Now that you know better, you can do better.
There is no need for punishment.
Just action.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one.
exercise, eat right and
Live Deliberately...
Hugs,
Chris
But i have come a long way towards curing my self hate,
and my food addiction...
There was once a time in my life when I couldn't set food down till it was gone.
Now I can eat part of my plate and leave the rest.
Is it the food that changed or is it me.
I think.
Me.
I am not sure food was the issue.
Just like fat was a symptom,
food was a tool.
It was the way I handled my issues that was the issue.
I handled everything with food.
sad...
I ate
happy
I ate
upset
I ate.
I realized today that I wasn't necessarily a food addict for all those years.
I was afraid.
or
more to point
I was a coward.
I didn't want to face the things I was afraid of, so I ate them instead.
The biggest fear.
That I was unlovable.
My mind was always full of what if's.
What if he doesn't love me.
What if I fail.
What if I am worthless.
A fat slob.
What if I truly am a failure, and if I try to lose the weight and fail....everything I think and believe about myself will be confirmed in the failure.
It paralyzed me.
I couldn't even start correctly.
Most of my diets weren't diets.
They were punishments for being fat.
No fruit for you fatty, you have had too many sweet things.
Starve fatty...you have eaten too much for years.
Now it's time to pay the piper.
I would feel vindicated in the process.
I felt like I deserved to suffer for being such a fat pig, such a failure, such an idiot.
The idea that there was a sane way to be.
A sane way to exist...
It wouldn't have worked for me back then.
Because I had too much self hate.
Eat less, but not starve....
eat healthy and exercise, because I deserved to treat myself well.
That argument would not have flown even five years ago.
Put me and my exercise first...
Who did I think I was.
I made choices you know.
Choices to be a mother and a wife.
That means I come last.
I made choices you know.
Choices to eat unwisely...why should my kids suffer because I chose to be fat.
That was the old voice.
The voice telling me that I WASN'T WORTH THE TIME OR EFFORT.
I heard a saying once.
I did then what I knew how to do, when I knew better I did better. (Maya Angelou)
Stop punishing yourself over past mistakes.
Yesterday is gone.
Tomorrow is not promised.
All you have is TODAY.
Each day you create yourself anew with your intentions.
Now that you know better, you can do better.
There is no need for punishment.
Just action.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one.
exercise, eat right and
Live Deliberately...
Hugs,
Chris
9.08.2010
The evolution of a choice- day 492 and my tattoo...finally.
Click to enlarge.I chose to have this tattooed on my hide for one reason.
That I would never forget.
and I never will.
I decided 492 days ago to change my life for good.
May 4th, 2009 I was standing in build a bear and saw myself for the first time as I really was...you know, I think that's the case...I never really SAW myself before.
There are many reasons for that..primarily being that I was so burdened and propelled by the way others saw me, that I never stopped to see how I viewed myself..
Moving along.
I was ashamed.
My shame and my anger drove me the first few months of my journey.
That evolved....
When you begin to do things that are right. That are good...
The shame can't hang around...or it shouldn't.
You begin to see yourself as capable.
All the while you are battling the things that helped you get to your weight to begin with.
It's not a one front war...this weight loss...
It's a land war in Asia and a naval battle in the pacific at the same time.
It's like herding cats.
You will have to finally deal with any issues you haven't dealt with.
You are going to have to find new ways to deal with your emotions..
and
You are still losing weight and so relationships are changing.
Some friends are on your side.
Some friends are not.
YOU are changing.
How you approach things changes.
Your sense of self and what you deserve...it changes.
Marriages that seemed steady may start to crumble.
Marriages that were crumbling firm up.
It's like doing the hoola hoop on the deck of a ship in the middle of a storm.
New feelings, and new emotions to come along with all the old feelings and old emotions.
You will hit a wall.
You will.
Hit
A
Wall.
What you do when you hit it will determine your success or failure.
You will feel tired.
You will question your decisions.
Why am I bothering...it's just making things harder.
Why can't I eat like everyone else....what's the point.
I have just upset everyone and everything...I am spending all my time at the gym...I never see the kids anymore...
etc.
This is when the REASON YOU ARE LOSING WEIGHT WILL BE ALL IMPORTANT.
If you are losing weight for any reason other than you know you need to for you...
That you want it bad enough to let go of your old life and grab on to a new one...
you will revert.
You are going to have to climb over the wall.
I did that last September.
And the view on the other side is something else.
It will be like the last of your chains has fallen free.
Climbing over that last wall is the big test.
There will be further testing...
but if you can get over the big one.
The big why.
Well...you will know deep inside that you can make it.
Then your view of the whole process changes.
You realize you aren't just losing weight.
You are changing your whole life.
You will realize that contrary to your prior opinion...your fat was the symptom...not the problem.
You will get to a point where you feel incredibly healthy and the impetus to keep pounding an hour to an hour and a half of exercise six days a week while rotating 5 meals that seem endless, while it may have helped you when you didn't know what else to do....won't work in the long run.
You know you need to start living like you will want to live the rest of your life.
You know your current state isn't 'it'.
So you will begin to try new things.
New foods that are healthy.
You will have days when you will consume a piece of cake..
Just like 'normal' thin people do.
You will go out to dinner and eat more....
Then just like the normal thin people do...you go to the gym and work it off.
You watch your calories before and after....
You will realize that your calorie budget is just like your money budget.
It has to come from somewhere.
it's all in keeping tabs on your daily caloric intake and paying for what you consume.
Because that is what normal people do...
At the end of this whole thing is a term we former fatties like to call maintenance.
But what your average thin person calls life.
You find your calorie range.
You find your acceptable level of exertion, (the exercise you are willing to put in to pay the piper). ..you find the weight that you are healthy at and feel comfortable maintaining...and you live.
I have 17 lbs to go before I hit my initial goal weight.
But I am already living as if I were 132 lbs.
I eat maintenance for 132 lbs.
I will lose on average 1/2 lb a week from here till the inevitable conclusion, in the meantime I am finding balance, I am finding joy and I am living.
Have a great night guys,
Hugs,
Chris
9.07.2010
overworked...and I actually talk about dieting...
Not me..
My art.
rookie mistake.
All 'artists' out there know what I am talking about.
You got an idea.
You are working it.
It's coming together.
It looks good.
you keep working it..
you start thinking.
Just a little more and a little more.
and then...
you've killed it.
instead of luminous it looks muddy.
Instead of inspired it's flat.
ack.
ick
uck.
Or words that I can't say.
I was sooooo angry.
It's a mistake you make when you haven't drawn in a long time.
knowing when to stop.
Important in food.
Important in art and
important in life.
and quick note.
About dieting...*gasp.
lol.
If your bad days are outnumbering your good days then instead of focusing on owning your choices...you may want to focus on setting a cap and sticking to it.
I could, conceivably, own my choices all the way back up to 262 lbs.
That isn't a lifestyle....
It's a downhill slide.
The one thing that worked for me was knowing that on Sunday through Friday it was thus and such calories.
On Saturday it was this much.
However much that is...and not going over it for any reason.
Hell or high water.
etc.
Because when it comes down to it, the one thing that is going to get you to your goal is setting limits for yourself and not letting anything get in your way..not bad moods or anything.
You have to set the food and exercise apart from a bad mood.
Let's just say:
If you are in a bad mood...and you were formerly an alcoholic....
You couldn't pick up a six back 'just this once'.
Everyone knows that is a mistake for an alcoholic.
Well, if you are (or were formerly) morbidly obese...I would say,
The same goes for food.
So,
That's all.
Have a great night...
Hugs,
Chris
My art.
rookie mistake.
All 'artists' out there know what I am talking about.
You got an idea.
You are working it.
It's coming together.
It looks good.
you keep working it..
you start thinking.
Just a little more and a little more.
and then...
you've killed it.
instead of luminous it looks muddy.
Instead of inspired it's flat.
ack.
ick
uck.
Or words that I can't say.
I was sooooo angry.
It's a mistake you make when you haven't drawn in a long time.
knowing when to stop.
Important in food.
Important in art and
important in life.
and quick note.
About dieting...*gasp.
lol.
If your bad days are outnumbering your good days then instead of focusing on owning your choices...you may want to focus on setting a cap and sticking to it.
I could, conceivably, own my choices all the way back up to 262 lbs.
That isn't a lifestyle....
It's a downhill slide.
The one thing that worked for me was knowing that on Sunday through Friday it was thus and such calories.
On Saturday it was this much.
However much that is...and not going over it for any reason.
Hell or high water.
etc.
Because when it comes down to it, the one thing that is going to get you to your goal is setting limits for yourself and not letting anything get in your way..not bad moods or anything.
You have to set the food and exercise apart from a bad mood.
Let's just say:
If you are in a bad mood...and you were formerly an alcoholic....
You couldn't pick up a six back 'just this once'.
Everyone knows that is a mistake for an alcoholic.
Well, if you are (or were formerly) morbidly obese...I would say,
The same goes for food.
So,
That's all.
Have a great night...
Hugs,
Chris
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