4.05.2012

Steering a course for my life.

Hey guys,
Hows it going. I do feel better...still tired.
But I have been bouncing around so much lately it isn't even funny.
I know with all of us, it feels as if our lives are in transition.
And quite frankly, when you write a blog..
You know people come to 'expect' things from you.
Things like consistency and not too much of a shaking up...
I read stephen's blog post.
I think we all get lost sometimes, regardless of our good intentions.
We want to help people..even when we are still a work in progress.
To be quite frank..I can't remember the last time I had something more than an idea floating around in my head.
Something more than things that sound good..
but had no enmeshment in my life.
When I started to lose weight.
It was to be healthy.
Somewhere along the way it morphed into all sorts of things and meanings.
When what  the meaning was and still is, is health.
I want to help women be confident.
I want to learn to defend myself.
I want to be  healthy.
I also don't want to lose myself in a cause or become grim or so focused  that I can't enjoy life.
I am finally realizing that there are things I want to spend time on, and things I don't.
For instance.
I was outside the other day gardening.
And I just kept finding things to do, because the idea of going back inside was not appealing.
I don't care if the interior of my house is showroom.
I just want a very simple place to live...a few comfortable chairs...books that matter.
A tv that works.
The computer.
A place to sleep....fluffy comforters.
Not a whole lot of stuff.
I prefer to spend my time doing things.
gardening...walking...drawing...exercising.
My living area should show that.
my life should show that.
I want my likes and loves to be represented in my life.
I don't want to slog away at the gym 6 days a week.
I will go three days because I can do that and not feel suffocated.
The other three days I would prefer to ride my bike or go for a long walk outside.
I can eat clean most days.
Somedays I want to be able to have a meal without thinking.."How many calories are in this bun?"
I mean, at this point I have a round estimate...but you catch my meaning.
I don't want my life to be a long diet.
I want to be strong, fit and healthy.
I want to be relaxed and happy.
I want to live in the moment and enjoy life.
I need to find out what that means for me.
The  balance between living freely and being responsible.
I want to simplify and clarify.
I got rid of plates today that we don't use..
I want to whittle down my closet.
I want to wear clothes that I feel comfortable in and enjoy and look pretty in..
my own style..which I have finally figured out..
I have settled on a hairstyle and hair color I like.
Most people do these things in their teen years..
me...it took me till my late 30's.
I have been finding my identity.
I couldn't even begin till I had figured out what was holding me back.
Who am I, What do I want etc.
I have things in place..
And am working on steering a course into the future.
I am going to be spending a lot of time alone.
I know what I want body wise.
I know how to eat, what to eat..what and how to exercise.
Now I want to figure out how it works in the life I want to create.
What my life is going to look like day to day.
I need to get rid of things that are hindering me and allow in things that will propel me.
And as much as I love all of you.
I have to listen to my own voice, in my own head.
So I am taking a mini bloggin break.
I will be checking my email for participants.
I will send you all your questions and accept weigh ins..
I will  be back in one week.
That will give me some real time to sit and think, to pray and to look at what I want in my life, for my life.
Hope you guys have a great night.
I will see you next week.
Chris out.

7 comments:

Tracey Jones said...

I feel like people expect certain things from me as well. Life for me is not perfect. Losing weight is not easy and I am up about 14 lbs. I feel like my world has stopped and I am ashamed of this gain. :( I wish my jeans fit better but they hurt my tummy. I wish I could accept that life happens....I need to focus on what makes things better for me too. :)

E. Jane said...

There's a time for everything in our fast-paced world, and it's a wise person who figures out when it's time to take a break and let one's true self emerge from all of the chaos that we call "life."

So glad you're doing this...

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

My cruise weight gain WILL COME OFF! Was down 23 since the Wt Loss Challenge began, now 18.
My GOAL is still in sight. IT WILL HAPPEN!
Your posting schedule is good with me. As long as Chris is happy....we all will be happy.
:0) (((hugs)))

Robin said...

As invaluable as the ideas of others are, at some point we have to have a clarity about what we want. Then you are going to want to bounce those ideas off of people whom you respect in order to refine and hone those ideas. You may want to take another break, maybe a week, maybe shorter, to bring it into clearer focus. I think that we have to get a good idea of what WE want. However, other people do bring good ideas to the table, too. Just not everyone. You pick your select group and use them as your wall. You might be surprised at what comes back.

Above all, I have faith in you. I know that you will make the BEST decisions for you.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Ditto Robin above my comment here. She and you are wise women. :)

Trusting yourself is new to me as well. I find I have been enjoying my alone time more than I ever imagined and I'm enjoying getting to know me.

Turns out I personally crave a lovely home and don't care so much about the weeds in the garden. I do love riding my bike in the warm sun when I get the chance though.

I found your blog two years ago April 30th- my sisters birthday and I still find that you are someone who has affected my life in so many positive ways. You don't have to be perfect to be important and you don't have to always be there for everyone to have made a difference. Take care of yourself...

Hanlie said...

There is much in this post that I can identify with - even though we are at opposite sides of weight loss (you've done it already, I still have to do it). I've discovered that more than anything else, for me this is a journey of self-discovery - finding and establishing my true identity. I am getting to know what I will wear once the weight is gone, I am changing my hair and I know exactly what my living spaces should look like in order for my soul to be at ease. And yes, it's uncluttered and simple. It's a letting go.

Enjoy your blogging break!

Joy said...

Nothin' wrong in taking a break from blogging. Enjoy your precious time! I will be thinking of you and praying for new inspiration!!

Keep focused!