Hows it going. I do feel better...still tired.
But I have been bouncing around so much lately it isn't even funny.
I know with all of us, it feels as if our lives are in transition.
And quite frankly, when you write a blog..
You know people come to 'expect' things from you.
Things like consistency and not too much of a shaking up...
I read stephen's blog post.
I think we all get lost sometimes, regardless of our good intentions.
We want to help people..even when we are still a work in progress.
To be quite frank..I can't remember the last time I had something more than an idea floating around in my head.
Something more than things that sound good..
but had no enmeshment in my life.
When I started to lose weight.
It was to be healthy.
Somewhere along the way it morphed into all sorts of things and meanings.
When what the meaning was and still is, is health.
I want to help women be confident.
I want to learn to defend myself.
I want to be healthy.
I also don't want to lose myself in a cause or become grim or so focused that I can't enjoy life.
I am finally realizing that there are things I want to spend time on, and things I don't.
I was outside the other day gardening.
And I just kept finding things to do, because the idea of going back inside was not appealing.
I don't care if the interior of my house is showroom.
I just want a very simple place to live...a few comfortable chairs...books that matter.
A tv that works.
A place to sleep....fluffy comforters.
Not a whole lot of stuff.
I prefer to spend my time doing things.
My living area should show that.
my life should show that.
I want my likes and loves to be represented in my life.
I don't want to slog away at the gym 6 days a week.
I will go three days because I can do that and not feel suffocated.
The other three days I would prefer to ride my bike or go for a long walk outside.
I can eat clean most days.
Somedays I want to be able to have a meal without thinking.."How many calories are in this bun?"
I mean, at this point I have a round estimate...but you catch my meaning.
I don't want my life to be a long diet.
I want to be strong, fit and healthy.
I want to be relaxed and happy.
I want to live in the moment and enjoy life.
I need to find out what that means for me.
The balance between living freely and being responsible.
I want to simplify and clarify.
I got rid of plates today that we don't use..
I want to whittle down my closet.
I want to wear clothes that I feel comfortable in and enjoy and look pretty in..
my own style..which I have finally figured out..
I have settled on a hairstyle and hair color I like.
Most people do these things in their teen years..
me...it took me till my late 30's.
I have been finding my identity.
I couldn't even begin till I had figured out what was holding me back.
Who am I, What do I want etc.
I have things in place..
And am working on steering a course into the future.
I am going to be spending a lot of time alone.
I know what I want body wise.
I know how to eat, what to eat..what and how to exercise.
Now I want to figure out how it works in the life I want to create.
What my life is going to look like day to day.
I need to get rid of things that are hindering me and allow in things that will propel me.
And as much as I love all of you.
I have to listen to my own voice, in my own head.
So I am taking a mini bloggin break.
I will be checking my email for participants.
I will send you all your questions and accept weigh ins..
I will be back in one week.
That will give me some real time to sit and think, to pray and to look at what I want in my life, for my life.
Hope you guys have a great night.
I will see you next week.