Thin doesn't make you happy

And Fat doesn't make you miserable.
Who you are inside is many times reflected on the outside.
Not always..
but alot.
The exterior is often a symptom of an interior issue.
Fix that issue...(Or in my case ISSUES) and it is in the natural order of things for the physical to follow. 
I was thinking about this today..
And I realized that I am happy....
Truly happy for the first time in a long time.
Happy irrespective of my body weight.
In fact, the last time I went to the doctor I weighed backwards.
Because for the first time ever...the number didn't matter.
I didn't want it to matter.
I wanted ME to matter.
I am not a  number.
I am still in the same clothes.
I am still eating mindfully...counting calories.
I am exercising 6 days a week..
When I reach the pant size I want..I will weigh..
I will post some pictures along the way so you don't all get the idea that I am on some twinkie blowout binge. lol.
But I realized the number is just a marker.
It's not everything.
It doesn't define me.
I want to be healthy and strong.
Today I capped my calories at 1700 and did my whole body workout with my friend.
I walked a half mile afterward.
It's the way I started in the beginning..
Just exercising daily...and keeping my calories under 1800.
The difference...
I am no longer confused.
Or afraid.
Or unhappy.
I know who I am.
I know what I want.
I have an idea of who I want to be..
I just  have to make it happen.
So I just keep doing what I have been doing.
My house is nearly clean...The only places left in my home that aren''t completely organized are my children's rooms...
and right now I am working with my youngest...it's a process of letting go of things and finding a permanent place for what is left.
I think my disorganized home was a product of a disorganized mind...as my mind settled into place.
As I figured out what I truly believe, and how I wanted to live...
my house begins to reflect my mind.
Just like my body reflects my mind and emotions.
Every day is a day to move forward and leave what is past behind.
The feeling of letting go gets stronger every day.
Today as I was working out I used positive words to motivate myself...
Instead of "don't quit"..I thought...you are strong and you can do it...
Instead of worrying about what I didn't get when I was a child, I choose to focus on what I have made of my life..I no longer come from a place of lack..
My God supplies all my needs..I have a family, friends and a church home.
Instead of moving away, I have begun to move towards.
I am done with fear.
Like my husband said today...
our children's childhoods have been nearly ideal....
living in one place, an intact, happy set of parents...a house, a nice little neighborhood..
friends...a middle class upbringing..
It's worlds away from what we experienced.
We have made a good life.

Next up...achieving MY ideal body.
Not anyone elses....and I will know it when I see it.
The number won't make me happy...
feeling fit will...achieving my goals will...being a person I would have admired when I was a child..Figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life is up to bat as well..
As I move forward, I have a feeling God will  begin placing things in my path....

That will be priceless.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.


E. Jane said...

You have been working very hard, Chris, and it sounds like it's paid off. What you have done recently is quite amazing. I agree with everything you have done and said--especially this: "The exterior is often a symptom of an interior issue." I think that goes for most of us. You've got your momentum going!!!

Kelliann said...

I LOVE this... The scale means nothing without love inside - for yourself most of all.
I'm not getting on the scale anymore. Not because I don't have weight to lose, but because when I DO and it doesn't show me "magic numbers", it takes away all that I have done for my body and my mind and mostly for my recovery. It usually results in very poor eating.
You are in such a better place. I am so happy to see this. :-)

bbubblyb said...

Great post Christine! just love your words always feel like you're talking to me or I could have wrote it myself :)

Beth said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. You have inspired me. I want to start today. I need to start today. I have been putting off the "day" for nine years or more. I am ready.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

So happy for you and with you. We are on very similar pages although in different books. Just goes to show that there are many paths to the place you need to be and yet you will eventually get to where you belong. I truly believe that is possible for everyone.
I find myself spending a lot more time being grateful for the skills and talents that I have gained over the years and much less time worrying or thinking about how I got them. Doesn't matter. I just like who I am now and I am excited about where my life is headed.
Sounds like you are in a similar mindset. How wonderful. You deserve it.

Hanlie said...

I agree that thin won't make anyone happy if they don't deal with their issues. I love where you are at the moment... You deserve this happiness!

Putz said...

wine women and song used to make me happy but now a simple grand child hugging me will do very well thank you, and i am only 167 now in my life and it makes me happy

Robin said...

I know that we have never really talked about The Law of Attraction before, but maybe someday we will. In the shortest of terms, it states that you attract to you the things that you are in harmony with. Or you get what you think about. Of course, that is a double-edged sword, because every thought is technically two thoughts and you have to be careful which side you are on. For instance, there is lack and prosperity. You can want prosperity but be focused on lack. If all you have is lack, but want prosperity, but all you can think about is your lack.... you might think that you are focused on prosperity, but the reality is that you are focused on lack. Therefore, you are vibrating to lack and will continue to bring lack into your life. The law of attraction dictates that it is so. You get what you think about. When you are able to shift your thoughts to gratefulness and abundance, that is when the miracle happens. That is why Jesus says that when you pray to give thanks BEFORE you receive it and BELIEVE it like it has already happened. The law of attraction responds to that. That faith, that focus on the abundance brings it into your life. When you focus on lack, lack is what you get. When you focus on anything, that is what you get.

Now, don't ask me why I haven't used this incredible wealth of knowledge to get rid of my migraines. I have TRIED. Not focusing on PAIN is the hardest thing to not focus on when it is constant. However, I am seeing a pain therapist who might have some tools her toolbox that I haven't tried yet. If she can divert me, I can focus somewhere else and who knows what might happen...

You and me... we might change the world:-) After I get less crazy, of course.