Becoming a tough broad...

LOL...
Hey guys.
I had a really good day today.
I went to my self defense class....and I was a little nervous.
Jeannie (my usual instructor) was gone..
leaving me with

This guy...

Sensei Petrone.....














He loves jumping jacks, push ups and no breaks.
So...I went in with the same mentality I took to bootcamp.
I wasn't going to 'drop out' of anything.
And I didn't.
We started with 1 minute of jumping jacks....with our arnis sticks..
Then we went into our striking pattern while doing jumping jacks..
so jumping jack..one...strike to collar bone..for one minute both sides..
You had to stop the jumping jack and do the strike..do a jumping jack...do the other side..
then jumping jacks ...two...backhand strike to collar bone for a minute.
third minute ribs...fourth minute backhand ribs...fifth minute (actually 6th if you count the first minute) stomach..
then for the next 54 minutes we did arnis stick drills with no breaks whatsoever...when we weren't striking, we were holding our sticks our in front of us parallel to our bodies...and I did it.
When I lost feeling in my hands I shook them.
I was there with one other student..
He broke.
I didn't.
I thanked God and my workout plan during that hour.
I understood the drills and I am ready for testing.
Testing is on the 22nd.
My aunt sue called me a tough broad.
I'll take it.
Today was a good day.
I hope it was a good day for you too.
Today I felt like I could hang.
Like I belonged.
Like I took a huge step towards my goals.
It's a good feeling.
Time for bed now.
up and at it again tomorrow.
chris out.

It sleeeeps....

Hey guys,
I got some sleep...of course I was dead tired, so tonight will be another test..
But I got a ton of exercise..capped my calories..
and learned I have to test for my first belt on december 22nd.
I am nervous.
ugh.
I stopped even thinking about testing because I was kind of caught up in learning self defense.
Not quite sure what I have to know but my sensei is supposed to be sending me some notes tonight so I can practice at home.
Hope all is well with you guys.
Chris out.

Day 4- No sleep

again..
on day three when I begin to lose weight...I don't sleep...then freak out.
This has been an ongoing thing for the last year and a half..
hyper vigilance because I feel vulnerable.
My body saying 'find food'.
My brain wondering how to cure cancer?
I have no idea why...It's pissing me off..that being said..I have decided to just stay up all day...no napping and hope hope hope that I sleep tonight.
We shall see.
I got my exercise in today...one hour of cardio toning...10 minutes on an elliptical and 20 minutes on a stair stepper...I  guess we will see.
 It's 12:13 in the afternoon and I am sitting at 630 calories...
no more eating for  a while.
I just need to hold on till around 8 this evening and then I can get some sleep.
ugh!
Chris out.

Day 3- In the bag

Hey guys...day three in the bag.
I will be going to sleep shortly with my calories in check and my exercise in.

Nothing feels better than doing the right thing.
Nothing feels better than moving in a positive direction.
Not having the shame of having caved when you lay down at night.
Not beating yourself up because you chose food over health.

It's a good feeling.
Day 3 in the bag..
next up
Day 4.

Chris out.

SOS HELP WANTED!

If any of you read stephen, or even if you don't..he needs support, or a kick in the ass or any thing you can give him...
go here: http://www.whoatemyblog.com/

on to dinner...

yeah, that little sugar thing was as I was leaving the store.
I didn't get any sugar...I didn't eat the candy bar.
I may keep a running list of things I don't eat..
It will be a heck of a lot longer a list than the things I do eat. lol

I got my defense class in and 30 minutes on the elliptical.
So far I would say I have burned 400 calories and I would like to burn 200 more.
math
math
math..
it's important.
Hope everyone in weight loss land is doing well.
Chris out.

No...

I don't need sugar..
I don't need a piece of candy while leaving a store..
what am I, a kid?!
No.
thus ended day 3's  little talk.
btw...I did not eat last night.
I went to bed chewing trident and sucking water.
I felt better waking up this morning knowing I did the right thing.
Chris out

I'm hungry...

I'm hungry.
I'M HUNGRY...

iM HuNgRy....hungry...hungry..hungry....hungry..grunhy...ungrhy....

hmmmmmmm...

I am not going to eat.
counter intuitive  isn't it?
I have an apple that I am saving for my late night drive...


Sundays are long..
7 am till one in the morning.
Sometimes this sucks.
But then you get to reach your goal..
it's this shit right here that you have to get past to get to your goal.
So don't f(*)ck it up.

Chris out.

These little talks...

are for me..
When I need a pep talk, I come here and give myself one...
I am back to the get go with this..
so...
doing very well today..got my exercise in...3.8 mile walk.
My friend and I worked out a schedule of toning/cardio for tuesdays and thursdays and saturdays.
We are trying to do cardio toning
Then cardio for as long as we have after...
on mondays, wednesdays and fridays I have self defense class..then need to schedule in 1 hour of cardio to boot...because my self defense class isn't cardio intensive in the least.

To burn fat I need cardio. Period.
1500 calorie cap...I use it because it works.
I am giving myself an h our and 20 minutes a day to get it done...I don't include my self defense class in this other than allotting 20 minutes to toning because we do some sit ups and pushups...

the other 22 hours and 40 minutes a day shall be spent abstaining from crappy food and living my life...
I will be blogging frequently..and  perhaps obnoxiously..
honesty is key.
I am sure at some point offense will be given..
none will be meant.
So forewarned is forearmed.
Hope everyone is doing well on their respective plans...
Chris out.

SPIT.IT.OUT.

Ahhhhh
I remember this...
all the rules I discarded on my way to twenty some odd pound regain..

No 7-11 stops.
No drive thru crap foods.
No sugar.
No white flour.
vegetables...plenty.
lean protein...plenty
No excuses..none..

and if for some ungodly reason  you find yourself with food in your MOUTH
that shouldn't be there..
SPIT IT OUT.
"Just tasting' the dinner you are about to eat as you cook it?
spit it out...
think one bite of chocolate won't matter...
spit it out.
accidentally take a swig of real coke instead of diet?
spit it out.
This may seem extreme..
but all addicts know that once you can rationalize a  bite, you can rationalize 10.

So spit it out.
really.
SPIT IT OUT.
It's not worth it...
Chris out.

True food addiction is never over...

I have been reading around the web...
And you have read here about my 20 or so pounds I have regained...
and no one said it better than Sean.
over at the daily diary of a winning loser.
Honesty is key to beating obesity.
When you have been successful..then begin to regain.
In some ways you become a victim of your own success.
We aren't supposed to struggle anymore because we've 'beaten it'.
To admit we still struggle earns us anonymous comments that say
"see, you aren't all that..."
or
"Told you it wouldn't work'
It did work.
But when you start thinking you did it on your own..and that you've beaten your addiction of choice..
well.
That's when the shit hits the fan.
You want to be normal
The problem is I AM NOT NORMAL.
I don't use food the same way a person who has always been thin uses food.
I have foods that trip binge triggers.
period.
And I can pinpoint exactly when I stopped losing weight and began a slide backwards..
I was driving in my car at 8:30 pm a year and a half ago and said...
"Oh, I will just skip my calorie cap for the day even though it's not my cheat day."
I had already had it for the month.
and then it becomes two..
and you are fighting...
and it is a slow backwards slide...
until you begin to feel like you used to feel..and you begin to hide what you used to hide.
And it's time for me to get back to what worked...
to weighing in and to being accountable and to one cheat day a month and to a calorie cap and exercising when I don't feel like it and to realizing
I AM A FOOD ADDICT.
Period.
I am catching myself.
Sean is catching himself.
Jack is catching himself.
You see...it will always be work.
It will never be over.
I will always have to be careful.
It's just reality.
so..day 1 year zero..all over again.
It beats going back into the abyss.
right...
Next sunday I will post my weight.
Yes, the weight loss bar is back.
Chris out.

The fainting goat strikes back...

long term peeps will totally get this...for those of you who are new:

http://chrislivessimple.blogspot.com/2010/03/monthly-weigh-and-and-public.html  which in turn reminded me of this:  http://chrislivessimple.blogspot.com/2010/03/are-you-pit-viperor-fainting-goatgood.html  that there is a fainting goat out there that kicks ass...I take it as a good sign..Chris out.