I have been reading around the web...
And you have read here about my 20 or so pounds I have regained...
and no one said it better than Sean.
over at the daily diary of a winning loser.
Honesty is key to beating obesity.
When you have been successful..then begin to regain.
In some ways you become a victim of your own success.
We aren't supposed to struggle anymore because we've 'beaten it'.
To admit we still struggle earns us anonymous comments that say
"see, you aren't all that..."
"Told you it wouldn't work'
It did work.
But when you start thinking you did it on your own..and that you've beaten your addiction of choice..
That's when the shit hits the fan.
You want to be normal
The problem is I AM NOT NORMAL.
I don't use food the same way a person who has always been thin uses food.
I have foods that trip binge triggers.
And I can pinpoint exactly when I stopped losing weight and began a slide backwards..
I was driving in my car at 8:30 pm a year and a half ago and said...
"Oh, I will just skip my calorie cap for the day even though it's not my cheat day."
I had already had it for the month.
and then it becomes two..
and you are fighting...
and it is a slow backwards slide...
until you begin to feel like you used to feel..and you begin to hide what you used to hide.
And it's time for me to get back to what worked...
to weighing in and to being accountable and to one cheat day a month and to a calorie cap and exercising when I don't feel like it and to realizing
I AM A FOOD ADDICT.
I am catching myself.
Sean is catching himself.
Jack is catching himself.
You see...it will always be work.
It will never be over.
I will always have to be careful.
It's just reality.
so..day 1 year zero..all over again.
It beats going back into the abyss.
Next sunday I will post my weight.
Yes, the weight loss bar is back.