11.17.2012

True food addiction is never over...

I have been reading around the web...
And you have read here about my 20 or so pounds I have regained...
and no one said it better than Sean.
over at the daily diary of a winning loser.
Honesty is key to beating obesity.
When you have been successful..then begin to regain.
In some ways you become a victim of your own success.
We aren't supposed to struggle anymore because we've 'beaten it'.
To admit we still struggle earns us anonymous comments that say
"see, you aren't all that..."
or
"Told you it wouldn't work'
It did work.
But when you start thinking you did it on your own..and that you've beaten your addiction of choice..
well.
That's when the shit hits the fan.
You want to be normal
The problem is I AM NOT NORMAL.
I don't use food the same way a person who has always been thin uses food.
I have foods that trip binge triggers.
period.
And I can pinpoint exactly when I stopped losing weight and began a slide backwards..
I was driving in my car at 8:30 pm a year and a half ago and said...
"Oh, I will just skip my calorie cap for the day even though it's not my cheat day."
I had already had it for the month.
and then it becomes two..
and you are fighting...
and it is a slow backwards slide...
until you begin to feel like you used to feel..and you begin to hide what you used to hide.
And it's time for me to get back to what worked...
to weighing in and to being accountable and to one cheat day a month and to a calorie cap and exercising when I don't feel like it and to realizing
I AM A FOOD ADDICT.
Period.
I am catching myself.
Sean is catching himself.
Jack is catching himself.
You see...it will always be work.
It will never be over.
I will always have to be careful.
It's just reality.
so..day 1 year zero..all over again.
It beats going back into the abyss.
right...
Next sunday I will post my weight.
Yes, the weight loss bar is back.
Chris out.

9 comments:

Princess Dieter said...

I went in with eyes wide open, having read widely, and understanding that folks who have been HUGE and folks with food ISSUES, always have to watch it. Always. And when I decided to stop losing and maintain (though not lean, just accepting I refuse to live on X calories below what I eat), I assumed I'd screw up and it would be hard, like for most every other maintainer. And it has been. And I regained 10 lbs being incautious and self-indulgent here adn there. That's all it takes, slacking off. No one needs a binge to regain, just not watching calories. Just stop exercising...without reducing calories.

So, it's good to know and accept that up front. We ain't normal with food. Our body signals cannot be trusted. We gotta watch and count and do and be careful. Always.

Christine said...

@princess dieter...that's it..my 20-25 lbs didn't come on overnight...it was a long slow slide. it's a constant vigilance. It can get tiring.
But it's doable. Lol. I hope we can all be honest and all keep moving forward.

Robin said...

You know what you have to do here. Nose to the grindstone and all that. This is one of those life things that no one can do for you. Of course, no one can take the credit or the blame for your success or failure. This is all you. So just go out and there and give it your all. And know that everyone reading this believes in you.

Christine said...

@ robin, Thanks.

Sean Anderson said...

I am a food addict. And you've nailed it.
I may have admitted it before, but not until the last six months did I really understand--fully appreciate what it means.

I will always be different too. It doesn't mean we can't get to goal, maintain and live a wonderful life. It just means what you said here... It takes a lifetime commitment... understanding and figuring out what we can and can't do...

Thank you for this post.

Helen said...

If knowledge is power, and admitting the state you are in is the first step to wholeness then you are already well on your way! As always, I'll be following along.

Anne H said...

Catch as catch can! I am catching up and down some here too! Junkie that I am....

Rettakat said...

Totally agree with this post, and appreciate it. People sometimes forget that it is a journey full of learning. And we need to not judge others while in the middle of the journey.. cuz actually, the journey never ends, we just give it a different description (beginner, losing, maintaining, etc).

And then there's that "it gets tiring" thing. Yeah. :-} I'll admit, I think that's where I'm at right now. But what's the alternative?? Ain't none... just gotta pick it up and get back to doing what I know to do, and not complain. Like you said, just move forward.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

It is never ending. This is true for anyone who has ever struggled with any addiction, I suppose.
We all face our demons, and those who succeed will eventually face their demons more than a few times. I certainly know the feeling. And yet I am happier fighting than ever giving in.
Good luck with your own fight. I know you'll get to another level with this and then share your wisdom. You're not in this alone.