This will be the last installment on the last five months..with all this complaining..you may be thinking..why is she with him..because, his shitty moods happen once or twice a month....with some smaller eruptions here and there...he is like a windshield wiper...happy, angry, happy, angry...there are legitimate reasons for some of it..but my enabling behavior allowed it to grow worse. On some days, he is an insensitive prick..nothing is right....he hates living here, his job, etc. On other days, he is happy and building things, he is funny, very intelligent and driven..yes..he is self absorbed..but as I thought about this, I think it may be one of the reason's I picked him..a huge downfall in all my previous relationships was the fact that, when it comes to
Relationships..I am not clingy...I am a very independent person, i like my head space, I dont get lonely. The more i tried to create space, the tighter my exes would cling..in this, my husband and I are very alike. He allows me to be me...when I assert myself...
it is when he tries to improve me that things get ugly...his perfectionism is the source of his misery..and when he feels he failed, he turns that critical eye on me. .and since i started telling him I dont need correcting or perfecting and have a job...correcting me, perfecting me, has not been an issue...the one day he busted into girls night to bitch about everything...i looked him dead in the eye and told him to leave us alone or get back to us later with a better attitude...and he did...he is trying...but it is years of ingrained habit...it will take time.
I picked this man at 19...obviously, his outer , critical voice matched my inner critical voice...none of this was a real issue until last year when i realized I no longer needed correcting...My healing has lead to a lot of unexpected consequences...but for the first time, I am fully inhabiting my body, i am not afraid of men, i feel able to support myself should the need arise, and I have learned that I dont need to be perfected...there isnt anything wrong with me...he has realized his communication patterns and his views on our relationship are no longer working...as do I. So, we are working to change them.
That being said..I am ready to run at my health goals full bore...
Glad to be back.
Elliptical 31:00 min.