The truth about weight loss...

Is this..
It's easier to create a deficit when you are fatter.

There I said it.
I think I have lost 3 lbs this month.
That being said...

*heads up to the male readers....

Tom has made another early appearance.
Although I don't know if it's early or finally correct.
It has been moving backwards now for three months.
from the 18th...to the 8th to now.
the 31rst/1rst...
So It could be a 21 day cycle.
Maybe my hormones are straightening out...who knows.
* male readers, howdy again...lol
I will know in a week if this was a three pound month or a tommish fluke.
I did miss a few days because of that weird blood sugar thing.
Which by the way I am starting to think is an iron deficiency.
After 3 days of eating higher calories...I went back for one day to lower...and had heart palpitations.
I said to my husband "I would think it was an iron problem, but I don't have any bruising...(which is always a sign for me.)
Well, he says...Yes, you do...all up the back of your legs.
And so I started taking Iron pills two days ago and kept the lower calorie intake (around 1500) and things seem to have straightened out a bit. I am still tired..but am not getting woozy or light headed anymore.
I will give it a week to see if it turns a corner.

So,  back to creating a deficit.
I added it all up.
If I eat 1450 calories almost every day next month..burn 600 calories 21 days 300 calories 7 days (on the days we travel) and have one 100 calorie deficit day plus my one high calorie day...I will lose 4.5 lbs.
I actually added it up folks.
Here's the thing.
I should be more satisfied with my body now that it is a much lower weight.
I have lost an incredible amount of weight.
But there are still times (like today) that I look in the mirror and all I can see is the fat.
I still look pudgy.
I have people tell me "You look great!"
There are days when I feel it.
I feel great..on top of the world.
Then there are days like today.
I get on an elliptical and kick @ss.
I get on a stairstepper and kick @ss.
I do 210 sit ups.
Then I get on a scale and it reads 157, a weight I would have given my right eye for a year ago.
I remind myself of how far I've come.
Somedays it works.
And somedays I want to cut the rest of this fat off with a dull knife.
Then I remind myself that this kind of body hatred was what got me into trouble to begin with.
I weigh in tomorrow.
And 3 lbs is better than no lbs.
It's a loss.
It's 10,500 calories...
A 340 calorie a day deficit.
If it's 4 lbs...it was a 451 calorie a day deficit.
5 months of 4 lbs will be 20 lbs.
In five months at that rate of loss (which is very doable) I would weigh what I weighed when I met my  husband...
If I don't quit.
If I don't give in to the 'not good enough' mentality.
So I won't give up..
Don't you give up.
Okay.
Oh, I forgot to write four more things.
I will write one tonight.
4.) I used to go out in the middle of the night when I was a teenager..two or three in the morning...because I had terrible insomnia.  I would ride my 10 speed down the middle of highway 10. Three miles from my house was the biggest hill in the area. It was called firetower hill...It was a two mile upgrade and a one mile down grade.   I would get to the top of firetower hill and then using my knees ( I rode my bike so much I could generally steer my bike by leaning) and I would use the moonlight hitting the reflectors in the middle of the road  to guide my bike. I would hold my hands out to the side and pretend to fly through the darkness. It was about 10 minutes of bliss, down hill on pavement.  My mom would have a heart attack and die if she read this.

I will write the last three tomorrow....
Now,  A big Thank You to every soldier who has fought and lived, or fought and died for this country.
A special Nod to all of the vietnam veteran's out there who never got the welcome home they deserved.
If I could throw a one woman parade for you I would.
For you Uncle Richard, Uncle junior, Butch and so many others.

Hugs,
chris

The refuse to balloon badge (Ha haaa) an beautiful blogger...

Well, Thank you ice queen....That worked.
Now I know how to make Blog awards.
I have arrived.

In case you can't tell, that is the original violet who blew up like a blueberry.

Charlie and the chocolate factory is a favorite around our house.

"Violet, your turning violet, Violet.

So, there is the badge....do with it what you will.
Remember the official dates are June 8th through the 21rst.
If you want to do them all the way through that is cool too.
Just a quick post updating your daily exercise should do it...
Can't wait to see what you all come up with.

I walked 4.6 miles today...haven't done my situps yet...but will soon. I wanted to get this badge up and running.
Thanks for all the joiners.
I was never a joiner,but seem to be becoming one in my advanced years.

Well, Tomorrow it's back to the gym.
I went clothes shopping today and bought three pair of size 10's.
They are still a little snug but they fit. In one or two weeks they will fit even better.
It's kind of like the opposite of when you were a kid and bought the clothes big to grow into them.
Now I buy the clothes small to shrink into them.
Hope you all had a fab day!
so,
Karen @ Fitcetera
Julie
Annalisa
Kim
Natalia
so me
seattle runner girl
Tammy
and
Holly....
This will be fun.
Oh and I got an award a while ago and am falling behind.It's the beautiful blogger award...
Mrs. Happy pants awarded it to me yesterday..
and The monkey and me gave it to me a few days before that...
I have to write 7 thing you don't know about me..
Short of a speculum and a headlamp...I am not sure that there is anything ya'll don't know about me..
But I will give it a shot.

1.) On the day I left for the army I spent the lasat two hours NOT phoning my current boyfriend. Instead I put on a tape of Prince singing "cream'...and gyrated and jumped and danced like you wouldn't believe.
I was excited to be getting out of that one horse town.

2.) I hate the sound of chewing. I can't stand mouth noises.  It's just a thing. I can't sit with someone while they slop through their food. I will actually get up and leave.

3.) Socks and shoes.
I don't like them and never have.  That's why when I heard about the  idea of 'barefoot running'...and it could make my hillbilly need to disregard footgear look hip, I went for it.
I'll do the other 4 tomorrow.
Have a great night guys.
Chris

Serious Saturday Snark....

Hey all,
I skipped this last week because I wasn't nearly as irritated last week as I am today.
lol.
So...
A little story for you.
I am standing in line waiting to pay for my big bottle of water.
In walks three teenage boys.
yuppie types with izod shirts and plaid jorts.
So, they are talking about girls.
(none of these young men were particularly attractive..and their attitudes even less so)
They are assigning numbers to girls they know.
It's pissing me off.
So the pimply and large one says "I won't date a girl who isn't at least a 7".
At this point I turn and give them my death stare.
Then his friend says "Oh,  you would settle for a 2'.
( Guess he took my stare as a "You're not a 7' stare as opposed to a 'shut your obnoxious trap' stare.)
The obnoxious conversation continues.
So, not to say I snapped...but I snapped....
 and muttered loud enough to hear..
"So if a guy who's a two tops and a girl who is a seven minimum  make a baby....does a four pop out?"
dead silence.
I got to buy my water in peace.
Sometimes people piss me off.

Okay, saturday snark part deux...
Today I went to the gym on fort carson.
It was closed, so I went in search of one of the other mythic gyms on post that I had heard about.
I found one.
It was pretty nice.
So, I am on my elliptical.
peddling for all I'm worth.
There is a lady who is about 30 pounds heavier.
riding a recumbant.
now, I have been 30 pounds heavier.
I know what it's like.
I also know 'dialed in' when I see it.
so, she finishes 30 minutes of half hearted peddling.
She gets on an elliptical..oh, did I mention she is texting the whole time she is working out?
She gets on the elliptical...and at cool down pace does 20 more minutes.
By cool down pace I mean, circle............circle.............circle................circle........................
I can hear her later....
"I work out an hour a day, Why can't I lose weight?"
You would lose more weight licking stamps. Each stamp is 2 calories by the way.
Sometimes I wish I were a trainer with a cattle prod
"MOVE YOUR @SS, STOP CRYING....MOVE I SAID!!!!!"
Alas, tis only a dream.

Saturday snark part three..
Apparently that whole "Block the hole with mud' thing isn't working in the gulf of Mexico.
I say we try fat, overpaid BP executives next.

Oh, and I would love to make a badge..
How do I do that?
Your clueless blogger,
Chris

I refuse to balloon in June.....

Well my bloggy peeps.
First things first, the song has strong language...if you don't like cussing...turn it off.
I just love the message. I looked for a clean version but couldn't find it.
so, forewarned is forearmed. It's a cuss fest, but the song has a lot of heart regardless.
So, anywhoozle.
I decided something.
I have decided that I am not going to meander after all..I have tried.  I don't like 'meandering'.

I am not the slow and easy type.  I need a goal. I need to set my eyes on something and conquer it. IT's my personality...It's who I am. It's how I Roll...not like the relentless mississippi, more like a ball of fire.
I can meander at goal weight.
 RIGHT NOW...I just want to get there.

So, I am going to buy a pair of size 8 pants and head in that direction.

In the spirit of decisiveness, I have decisively decided to make up my own challenge.
I am going to call it "I refuse to balloon in June'.
Last year I did every day in May. I love rhymes.
Well, I walked every day in May. It kept me on track, it gave me momentum.
I fiddled with the idea of 'maintaining' my not goal weight through June..
*insert whiny voice for next sentence*
It was going to be hard, I would be traveling, what if someone held me down and force feeds me ho hos in arkansas...
WHAT!
It's been known to happen.
In arkansas.
So, anywhoozle...except we aren't going through arkansas
I realized that I was setting my mind for mediocrity, or in more accurate terms...
for failure.
So, instead of maintaining.
I am going to lose.
At least 1 lb a week.
That means on this vacation lalapalooza, I will be exercising every single day of my trip.
That means in strange hotel rooms, at my MIL's house....even the night we arrive...
I will be asked why I can't just 'let it go'.
I will be forced to refuse that promised 'bucket of chicken'.
I want to prove to myself and you guys that losing weight while having food thrown at your face for days on end is possible.
The challenge will keep me in the game.
There is only one problem with this whole thing.
I should be able to blog, especially at my MIL's house ...it will be three solid days there of blogging.
But the traveling time will be hit and miss...I will blog daily in word and post when possible.
My mom doesn't have any internet whatsoever.
So,I may get one hecka blog Post in, but it will have to be up at the college where I am sure some hippy runs a wi-fi espresso bar.


So the goal is to drop 4 lbs in June.
It's on...I refuse to balloon in June. Anybody with me?
It's nothing official.
Just from June 8th till June 21rst...whatever the circumstances, no excuses...even if it means doing standing push ups at a loaf and jug and lunges in supermarket aisles, even if it means you are doing bicep curls with canned tomatoes at your nephew bar mitzvah, even if...EVEN if, you must jog in parking lots in circles...you will accomplish one hour of exercise every single day...
Whose in?
Have a great night guys.
Talk at you tomorrow.
Hugs,
Chris

For my Husband, on our anniversary...

I know I talk about my husband.
I have talked about our rough patch.
I have talked about our discussions.
Unfairly perhaps...because it only comes up in the context of  my weight loss.
So today on the eve of our 17th anniversary, I wanted to write something you don't know..
My husband has grown into a man I love and respect even more than the day I married him.
He was a green beret.
At my request, when he retired...instead of moving on to the inevitable blackwater position and making oodles of money overseas as a private security contractor...and missing that many more years together as a family.
He stayed here with us.
He became a Wackenhut security guard for 13 dollars an hour.
Because I asked him to.
Because our daughters asked him to.
You see, after spending the majority of our married life separated, I learned money isn't the most important thing. Time together is..
He is insulted daily.
He's called rent a cop, he is told about how he needs to go out and really experience life...like the 20 year old kid who spent two years in the army...talked down to by police officers. 
They have no idea who they are talking to.
They have no idea he was on an A team in special forces..
They just see a 40 year old man who walks with a limp after complications from giving his kidney to his little brother.
They don't know how he and his team, with the assistance from the kurds, held off an entire Iraqi division In northern Iraq while the army invaded from the south to kick off the war (If you want that story, read the book lords of chaos.)
They don't know he has scaled mountains the world over. And taught others to do the same.
That He did cold weather training in the north pole with the inuits, that he can make a radio out what he finds laying around..that he can identify just about any weapon that you put in front of him.
They don't know because he doesn't tell them
They just see a security guard.

He does it for us.
For his family.
It makes me love him more each day.
Now that is a real man.

So on our 17th anniversary.
I just want to say, I am a lucky woman.
I love you Tim.

one more day

Hey all,
Had a great day today.
Went to the gym and got a good workout in...
Did one  hour on the elliptical, did my weights and my sit-ups.

So, While I am on my elliptical, it is feeling a bit endless.
Sometimes my workouts feel that way.
Neverending.
So I am switching back and forth between my radio and the t.v.
The American Idol finale is on, and of course what could be done in thirty minutes must be dragged out for  two hours.  I am thinking they will be done by 8 and so have not only done my hour but have restarted the machine and am heading into my second hour. ( I have no TV at home.and I have no idea who any of these people are, but I always like to see dreams come true. This is why I watch the super bowl and other big sporting events.)  I have seen Michael McDonald, then Hall and Oates (all the while thinking..."No wonder they broke up, that blond guy does all the singing.') It gets to 8 o'clock and they are STILL GOING. I think 'holy crow people, how long can this go on..." And decide to ditch the rest of this hoo and move on with the remainder of my workout.
But I hear some guy start warbling "Every rose has it's thorn,'
Then I hear all the girls start screaming and realize Brett Michaels has made an appearance.
Now, I am not now, nor was I ever, a Poison fan.
While other girls were daydreaming over long haired rocker types...I held in my heart a special place for Reese from terminator.
I wanted a guy who could make pipe bombs, not don eyeliner.
So, Brett wasn't my cup of tea.
But, since I don't live under a rock...I did know he had recently suffered a near fatal brain Aneurysm.
I nearly cried for him.
Isn't that what we all want?

One more day.

I mean, in many ways...this is why I am losing weight and getting healthy. To live.

As I peddled ineffectively on my elliptical, watching him sing.
I wondered what he must be feeling.
A week or two ago, he was standing on the edge of an abyss.

Gazing into eternity.

Tonight, he was on stage doing what He loves.
I can't imagine he has ever felt More alive, or more grateful to be so.

Today was a very busy day for me.
I had a lot to do.
When I had completed my last Have to do thing for the day, I was driving home.
I thought 'Thank God it's over.'
Then I thought...'But thank you for it."
(This was me talking to God, so he doesn't get any funny ideas about my not being grateful, lol.)
I know each day is a gift.
Today I got to:
Breathe.
Eat.
Play.
I got to Watch my daughter meet new people and make new friends.
I made Trail mix for the first time.
I got to Hand out well deserved girl scout awards.
Slide down a slide.
Feel the sun and wind on my face.
Talk to friends.
Watch a movie and laugh with my husband.
And tonight I get to sit here and write what I did on this day and express my gratitude for having lived it.
By God's grace I will have a tomorrow.
Minutes granted to me, minutes that were not granted to someone else.
Moments lived by me, that others may be missing.
It's a privilege to draw breath, to have a family, to have eyes, and ears.
It's even a privilege to have gratitude, when so many don't.
I know that feeling grateful is a gift given by God.
I hope you all had a great day, and even if it was complete and utter crap...
Here is to a new tomorrow.
Another chance to try again.
Hugs,
Chris

feels like voodoo...

okay.
So, i ate maintenance calories today for someone my weight who is sedentary...1730 cal.
wow.
I felt decadent.
I even had cheese on a sandwich. lol.
Well..the upshot is this.
I did 45 minutes on the stairstepper..jogged a mile and walked a mile..
and nary a shake, or spots were to be found.
It's low blood sugar.
I do not have THAT much patience however...
so..time for some calorie voodoo.
I will go lighter for breakfast...light for lunch.  no more than 500-600 calories for the first part of my day up till my workout..about an hour prior it will be a granola bar and some fatty protein....like nuts.
That will be a good 400 calories...300 about one hour prior in the form of granola or banana and 1/4 cup of nuts...and 100 after...in the form of 1/2 of a  granola bar .
I think my body needs fuel to get through the workout..and it will draw from my fat stores earlier and later.
That is the plan...1400-1500 calories....just with the calories distributed differently.
I gotta go watch Zombieland with my hubby...hope you all have a great night.
Hugs,
Chris