8.13.2011

when do we get to like ourselves?

Hello,
Back with a serious post.
I was talking to my mom today...She was shopping for a dress for my little brother's wedding in September(*Which I am excessively happy about btw, He is marrying a lovely, smart woman who seems devoted to him.) So I can hear her saying..."oh that's cute, It would look so good on a petite lady. (I grew up with this which probably is the reason for my idea of what constitutes beautiful) She didn't think she could look beautiful, she wanted to 'settle' for not being 'frumpy'. She deosn't want to be in any of the pictures.
My mom is a 14-16.
I remember being a 24 and thinking "if only I could be a 14 again'.
Right now I am a size 10 and I have a 'look' I am going for.
But..
I like myself right now.
All of me.
I don't hate parts of me....I don't feel less because I am not a size 6.
I just have goals that I would like to attain.
And beauty is more an attitude than a reality...Some of the most beautiful women are not classically beautiful....they have a certain something...and that something is CONFIDENCE.

What is it about our culture that we WOMEN have to hate parts of ourselves?
And if we don't we are 'stuck up'.
And don't tell me it isn't programmed in, because it is.
It's almost like coda amongst women.
"I hate my thighs."
Then as a friend you must say...
"I think your thighs are great...You should see my STOMACH!"
"Oh You look fine."
"I hate my hair...feet...boobs...butt..."
on and on ad nauseum...my oldest daughter tells me about the locker room conversations.
Most ridiculous one in her opinion..."I hate my shoulders...they are too wide'...
Kate said "how boring, to be so obsessed about your body. I love my body.'
*I liked hearing that btw*
You know what I want to hear from women!
Man do I have fabulous thighs! (someday soon I want to hear this from my mom)
Me: Your thighs! You should see my abs! I love em'.
lol.
My husband once told me he couldn't see past my fat.
I have to admit I have been waiting for something...a chance to get him to see what it feels like to have someone ding you for something you are struggling with...
He has been trying to lose weight..
And he is doing okay..but he is also trying to build muscle.
I don't dig meat heads. I like lean bodies.
I don't want him going moobish on me.
So I say "Don't get all moobish on me.'
I don't like meatheads."
He says "How would you like it if I said something like "I like fat women."
I reminded him of his prior comment.
He just stood there with his mouth going up and down like a landed fish.
Then I said...To be honest...I will love you moobish or not...but now you know how hurtful it sounds to someone when you think they will love you less if you don't live up to their standards.
He looked pole axed.
So I say, "Do you love me for what I look like, or do you love me for me?"
He said "I love you for you."
I say "Ditto."
men.

So...When do we get to like ourselves?
When we reach the perfect size?
When our Butts don't sag?!
When we have been cut up, rearranged, had our boobs lifted and blown up?
When we are botoxed, hairsprayed, painted and squeezed into form fitting clothes?
How about right now...
What do you love about you?
And you know what..it can be your personality...but you need to add on a part of your body that you love..
EVEN IF YOU AREN'T AT GOAL WEIGHT.
Deal?
Hugs,
Chris out.

18 comments:

Dizzy Girl said...

I love this post and I love me too. :) I don't have the perfect body by any means, but I know I never will so who cares? I have about 10 lbs to lose but I don't think about it too much. Physical things I love about me? My eyes. My legs. When I have a tan and my hair is really really blonde- I love that too. :) I love my tan lines from my rings on my fingers. I have a good mouth and great teeth (which I get complimented on often). I also love my boobs. They're big- but they're real and they're perky (if big boobs CAN be perky)..I love them! I love being a woman...I love painting my toenails and fingernails and wearing jewelry and dainty panties and...oh I could go on and on but I don't want to freak you out since this is my first comment on your blog. Thanks for this post- we should definitely love ourselves a LOT more- and say it more often!!!

Kimberley said...

I love the curve of my bootylicious bottom!!!

Rettakat said...

I love the color of my new tan on my arms... first tan in 25 years!! :-)

Hanlie said...

I love my nails, my hair, my eyes, my ears and my feet. Furthermore, even though my body is not a pretty sight at this stage, I don't hate it. I feel compassion for it and gratitude for the fact that it's still going strong. I vow to do my best for my body, because it's done its best for me so far.

Elisha Dew said...

I love that I am tall, and that my body is always more capable than I think it is.

I wish that we could get to a point where we realize that there's a difference between hating your body and wanting to improve.

bbubblyb said...

Though I've went the "cut-up" direction I haven't disliked myself. I've definitely learned plenty of lessons through the route I've taken and I do think it has helped me like myself better. As for what I do love about myself, I would say my face, neck and shoulders. It's a tough journey to get to the point of liking ALL of myself. I'd like to think I'm getting there and learning appreciation for myself along the way.

Rachelle said...

I love this blog. It's like a breath of fresh air. You are reminding us to focus on the positive side of life. What I love about me are my eyes, my new hair cut and my boobs lol. Thanks again for such a great blog.

E. Jane said...

Such an honest post, Christine. I guess I do like my face and hair and my body too, but I know it needs to be thinner and therefore, healthier. Also, thanks for commenting on my last post. I am going through a dry period right now, but I guess that's part of the ebb and flow of life. I know that nothing stays the same, so I expect to find my "mojo" again in the near future.

Losing it in Vegas said...

Great post Chris! Let's see, I love different parts of me on different days! Right now I am loving my shoulders...though they are "broad" by most peoples standards, for some reason they are the part of me that starts to show some definition first! I love my legs...they are very muscular (always have been), with thick ankles (darn it Grandma and genetics!) But they look great in shorts!

I seem to be lucky, I have never hated my body. I have hated what I have done to it. I have hated designers don't design clothes for thick girls (which I am, even thin)...but never my body.

Tammy said...

I love my eyes, my smile, and my collarbone...but that's about it. lol

Susy said...

This was a very awesome post! We all as women tend to focus WAY too much on the negative aspects of ourselves. I don't know if it's a Latin thing or what but in my family, people are VERY EXTREMELY blunt. They will tell me straight up if I look too fat. I was born here but my whole family is from Ecuador and I will never forget all the negative comments I got one time when I went for a visit with my 4-month-old. I hadn't gone in many years and I only went because my grandfather was dying and all people could talk about was how I had let myself go. Right in front of me! Mind you, I had recently had a child and was breast feeding so my boobs were HUG. Anyway, sorry I got a little carried away. The only physical things I like about myself are my eyes, (not the bags under them though) and my lips...
Thanks for such a great post.

NewMe said...

Excellent post.

Right now, I'm learning to love the woman who is not old, but no longer young. It's not easy in a world where 80 year olds feel they need face lifts and breast enhancements (there was an article about this recently in the New York Times).

Food Addict Extraordinare said...

I love my blue eyes, my nicely shaped lips and teeth, my pretty fingernails, and that muscle in my calf (even though it can be hard to find somedays.)

Great blog post. I'm so tired of hearing every girl spout out the millions of things that are wrong with them.

carla said...

what a fantastic post.
the older I get and the more friends I lose to disease---the more I realize how little all the other stuff matters.

MizFit

Joy said...

I finally feel like I love myself. It has taken a very long time. I just realized this weekend, that I've had people in my life, making sure that I did not love myself. I don't have those people in my life anymore. It's amazing how people, who say they love you, can tear you down and make you feel like crap. I don't hang with people like that anymore!

Keep focused!!!

Putz said...

i don't have curvacious boobs, but i am a guy so get off it<>><<>i just want to live and if i am not careful I WON'T<><><>that is the way diabetics feel<><>if i could be fat and really really get away with it<><>i would><<>but you can't

Annalisa201 said...

You know what Chris - You are so right! (Yeah, I knew you knew that already, but read on...) I had this exact conversation with my perfectly beautiful neighbour yesterday! She is nearly 50, and looks like she is my age - 28. We've been mistaken for sisters on multiple occasions! She has gorgeous long red hair, and a beautiful face. Her body is slightly slimmer than mine, she's probably a 10/12 size. But, as women, we proceeded to banter back and forth with the usual "I'm fine with my legs, it's my tummy that needs work" and "yeah, my tummy needs work too, and I'm thinking about a boob job - size A's are driving me nuts!"

THAT"S NOT COOL!

From this point on, from this day on in my life, I commit to saying "Really? You're not happy with your body? That's too bad. I love my body!!!" out loud and proud each and every time this type of conversation between women comes up. I am serious. Because women need to know that it's OKAY to not be perfect!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for this beautiful and wonderful post. xoxoxo

Karlie said...

Ya, Amen to that. I love my shape and my figure in general. I'm thankful for a husband who saw past the fat and did nothing but encourage me to beat my goals.