My oldest daughter is at a three day retreat....
She is 17...soon to be 18.
The years went by so fast.
I remember still, holding her when she was first born...and being terrified.
I was only 19.
And all I could think was:
I am responsible for her life...
for good or ill, what I do will mold her future.
And I knew that I had to lay down anything and everything
and pick up the mantle of mom.
I had to be what she needed.
And I watched her grow.
I taught her to read and write and to do her sums.
I taught her to face things head on and love herself.
All so that someday,
She could let go with no fear and meet life head on..
and she is going....
She forgot to call tonight, probably because she was having too good a time to remember.
And while part of me was sad.
I remember being her age.
What it felt like to be encompassed in my own space.
And part of me felt free with her.
And was happy.
It was a preview of next August.
When she leaves to begin her own life.
A whisper of a Good bye.
It made me both glad and sad.
So this is what it feels like.
To be a mother.
And let go.