A whisper of GoodBye...

My oldest daughter is at a three day retreat....
She is 17...soon to be 18.
The years went  by so fast.
I remember still, holding her when she was first born...and being terrified.
I was only 19.
And all I could think was:
I am responsible for her life...
for good or ill, what I do will mold her future.
And I knew that I had to lay down anything and everything
and pick up the mantle of mom.
I had to be what she needed.
And I watched her grow.
I taught her to read and write and to do her sums.
I taught her to face things head on and love herself.
All so that someday,
She could let go with no fear and meet life head on..
and she is going....
She forgot to call tonight, probably because she was having too good a time to remember.
And while part of me was sad.
I remember being her age.
What it felt like to be encompassed in my own space.
And part of me felt free with her.
And was happy.
It was a preview of next August.
When she leaves to begin her own life.
A whisper of a Good bye.
It made me both glad and sad.
So  this is what it feels like.
To be a mother.
And let go.


Amber said...

She has been given a great life and what she needs to do well, be safe and most of all to love herself and God.

And mom will always be there.
She knows that too I'm sure!

She will do great!

Quiltingranny said...

Amazing post Chris and I just got off the phone with my oldest grandson who turned 18 today, how proud I am of him and his mom for how he has come up!!

Robin said...

She is going to flourish in college. That will be in large part because of you. I am sure that you are right about that call. Of course, this change is also one step closer to you becoming friends rather than JUST mother-daughter. It will be wonderful to be less parent and more friend because she will be more independent. That, too, will be because of the foundation that you and her father gave her. You have every right to be proud of her. And this isn't really goodbye. Every door leads to a window.

Kimberley said...

Very heartfelt post...thanks for sharing.

Sheilagh said...

Beautiful post Christine.
Got a lump in my throat.



carla said...

ahhh Im trying to learn to let go too.


E. Jane said...

As one who has been through this, I want to say...the best is yet to come. The foundation is there, and she will continue to bring you more joy than you can imagine. It's another stage of life, but it has its own wonder and miracles.

Sean Anderson said...

Christine--powerful, my friend. I'm relating in so many ways---as my youngest just turned 18 and is completing her first week away at college. I'm lucky she's only 45 miles away--and maybe I'm not too ready to let go--because I drove down last night to stay with her, even though I had to get up at 4am in order to get to work on time...But she's adjusting, and I want to make her feel comfortable...But honestly---I'm adjusting and I want to make myself feel more comfortable---too.

You're such an amazing mom. She's a lucky young lady. The way you related the feeling of sharing her sensation of freedom---gave me goosebumps. Thank you for writing this post.

My best always,

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

Ack...you're KILLING me! I always think the hardest part of parenting (which I guess I'm about to find out!) must be the balance between loving and protecting your kids, but teaching them how to be independent and live their own life. And how hard the letting go can be. Beautiful post, Chris.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

A heartfelt thanks for being able to see the good in letting go of your children, eventually.
Respecting them enough to see the world from their view- amazing.
Wish my mother had known what you do.
Your children are beyond fortunate.

Putz said...

you are not only an amazing mom but an amazing person

Joy said...

Such a hard and amazing time! Enjoy every minute with her! They grow up sooo fast!

Take care my Friend!

Susy said...

Great post! Have you heard the song "Find Your Wings" by Mark Harris? WOW! My 16 year-old son is a senior this year and he already has his college career planed out. He was offered a paid internship for worship leader at Calvary Chapel in FL for the summer and right after that he's off to college for 6 years, also in Fl... I'm in NC... It hit me when I took him to take his grad pics... I'm sooo proud of him! But SOOO sad to see him go. To know that these are most likely the last 9 months I will ever have him again... Anyway, I just heard that song a couple of days ago and almost died! I immediately thought to use it for the slide show of pics I will be showing at his graduation party. There won't be a dry eye in the house with MY family...