This last week...and my purpose in life.

Has sucked donkey balls.
we got hit with another tax bill and we have been dealing with fafsa and everything that goes along with college.
I have made it to the gym two times...the rest were walks.
meals were not calculated...were missed or not counted.
my focus has been on my kids.
and my mind.
and I have been thinking and thinking and thinking.
I don't want to end this weight loss thing on may 18th..
because I want to be 135 pounds.
And I have a reason for that.
I know I can be..
I have decided what it is I want to do.
I grew up  in an abusive home..
and I have spent the last 18 years instilling a sense of self respect and pride in my daughters.
I have been thinking about this issue of domestic violence.
About a week to ten days ago a man shot his wife and then turned the gun on himself in the neighborhood across the way...no more than a half a mile from my house, it was a house I walked by every other day in the summer.
A house my daughter had sold cookies to...a house I had helped the woman carry her stroller into two years ago....
The police had been called out to that house twice in the last few years on domestic violence calls.
There were warning signals all over the place..
But in the end..that man shot his wife in front of their three kids and then shot himself.
Those kids no longer have a mother, because someway, somehow she thought she could fix him.
the ten year old called the cops and took his little 3 and 4 year old siblings downstairs till the police came....
I haven't been able to shake that.
I have a ten year old.
I  even  called my mom what she was thinking the first time Duane hit her.
She said she didn't even think about it..she started fighting back..
but she took him back.
Why  do women live with what can only be considered assault if it were done by a stranger?
To be mugged daily..
or even if the beating is only once a week.
Would we go home to a mugger?
Why would you stay married to one?
They have never learned this precept.
It is never okay for someone to lay a hand on you.
And quite frankly, from what I have seen..by the time a woman is into an abusive marriage..
nothing anyone says really makes a dent.
They have to want to.
or they won't leave..
So you have to get to these gals before they ever hit 18...
about 9 percent of teen girls are in abusive relationships.
I would like to reach these girls and teach them how to defend themselves.
That means I have to get taught.
That is what I am going to do...I will be starting classes in VeeArnisJuJitsu this summer..
And I will keep at it till I am a black belt.
And then I will teach it.
To young ladies..
with the message that no one ever has the right to lay a hand on you or hurt you.
And the first time they get popped...they defend themselves
And they  LEAVE to find a man who will treat them as they deserve to be treated...just as they would treat otherswith dignity and respect.
And to do that I need to be a good role model.
I have a reason to be fit.
I have a reason..beyond just me..
to see that what happened to my mom and so many other women I grew up with, doesn't happen to whoever I can reach.
That's all..
Tomorrow it's back at the gym.
Have a great night.
Chris out


downsizers said...

That is a disturbing story. I applaud you for determining to make a difference in the lives of women who are living the hell of domestic violence. It has become far too common. It should never happen. Men have also been casualties of our violent, sex-driven, disrespectful culture. Women are taught to be sex objects all over the media. Our schools are a mess and we can't touch them and make them show restraint and respect. What do we expect?

Wendy said...

Hello- I have taken a look at your blog and have been inspired to take a long hard look at trying to live my life deliberity. Empowering yourself and your daughter is ever so important. Thank you for sharing your weight loss journey. I am just beginning to take a new turn in my journey of life.

Helen said...

The Jiu Jitsu classes at my dojo are quickly becoming more popular with women than men. That's a great goal Chris!

E. Jane said...

What a great goal, Chris. Downsizers is also right. Our media does teach women to be sex objects. That's why girls are dressing provocatively at a very young age. Their self-worth becomes tied up in how to please a male. Unfortunately, along with that often goes a lack of self-respect--and when abuse sets in, they have no tools to help themselves. Your goal is very comendable, and I know that you are strong enough to carry it out. Providing young girls with the tools to be strong and how to live with self-respect will actually save lives.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Sounds as if you have been able to make a connection and made a great choice for yourself and the life you wish to lead. In turn it seems as if you and your family will benefit from the inspiration that will naturally flow back through you. How cool!
I am not at the precise number I would eventually like to see on the scale at this point either. However, I have decided that I will be patient and am watching the inches and shape improve with a very downward trend to the scale. I trust myself at this point and know that things will never go back to where they were. I'm certain that you are in that same boat- you will get there.
My favorite ballet instructor never had the perfect body and yet she was simply amazing. I have so much respect for her. People will respect you for who you are and where your heart is, not just what your body looks like.
Take care. This busy harried time will pass. Your family is so fortunate to have you.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

That is a very SLOW downward trend to the scale...

Jo said...

That is a very admirable goal, Chris. I applaud you for giving it a lot of thought and figuring out how you can make a real difference in an issue that you feel very strongly about. I know you will be very good at it.

Trece said...

Go - be present with your family. There is only today!
I am more impressed with you each time I read a post. I joined Allan's current challenge because you are my role model. I am journaling for myself on the questions you send.
When the guy I lived with beat the crap out of me, I ran outside naked, to my neighbors downstairs for help. They called the police, I pressed charges, he did time. That kind of abuse I fought back, The emotional abuse in my 35 year old marriage, not so much. . .
That's part of why weight loss is hard, all the fear and negativity from so many years.

Hanlie said...

That is such a worthy goal, and I can't think of anyone more fit than you to pursue this. I support you all the way!