What I've been trying to say for three years.

Is RESPECT yourself.
I keep seeing all these "Husband murders wife and two kids...turns gun on self."
the basis of that story..
One lady didn't respect herself enough to say stop.
To say...you will never ever hit me again.
Because once can be a surprise.
Twice is a confirmation.
I am not ragging on women who have been beat or are getting beaten..
You can't fix him! 
You aren't his therapist or his mother!
Love yourself and your kids enough to LEAVE!
Being morbidly obese...
Something in YOUR BRAIN is telling you that it doesn't matter what you do to yourself.
That your health isn't as important as A B or C.
It matters because you matter!
You only get ONE LIFE.
Being morbidly obese can end it quicker than you would like.
Feeling beaten down because someone in your life constantly speaks in a demeaning fashion to you..
But never putting a stop to it.
Because somehow or some way you have decided that person has more right to abuse you,
 than any right YOU have to be treated with DIGNITY.
You have gotten the idea that you make a good verbal punching bag.
Or a good punching bag period.
You can't fix anyone.
You can only fix yourself.
You can only define what YOU will or won't do.
Only you can decide what  you want your priorities to be..
and if you don't decide.
Someone else WILL.
Someone who was looking for a person like you...an easy mark.
Manipulators and abusers can spot a person who is vulnerable from quite a distance.
And they will use and abuse you as long as they can get away with it.
For some people, it's a life long ride.
For others...they attempt to escape...and they have their lives ended.
For others...they never get sucked in.
Because the first time they are spoken to with the sort of contempt an abuser likes to dish out..
or the first time a control issue comes up..
such as "you need to call me if you are going to be out late, I have been calling all night..where were you?'
When  you are just dating.
A healthy person says "Uh, I don't think so freak!"
And skeedoos.
That abuser will move on to someone who says:
"Oh, I am sorry..you must have been soooo worried."
And at that moment, you hand that person control over your time.
The control escalates.
I am saying this...
you control you.
If you don't control yourself...your control in nearly every area is fragile at best.
If you don't treat yourself and others with respect..or expect others to treat you with respect...
you will be taken advantage of...
That is what I have been trying to say..
to myself in the beginning..
now to you guys.
You can get hold of your life and make it what  you want.
Only you can do that.
Accept responsibility for where you are at.
Make a plan to fix it..
then do it.
I have been doing a lot of thinking...and I think I know what I want to do once the kids are in high school/gone...
I will talk more about it later.
Till then.
Have a great night!


downsizers said...

I have known women who are drawn to men who are mean to them. What's up with that? They will go from one man to another and take more than anyone should ever take. Some of them need help with the bills I think. Some of them can't stand being alone I think. Some think they deserve it I guess. Men have lost their way. God intended them to be the head of the home, protect and defend his family, provide, and teach his family the ways of the Lord. Women have contributed to this as they haven't had very high standards. Many women are raising kids alone with the help of grandparents in many cases. This sounds bad but I have always been glad we didn't have any daughters. The media teaches them their purpose in life is to provide sex for men. These sitcoms that are so funny have characters who are all promiscuous and everything is funny and there are no consequences make me sick. Even advertising has that message - sex sells. I am on a soapbox here but it is a hot button issue for me. The breakdown of the family will be the downfall of America. I know you have a daughter and I know you are teaching her to wait for the right one. You are battling the media, her friends from dysfunctional families, and what she reads/sees everywhere she goes. Those mother-daughter talks will be invaluable in the years to come. Those of us with sons have to teach the same lessons about respecting women. Fathers should be doing that - look how many homes have no father present. Men are fathering children and throwing them away. I guess I have made my point. Take care.

Rettakat said...

Respect. For ourself. For others.
Powerful post, Chris.

And reading it made me decide not to allow commenters to get their jollies by posting crap on my blog any longer! No trolls allowed! I don't need it, I don't deserve it, and it stops NOW. I'm banning my current troll as of today.

Good discussions with differing points of view are fine. But sarcasm, mocking and nastiness are no longer allowed. The cyber bullies can take a long walk off a short pier!!

Respect. Yep, good post!! Thanks, Chris. :-)

Anonymous said...

I love this post. I used to live in the slippery, destructive slope that was an abusive relationship. Never again. Gosh, great words here.... don't know what else could be said. Thanks for posting!

Quiltingranny said...

If you have grown up in a home being treated badly, you look for the same. These guys are good at what they do and I have seen even the strongest woman cave...all we can do is keeping talking out loud about it! Amen to your post!

E. Jane said...

This is a very good post with such a lot of truth to it. I have seen this played out many times in my work and in the lives of my friends.

I just want to add a personal note: I had a wonderful father who was never abusive or controlling. He set the standard for men in my life, thank God! However, there was another significant person in my life (a female) was was very abusive (physically, emotionally, and verbally). I just want to say that females can be abusers and controllers too. I lived with one, and it made my life hell. As a result I am still deaing with the fallout of never feeling good enough, feeling subservient, etc. I also have never done well with most female bosses. There is a fear factor that has stayed with me.

I should also add that a female abuser is far less common than a male abuser. But whenever we're the victim of long standing abuse, it takes years to recover. I just wanted to raise the issue that is the other side of the coin.

Christine said...

@ E. Jane I totally get that..my uncle junior was married to a woman who was abusive and crazy. That poor man put up with way to much..reminds me of the whole phil hartmen situation..where he was shot by his wife. I think men may be even more prone to denial about possible violence because they feel they are stronger. On that note, if I had a son, I would tell him to never allow a woman to hit him and then stay with her. My little brother got attacked by a girl he broke up with..she scratched his face. I went and had a talk with her. It's never exceptable either way.
@ quilting granny- I grew up watching that and knew I needed to make a list..I made a list of every quality my mom's 2nd husband possessed, and wrote the opposite on the other side and went from there...It was all I had. It worked though.

@ Loretta-I hadn't realized you had a troll. Never feed them and they will wander away to bother others..blocking works wonders. lol. I don't allow anonymous comments. cowards hide behind anonymous comments. YOu want to say something to me, say it with your name attached.

@ downsizers- yep to everything. Somehow having the ability to have sex with everything that moves is thought of as 'freedom'. When it's really using your body as a trash receptacle. I taught my girls that they need to treat their bodies and themselves with dignity and respect. I told them that when you sleep with someone, you give a part of yourself away to that other person...and if that person isn't willing to commit to you, they don't deserve anything FROM you. Great posts from all you guys.
I will keep speaking.

Joy said...

Definitely time to take care of ourselves!!

Keep focused!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Certain life experiences may set us up for being more prone to letting our self respect go. However, there comes a time when there are no more excuses. We know better and it's time to take the respect and give it back to ourselves. If we're really good with this, we find a way to share our experiences with others and in turn give them the support needed so as to stop the cycle. You have definitely done your share to add to this important discussion and enlighten others. It's all we can do, to fight the good fight and help those who seek it. Not everyone will want help, but many are right on the edge of seeking it and just don't know how. It's so good for people to see the other side of the fight- when someone wins back their self-respect. That is the ultimate reward.

Bring Pretty Back said...

This was an amamzing post - RESPECT really is the foundation isn't it. For MANY things in our lives , but... oh WHY do women think they deserve this .I don't know. Self esteem and fear is a biggie.
It is sad , it is awful...
Excellent post with a lot of feeling and genuine thoughts.
Have a PRETTY day!

Monika www.endyoyo.com said...

You are right, RESPECT is so important and yet so difficult to learn to do that...


bbubblyb said...

Great post as always! Yep, we have to respect ourselves in all ways.

40 Minus 100 said...

Just found your blog and your progress pics are so awesome!! Thanks for sharing yourself with everyone like this. :)

carla said...

yes yes yes you NAILED it.


Putz said...

i am writing for you to explain the word morbid, i have always been affraid of the ides of march because it says to beware of the ides of march and so i am scared to death, but i am also afraid of the word morbid, it sounds very awful, no pleasant surprises