How to avoid a binge

Hello all..
day 4
Yesterday wasn't all that hard...today was tougher.
NO sleep last night because of post nasal drip.
Early workday...
But I had a plan and worked it...
cliff bar..1rst meal
two eggs and one whole grain egg muffin (studiously avoiding white flour)
and one cup of coffee @ 40 cals for the creamer...measured.
Grand total for morning hours 570 calories..
because I worked from 9-2...I only have a ten minute break...so I knew I wouldn't eat for five hours.
When I got out of work...I was right next to the panda express...I knew Ihad to work out and that I was hungry.
(I could have down a 600 calorie panda bowl...putting me at 1130 calories...and I thought..
that would leave me with a paltry 370-470 for the rest of day...and I still had to work out!
heck no.)
So I went home, still sitting at 570 calories...had 1.8 ounces of cheese and a banana...and a cup of coffee. (my second cup for the day...(today I measured 80 calories for creamer total) 360 calories..
NOw I am sitting at 930 calories.
I work out..2.5 mile walk...40 deep wide legged squats, 100 situps, 50 pound benchpress 36 times and 30 bicep curls with 10 lb weights.

I go home...Now I am hungry..it's 6 o clock...
I eat another ounce of cheese (need to get laughing cow..)
I am at 1030
I make beddar cheddar sausages, egg noodles and salad.
I eat two sausage links 440 calories...and the other half of my plate is salad with 2 tablespoons of dressing 80 calories...1600 calories.
I'm done for the night...right?
yeah...it's 9 o clock..
Sophie wants a sobee and tim wants a candy bar....
I agree to go up.
And my addict mind kicks in...
you have been good three days in a row...it's day four...have a big bowl of popcorn...you can start over tomorrow..
* other half of my brain
but wouldn't you rather have something sweet
(when it comes to my food...unless i actively seek it..I HAVE NO GOOD ANGEL.)
Well (I think to myself) If I were going to have something sweet..I'd have a peanut butter cup...no no..that peanut butter candy bar...reece's peanut butter candy bar..
(I don't know if you've seen this...it's around six hundred calories..and it's shaped like a hershey's..only inside each link...there's peanut butter)
Then rational dieting Chris inserts her voice...(I'm still driving...this is key)
Do you really want to do this...you got to the gym and your feet hurt, you were sore and tired as hell. You did it anyway...you did a great workout..do you really want to ruin it..or eat the calories you burned?
addict Me....it's only one day.
authentic me:  One day is momentum or stalling
addict me: not alot to say on that one.
authentic me:  how will you feel if you do this.
addict me:  It will taste good.
authentic me: then it will sit like lead in your stomach
addict me: Well, then maybe you could get a small peanut butter cup..do they sell such a thing?
(looking at this..I am glad I am 10 miles from the store)
authentic me: If you are going to do that, you might as well have a peanut butter cliff bar.
addict me:  If you are going to do THAT, then what's the point at all.
authentic me: EXACTLY!
and I win.
I bought nothing but a diet root beer.
Tim got his candy bar..sophie got her life water.
I got the satisfaction of putting one more day between me and my excuses.
What would have blown this scenario out of the water?
Having either of those things in the house.
Don't do it.
turning on the radio to tune out my inner voice.
that could have done it...
talking to myself is a major way I skip listening to my inner voice....
If I am about to eat something, I will busy my mind with a problem I am having....and then I don't have think about it.
It's intentional.
That, my friends, is the inner dialogue..
that is the struggle..
It's as simple as saying no
and as hard as saying no.
With love,
Chris out.