Day one...year zero and brutal honesty

It's time...like Sean Anderson likes to say...to up my importance level regarding my diet and exercise.

So many other things have taken precedence...
Finding a job..learning to defend myself.
Learning to love myself as I am...
Learning to let go of fear.

It's going to be interesting to see my attitude towards calorie restriction now.
I got to the mid 150's and I began to have a great deal of fear...
I have done a lot of head work since then..
so It's time to go back in and see what happens...
I have to be completely honest about every calorie..
weighing and measuring ever calorie.
and posting it here..as well as how I feel daily.
every day is day one..
no coasting on yesterday's success..
no planning on 'getting back to it' tomorrow.

It's called accountability..
I stopped weighing in 2011 because of the fear..
I will start again in three months..August 1rst..
If I feel that fear again...it's time for some therapy.
I think I've conquered it...
but then again...I thought i had peeled all the layers...when I had one big one left to peel
It's always the big ones we leave for last..isn't it?
so...here we go...will post tomorrow.
keep me accountable.
IF you don't see me posting..
if i don't post my food..
skip my workout..
call me out.
with love,


Sean Anderson said...


I'm on your team! I relate to everything you've written here. I swear, if I were a woman my name would be Christine.
You can do this. It's not easy. But you can do hard things. :)
I've noticed how some of the biggest elements I've resisted in the last couple of years, the daily writing, the food/calorie tracking--the accountability of it all--were things I resisted with false reason. Truth was--I wasn't "taking a break because I felt I was becoming too overwhelmed or obsessed with writing" and it really wasn't a case of "I always kept track in my head and it worked, besides what I'm eating isn't as important as what I'm doing and I don't want to deal with the occasional criticism a 390 calorie burrito from Taco Bell might attract..." What I was really doing was simple: I was making it easier to slide...because I was sliding--and the less accountability I had in place meant less opportunities to feel guilty or ashamed or like I was letting people down. Truth is--I was letting me down and filling myself up with righteous excuses for why I was doing what I was doing.
I applaud you. I've always had an incredible amount of respect for you... This is a wonderful time.
It's your time.

Thank you so much for doing what you do,

bbubblyb said...

I too have always had great respect for you. I'm so glad to have your words back. So very true that we leave the big stuff for last and sometimes don't even realize something else needs work. I have no doubts you can do the nuts and bolts of it all and the head work. You'll get where you want to be, no doubts :)

E. Jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
E. Jane said...

Sorry I removed my previous comment, but it somehow repeated sentences. Oh well.... I just wanted to say that perhaps you were where you needed to be while you worked on other things, and perhaps you're right where you need to be now. ...ready to move ahead. Things often happen in stages, and we don't always know that. Take care, and I'm right there with you.

Sean Anderson said...

Good point E Jane. Whatever you do, Christine, please don't beat yourself up one bit. Have some compassion for yourself and move forward. So happy you're here.

Sean Anderson said...

How are you? As you instructed, I'm inquiring about your latest blog post.
Hope you're doing well.
If you need to communicate privately, my email: transformation.road@gmail.com