well, All of this emotional/ spiritual upheaval has brought me to a point of reckoning.
I t hink some of you remember me talking about putting my spiritual journey on the back burner when I started this whole weight loss process.
And in reality, I needed to...because my weight needed tending to.
It still does, but in a more practical day to day way.
Now it's time to work on who I want to be in Christ.
I have found a church.
I am going to apply for membership.
For many years I felt inferior. I guess that is the right word.
less than.
I was fat. I grew up in an abusive home.
I didn't have the same softness that many of the ladies at church had.
I have finally realized that I have been trying to remake myself under my own steam.
And you other ladies who are sisters in Christ know what I am talking about.
If I am going to do this, I have to let God get in there and tinker.
or overhaul...
or rip it out and start again.
However that works.
And much like my wieght, I need to be held accountable.
So I am reaching out to my sisters in Christ ....Deb, Loretta, Myra, margene, Christine, Joy...and any others who come out of the woodwork.
I am working on my tongue...
\It has been an issue since I was 12.
I want to exhibit the fruits of the spirit with my words.
And since I don't have the type of mentorship I would like in my church...I am working on it.
I encourage you to keep me on the narrow path in regards to my speech on this blog.
I don't want to use my blog to slander, belittle, cuss, to use 'careless words'
Proverbs 12:23 (NIV) says, "A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly."
I want my speech to reflect a Godly character...I am currently reading Elizabeth George's "A woman after God's own heart'.
I realize that this won't occur all at once, so I need spotters and encouragers. I have 3 times now in the last two days stopped myself from malicious speech mid sentence...and when my husband asks "what?" I say...'I was going to say something mean'.
It happens a lot more than I would like.
I am apparently full of judgement.
And considering the source, I think I need to focus on me.
lol.
So...while I strive to moderate my eating and exercising.
and work towards teaching my children, cleaning my home...taming my tongue.
I don't know why I thought life was boring.
There is plenty to do.
I guess th e key word here is discipline.
you need discipline to follow God, to get really close to him.
And I am starting now.
Big hugs,
Talk at you all later.
Chris out.
15 comments:
Well, of course you knew that the title of this post would catch my attention. (Thanks for considering me a sister in Christ, by the way.)
Unfortunately, I'm off my game right now...sometimes extreme greif will do that...so let me get back to you. I'm seriously out of wise words and gentle instruction at the moment.
One thing I know-->this post blessed God's heart. It did. And He's up for the task. In fact, He can't wait to get down to it. :D Haha. Be ready.
When you get a little frustrated with yourself, just think of Peter. He actually took it upon himself to chastise Christ for considering the cross. chuckle. I love Peter.
Deb
Hi deb, I remind myself of peter continually....quick tempered...a bit of a know it all. lol. as for being out of wise words....I think you did great. I am sorry for your pain. I hope there can be reconciliation soon.
hehehe good luck. I'm a Christian cusser. I don't cuss at all as much as I used to... but that's no excuse, I know. But at least my actions are changing. I'm working on giving my time and energy to charity, helping my neighbours (literally) and such. There's always something to do isn't there. Prayerfully yours, Annalisa
I'm in a similar boat. We have talked about finding a home church (we've been churchless for a spell), and with my focus on weight/fitness and overcoming some health issues/depression) in recent years, the spiritual and creative aspects of my life (writing/editing/poetry) have taken huge backseats I want to bring the spiritual to the forefront, cause my creativity springs from THERE most clearly and fruitfully.
I also have a tendency toward potty-mouth I got from my cuss-loving pop. It waxes and wanes, and I want to help it REALLY wane right back out to the middle of the sea. :)
I'm not in maintenance like you, but I hope to be there by Christmas. I also hope to have a good home churh and a vibrant soul fire again by then.
I wish you (and me) well on making this happen. Let grace abound...
"For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." (Matthew 12:34)
Your heart is obviously full of love for God, and you have opened it up to Him for growth. I'm sure He is delighted, and will be right there helping you "hear" yourself.
spiritual healing builds a strong foundation
speaking in judgement of others reveals cracks to repair where love can enter
One main difference between a Christian and a non-Christian is that sin bothers us. Sin does not bother those outside of Christ. You are bothered. I am bothered by my own sin. The Holy Spirit is making you uncomfortable. He calls us with those stirrings, those sudden insights, those wonderful signs of His presence. Let's all be more aware of Him. I want you to listen to Morgan Cryer's song called "What Sin" - go to Amazon and you can find it. I get all teared up every time I listen to it. I want to know how the song affected you so please come to my place and let me know what you think of that song. Music is a wonderful way to connect with the Lord. "Redeemer" by Nicole C. Mullins is another great one. "O Glorious Day" I think is by Casting Crowns but I'll have to check on that one. I feel so honored that you consider me a sister in Christ.
I wish you well on your spiritual journey Christine.
Funny--your post is the second one I came across this morning about using our words in the blogsphere. It made me think and as a result I made a few adjustments to my own blog.
For years I struggled with Christianity and the institution of church due to 'great pain' caused by my former pastor's family. I considered converting out of Christianity.
I'm not ready to darken the door of a church but I have healed. Writing about it helped me to heal.
Love this line--"I don't know why I thought life was boring.
There is plenty to do."
Hugs to you too :)
I always find it ironic that the church often does not know how to deal with truly broken people. (I know we are ALL broken to some extent). But I've had people basically just tell me to get over all my crap instead of gently guiding me through it with a loving hand, so I hear you about the mentoring. I think the body and spirit are connected (since our body is the temple for the holy spirit) so although you may not have been actively pursuing holiness, you were still working on it in your body.
Hi Christine,
I love your quest here to monitor your words... that they can be positive and edifying. For me, it has all started with controlling my thoughts and disciplining myself to not give into the negative thoughts or judgements. (which is hard work!)
I like to use the apostle Paul's words as a "filter" for my thoughts: "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
If it doesn't pass that filter, then it doesn't need to be in my thoughts or in my words. I try to have my words reflect what I truly desire. This has been my hugest quest, really, bigger than losing the weight but so much more rewarding.
The fact that you are raising the bar for yourself shows that you are ready to let those old thoughts of being inferior go. Those thoughts were lies. I love how you put that you realized you were trying to remake yourself under your own steam. I have come to that realization too. It is humbling to truly give the reigns over to God. It takes courage.... it's a lifelong journey.
I'm sure God will be blessing and strengthening you on your journey. I believe whenever we put forth those efforts, the angels cannot be withheld from helping us!!
God bless...
~Margene
I think we are always works in progress. As soon as one aspect of our lives starts to go well, we find something else that could use some work.
Christene...a lady that mentored me thru 3 difficult situations last year told me to meditate on Romans 12. Not just read it one time and then go about my life...really meditate on it. Read it everyday...memorize it. As I began to get better about the first situation, the second one appeared. By the time the third situation hit, I could face it...not alone, but because of what God's word had taught me.
Love in Christ,
Mis
It is nice to see that with every challenge you are still growing and gaining a more and more meaningful life. I like the idea that improving yourself never ends and that the rewards for doing so are bigger than just the improvement itself.
I can't say what I believe anymore for sure. I grew up as a generic sort of Christian and never have denied that religion. It has been freeing to sort of explore what that means to me and I am not currently a church going type. One never knows... Maybe some day that will feel right.
In the meantime, I appreciate your striving for excellence and doing it through what Christ wants for you.
Glad to hear that Chris. With God ALL things are possible. A scripture that comes to mind for you is in 3John 1:2 and says "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers."
When our soul prospers, all good benefits follow!
God bless.
I approached weight loss by using (roughly )the 12 steps of AA. I came to believe that I needed a Higher Power that still preformed miracles. I know I found him.
Any lasting change comes through a changed heart. Only Heavely Father and the Savior have the power to change my heart. After all I can do.
I can understand your feeling of not feeling worthy. I crawled back to church after drugs had kicked my butt.
Just love your blog.
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