9.13.2009

something real...part 3

Today I ran into someone I hadn't seen in over 10 years. I was getting water at the px and then I turn around and bam! There he was. It was a guy that used to be on my husbands team back at Ft. Devens in Massachussettes. They were a couple we had hung out with for three years solid, we really were the best of friends. Then we moved to germany, they stayed here and their marriage fell apart. I knew this guy thought I had something to do with his wife ditching him. But to tell the truth, it was the opposite. In reality, My friend ended up doing things that made me blush. I wanted their marriage to work because in a way, watching the end of someone else's marriage is alot like watching the potential end of yours. The last time I talked to this guy, he had called me, drunk, at two in the morning begging me to tell my friend to take him back. I told him that it wouldn't do any good, that she had made up her mind. He said some bad things, then hung up. If I had the magic words back then to put back together a marriage that had been torn apart on both sides, for the sake of their three kids, I would have. I couldn't do it and neither could they. I was as close as a sister to her back then. Him I couldn't stand because of the way he had treated her. In the end she acted like he had, and that's what he couldn't take. As I stood there looking at him today, older, grayer. He seemed smaller to me. Less of an *ss. His second marriage is failing, his father is ill, his son is acting up. I realized finally that we are all just humans, doing the best we can everyday. I tried to call my old friend a while back, but when I talked to her, I realized that we just weren't the same. Something was missing. The magic key that had made us so close, it was gone. I don't think it was so much her as it is me.
He asked me if I had talked to her. I told him I had,but that she was different, or I was different. He made a bitter remark about ex's and how they 'change'. I just kept looking at him. I felt so sad for some reason. He kept commenting on how my oldest reminded him of my husband, how she held herself, how she talks.
When your young, your invincible. You think the world is just laid out before you for the taking. You take life for granted. You don't think you'll compromise or become one of 'them'. When you get older you realize that you aren't infallable. That people aren't perfect, there is no 'normal'. One day your eighteen and are never getting married, your going to be an artist. The next your thirty five, and have two kids, live in a suburb and drive a minivan. You haven't picked up a paint brush in years and your kids are talking about 'how they are never going to be like you'. They are going to do exciting things. My mom used to tell me that I had to be realistic, I tell mine "I hope so". What they don't realize yet is that life will throw them enough excitement without them ever having to look for it. That is the essence of this beautiful thing called life. That wherever you are standing on the road, you may think you can see around that curve, but you can't. Ten years ago, I thought I had a forever friend, that I would never see my brother develop a terminal illness, that america was a safe harbor from the chaos of the rest of the world. I never thought I would sit through multiple deployments, that I would be one of the women who watched my husband go off to war, four times. Now I know what my grandma meant when she would say to me "you're so young'. I look at my kids and see their confidence in the paths they are going to take, they can't see what's coming, they don't know how life will test them. I see that and think, "you're so young". Maybe someday, God willing, I will say that to my Grandchildren.
Today part of me wished there was a rewind button. That I could go back to that night, and tell him "Get down on your knees and beg". Maybe, just maybe that would have saved it. All I know is that some things are worth fighting for and some things, when they are gone, they are gone forever. Look for what you want, what's really important, and fight for it. What you do have, enjoy it. Wallow in it. Don't take it for granted because someday,it is going to be gone. That time is long ago and far away, but I do have wonderful memories that I can take with me. Along with experience and regret. But such is life. This song is for you young dreamers, the first time I heard this song I cried, because it tells the story of young love better then anything else I've heard.
Hugs,
Chris

5 comments:

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I wouldn't want a "rewind" button because I'd be tempted to use it all the time, over and over and over.

Nice post.

Lisa eats too much pizza said...

Chris - this was a REALLY great post. Thanks for sharing.

Carlos said...

moving post... the part that got me the most was that watching friends end their marriage being like a foreshadowing of your own... not fun

Brenda said...

Life comes with so many regrets. Things we've done or said, people we hurt.
I just thank God that He forgives and helps us move on.
I'm also thankful for His peace that we can carry even when we can't see around that bend in the road.
Good thoughts Chris.

Hanlie said...

Beautiful post with so much truth and honesty. Thank goodness for the hopefulness of youth. Thank goodness that we don't know where life will take us, because surely we would never appreciate that we gain wisdom and many other blessings through life's twists and turns.