day 16- Where the power lies.....

It resides within you...
I learned a very powerful lesson over the last few years..
and more than I want to see people lose weight..
I want to see people grasp this concept.

When I was Fat, I felt helpless.
I felt like outer circumstances dictated every action in my life.
I couldn't see a way around half the crap that was there.
Now you can't talk your way out of a situation you behaved yourself into..
so there is going to be a price to pay for past mistakes..
But once that price is paid you are free to choose a new course.

So How do you shake free from a mistake..or several mistakes.
1.) own it.
That means you stop pointing fingers and realize that you decided yourself into the situation.
For instance...You are in a bad marriage...how bad is anyone's guess..I have seen my fair share of these...
let's go all the way with this illustration.
Let's say there is severe physical and mental abuse...day to day is hell.
Maybe he has threatened to kill you should you leave.
(I think we have all seen these on the news)....
so own it...You chose to marry the guy..now what.
so after you own it..whether it's a bad marriage...a toxic relationship with family or friends..or your fat that is hurting your health..and you accept responsiibility..
You see, these problems are all the same problem..

At some point you have accepted that this is what you deserve...and are allowing it to continue.

This can be the hardest thing to accept...accepting that we got ourselves into the mess to start with..
We will tell ourselves that we were just trying to help...or to save...or to put others first.
In my case, I didn't want to look at me...so I took care of everyone else..It was less painful.
Less painful in the short run that is...
Much more painful in the long run.
Owning it frees you to accept that if you had the ability to choose what has happened..
Then you have the ability NOW to choose something different.

You move the control from outside of yourself, to inside of yourself.

Step 2: After owning it? Move to change it.

If you are married to the worst of the worst...
You are going to have to accept that you are in a very dangerous position...
accept that to leave means danger..
and protect yourself accordingly..both you and your child/children.
And I don't mean with a piece of paper...
that will help in any sort of child custody dispute
But truly psychotic people have no interest in your piece of paper.
Take self defense classes...contact authorities...arm yourself, and leave.
My mom left her emotionally and physically abusive husband...he took a shot at her.
Luckily that is all he did.
Or I wouldn't be typing this now...

Leave and don't let him/her know where you are or where you are going...
file for an order of protection...
And get ready to be vigilant.

If you are fat...
go through your cupboards and get rid of your binge foods....set a steel wall in your mind..
This is no joke..this isn't optional.
cap your calories and exercise.
And deal with any emotional baggage that is undercutting your efforts.

If you have toxic friends and family...say
"NO MORE! I will not listen to you denigrate me!"
..they can do what they want..but you don't have to listen.
If you are living with soul suckers..take steps to either put your foot down or stop it altogether by leaving.
Be persistant..they don't quit the first time you say quit. 
Have consequences...
Is your mother the queen of backhanded compliments?
i.e.  You have such a pretty face, no one should notice your thighs....
call her out...
Is your group of friends making snide comments about your weight loss? Rolling their eyes...snorting, indicating that you are a self centered person because you want to change your life...limit contact.
It isn't about you most of the time..usually it's a case of deep seeded insecurity on the part of others.
But, whatever their issues may be..they aren't your issues.
You can't fix them.
If your spouse buys food and brings it in the house..that is their perogative..
YOu don't eat it..
IF they say "I want to exercise with you.." but then the time comes and they delay..
leave without them.
It's called sabatogue for a reason.
People don't like change...it's in their nature.

3.) Don't quit...
Change is like a locomotive.
It takes a lot of energy to get moving...once it's rolling it's nearly unstoppable.
The problem is..you are trying to get that train rolling from a dead stop...with baggage on board..and maybe toxic people attempting to derail you at every turn..
Ditch the baggege..
lose the toxic people..
and begin.
And don't quit.
Because you are worth it.
You only have one life..and the only one with the power to change it is YOU.
Chris out.


Jo said...

You wrote this to me. I know you did. I am printing it and putting it in my motivation/comfort book.

I just gave a little pep talk yesterday to someone about taking responsibility for their actions or inactions. Always blaming others. Always an excuse.

The only way to stop the madness is to stop the madness. DO something about it. Get power over the situation, leave the situation, get the person out of your life and get out of theirs.

Thank you. This is why I wanted in your challenge.

Tammy said...

Oh thank God I read this before I left work today. I was feeling weak going into this wknd (Dwayne's birthday celebrations...2 of them tomorrow). That quote about change being a locomotive...I just jotted it down on a post-it note and have it up on my desk so I can read it EVERY DAY. I want to be unstoppable.

Rettakat said...

Just this morning I read comments from two different people saying they went off their plan, "just for SuperBowl"... and now can't seem to get rolling again.

And that's the REAL danger in playing around, making excuses and thinking "oh, it's just for this one time".

Some people can do that just fine, so no problem. But I see so many that can't! It's not the calories... it's how it destroys the momentum of their "locomotive"! Self-sabotage! :-O

Excellent post, with down to earth and true advice.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Thank you. Awesome. Truly.

Putz said...

i don't feel like you today<><read my latest blog and see why

Joy said...

Great post! I just heard a sermon where out Pastor said that we need to decide and choose things...good things for our life.....I usually let things just happen to me and then I just deal with it. Now I'm learning that I have to decide everyday what is best for me and my journey. Kind of life changing!

Keep focused!

Trece said...

Thank you for this one sentence: "At some point you have accepted that this is what you deserve. . . and are allowing it to continue".
Along with a sentence from Jo's comment, these are some of the most important words I've heard/read/seen.
I KNOW that this acceptance is something I am still struggling with.
I'm getting better at understanding what has triggered an event; I've not yet succeeded at short-circuiting it, so it doesn't occur.