2.06.2012

The things you want to say...

You just can't say...
Kate turned 18 today.
I let her skip school...and we hung out at the mall.
And I wanted to say so many things to her....but all I could think of to say was:
I'm glad I had you..
And she said..
I am glad it was you that had me.
She is leaving soon...going to college in august.
I held her 18 years ago today and looked down into her little face...
and realized that I didn't know a damn thing about how to be a parent.
I just knew what I wanted for her..
and set out from there to try and make all those things happen.
I wanted her to see the world, or as much of it as I could squeeze in..
I wanted her to have a happy childhood..
to fly kites.
to swim and make friends.
To explore and believe anything was possible..
and when the time came to move on, I wanted her to face it with no fear.
She has been to europe, and canada and 38 states...
She knows what she wants to be...a doctor of zoology.
She has no fear...
She knows how much she is loved.
I feel like I did what I set out to do..
and that feels good...
and a little sad...
I was making her cake last night..
And I realized it was the last cake I would make while she lived at home.
And most of me wishes that each cake I made throughout the years had the same level finality as this one.
Because each year, once gone..is gone forever.
It becomes a memory.
I am glad that early on I decided to remind myself daily that each moment was a gift..
EAch time I held my children...
Each time I read her a story.
Or talked with her.
That would be a unique time..
Something that will not be repeated.
Raising Kate has given me a second childhood.
It has healed many things in me...
It has shown me what unconditional love looks like...
and feels like.
You can't say all that..and even if you could say all that..
You could never make them understand what it feels like.
God's greatest gift is a child.
I hope someday kate recieves the same gift...
lol...not for a while though.

16 comments:

Itsallmaya said...

Happy Birthday Kate! And congratulations for completed 18 years as a mom Chris :)

Deb Willbefree said...

Okay. Crying now.

Your children have a great mom. :)

Deb

Gavz said...

Happy 18 Kate! Wishing you the very best in life :-)

Rettakat said...

Wow... that makes me want to know your Kate. I'll bet she is quite an amazing young woman. What gifts you have equipped her with, to live a powerful, joyful and fearless life!

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Awesome post Christine!
You did a great job raising her. You were a GIFT to each other!
Happy Birthday to your Katie and here's to a wonderful future with the love that surrounds her.
(((hugs)))Pat

Helen said...

Good grief. You and Shelley are killing me with your birthday tributes. My midlife hormones can't take all this emotion! Happy Birthday to your Kate - somehow God knows just who to give to whom, doesn't he?

E. Jane said...

What a lovely post--straight from a mother's heart. It's amazing how fast time goes by. We have had an "empty next" for about 20 years now, but it hasn't really been empty. Kids come back, leave again, come back again , bring grandkids home...and the cycle goes on. What you have given her she will give to her children, and you will be a part of their lives--and you will be amazed at how much you love them!!

Joy said...

Happy Birthday Kate!!

Beautiful post Chris!

Enjoy EVERY minute with her!

Gramma Judy said...

I told both my daughters, "one day I hope you have a daughter just like YOU." And they both do... smart, beautiful, funny, inspiring, loving daughters... just like them.
I loved reading your post. I still remember holding my first newborn daughter (32 years ago) and us having a 'chat' about how wonderful it all is going to be.
I still hold her and chat... even though she now lives a thousand miles away.

bbubblyb said...

Your daughter has been so lucky :) made me cry and think about how much I miss Kevin :) Children are such a blessing, wish our parents had realized that. But thank goodness we can make our kids know it :) *big hug* and happy birthday to kate.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Happy 18th Kate. Wow!
That is a BIG deal for both of you.
Your relationship sounds beautiful and real. So wonderful...

Julie said...

Beautiful...

Sheilagh said...

A beautiful post straight from the heart. You are an amazing mum to a very lucky daughter.
xxx

Hanlie said...

Beautifully said, Chris! Happy birthday to Kate. She'll be fine out there in the world, because she has a strong foundation.

Robin said...

That made me teary. I am glad that you worked so hard to have such a special relationship with your daughter. As she gets older it will simply change to something different... you will become very good friends. That is also quite wonderful. My mother is my best friend and I cherish that. I have a feeling that the same will be true for you and Kate. You just have to go through a transitional period before that happens. However, during every phase of her life she will know that you love her. You are clearly very invested. You are a MOM.

InWeighOverMyHead said...

You are a wonderful mom