M.I.A. Day 21 (question coming tonight)

Sorry about that guys..weird couple of days and I have been very busy..
And I am not immune to getting trapped in my own head.
The question will be out tonight.
I have pretty busy...
I have also been doing a lot of thinking..
The little revelation I had a while back has opened alot of avenues in the mind.
Which is both a good and bad thing.
I have been having weird little mood swings.
Almost like a door to a bunch of feelings I did not have access to has been opened.
It's weird.
like anger.
This is a for instance..
I used to repress most of my anger.
When driving I would never use the horn..
I think using your horn is akin to screaming.
I don't think it's really worth it at a red to green light for instance..
or even if someone cuts you off..too late then.
They've already cut you off.
Well the other day I am driving my husband to work, we are in traffic and this guy...well he flat out stops on fountain blvd in the middle of rush hour. I have to slam on my breaks...then I realize he is trying to get over to turn left...I was nearly rear ended..the kids in the back of the car, the accident a week ago, and the sheer stupidity on this guy's part..well, It pushed me over some invisible edge...I honked three times.
The looks on the faces of Tim and the girls...
they all just stared at me..while I yelled out the window...get over Dumbass!
Kate goes "You NEVER honk!"It's a family joke.
When tim wants me to hurry he will honk in the driveway because he knows I can't stand it.
But any slights or percieved injustices...I would confront them..but not really feel the anger.
Almost as if I didn't deserve to be angry.
My husband didn't get me a card yesterday or anthing at all...
And it was the first time I was pissed all day.
I was pissed.
And I let him know.
That is a first.
Not letting it go.
I don't know if it was really the card..it was more the idea that I wasn't deemed worth the effort.
I realize that is reading a lot into it.
I also realize that for years I didn't make a big deal because maybe, (secretly) I didn't feel I was worth the effort.
Now, I think I am.
As is he...I washed his car for him.
So..there you go.
I am not Angry today.
We talked last night and settled it.
And I told him I expect a card on my birthday.
I will get h im a card on his birthday.
I think it is neccessary as your marriage goes along to keep each other front and center.
With kids it can start to slip.
You can take each other for granted, and when the kids leave,
your relationship will be old and dusty.
It's not something I want to happen.
Hope all is well with you guys.
like I said that third question will be out tonight.


Unknown said...

I didn't get a card either and he wouldn't open the card I got him because he was feeling so guilty.
Years ago in the beginning of our relationship I felt hurt, angry, upset all day when he would not get me a card. Today... I know he is extremely forgetful and it in no way reflects on his love for me. He just doesn't always think/see/act outside of his own box. I told him yesterday he had plenty of time to get me a card - his excuse was he didn't have time the day before. I blabbed "well I had your card over two weeks ago". He just doesn't think sometimes.
But I no longer take it personally.
Too much emotion involved in that. Doesn't get me anywhere.
Now it is what it is, and he loves me and I love him and the card... well it would have been nice had he took the extra effort - but I also know that he isn't going to change...
I'm glad you and your husband talked and got it out.

Helen said...

One of my friends posted a photo on Facebook of this huge line of men in the floral department of our local grocery store. Some men are forgetful and some men procrastinate so long things are picked over.

But you're right - keeping your marriage front and center is very important especially as the kiddies leave home.

Glad you told him how you felt and what you expect in the future. That's a good thing!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin Fit said...

No card? No present? HONK HONK HONK!!!!

Christine said...

I need a car horn to carry around...Good point jack!

Retta said...

I think the best part of the whole thing is... that now you feel you ARE worth the effort.

And you got in touch with that, felt it, communicated it, worked it out, he survived the night intact ;-) and I doubt he'll forget ever again.

Trece said...

I may be just a grumpy old crazy cat lady, but I don't care about Valentine's Day. Or Mother's Day. Or Father's Day. I always told my kids that I had no use for a "Oh, you are so wonderfu and special" bunch of bull, if you are going to be disrespectful and disobedient the other 364 (or 365) days.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

My husband and I have actually AGREED to do very little for most 'event' type days this year. We never go over the top, but since we have a bigger goal now it really does make more sense to save the money. Still being acknowledged is important. And it turns out that is really all I need.
There would have been a time when I might have said I was OK with this and not really have been. Then just felt all resentful. Glad I can say it and mean it for a shared goal. I feel good about it for real, not just say so. But I have made it clear this is only temporary. ;)
I'm glad you are feeling freer to express your true feelings about things. This does all go back to what we feel we truly deserve and honesty with ourselves can be such a hard point to get to. Anger is a really tough one for so many. Especially if you have remained pretty controlled for so long as it seems you have.
Be proud of yourself. You are dealing with this in such a mature and thoughtful way with an eye to the future. Good for you.