7.04.2009

What Freedom is....

Happy fourth of July everyone. We had a good one here. We didn't go to a major fireworks show, but our neighborhood put on one heck of a display. It was really nice to see all the neighbors and the kids enjoying the evening. I was having a great day today, that is until someone whom I shall not name decided that I could be their emotional dumping ground once again. You see, when ever this someone gets upset about just about anything, they try to either lay a guilt trip or make me feel like crap. They drop a verbal bomb and then storm out so that of course you aren't allowed to reply. This is standard behavior on this person's part. In days of old, I would have chased this person down and attempted to explain the 'misunderstanding'. I have come to realize there is no misunderstanding. This is manipulation of the highest order. Then this person comes in a few hours later and acts like nothing ever happened. This person is also very selective about when they get upset. You see, they make sure they get upset when there is no time to talk. And, when they upset you, you are just being sensitive and imagining things.
In the old days, I used to think that it was me. I must be so stupid that I don't know when I am being completely awful. But no, it isn't. I am sure there are times when I am at fault. But this wasn't one of those times. There were others present and they saw it the same way. This would have made me very anxious in the past, as I was afraid of either being abandoned or left. Now, it just makes me angry. Right now I am attempting to let the anger go. The happier and more balanced I become, the more angry, bitter and insecure this other person acts. I may not have any control over how another person behaves or speaks, but I do have control over how I react. I will not comfort myself with food. I will not be "relieved" when this other person stops being upset with me. I am fine right now. I had a very good day, and that is what I will focus on right now. I love my children and they had a great time. I had a great time. I Hope you all have and did have a great time. Freedom is the space between the action and your reaction. In that space, you choose...and that is freedom. My calories today were 1660 and I walked 2 miles..for me.
hugs,
Chris

5 comments:

Patty said...

Sorry to hear about the "misunderstanding". One thing I know for sure, from this blog, is you are certainly not stupid. I admire your insight and thoughtfulness very much Chris. I use to have a bad temper, and would throw little manipulating fits. It took me a long time to realize that it was always based in fear. Maybe this is obvious to you, but I can’t help but wonder if they might be afraid of being left behind. You seem to be a strong person, that is getting stronger. A smart person, that is getting smarter. And a pretty woman, that is getting prettier. But whatever the issue is, it sure sounds like you are handling it in a very mature and loving manner. Hope today brings some reflection and maybe even an apology, or at least an acknowledgement, from the other party.

Big Hug,
Patty

cmoursler said...

Thank you Patty. I didn't get an apology, but did tell the person that I didn't want them to just drop verbal bombs and run off anymore, I didn't just let it go like usual. So that was a positive step. Hope things are going well for you and that you had a good fourth.
God bless,
Chris

Brenda said...

What a bummer...but looks like you're on the right track getting yourself over it quickly.
Other people's mmaturity is such an intrusion.
God bless.

Amber said...

Glad you are able to have a good day even with another persons "issues".
I agree with the first comment, I think your gaining more strength and confidence is rattling this someone.
They'll come around ;)
amber

*Fitcetera* said...
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