Because I deserve it.

I had a little talk with a friend the other night.
We were discussing my mindset from three and a half years ago.
I went to walmart with my baby brother..
and the cashier thought we were married.
And I remember thinking...or feeling..
Oh jeez, how embarrassing for Pook, he deserves better than for someone to think he is married to me.

I look back at that..
and think..
A.) I should have valued myself a whole lot more.
My weight didn't and doesn't make me infinitely better or worse than anyone.

I deserved to feel good about myself.
I deserved to spend time treating myself and my body right.

I think women in general have this sense that taking care of themselves is somehow selfish.
Then when they wipe themselves out taking care of others..
and are overweight and tired.
And then they have to deal with criticism of their weight..
They get depressed and turn it inwards.
Instead of outwards.

When they say "But I'm too busy.."
and their spouse, or mother or whatever says "No one asked you to do all this."
But then the family is used to you making yourself readily available..
a doormat really..
and you begin to take time to do the things to get yourself on the right track.

Whatever they said before.
There will be resistance and resentment.
Because who doesn't like having a person willing to bend over backwards 24/7 to make their life easier?
But that's okay...just point out that you are doing this for your health.
And that everyone else is just going to have to pitch in..
and just like they adjusted to your doing everything.
They will adjust to your Not doing everything.
Push past that.
Because you deserve it.
It took a while for my family to be okay..
maybe a year or so..
but now everyone pitches in around the house..
it isn't just me anymore.
There is more balance.
And I can start to pursue some of my dreams..
because they are just as important as anyone else's.
 I count..so do you.
chris out.


Sean Anderson said...

You have incredible insights. Changing those deep thoughts and feelings about ourselves is very difficult and also, very necessary. The work we do on ourselves goes so far beyond what we eat and exercise... and when we start changing how we treat ourselves, view ourselves, silently speak of ourselves--and the affects of those new-improved thoughts start showing up in everything--that's when the other changes, still challenging--become easier.
I love what you do and how you express it all.
Thank you

Christine said...

I thought it was interesting how you and I came to a similar conclusion at a similar time...the only difference between you and I was my deeply entrenched exercise regimen. If not for that, my weight gain would have been much bigger. It's a continual learning process...and reading you helps keep me in check with regards to food thoughts.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

You have a way with writing that makes so many of us relate to you so well. So many of us are in the same boat, I guess. It's all about balance and valuing ourselves enough to think better thoughts and treat ourselves good... yet not going overboard and getting too much into ourselves that we don't see how we can help others. I struggle with that. I want to serve and do good around me, but I often feel neglected, so I know I have to find that balance because I'm worth not feeling neglected.

I found this great post you might enjoy from another blogger... which I also could relate to:


Thanks for your awesome post... I always enjoy coming to your blog!!


Christine said...

Thank you margene! That was truly beautiful! What we tell ourselves, we become. I left a comment and added her to my blog roll...I want her perspective to be 'heard'.

downsizers said...

We teach people how to treat us don't we? We get what we expect and when we change those expectations it can throw others into shock a bit. Coming to the point where we have enough positive self regard to be more assertive is a long, hard road but one worth taking. We do have to understand that this change can be difficult for others to accept because we have lead them to believe things would always be the same so we have to find some empathy along with our assertiveness. Assertiveness is a good thing. Take care.

Unknown said...

Glad I found you! This is really great and so true. I understand what you said about the Walmart trip and feeling embarrassed for him. But now you see it differently. That is how I feel. I really wish I could go back and tell myself that I deserve better. When we are obese, we just devalue ourselves much of the time. Thanks for sharing this!

paulawannacracker said...

Well said Chris. It's too easy to pupt ourselves last. I've learned to put me first over the years and it was the best decision EVAH...


'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Great post! Concise and to the point and yet you manage to hit a nerve, as always.