How in the h*ll did I get here..and How do I get out?

Hey.
I said I would write about  rebuilding yourself from the ground up and so here I am.

If you are reading this...the title brought you here...if you aren't...the title didn't interest you...
I suspect anyone reading this who was interested has been in that position.
One minute you think your fine...the next, not so much.

I have had several friends this year experience that exact feeling.
They look down one day and everything they thought was real, wasn't...everything that was going well...stopped going well...

or perhaps they were asleep at the wheel and woke up in the ninth circle of hell.
They know they were in the car..
They made the choices.
They chose the turns and the off ramps.
But now they are awake and looking around and saying, "What happened!"

That little blurb above was me.
One minute I was thinking "I'm just a bit chunky."
The next I am awake and realizing that I am not a bit chunky...but that I am morbidly obese.
not only that..
But I have been acting the part of a person I thought I should be..
sleepwalking through life...
living vicariously through others...
going through the motions in every relationship I was in..
You name it, I wasn't doing it.

What do you do when you look down and realize that your whole life is nowhere near what you would like it to be: and you think you've been doing the right thing because you've constructed this image of how you should act and what you should do?

Maybe your definition of 'right thing' needs to change.
Maybe everything you have told yourself is a lie..because you didn't know what else to believe or do?
Maybe there is a new way of looking at things.
You are going to have to sit down and clearly map out what choices and beliefs have gotten you to where you are...
write out what isn't working..
and then start thinking about what beliefs or actions have created the circumstances.
Some ( I would say most) we control..
some we don't.
I had no real role models as pertains to marriage..
and the few I did have were either very poor, or a little late in the game.
It took years of reading and studying to even come close to seeing what a marriage should look like.
And then tailoring those ideas to my husband and I.
Until then, I only had ideas of what a 'good wife' should do..
I had ideas of what a good friend was...
What a good mother was...
I had a map...and I followed it.
And it lead me to complete and utter misery.

Did I have good things despite that..
oh yes.
But HOW I was living was making me very unhappy.
I thought to be a good mother, wife and friend..I had to make myself useful.
I had no real self esteem..
I wasn't okay to just be me..
I wasn't enough.
I had to earn affection.
So I never asked for anything, and I never complained.
All of those actions were based on the belief that I wasn't enough..
It was a lie.
I wore myself out.
I made myself fat by using food for things I should have been getting from people.
And I made myself a martyr to everything I thought I wanted..
and couldn't understand that none of it was necessary.

So I know how I got there...
but how did I get out?
First I had to realize that 'there' was NOT where I wanted to be.
I had to figure out what I did want..
and most importantly..
I had to understand that I was worth it.
Since I had shut out so many people.
I really had no one to talk to about these things.
So if you are reading this and are thinking...I don't have anyone.
Then you are going to have to be enough right now.
YOU are going to have to be your best friend.
Your toughest critic.
YOur biggest cheerleader.
You have to hire yourself to  be your life manager.
I did this by saying to myself
"What would you say to your daughters or someone you cared about who wanted to improve themselves?"
Would you say "It's too late."
"Don't inconvenience people?"
Or would you encourage them to try!
That they could do it!
If you looked at your life right now...and someone else was running it, would you fire them or give them a raise?
Are you living a life you want to live?
Or one you are merely surviving.
Is it a life, or is it a life sentence?
If you would have told me three years ago that I would be 100 pounds lighter, that my marriage would be happier..
that I would have many friends, a new church home, a new career path...
And all of that would come about because I DECIDED...
I would have thought you were insane.
But the first step is deciding what you DON'T WANT.
The next is deciding what you DO WANT.
So figure out where you are...what happened..and what choices and or actions have lead you there..
maybe you lied to yourself because you didn't want to face an unpleasant truth
Maybe you have been procrastinating because doing the one thing you know you have to do is too painful. Maybe you thought by sacrificing everything you want and love, you could make others happier..I don't know.
But you know it didn't work.
YOU know your actions and thought patterns have gotten you to this place..and you know that you have to change to get out of this place.
Then you have to decide what you need to do to make things right.
Be honest, make yourself a priority, demand respect...you know what needs to be done.
What better time than now?
So the only thing I knew at first was that I wanted to lose weight and make my marriage better..
if you only have one thing.
Write that down.
Your one thing.
It's a new year..
own it.
Chris out.










1