What I can do....

okay, so today I got up at nine, did dishes, breakfast, laundry....went to the pioneer museum, walked around for two hours, got home and ate a late lunch and then walked 2.8 miles. There was a time when the thought of this kind of day would have had me making excuses and dodging like a mo-fo. I still made dinner and cleaned up and right now it is 10:30 pm and I am tired. I am only three months into this thing and I am doing more with my kids. When I have down days, or days when I just feel like it isn't worth it, or it isn't making a big enough difference...I can look at today. In another four months maybe I could do all that and then jog five miles.....who knows. I am trying so hard to take this one day at a time...one day I feel invincible. I am on my way, this thing is beat it just isn't gone yet. The next day I am standing in a 7-11 clutching barbecue chips and struggling not to eat everything in sight. It's nuts. Today was an easy day. I just ate what I should with hardly a thought, I walked like i should with hardly a thought. It was just like the days I used to have have when I was eating badly and not exercising. Just reversed. I think I like days like this more even than my pumped up days. Days like this show me that this can be as unconscious a choice after a while as what I used to do. I would hate for it to be hard forever. The idea that this might become natural after a while isn't hard core or rock and roll....but it appeals to me and my relatively low key nature. I need this to feel normal. Especially the exercise. Someday, I hope the very thought of missing a work out makes me as grumpy as missing a meal used to. Someday I hope the thought of having seconds isn't even a thought. I suppose I am saying that someday, I want to be that girl....the one who takes a bite of something and puts it down because it's 'just too rich'...or the girl who does take one hour derv and feels satisfied. The girl who puts on a bathing suit without a thought (you know, the thought that says I may get harpooned....) As soon as I wrote that I heard Jillian Michael's screaming in my mind "self deprecation is useless". It's a defense mechanism, what can I say...anywhoooo. I just want to be thin "naturally'. Now, I am laughing....I don't even know what that means. If you guys know, write and tell me. Well, signing off now. I have to be up at six to drive my daughter to school, first day of tenth grade...of course I had her when I was ten, so am quite young ;0).
Well, only a couple weeks left in Missouri 60. I will take an after picture on September 1rst along with a picture of me in my first goal outfit. I can zip and button everything but there is still some pulling at the pockets and some tightness in the arms of the shirt I don't like. So September first is my last day for my size 20 goal outfit. I started at a 24, so four sizes in three and a half months...not too bad. You all take care.


Hanlie said...

You are doing great!

Yes, it takes a long time before this is the default behavior, but when it happens, the journey becomes amazing!

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

It's hard to change what you've always known, done, and become comfortable with. But the great thing is - you can change.

It did take a while for my eating/exercising to become part of my nature, but after losing 150 pounds and keepint it off for 12 years, it was worth all the effort!

Roxie said...

You are doing a great job. I do believe that a lot of our stuff is just habit and it can be changed. And I think it's changed in small steps, just like you are doing.

Have a another great day!