8.01.2009

Something Real (for jack sh*t)

Hello,
I was reading Jack Sh*ts blog the other day and he wrote something I found interesting...(Of course I find most things he writes interesting) anywhooo....He wrote, "Write about what you know, because even if you think everyone knows it, they may not."
I am paraphrasing.
So, In that spirit, I thought I would write something real. I am going to tell you something I know, something that keeps me together now, and kept my mind straight through a pretty horrific childhood and some tough times later.

I am going to write about my older brother. My older brother is not one of 'those people'. You know, fonts of wisdom who live lives full of purpose. My brother is truly the product of a dysfunctional home. But, He is a truth teller, he is loyal to those he loves, and he is a person who knows sh*t from sh*nola. He was also the key to my escape from a truly crappy childhood...not physically, but mentally. My childhood was three years behind his. In essence, He got alot more of the bad years than I did. Oh, I was there for them, but he was more cognizant, if you catch my meaning. He was also first up whenever the Shit Hit The Fan. I rarely, if ever, saw him cry. There were times I cried for him.

Anyway, back to the one thing, the most important thing, I have ever learned.

It was the last day of third grade, and I got off the bus. I was very excited because I had 'passed' third grade. I had all A's and B's. I wanted to show off my report card because Mrs. Shelander (Yes, I still remember her name) had wrote on it; "Chrissie is an exceptional student, and she'll do well in fourth grade.". I ran up to Duane, my mom's second husband, and said "Look, I passed and I got A's." He looked up at me and said: "I don't know how, you're so stupid." Then he went back to raking.
I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me, or that I had heard him wrong. I just stood there. Then I started crying, and turned and walked into our trailer. My big brother was sitting on the couch. He got up and came over. I told him what Duane had said. Rollie said, "Is that why your crying?" I said, "Yes." Rollie said, "Did you believe him?" I said "No". He said "Then why are you crying?" I said, "I wanted him to be proud of me." He said, "Are you proud of you?" I said "Yes'.
Rollie then said (and listen real close cause this is it,and I have never forgotten it) He said: "Opinions are like *ssholes, everyone has one...what's most important isn't what someone else thinks...it's what you know. Do you know your smart?" "Yes" said I. "Well then, that's all that matters. F*ck him."
Of all the things I have learned, that lesson I learned from him is the most important. It isn't what other people THINK, it isn't even what you THINK...It's what you KNOW.
Whatever else you do in this life, know what's true. Get a north star and don't let other people and their 'opinions' shake you. Deep down, I knew I was smart. Whatever he thought, I knew. My grandmother took to calling me a b*stard when she was upset with me, because I was born out of wedlock. I was twelve years old, but I finally looked her dead in the eye and told her "There are no illegitimate children, just illegitimate parents." (I had read this not two months prior in a Bartlett's quotation book, it stuck cause she used to throw this at me quite a bit) It shut her down quick. She apologized ten minutes later. It worked because She realized that I wasn't ashamed, because I had nothing to be ashamed of. Some people will thrive on your shame and your pain. Never accept the blame for what you didn't do, and never be ashamed for what isn't true.

Deep down I knew that whatever the circumstances of my conception and birth, I was no accident. I knew there was a God. I knew what God called me, and it wasn't 'bastard', and it certainly wasn't stupid. I was a child of the most high God, planned from the foundations of the earth. Every hair on my head is numbered and my name is written in the palm of his hand. This is my truth. No man's opinion can change that. Not only do I believe that about me, I believe that about you too. Know what's true, and nobody and nothing will shake you. That is what I know.
Have a great night,
Hugs,
Chris

8 comments:

Monica said...

I felt like giving you a standing ovation after reading this.

I sooo needed it. Im sorry for what you and your brother went through, but Im glad that you had someone to go through it with if that makes sense.

You have no idea how bad I have been struggling for years over what people say to me and what people think of me. I feel like sometimes it has destroyed my self esteem.

I need to work on not caring or believing people.

Cool player. It scared me when I first got to your page though, Im like, Where is that coming from!? LOL Ok enough rambling. Great post!

Fat[free]Me said...

Another wonderful post and so encouraging too.

I will have to think about what I know, I don't know what I know just yet (I am only nearly 48), so I need to rediscover that.

Thanks for the reminder and for making me think!

Hanlie said...

This is an area in my life where I still need a lot of work... Thank you for posting this! Thank you.

Great post!

Roxie said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog and I look forward to reading more about you. You've got some great stuff here.

Best,

Roxie

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

A wonderful sentiment. Thank you so much for sharing.

*Fitcetera* said...

Thank you Chris.
I'll be 49 on Monday ! and still don't know all I know either (as Fat(free)Me put it so well)

Great post!
<3

*Fitcetera* said...

Chris?
re: your comment on my post.
1st of all ... thank you!
2nd of all ... thankfully it was cyber in nature so safe in that regard but not safe or healthy for my head or emotions.
I'm very sorry for your brother.
That's tragic.
Thank you for your 'love'.
It is very much appreciated ... I want you to know that.
<3

Patty said...

Wow Chris, you amaze me. I just keep thinking how lucky your children are.