acquiring mental toughness..

It can be done.
Morgan from kicking my trash asked me how I conquered mental roadblocks.
I stated when I wrote back that It started 15 years ago.
I take that back.
It started when I was a kid.
They say the whole person has three parts.
mental, physical and spiritual.
Alot of people attempt to skip the spiritual on their way to wellness.
It is my belief that this will ultimately lead to failure.
It's a three legged stool.
Take away one leg, the stool falls over.
Here is my secret weapon.
I know who I am.
the problem comes when you forget or never knew in the first place.
A big clue that something isn't right upstairs is your inner dialogue.
What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake.
How do you allow other people to treat you.
How do you treat others, and do you expect less than you should.
IF the answer to these questions is negative.
If you call yourself names, expect less and even believe you deserve less.
Then you probably have some things to work out mentally and spiritually.
You can also fall into these kinds of messes.
You can be okay when you are younger. You can like yourself, have very high self esteem...and then stumble into an abusive relationship.
Emerging years later as someone you don't recognize.
Abusers are good at their jobs.
They don't start out whacking you around. They start out by undermining your confidence in your own abilities and choices.
They isolate you.
They criticize you, at first subtly...and then overtly.
They ridicule you and deride you in front of others.
until you begin to believe them.
When you finally wake up...they apologize and play the victim....telling you how sorry they are, how much they need you.
They usually play some form of the 'you are the only one I have ever loved, the only one who understands me" game.
You believe them.
You take them back...
unless you break free.
So, your problems could stem from childhood or your recent past.
The first step in getting better is knowing who you are apart from your roles in other peoples lives.
What do you believe about this world and your place in it.
That is what I solidified when I was young.

I am:
The daughter of the most high God.
What does that mean.
It means I was planned from the foundations of the earth.
That means I am special and have a purpose.
No beating could take that knowledge away.
Jerkface didn't know who he was messing with.
I knew what my true father thought of me, and what he expected.
I had a whole book on how to relate to my environment.
I started believing at the age of 5 and haven't quit yet.
So, Whether you are a christian, or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist practicing morality on a humanistic basis.
Know what you believe, what you will or won't accept, and what you want your life to be about.
I also read alot of self help books.
The best self help book I have read that will help you answer the questions above is actually the seven habits of highly effective people by stephen covey, a practicing mormon.
It's the most effective and efficient way of getting on paper, just exactly what you believe.
There is not shortcut to fixing your mental issues.
it takes hard work and patience.
fix the head and the rest follows.
Tomorrow I will talk about what I did with the knowledge I had acquired in my youth in the years my weight spiraled out of control.


Anonymous said...

You're right, of course. More often than I'd like to admit, I have to keep reminding myself that I was created with a purpose. I just haven't exactly figured out what it is in the big picture. LOL.
I'm glad you're back.

The Exquisite Christine said...

It's very much a head game. I look forward to your next post on the subject and thanks for the book rec. ♥

Kim said...

Ok, kinda got teary eyed on this one. Thanks Chris...I know you're talkin to me...you're talking to a lot of ladies. I appreciate it. :)

Rettakat said...

"There is not shortcut to fixing your mental issues...it takes hard work and patience."

This is so true. I've spent a lot of years getting my thinking straightened out... still working on it, in fact!

I think that is why diets that promise quick, easy results lure so many in. Most people don't WANT to put in hard work in their issues... yep, it's "uncomfortable".

I've lost about 100 pounds three previous times in my life on "diets", only to regain it all back plus more. All because I did NOT work on the mental/emotional/spiritual issues. This time it's been sloooooowww, but without the re-gain. It's not a diet this time.

Excellent post!

Melissa said...

Great post as usual! You should really write a book or be a counselor or something.

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

GREAT post, Chris. I spent so much time doing the mental/spiritual work. That is the only reason that losing the weight this time isn't freaking me out. It's so important to know who you are and WHY you struggle, so you can address those issues, work through your own spiritual healing. THEN you can live into the life you want and the person you are meant to be.

Robin said...

I have never read it put into words so exactly the way an abuser works until today. I know that I have tried to do it because it was done to me. I have written a lot longer about it and not gotten right "on it" the way that you did it. That is exactly right. Of course, walking away isn't enough. It's walking away and rinssing out your head. The rinsing takes longer. I walked away from one and a year and a half later walked right into another one. More polished than the first so I didn't see it right away. Abusers are tough to shake b/c they are such good manipulators. It took me longer to leave than it should have. I am really hoping that I don't have to go through round three just to show that I can walk away faster. But, it might take that to show that the lesson is learned. I know that.

Paula Rodriguez said...

Chris, you have a gift of breaking it down for us readers. Very eloquently put. I remembered being saved in a christian church at the age of 8 and I've had a special relationship with God ever since. I forget I'm his creation and that I have purpose. Thanks for the reminder.

Looking forward to your next post.

Patrick said...

The money line here: "fix the head and the rest follows"... couldnt agree more

Hanlie said...

You are so right, Chris. No matter what our spiritual beliefs, if we are not taking care of ourselves, poisoning ourselves and allowing our bodies to break down in pursuit of pleasure, we are not living according to our religion or belief-system.

Well done for making that connection and writing about it. It's a subject many people are keen to avoid, but I think it's important.