6.04.2010

wholehearted.

What has been the difference for me this time?

This question has many answers.
But as I was talking to my husband tonight the answer smacked me between the eyes.

I said, "You know Tim, If I hadn't gone at this thing whole hearted, I don't think I would have made it.'
What I meant by that is that I went 'all in'.

All in...all or nothing.
I entered into a place where I burned my bridges.

I told everyone.
I even had my friend take a picture and witness my weigh in...
And I told her in a years time, if I hadn't lost at least 40 lbs...I would send the picture and my weight to my hometown paper to publish.
I started this blog.
I posted my weight.
I walked every day.
I gave it to God.
As I went down in weight I BURNED my fat pants...because I wouldn't be needing them.
I believed.
I gave myself no outs.
No maybes
No Ifs.
No buts.
I bought t shirts and wrote in the most God awful puffy paint you can imagine...
Do or Do Not, There is no try...
and I wore them..
In public..
As if being morbidly obese didn't make me stick out enough on my walks.
I had no arm band radio when I started.
I didn't even have walking shoes.
I had keds...which I wore the first two weeks...
I had no workout clothes..
just the same stretchy pants and polyester shirts or button up men's shirts I'd been wearing.
I walked even when my feet felt like they had knives sticking into them.
I didn't know what it was called then...
I just thought it was cause I was fat.
It was 'plantar fascitis' and it can be cause by excess fat ripping up the bottom of your feet cause of the pressure of the weight .
I took my shoes off when the pain got too much, and hobbled along.
I walked in the rain.
I walked in the hail once....It was raining when I started...a mile down the road it turned into hail with no where for me to go.
I walked through it, and mentally that was my greatest walk to date.
The quote that kept running through my mind was this:
The beginning is exciting, the end glorious...the middle is messy.
I had welts..It was fan frickin tastic.
There were days I didn't want to walk.
Jillian's voice would be in my head.
Unless you Faint, Puke or Die..Keep walking.
I knew this was it.
This was my last gasp.
My hail mary.
I would never be this awake...this AWARE again.
IF not now, then it would be NEVER.
Never wasn't exceptable.
I told my kids no...I had to go to the gym.
I told the laundry no...the dishes no..
for awhile....I told regular plates and regular dinners no.
I got stuff you could microwave.
I got stuff that took 10 minutes to throw together.
I did it like my life depended on it.
Because it did, and it still does.
Your life depends on it.
You have to go at this with everything you 've got.
Mind, body and spirit.
If like me, you have been moving in one direction for so long...the momentum is like a big train..
You don't just have to stop the train..
You have to reverse it.
It takes a big push....
A HUGE PUSH.
You have to
Go all in.
Whole hearted.
If you do you will win.
You WILL succeed....
because there will be nothing to stop you.
Hugs,
Chris

26 comments:

Amber said...

You have done an awsome Chris!

ALl your hard work, sweat and pain is showing! You look great! And I know you feel great too.

You have become an inspiration to many, I know a few are using some of your words to get them through their "walks in the hail".

Congratulations on going all in and not giving up!!!

your friend,
Amber

Kim said...

This post inspires me so much Chris. Thanks. :)

snoconegirl said...

wow i love this and you really did it..you did it and iam going to do it too..its now or never..i loveya,kelli

Joy said...

OMG I needed to hear this sooo bad. I just posted, on my blog, that I feel like a champion race horse at the gate, ready to race, but the gate won't open. I am having trouble getting to the next level. To much is going on and I can't really get focused on my health & weight loss. I realize that I need to start saying no. It's hard, because I've lived so long without having fun, that now that I'm having fun I don't want to stop. But what I need to realize is, the fun will stop permanently if I DON'T GET THIS WEIGHT OFF!! Because I could die...Thanks for opening the gate -The race is on!! Hugs!

Emilia said...

I love it when Jillian says that. Good for you for going all in and thanks for the inspiration.

Much love~

Rettakat said...

Thank you for sharing this, Chris. It is exactly what I needed to read tonight. Exactly.
Loretta
=^..^=

Onewhocares said...

Good stuff Chris. Your resolve is amazing!

Karen@StrictlySimpleStyle said...

You are so motivational Chris. Have you ever thought of becoming a trainer yourself? I think you have the right balance of compassion and "I'll-kick-your-butt-if-you-don't-listen-to-me".

Natalia said...

I love that Yoda quote "Do or do not, there is no try!" Thanks so much for todays post. It's just what I needed to read. Bookmarking it for future reference!

Patsy said...

Commitment and accountability are hard... Well done for doing so well with both!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

You're a case study in what can happen when you take a giant leap of faith, Chris.

Thanks for this boost of inspiration blended with motivation. Awesome!

TJ said...

If your gonna do it I say ALL IN! :) You rock my friend! :)

from 253 to a new me said...

Wrote my blog, then read yours.. I got your point. No exuses. Thanks.

Deb said...

Love this post. Thank you.

Robin said...

Great post. You will make an excellent trainer when the time comes.

Sandy said...

You are an inspiration to all of us Chris...you make us understand that anything is possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :-)

Putz said...

i had a dream about you, and amber and reva and brenda and seph, and you were the star >>>let me explain>>>>we were all thound togeter at a blog thingee, where i had to introduce all of you guys>>>>and get this , i din't say here is a girl that has losst____popunds, but what i did say, here is a girl who is my friend and who has something important to say about life>>>love you YES I DO, THE putz

BEE said...

you are sooo inspirational to me
100 pounds down
amazing

thanks for the comment
have a great weekend

MargieAnne said...

I wish you lived right around the corner from me. I wish you were my trainer. I wish I could get you out of my head! You make me face my half-heartedness, That bothers me.

How come someone young enough to be my grand-daughter has so much wisdom, can teach me so much.

Your posts are always encouraging, inspiring, testing my willingness to be committed 100%

I like your style. *smile*

Trece said...

You have no idea how very much I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you.

logmyloss said...

Wholehearted. What a great word. Like you, halfhearted doesn't work for me.

Gabby Glows said...

Wow what an inspiring post... I feel like I need to start an "all or nothing approach" I see myself allowing excuses, but no more! Thank you so much, this post really puts things in perspective. You should think about helping overweight people as a career!

Waisting Time said...

This is my first visit to your blog and I will be back:) This post is so beautiful and so inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

Sheilagh (60 x60) said...

OMG!!

I going to print out this post, you really do it for me.

Thank you Chris, you are AweSome!!

Sheilagh

Hanlie said...

I love this post! You've taught me a lot about commitment this past year, Chris!

Jenny said...

Thank you for all the info on how you did this amazing thing! I put your link on my blog. I think everyone should get a chance to read your recipe for success. If this isn't ok, please let me know! Thanks again for inspiring me, I've been really struggling and I needed this! You are amazing!