wholehearted.

What has been the difference for me this time?

This question has many answers.
But as I was talking to my husband tonight the answer smacked me between the eyes.

I said, "You know Tim, If I hadn't gone at this thing whole hearted, I don't think I would have made it.'
What I meant by that is that I went 'all in'.

All in...all or nothing.
I entered into a place where I burned my bridges.

I told everyone.
I even had my friend take a picture and witness my weigh in...
And I told her in a years time, if I hadn't lost at least 40 lbs...I would send the picture and my weight to my hometown paper to publish.
I started this blog.
I posted my weight.
I walked every day.
I gave it to God.
As I went down in weight I BURNED my fat pants...because I wouldn't be needing them.
I believed.
I gave myself no outs.
No maybes
No Ifs.
No buts.
I bought t shirts and wrote in the most God awful puffy paint you can imagine...
Do or Do Not, There is no try...
and I wore them..
In public..
As if being morbidly obese didn't make me stick out enough on my walks.
I had no arm band radio when I started.
I didn't even have walking shoes.
I had keds...which I wore the first two weeks...
I had no workout clothes..
just the same stretchy pants and polyester shirts or button up men's shirts I'd been wearing.
I walked even when my feet felt like they had knives sticking into them.
I didn't know what it was called then...
I just thought it was cause I was fat.
It was 'plantar fascitis' and it can be cause by excess fat ripping up the bottom of your feet cause of the pressure of the weight .
I took my shoes off when the pain got too much, and hobbled along.
I walked in the rain.
I walked in the hail once....It was raining when I started...a mile down the road it turned into hail with no where for me to go.
I walked through it, and mentally that was my greatest walk to date.
The quote that kept running through my mind was this:
The beginning is exciting, the end glorious...the middle is messy.
I had welts..It was fan frickin tastic.
There were days I didn't want to walk.
Jillian's voice would be in my head.
Unless you Faint, Puke or Die..Keep walking.
I knew this was it.
This was my last gasp.
My hail mary.
I would never be this awake...this AWARE again.
IF not now, then it would be NEVER.
Never wasn't exceptable.
I told my kids no...I had to go to the gym.
I told the laundry no...the dishes no..
for awhile....I told regular plates and regular dinners no.
I got stuff you could microwave.
I got stuff that took 10 minutes to throw together.
I did it like my life depended on it.
Because it did, and it still does.
Your life depends on it.
You have to go at this with everything you 've got.
Mind, body and spirit.
If like me, you have been moving in one direction for so long...the momentum is like a big train..
You don't just have to stop the train..
You have to reverse it.
It takes a big push....
A HUGE PUSH.
You have to
Go all in.
Whole hearted.
If you do you will win.
You WILL succeed....
because there will be nothing to stop you.
Hugs,
Chris