Raising the bar....

I am Raising the bar.
A long time ago, when I was at my fattest....before I had ever started losing weight...
I was in a local arc thrift store looking through dresses.
I found a halter dress that was white and blue striped.
It was a size 4.
I left it there.
Then it kept coming back to me.
I kept thinking...I really like that dress.
(then my other voice would kick in and say..."Um, your a size 22/24 honey, what are YOU going to do with a dress 20 sizes TOO SMALL?")
Good question.
I went back...looked at it.
left...went back and bought it.
I had no idea why I bought it.
I think it has something to do with who I am deep down.
Or in a larger sense...who we all are.
I never, even at my highest weight truly gave up hope.
But more than anything..there was something in me that KNEW the true me was buried under fat that WASN'T ME.
So, I took that dress home and hung it up, in the back of my closet.
I didn't show it to anyone. 
I didn't tell anyone.
I just left it there at the back of my closet.
Then last may I started a new life.
When I got to a 14, I asked my oldest daughter to try it on..
All the while she is asking...where did you get this dress etc.
I wanted to see what an 8 looked like in that dress.
It fit except for the zipper not zipping all the way up around her ribs. She is built larger than me....She is 5'10 and has a wider rib cage.
That is where it wouldn't zip...The bottom fell wonderfully...
I think that dress would fit me at a size 6.
Especially since my top runs smaller than my bottom.
I have been fitting in 8/10 tops even though my bottoms were 12/14's.
So if my bottom is a 6 then my top is a 4...and it fits.
The bottom is a big ole circular skirt...no restriction on the bottom whatsoever..the tightest part of this dress is right under my breasts.
So my goal is a size 6.
Not for this dress...but because I am small boned.
I am not 'large framed'.
I can wear my 8 year olds socks and gloves.
I am 156/157...I look good in that picture I posted on facebook...
and on my blog yesterday..
What you can't see in those pictures is the cottage cheese clinging to my thighs.
I love clothing.
It hides fat so well.
I have at least 20 lbs to 25 lbs of fat to lose.
I went and bought my goal pants today.
When I bought them, the lady behind the counter said
"They will look so cute on you!"
I said "I am not a size 6 yet, But I will be, they are my goal pants."
She said "You look so tiny!"
This lady is morbidly obese and wheelchair bound and one of the sweetest people around.
I talk to her whenever I go into the px.
I said "Well, thank you."
""I am a size 10 actually, but I started out as a size 24".
She looked shocked.
Then I showed her my photo ID which has my big picture on it...
She said "Well, the good lord is sure helping you.'
"How'd you do it?"
and I told her.
While I like that she thought I fit a six, what I hoped happened there was she took what I said, processed it and  realized that she could be 'tiny' too.  MOre importantly...healthy.

Everyone keeps telling me to get a new ID card...The longer I go, the less I want to.
I want people to know it's possible.
I want proof.
Proof that I can show people.

So, I have my goal pants which...much like the 10's, I will pin to my wall.
Those sixes will be the end of my weight loss journey and the beginning of my maintenance journey.
I can see the end from here.
I tried them on...and much like when I first bought my 10's, I could only get them up to my butt cheeks.
Which is actually a bit farther than when I bought my 10's and tried them on and pulled them up to mid thigh.
I am still trying to sort what I want to do when I hit maintenance.
We'll see.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words.
I want to  write my number 6 thing for beautiful blogger.
In the winter....I turn the heat on my feet and open the car window...so I have fresh air in my face and warm feet.
IT drives my husband crazy, lol.
3 eggs/1 piece toast...310 cal.
1 cup fage/ 1/2 cup peaches, 2 T honey 330 cal.
2 cups coffee, 4 T. sugar, 1/2 cup milk 240 cal.
1 banana, 1 T peanut butter 200 cal.
3.5 servings turkey sausage 270 cal.
1 large stalk broccoli 50 cal.
1 large stalk cauliflower 30 cal.
2 wedges laughing cow cheese 70 cal.
Total calories 1505 calories.
1 hour elliptical
5.5 miles traveled
663 calories burned
upper body weights.
Total burn...around 700 calories.
deficit today 750 calories.

Have a great night guys.


Anonymous said...

I also put the heat on my feet and roll down all the window in the winter.

Size 6, hmmm. I haven't been smaller than a size 18 in over twenty years. When I read your post I couldn't even comprehend buying a size 4 or 6 or even a 10 to hang on to until I get to goal. I guess at my core i don't really believe that I can do this--that I can finish what I have started.

Show me the way!


Morgan said...

Wow - I can't even imagine being a size 6. It isn't even on my wish list. I know that you can do it - you can do anything. That picture of you looks fantastic, and you will only look better in a 6. Carry on!

Anonymous said...

For a long time I wouldn't change my work picture either. I have finally done it, but I kind of wish I hadn't.

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Size 6 is an awesome goal! I'm right there with ya on the ID card thing. Sadly mine is splitting apart so there is no choice but to get a new one. Last time, I begged the lady at the ID card place to let me keep the picture part of mine & she let me. Hoping she will be so kind this time.

Annalisa201 said...

Just tell the DMV that you lost it and you need a replacement... it probably costs more, but a win-win. I still have my Colorado drivers license and my Queensland one :)

WOW hawt mama photo! You look awesome. You should post a photo of the dress, I'm dying to see it! Even if it's draped across the bed instead of on.

I should buy a smaller sized something too. I did buy 10 pants, but now they fit. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time losing, because I partly feel like I am already "there", and that to go down another size (size, eek, 8!) would be a miracle, but YOU ARE RIGHT! It isn't. It's just a lot of hard work. I need to remind myself that it is possible! I forgot. I was actually a 14 in high-school, so when I say size 8, it freaks me out... I need to get rid of that! THANK YOU for helping me realise that. Thank you.

Kim said...

Can't wait to see the dress. I'm sure you're gonna look great in it. Btw, thanks for your comment last night...it almost felt like you were giving me permission. I know that sounds silly, but I needed that...someone to say it. Thanks chic. Oh, and I love the Chili Peppers and really lovin the Tupac song. I agreed with what you said about some of these thuggy like stars not being listened to...they've got some awesome things to say.

Natalia said...

That's very exciting about the dress. I think that you should keep the ID card that you have, I know you didn't ask, but I think it's good to spread the word and inspire people. You give me hope that I can do it too!

Kim said...

Hey, I left you a reply on the last comment you left me. You might have to scroll down a few to get to that entry. :)

April said...

size 6! that's amazing. my goal as always been to be able to go into ANY store and try on pants. i'm not there ...yet, but i know i will be.

our stories are very similar. i was 264 at my heaviest, and just reached 199! ...i'll never been a number that starts with a 2 again!

i can't WAIT to see that dress!

Dominique said...

I went pants shopping yesterday, too! I started my weight loss a little over 2 weeks ago. I am down nearly 14 lbs. and had to get new jeans because the others were falling off. It was thrilling to by a size smaller! By this time next year I hope to need a new passport photo!

M Pax said...

If you believe it possible, you will make it happen. :D

The_Exquisite_Christine said...

You make me smile so big every day. I am glad you have that dress. And I can't wait to see you in it!!!

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

I totally do the same thing with the heater and the windows and it drives MY husband crazy, too! I'm so excited to see you in that dress soon!

Sandy said...

I haven't logged in for a while and just saw your challenge, i'm in. 1 hour a day for June. Lets do this! :-)

Robin said...

Your post today reminded me of something that I already knew. When you want something, put pictures of that something everywhere. Tape it to your bathroom mirror, in your car, pretty much anyplace that you will see it all of the time. The idea is to keep it at the forefront of your mind. Stay focused on the wanting of the thing. The desire to get there. It is critical to not think about the obstacles or the lack. We have so much more power in our heads ~ our minds ~ than we understand. Stay focused on those size six pants and your certainty that you will wear them and you will. It cannot help but come to you. Good for you on buying that dress when the "rational" mind would have said that is impossible. Nothing is impossible until you decide it is.