Being nice instead of healthy

okay,
Today was a busy day, but I still managed to get my walk in, just in two segments. I walked a mile initially, then I had to pick my little one up from a birthday party, cook dinner and then took my last half, about .8 of a mile. So, all told 1.8 miles. I kept my calories at 1717, that is nice and zen like I think. I also went grocery shopping. According to this web site, one hour of food shopping is worth about 250 calories. A half hour of walking at 4 mph is worth 287 calories. Not bad. My scale is hanging in around 251 (at night), on June 1rst I was 255 (in the morning) My scale says 247 in the morning. I like to use the high number in case of accidental bloatage on weigh in day.

serious moment....
Tommorrow I want to do a 2.3 mile walk. My husband has expressed an interest in walking with me which is great, as long as he doesn't pull a "well, let me just take a nap, finish my game, hoe the garden' bit. I go when I go. He's a great guy, but has dropped sabotage bombs before (such as putting milky ways in my car to 'keep the kids out of them'). I can't let anything stop me. I told him I am not altering in any way, shape or form my exercise plans, that I need to lose weight and get healthy, and that comes first. It might sound harsh, but allowing everything and everyone to come before my health is what got me to 262 pounds in the first place. I am not going to martyr myself on the alter of 'nice fat girl' any longer.

All of us fat girls know this, we make up for our weight by using humor, being accomodating, and putting ourselves at the bottom of the totem pole. We put ourselves down before anyone else does. We make Jokes at our own expense that say "See, you don't have to feel bad, I know I am fat...I'll be the funny one, the nice one, the one who listens to everyone's problems while stuffing down my own with food. I don't want to get in anyones way, I am not worth taking up anyones time, even my own.". Let me get out of the way, make the cookies for the bake sale, listen to you drone on about your gout, accept backhanded compliments with grace, and not be a nuisance. Let me try to fit my exercise around your likes, dislikes, dinnertimes, dance class, piano lessons, phone calls, errands and cleaning. If I can find the time I will get myself healthy, if not, well then...that's okay because everyone else is happy and that's what matters.

Sound familiar.

you matter...
Do your exercise before you do your dishes. If you don't, someday you might not be there to do either. Eat good foods, not as punishment, but because you deserve it. You aren't a peice of crap, don't shove crap in your mouth. You matter too much to do that. If you are all alone, then just know that if you feel you don't matter to anyone at all, you matter to God. I spent most of my childhood alone. I knew though, that God was my father. I see so many people who don't know that. You are a child of the most high God, he knew you before he knit you in your mother's womb, and every hair on your head is numbered.
I really hadn't intended to write what I wrote, but somehow, it just popped out. I hope I didn't offend anyone. These are just my thoughts.
God bless,
chris
My reason #8 for losing weight: I'm worth it.