fighting my "self"

Man, last night I had a dream where I kept eating and eating. In my dream I kept saying "self, stop eating". Self didn't listen. I woke up ( and felt great relief that I hadn't ACTUALLY ate any of that) and man did I want to eat today. I ended up at 1800 calories. I can't do that too much or i won't make much progress. Technically it's in my calorie range, but not my ideal. It could have been much, much worse though. Here are some of my self destructive thought patterns for the day.

1.) I will just take today off, and climb back on tomorrow. (we all know this one, it usually precedes a week long binge in which the 12.4 lbs you managed to whittle off your fat frame leaps back on at an amazing pace.)

2.) I don't want to walk today, it's too hot. (This one won until 8 o clock at night, it had cooled considerably and my little excuse was no longer true. Whatever else I am, I am a truth teller. I did only one mile. I am committing myself to two tommorrow, even if the sun tears my hide off....current weather prediction tommorrow...88 degrees, ugh)

3.) I will just try 'eating healthy'. I believe this little thought pattern is what bumped me off Atkins after about four months and 30 lbs. I was once down to 215. Eating healthy is usually and slowly replaced with "eating everything'. Just sayin'.

4.) Yesterdays walk-halfway through. My stinking thinking was in high gear. thoughts include "you idiot, how did you ever let yourself get so fat". Or, "Everybody who is driving by is probably thinking I look like a fat pig." and "Isn't it laughable really, the walking that turns me beat red is this teenagers normal pace'.

I actually had to say to myself; "Self, talking to yourself this way isn't going to do you any good whatsoever. Bad talk is what got you where you are, and at least you are doing something about it now. You are taking control of your future. This is all one day at a time."

And then I thought about all of that positive self talk, and what should pop into my head but Jack Sh*t's gettin fit blog....namely his June 17th "how to stop being a wally whiny britches blog.....and this little quote...."Try a daily affirmation, such as “Affirmations aren’t really as stupid and silly as I think they are.”

Then I laughed hard and stopped feeling sorry for myself.

On the up side, I bought myself a water bottle which is rather spiffy. It has an open hole and a locking cap, along with a counter ring to tell how many bottles you have drunk today. Pretty awesome. Well, tomorrow is another day. Hope everyone is doing really well with whatever challenges your taking on.

God Bless and hugs,

Chris